On September 20th 2015, six days after my last chapter was posted, I lost my sixteen-year-old son to suicide. I can't begin to express the loss and I'm not going to try.

The reason I'm posting it is this: some of the readers of my stories are in high school and college, very close to his age. After he passed away, we learned that my son had told several of his friends he was going to do this, and no one said a word. They didn't believe he would actually do it. My son had been deeply troubled for a lot of years, and I don't blame them for his actions. But it breaks my heart to know that people out there knew he was this close to the edge. If I had known, I never would have gone to work that day and left him to spend the afternoon alone. My son is gone and I will never get him back.

His death didn't just crush me and my husband, it broke the hearts of everyone who loved him. Don't bury a friend. Don't have to write a letter to someone's mother saying that you're sorry you never told anyone. Sometimes words are truly a cry for help.

Teen suicide is real. Speak up.

Lost Chapters: Brady

Chapter Six

Seth walked through the town quietly, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Half a step behind him, Collin followed.

Two weeks ago, Collin and Brady had finished their month long "bleeding of the paws", and Collin had been more than pleased to have survived. Then Paul had quietly told the pup that he was no longer in charge of his training, and that he needed to go find Seth instead.

Collin had not taken it well.

No one had expected quite that level of explosion from the younger wolf, directed entirely at Paul and Paul alone. And Collin clearly felt justified in his anger. After all these years of doing every single thing Paul had ever asked of him, Collin did one thing Paul didn't like and he was done? Collin had been so upset that he hadn't spoken to the older wolf since. It hadn't helped that Callie had been on her own kick of being angry at Jake—their Alpha had slept with someone and Callie had gone into a fit of jealously that was much more expected and even less controlled. Her jealousy only ramped up Collin's jealousy and left their rank-jumping pup so volatile that no one but Brady and Callie wanted to be around him. Callie had been taking out her anger at Jake on Collin, and the result had been equally volatile.

Those two hadn't come up for air since Jake's one-night stand had left town.

Even as he trailed Seth through their territory, Collin stank of sex and disgruntlement. Seth was tempted to make him take a bath or roll around in dirt, but that would defeat the purpose of today. Today they were taking a walk. Yesterday they had taken a walk, and the days before they had done the same.

Each day instead of patrolling, Collin walked around with Seth. And while Collin walked around with Seth, Brady had to run extra to cover for him. It was clear that Collin didn't like that, not one bit. The more rested Collin became, the more exhausted Brady became. And it was that which bothered Collin the most. More than Callie wanting Jake. More than Paul stepping back. More than the scent that had lingered on Jake's skin, leaving Collin a complete asshole version of himself whenever the two were in the same room.

For an inherently lazy pup that loved to take every shortcut he could, the inability to move when he wanted to was driving Collin nuts.

"This isn't fair," Collin finally growled in frustration as they wandered down by the piers, strolling past the boats tied there. "We aren't even doing anything, Seth. We're not training, we're walking around. I'm not learning anything, and Brade's out there ready to drop. It's bullshit."

Seth wasn't sure when that had happened, when Collin had started growling at them. He remembered a time not that long ago when a glance his direction had sent Collin scurrying. Well that wasn't the case anymore. In hindsight, they should have seen this coming sooner, back when Collin was so good at plucking their thoughts and overhearing private conversations between himself and Jake. But the pup's relationship with Callie had sealed the deal.

For all her crystal clear feelings for Jake – feelings the Alpha simply didn't return – Callie was intrinsically drawn to Collin. More so than to any of the rest of them. It was Callie that had Seth watching everything Collin said or did so carefully. She-wolves were drawn to the dominant wolves, and when she was in a room with all of them, she looked at Jake first.

She looked at Collin next.

Seth wasn't power hungry. He preferred things his own way, but even when it came to Leah and Sims, Seth had only fought his Alpha for control for so long before caving to the order that was the Pack hierarchy. But as he watched this pup growl and stare moodily into the distance, Seth very privately thought that he didn't know if he could offer up his beloved wolves to this pup.

If Collin bumped Seth right now, Seth knew that he would fight that harder than he had fought Jake. Collin simply wasn't ready and the Pack would suffer because of him. And as far as Seth was concerned, their Pack had suffered enough.

"Seth."

A raised eyebrow would have had him flattened. Now Collin was standing in one spot, refusing to move, glaring at Seth obstinately. It was Brady that had him so riled up. Seth could practically see Collin bristling, even with his back to the pup.

Was this the moment when it turned from forced obedience to a full on fight? Collin was itching for one, and Seth hadn't let him do anything else constructive with his time. When Seth reached for Collin through the Packbonds, it felt like touching a balloon ready to burst. A six-foot eight, two hundred pound, pissed off balloon.

When had the pup shot up those extra inches?

Sadly, Seth realized that the fight between them was pretty much inevitable. As Beta, Seth was an easier target that Jake was, and as hurt as he was at Paul, Collin was far less likely to take out his anger on his papa wolf. Throw a tantrum yes. Pull another stunt like he had with Embry, no. Collin had already put Embry in his place and the next time Collin pulled out his fangs, those fangs were going to be coming for Seth.

"Seth."

The pup actually tried to put force behind it, and if the pup didn't have more strength than he should have. Who had he pulled for that? Owen? Callie? Probably not Brady, but definitely someone. Let his focus slide through the Packbonds, Seth felt a discomfort and confusion coming from Owen. Soothing that discomfort wasn't hard but it frustrated Seth. It was his own fault that Collin was using his Packmates like this, Seth had taught him the basics. Only Seth had meant it for Collin to help bolster his Pack with his own strength.

Collin had been using them instead, and his inexperience was making him far too heavy handed.

Seth filtered through all of this, then he turned and faced off with Collin, holding his gaze. The pup was good but not that good, not yet. The Packbonds flexed as Collin fought to hold his own, then the younger wolf grudgingly dropped his eyes.

"You're learning what it feels like to have someone that matters to you have to work harder because of you," Seth explained quietly, turning and starting to walk again. Seth stuffed his hands into his pockets, trying to use his body language to calm the kid down. "Which he is, Collin. Brady's so exhausted that he's about to throw up."

After a few feet the pup caught up with him, walking only a slightest bit behind instead of trailing him the way he had been. Prideful, this one. Unwilling to accept when he was beaten. "Then why are we doing this?" Collin growled more softly. "It's not right, Seth."

"Collin, I'm not going to argue with you. I outrank you. We're doing what I say. You can be pissed off as much as you want, and you can stomp around growling about how unfair it is. Or you can realize that the longer it takes for you to learn what you need to learn to be a good leader, the longer your Packmates will suffer."

Seth could hear Collin grinding his teeth, but after a few minutes more of walking along the pier, the younger wolf finally sighed. "Okay. So what is it that we're really doing? If it's important enough to put Brade through this, then it must be important."

"I already told you. You're learning what it feels like to have him out there for you."

Collin was silent, mulling that over, as if it was a puzzle he was supposed to solve. Glancing over at the younger wolf, Seth smiled slightly. "It's not a trick, Collin. It's not a game or a test. It's you here and it's him out there. That's it. That's all."

"I don't like Brady running like this for me."

Seth settled down on the edge of the pier, idly playing with his pocket knife. "No, I don't suppose you do. It would be easier if we could have spread it out among the rest of them, but Brady's the only one that pulls compassion from you. Running Callie would just piss you off and she's got energy to spare. Owen would eventually bother you, but if it were any of the others, you'd be perfectly fine sitting here with me. Honestly, Collin, I could run anyone into the ground that I wanted to and you'd probably go get drunk with Brady and Callie and be glad it wasn't you. You really just wouldn't care."

Collin set his jaw and didn't answer that statement, not that Seth had expected him to.

After a while Collin sat down too, and Seth didn't have to look over to see that he'd offended the pup deeply. Not that his words weren't true, but Collin definitely didn't like hearing them.

"All those years, all those times Brady and I had to run extra patrols because we did or didn't do exactly what you guys expected. Did anyone give a shit that we were out there?" Collin snorted. "Maybe I care about Brady being tired because the rest of them don't."

The pup just didn't get it, and fighting with him wouldn't help. So Seth kept his voice mild. "Jared has been going nuts over it, Collin. Three wolves today asked me to back off Brady, and two of them offered to run his patrols for him. Yesterday it was two others. Even Sam tried to intervene for him. This Pack cares about him more than you're giving them credit for."

More silence, but a slightly embarrassed silence. Seth sighed and started flicking his pocket knife open and closed.

"Collin? Do you remember when Jake pulled free of Sam, and Leah and I went with him?"

The younger wolf frowned as he nodded. "We didn't have to break free of Sam, because Jake already had taken us with him. Leah because she was his she-wolf, even if they didn't particularly like each other. And me because I was so attached to him. Right now if you pulled free of the Pack, you'd take Brady, but you'd only take Brady. For as much as you want her, Callie's deeply attached to Jake and so is Owen. You have an inner Pack of two, Collin, you and Brady. And since you're the dominant wolf, that's why you hate him out there hurting so much."

If anything that made Collin's temper flare even higher. "So we're not even a real part of the Pack now?"

The pup was gasoline, pooled on the ground and filling the air, just waiting for the right spark to turn him into a fireball. If was possible that if reason didn't get through to him that Seth was going to have to light Collin on fire and just let him burn. But Seth loved Collin too much to do that yet, so he softened his voice even as he stopped pulling his punches.

"One day this Pack could be yours, Collin," the Beta said with honesty. "And if that happens, there's one wolf who's out there running who knows without a shadow of a doubt that you'll take care of him. Protecting Callie and the imprints will be instinctual. But there's eight other wolves in this Pack that don't know what you'll do. For all we know, we'll be out there, running until we want to puke while you and Brady sit right here, doing nothing. We love you, Collin, but we don't trust you to lead us."

It was a cruel thing to say, and the Collin that Seth had once knew would have been hurt to the quick. But killing the leech last spring had changed something inside him, or maybe burying that poor human's leg had permanently scarred him in ways that Seth didn't yet understand. Collin hadn't let any of them in, and he wouldn't talk about it. Not then and not now. The Collin Seth used to know would have asked what he could do to make things better, to help his Pack trust him.

This Collin just simply looked away.


Collin had become Seth's bitch.

Brady would have found the entire situation amusing, except that it was irritating as shit that he had to run extra patrols because of it. But when his exhausted ass finally got to stop running and he got to crawl into his girlfriend's bed, the whole thing started becoming amusing again. Collin was practically chewing his tongue off in frustration spending all his free time being Seth's tagalong. Meanwhile Brady was spending all his free time, as little as there was, nosing about in his currently favorite pair of breasts and getting shitfaced when those breasts disappeared beneath a t-shirt because she had fallen asleep beside him.

And sure…they weren't the greatest pair he'd ever seen in his life, but they were the pair that he was getting to see on a regular basis, and for all of his faults, Brady was loyal. So they were his favorite, and would be until Nik found someone better.

Right now those breasts were squashed against his ribcage, which didn't bother him all that much. Brady had participated in enough wolf piles to accept being slept on, even if he'd rather be doing something else at the time. Nikki's nose was buried into his armpit, proving her sense of smell wasn't anywhere close to normal, and her arm was slung over his stomach as if she owned him.

Brady had spent enough time in Collin's overly shared love life to know that this was when his best friend would gently disengage the girl. Usually he's manage to say something charming enough to assure a repeat at some other time, and then he would slip out of her bed. The only one Collin spent the whole night with was Callie, and then it was usually Collin who woke up alone.

But Brady wasn't Collin and Nikki wasn't Callie. The breasts against his ribcage were his favorite and the arm around his waist might not have owned him, but she had dibs. Besides, the one time he had slipped out of Nikki's bedroom and not told her he was leaving, it had hurt her in a way even he had understood.

Their arrangement was simple, but it worked for him. The breasts were his for now, his stomach was hers until he lost breast access permanently, and his ass would stay in bed with her until she decided to push him out the bathroom window to hide from her parents. Or unless there was a leech, but those were few and far between these days. It was annoying that she dreamed about Paul so much, but when she did, Nikki always woke up wanting to mess around – which even an exhausted Brady was more than happy to do.

Nikki's bed was stupid and small, but it was less complicated than going back to Jared's and more comfortable than sleeping out in the shack. He couldn't actually sleep next to her…the thought of having a nightmare and waking up with her hurt had only triggered new and equally twisted nightmares. But he could relax and doze lightly, saving his good sleep for school or for Collin's place if he ditched.

Dozing usually meant watching television on a low volume, deeply enjoying the fact that he didn't have to share the remote with anyone. And maybe, if Brady was privately admitting it to himself, he glanced down at the girl sleeping next to him more than was absolutely necessary.

When someone broke in, Brady didn't bother to move, and when that someone slipped into the bedroom, Brady didn't bother to take his eyes off of the television. However, when that someone sank heavily to the floor and set his shoulders to the side of the bed, dropping his head back to rest on Brady's girlfriend's butt, Brady did growl lightly.

"That's not yours."

"Not yet, but she's gonna dump your sorry ass eventually."

A smile of tired amusement had crossed over Collin's features as he good-naturedly scooted over a few inches, slouching down to rest his head on the mattress behind the small of Nikki's back. Then Collin yawned and that smile slid into the same disgruntlement that had dominated Collin's personality since Paul had told Collin he wasn't going to train him anymore. It took a lot to hurt Collin's feelings, but that had done it.

The only Pack members not ducking Collin right now were Brady and Callie. Brady because pissed or not, Brady stuck with Collin. And Callie because she was just as pissed as Collin was, if for different reasons. From the moment she had smelled sex on the Alpha, Callie had flipped her shit. In between giving Jake hell and running off her own hurt feelings, Callie had been taking out her own frustrations on a welcoming and willing Collin.

Knowing that she was only in his bed because she was so mad at Jake only left Collin with even more hurt feelings. Brady knew exactly why Collin was breaking into Nik's home tonight. Collin was pissed and hurt and exhausted and he needed something that made sense.

He also knew that Collin had put himself in between the door and the bed, protecting Brady and Nikki both, not that they needed it.

"Let me guess," Brady grunted quietly. "You took a walk."

"That's all I ever do these days," Collin replied, his smooth baritone growly with annoyance. "I didn't learn a thing except that Seth thinks I'm a dick and he wants tuna noodle casserole tonight for dinner. Complete waste of my time."

Nikki rolled over in her sleep, reaching out to grab her pillow or one of the million stuffed things she had in her room. Instead she grabbed Collin not so gently around the head and neck, curling up in a ball as she did. Her hair fell over his face and her knee clocked him in the jaw and Brady was pretty sure that Collin got a nipple in the eyeball. This time the smile that curved Collin's lips stayed, even though Brady's girlfriend had him in a sleeper hold. Instead of extracting himself, Collin just sighed and wriggled to make himself more available to being strangled.

"I like her, Brade. Try not to fuck it up."

Brady was trying. Some days he was better than others, but he was trying. Instead of answering, Brady yawned, trying with his silence to let his best friend know that he was more than happy not talking and watching television.

"Callie's on a run with Jake," Collin continued in a grumble.

"They kiss and make up?" Brady asked just to piss Collin off more, because he could. That and because Collin had his face on Brady's breasts. Brady's girlfriend's breasts. Whatever, the breasts that should have his face, not Collin's.

Collin gave Brady the finger over the top of his head, since doing anything else would have meant Collin had to extract himself from Nikki's hold. Silently Collin decided that he was sick to death of hearing about how upset Callie was at Jake. Sims and Leah couldn't have cared less who Jake slept with, and he was tired of hearing Callie bitch about it constantly.

Brady was aware of Collin speaking to him through the Packbonds the way the other more dominant wolves communicated with each other in human form. It made him uneasy, because there was a lot that Brady and Collin talked about privately, things that weren't up for Pack consumption. Things that would get them in serious shit with the Pack as individuals and as a whole.

Collin must have picked up on Brady's unease because he opened one eye lazily, glancing over Nikki's hip at his Packmate.

"Naw, we're good," was all he said, even as Brady felt a Pack-induced comfort being pressed his way. Collin was new at this but he was a quick enough learner that it felt no different than when the other dominant wolves did the same, except that Collin seemed to pack more punch. The only difference was that where the others would use the Pack like a blanket of comfort, Collin pressed that comfort where it was needed most: Brady's concern at being heard.

Having Collin jump rank while he stayed at the bottom of the Pack hadn't been easy for Brady. That being said, Brady would accept the benefits of that rank since Collin so often freely shared. Besides, he knew that Collin was using him to learn this stuff. Having Collin pull on him or push stuff his way had become more and more commonplace these days.

Nikki flopped a little, tightening her hold on Collin's head. "Wish I was…wiener…everyone would fall in love…me…"

Collin huffed a soft laugh, shooting Brady an amused look. "Did she just say what I think she said?"

Brady just shrugged and changed the channel. "She sings theme songs in her sleep. Last night it was some Japanese shit from an anime she's been watching. Naruto."

"Didn't Sims and Jack watch that together?"

"No, dumbass, they watched porn together."

"Fucktard."

"Pencil dick."

"Pussy."

"Loser."

Brady yawned again and clearly Collin's heart wasn't in it. After a few minutes, Brady shifted. Forcing himself to move every so often made it harder to fall deeper asleep. Collin glanced over his shoulder at Brady and gave him a slight smile.

"I'm not tired and you're beat," Collin said quietly. "Sleep, Brade. I'll make sure she's safe."

He really was tired, so Brady grunted and settled down deeper in the bed. Another nudge through the Packbond addressing another specific concern, and Brady was the one giving Collin the finger this time.

"Mind your own shit, jackass," Brady grumbled with a yawn, rolling over onto his side and stretching out alongside his sleeping girlfriend. It was too much effort to detach her from Collin without waking her, so Brady just rested his hand on her hip and yawned again.

Her parents were across the hall and she'd be in deep shit if they caught the two wolves in here. Brady had promised her it wouldn't happen.

"Yeah, I know. Sleep, Brade. Let me do something worthwhile tonight."

Collin had put just enough weight behind the suggestion that Brady naturally stopped resisting the draw of slumber. Instead he closed his eyes and let it take him. As he did, the pattern of Collin's thoughts followed him, thoughts about Seth and Callie and tuna noodle casserole. Thoughts about Packs and wolves and invariably a small clearing in the woods in Forks. About killing one thing and burying another. And as if he had hit a wall too tall and too dark to push through, Collin began to think about Callie and Callie only.

Brady wasn't sure how long he had slept, but it was still dark outside when the form next to him shifted and made a sleepy, confused noise.

"Collin?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you in my room? And on my boob. Why are you on my boob?"

The dominant wolf chuckled quietly and made a noise that said he was stretching his shoulders. "Because where Brade leads, I follow. And where your cute little self is, Brady lumbers. Sorry, littlest Connweller, you're stuck with both of us."

She was silent for a while, then Nikki snuggled deeper into the bedding. "I suppose there are worse things. How's Callie?"

Brady wanted to groan, because that was way too complicated a question and liable to set Collin off. What was it about Nik that made her find the absolute worst things to say and do around Collin? By her tone she was clearly trying to be nice, and if Collin reacted badly, it would have her all upset and leave Brady to salvage what had been a very pleasant night. Brady couldn't have cared less what she said to Collin, but he did care what Collin said to her. Calming her down when she had her feelings hurt was a pain in the ass and it sort of…well…pissed him off. A different kind of pissed off that he didn't like and didn't really understand.

Amusement flooded him, amusement that wasn't his own. Collin thought it was funny that Brady was staggering his way through a healthy emotional relationship. Nik might need to invest in some steel toed boots.

"Don't be a dick," he growled sleepily, audibly replying to his friend's comments.

"I'm not," Nikki retorted, sounding offended. "I was just asking to be nice, Brady. They're always together these days."

Collin started laughing as Brady groaned and rolled onto his back, dropping his arm heavily over his eyes. "Not you, him. He's the dick."

"What did Collin do? He's just sitting there."

Brady sighed in deep annoyance. "It was what he was saying."

"Brady, he wasn't even talking."

"His ass never shuts up," Brady told her grumpily, tapping his forehead pointedly. "And he's enjoying it that you're pissed at me."

Nikki made a tired noise, her arm wrapping around his waist as she snuggled deeper. "I'm not pissed at you. You're just annoying."

"Whatever." Despite his grunt, Brady curled his arms around her, thinking that he liked this. He liked having her small, curvy form tucked into his. Her breathing changed, followed by a shift in her scent that hardened his body in response. Brady waited a moment, and then when she pressed tighter against him, the scent growing stronger, a smirk curved his lips.

"Collin? Go away."

Apparently Collin was Nikki's bitch too, because he grudgingly got to his feet and snuck back out again. Brady didn't care if Collin got caught, because Nikki was reaching for him, and really, Brady did like her breasts far more than anything else in his life. Sleep would have to come later, because if he only got a couple hours alone with her, he'd rather have her beneath him than singing commercials as she dreamed at his side.

Since Collin had nowhere else to go, he stayed beneath her bedroom window, listening for her parents so Brady didn't have to. After all, they were Pack, and that's what Packmates did. Brady wasn't good at expressing his appreciation, but he appreciated the convenience of letting his best friend deal with the annoying things in life.

Then her hands tentatively wrapped around him, and Brady was more than happy to stop thinking about Collin completely.


Nikki wasn't sure when Brady had started sneaking into her room every night, but it had become a habit. Her parents would kill her if they knew, but she had learned quickly enough that her boyfriend was even better than Jared had been about slipping around undetected in the Connweller household. Nikki had even started hoarding snacks under her bed for when he got off of in the middle of the night, just a couple hours before dawn. He would inhale whatever she had available and drop down alongside her in what only could be considered as true exhaustion.

She didn't understand why he had to patrol so much, but Brady just grunted at her to not worry about it. It was Pack crap and it didn't matter. Well it mattered to her, because "Pack crap" had basically rendered her boyfriendless in normal working hours of the day. At school he literally slept through his classes if he even showed up at all, and he never was done with patrols until two or three in the morning. After so many weekends without a date and without an explanation for Dawn and Skylar, Nikki had almost called Jake and asked him why they were being so mean.

Just because she immediately chickened out didn't mean anything. Nikki almost called and gave the Alpha a piece of her mind. Almost.

There was another problem with the arrangement, one that Nikki was having a hard time vocalizing. An exhausted Brady in her bed every night meant that there was pretty much no talking or watching movies or doing normal things. But there was plenty of other stuff that they were doing, things that were building up to important relationship milestones. Sleeping next to him for even just a few hours a night had been really nice, and…well…things between them felt really good.

Nikki was relatively certain that she was in love with him. Which was not something she wanted to say during a middle of the night hookup when Brady could barely keep his eyes open.

Unlike Brady, Collin didn't have trouble keeping his eyes open. Collin had appeared to walk with Dawn and Nikki to school that day, he had followed them into school that day, and he was currently leaning against the locker next to them, watching them and the rest of the student body with equal partial interest.

If there was anyone to talk to about her feelings for and her confusion about Brady, it was his best friend. Collin was the only one that seemed truly supportive of their relationship, although he too was often off in a world of Pack-induced distraction. Nikki had just been too shy to bring any of those feelings and concerns up with him. It was just…before Brady had snuck out this morning, things had started to go to the next level. She'd wanted to, but then her shyness had taken over, and Brady hadn't given her much indication one way or another of what he wanted. He probably was just fine watching television and eating crackers.

Nikki wasn't sure whether or not if she was the horny one in this relationship.

"Is it just me, or is he around even more than normal?" Dawn breathed out of the corner of her mouth as she sorted the contents of her book bag into her locker.

"She's Brade's better half," Collin said with a shrug, his eyes tracking Callie's form as she walked down the hall with another senior. A male senior. Nikki could practically see the jealousy oozing out of his pores, but Callie shot him a look that clearly said for Collin to leave her alone. Collin rocked forward, but then he relaxed back against the lockers again, his arms crossed over his chest as he glared at the pair. Dawn followed his line of attention and frowned.

"And that means you two are instant besties?" Dawn countered waspishly, the sharpness in her tone pulling Collin's attention.

"It means we are all instant besties," Collin told Dawn with his normal flirty smile, unfolding his arms and draping one over Dawn's shoulders, snugging her to his side. "Why the sour face, Captain Dishsoap? I thought you were warming up to me."

Collin gave her a jiggle, almost making her drop her armful of books and notebooks and folders.

"I don't warm up to manwhores," Dawn told him perfunctorily. "And don't call me that, please. You're as bad as Quil and the two idiots he calls friends."

"Who do you think taught me your special nickname, Captain?" Collin countered teasingly, jiggling her again because he could.

Dawn started poking him with her pencil in retribution, but her cheeks had turned rosy and Nikki couldn't help but notice that Dawn really wasn't trying to escape all that hard. She hadn't even blown her rape whistle once. After Collin and Brady had helped with her project, and after finding out that Collin had put her scumbag cheating ex in his place, Dawn had loosened up around Collin significantly. He knew it too, because one more jiggle had Dawn rolling her eyes even as she exhaled a short laugh.

"Class is about to start," Nikki said in disappointment, peering down the hallway. "No Brady?"

Collin shook his head, his lazy smile tightening. "He's crashed out at my house. Sorry littlest Connweller, no mancandy for you today. Except for me of course, I'm as manlyish and candydelish as they come."

Nikki wrinkled her nose, then she laughed. "Candydelish? You're gross, Collin," she said, but there was a tone of affection in her voice. "Girls don't really fall for that kind of stuff, do they?"

"Only the hungry ones," he quipped back, then he jiggled Dawn once again for good measure, actually making her drop her things this time. "Oops. Sorry Dawnie, over-jiggled you there."

Dawn must have been warming up to Collin because she just shook her head, not even huffing in annoyance as they both helped her pick up her notebooks. One had fallen open, showing a page filled with writing in the Quileute language, some of which was in parentheses. Dawn had several words underlined multiple times with different colored pencils and there was one particularly intense looking exclamation point.

"What you got there?" Collin asked quizzically, reaching for the notebook in question.

"Just some research stuff," Dawn replied quickly, closing the notebook before either of them could get a better look and stuffing it between two other books. She stood up, ignorant of the fact her pencil case was still on the floor. "Where's Skylar? She should be here by now. She never gets to school on time anymore."

Nikki grabbed the pencil case, looking at her friend worriedly. It was probably Collin, he always seemed to fluster Dawn more than anyone else could. "Here. And I don't know, she hasn't called me."

Collin's eyes seemed a little unfocused, and then he began to chuckle. "Owen's got her," he said in amusement.

Nikki looked at Collin in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"He saw her on his way in. Sky seemed like she needed a lift to school."

Before Dawn could ask Collin how he knew, the front door of the school opened down the end of the hallway. Sure enough, there came Owen walking into school, his face purple and two backpacks in his hands. He was giving a piggyback ride to a more rumpled than normal Skylar, who was all but passed out on his back. The situation seemed to be in Skylar's favor, because when Owen stopped at their lockers, she stayed right where she was.

"Owen! Skylar! Too much PDA," their math teacher said as she walked by, making Owen grow an even deeper shade of purple.

"But he's so comfy," Skylar mumbled dreamily. "We should go out, Owen. I like your teeth and I'd never have to walk again."

Collin chuckled and put a supportive hand to her waist as Owen bent his knees and tried to gently disengage from the sloth attached to his back. "Yes, because that's all we men want in a relationship. To be packmules."

Even as he said it, Collin took Nikki's bag off her shoulder and stole Dawn's books. "Okay ladies, it's time to move this gathering along. Chop chop, time for class."

Dawn tried and failed repeatedly to get her things back from Collin, but he just held them up higher to tease her. Nikki had long since given up on that aspect of spending time with the wolves. No matter what Collin might have said, they generally functioned well in packmule form and seemed to prefer it that way. She'd talked to Kim about it and Kim had described it a little differently. It wasn't that the wolves loved carrying things around, they just liked to keep their hands on what they considered their territory. Always touching Nikki and her friends – apparently now firmly in Pack territory – would come off as strange and overly invasive. So the wolves would touch their books and pencils and papers, their lockers and book bags and generally the things that came in contact with them.

Kim had laughed and said that on any given day, everything from her breakfast to her tennis shoes had been fondled by who knew how many people. It was a Pack thing.

The tall, gorgeous wolf caught Nikki's eye and winked, almost as if he knew she was thinking about wolf stuff. Then he herded them off to their class, which was more than a little annoying and totally unnecessary, and probably exactly why he did it. Their math teacher was in the classroom, talking to a strange man that Nikki assumed was their substitute. Mr. Finnel was nowhere to be found and he'd been absent the last week, sick from the flu. This would be the third sub in that time, because it seemed like no one really wanted to sub out here on the rez, and the other teachers were stretched thin as it was. One day they had just sat in the gym because there hadn't been anyone to teach them.

Nikki offered the substitute a little smile which he didn't return. "Friendly," Dawn murmured, having caught the exchange, and Nikki giggled. Then she glanced away guiltily, realizing that it probably looked like she was making fun of him.

There was a backup in the aisle as two other students were scooting around desks, during which Skylar leaned heavily against Owen's back, her eyes closing.

"Owen! Skylar!" Their math teacher barked, interrupting her conversation with the substitute. "What did I tell you about the public displays of affection?"

"That they should be between two people in a committed monogamous relationship," Skylar said, sounding bored as she dropped down bonelessly to her seat. "Owen and I are in love, so it's fine."

The younger wolf blinked, then looked to Collin for help.

"She's hot, man, just go with it," was Collin's advice, the older wolf flashing a white-toothed smile at his less than pearly Packmate.

"Do you…actually like me?" Owen asked Skylar in his halting speech, looking confused and shy and very uncertain.

Skylar tilted her head, considered him, and then she gave Owen a very pretty smile. "I like you more than I like most people."

Collin said something to Owen in their native tongue which made Dawn snicker, then her cheeks flushed pink when Collin gave her that lazy smile of his. Owen looked more confused than ever, but when he pulled out a snack from his bag and dutifully offered Skylar half, the beautiful young woman sighed happily.

"You and I are going to get along just fine," Skylar told Owen before she promptly fell asleep.

Collin craned his head around, eyeing them all, and then he settled into his seat. From her place off to the side, Nikki could see the smile on his face slide to something else, something tighter and less happy. He was drumming his pencil against his desk in a way that spoke of unspent energy, and he didn't seem half as tired as he always was. Collin didn't seem tired at all, actually.

As if he felt her eyes on him, Collin half turned his head and looked at Nikki. It had only been a couple hours ago when she had woken up with her knee in his jaw and his head as her teddy bear. Remembering that made her smile, and when she smiled at him, Collin winked at her again. Then he turned back to pretend to listen to what the substitute was actually saying.

The substitute's name was Mr. Kellan, and he seemed as uptight as a sub could possibly come. He didn't smile. He didn't tell them he was happy to be there. He just looked at the room sourly and took roll. When the lecture started, the topic was just as boring as ever and Nikki found herself drifting off, thinking about other things. Other people, in particular one other person that had slipped into her bed last night.

They had messed around to the point that shirts had long since come off. They had started to go further, but Nikki had hesitated and Brady – for all that he had a bad rap as an asshole – had never come anywhere close to pressuring her for more.

Nikki didn't know what to do. Well, okay, she knew what to do…she just didn't really know what was the best way to do it. The theory was straightforward. But…well…that was what he peed out of. And Nikki was having a hard time wrapping her brain around putting something in her mouth that was pointed at a toilet multiple times a day.

Talking to Dawn would have helped, because Dawn had done all of this before. But Dawn had serious reservations about Brady, for all that she seemed to be actively trying to keep her mouth shut about those reservations. Besides, Dawn was spending more and more time doing research for some Quileute project that seemed vaguer and vaguer by the day, and the time had never seemed right to talk about Nikki blowing her boyfriend.

Nikki had tried to talk to Skylar, but Sky had only stuffed her fingers into her ears and repeated "Eww eww eww" over and over again until Nikki had given up. Talking to Kim was a last resort, because frankly Nikki thought of Jared as a big brother, and Kim had pretty much only dated two guys in her life. Nikki wanted to be able to look at Jared at some point in the future without picturing them doing anything.

As far as Nikki was concerned, Jared did not and would not ever have a penis. Which would be disappointing for Kim, but she was his imprint and biologically required to be understanding.

A piece of paper ended up on her desk, a large and crudely scribbled penis shape with a stick figure barfing on it. "I know you're thinking about sex, you perv," Skylar had written, including a small army of penises marching across the bottom of the page. The front one was wearing a helmet and a general's uniform, with Brady's name written across the base.

Unable to help herself, Nikki began giggling.

"I'll take that," Mr. Kellan said, snagging the paper off of her desk so fast that it partially ripped, startling her. She hadn't even realized he'd been in that corner of the classroom. The substitute looked at the drawing and then snorted.

"Congratulations Miss…" he checked his roster. "Miss Connweller. You have passed Freud's stage of polymorphous perversity and have graduated to the phallic stage of psychosexual development. You have the sexual maturity of a five-year-old. Your parents would be very proud."

She went red, humiliated at the teacher's words as the class tittered uncomfortably. Skylar blinked and even Dawn looked stunned. Skylar started to open her mouth to admit it was her picture, but Nikki quickly shook her head. It was bad enough that she was in trouble, there was no need for Sky to get in trouble too.

"She's not the one being a dick," Collin growled, the harshness in his voice making the rest of the students go quiet. Mr. Kellan looked at Collin coolly, then he slapped the drawing on the board and left it there for all the world to see.

"Miss Connweller's artwork begs to differ, Mr…" He checked his roster again. "Mr. Littlesea. Now if Miss Connweller can stop being distracted by sex and focus on the lecture, then we can continue…"

Her face was burning she was so mortified, but sinking in her seat only helped so much. This guy was a jerk. Skylar mouthed a sorry to her, but Nikki just gave her friend a weak smile. In front of them, Collin was sitting up taller in his seat, making it hard for Dawn to see. Owen shifted, watching Collin instead of the teacher, and Nikki wondered if she had imagined Collin's back muscles rippling as his shoulders tensed.

It took a while for her to stop hiding in her seat, wondering why she always seemed to get in trouble in this particular class. By then they had gone on to group work, randomly assigned with partners. Nikki ended up working with a junior she barely knew, a girl who was more interested in her phone than finishing the assignment. Without much help, Nikki barely got the questions finished in time and Mr. Kellan was watching her with unimpressed eyes as she scurried to the desk to put the paper down in the requisite pile.

"Congratulations, Miss Connweller," Mr. Kellan murmured. "No illustrations this time."

Collin didn't scurry. He stood slowly and sauntered his way up to the desk, staring the substitute down over her shoulder and providing a nice shield for her to get back to her desk.

Mr. Kellan must have had some grit, because Nikki sure wouldn't have wanted to face Collin staring at her like that. The substitute just raised an eyebrow challengingly.

"Did you need something, Mr. Littlesea?"

"Yeah," Collin said, eyes hot despite his cool, calm tone. "But I'll get it myself." Then Collin walked to the board and took down the drawing. "My best work yet, guys," he joked to the class, earning more titters. Then he sauntered back to his seat, dropping down with a stubborn, challenging expression on his face.

Mr. Kellan almost said something, then he simply turned cold eyes on Nikki, making her slide deeper into her seat.

A second assignment was passed out and they were told to pick their own partners. Nikki wasn't surprised when Collin jerked his chin at her indicating for Nikki to sit in front of him and work with him. Unwilling to go against the dominant wolf, Nikki did as Collin asked. She scooted around in her seat, turning her back to Mr. Kellan's desk.

Collin was absolutely no help with this assignment, but he did have her smiling and giggling a little with his playful answers to the questions. Maybe it was the protectiveness that pushed her past her nervousness, or maybe it was just that she was already embarrassed enough. Why not add a little more? Either way Nikki looked up at Collin with an awkward smile, and Nikki knew she should take this rare opportunity of Collin and Brady not always being glued at the hip.

"Hey Collin? Can we talk later? Just the two of us?"

"Yeah," he promised her immediately, and the tightness around his eyes softened. "Are you okay, Nik? I'm sorry the sub is being a prick."

She was fine, just trying to figure out the fine art of giving her boyfriend head. Nikki flushed, feeling mortified even though she hadn't even said it out loud. There was no way she was going to make it through a conversation with him.

"I'm fine. Actually, don't worry about it, I'm being stupid. I can just…Google it or something."

Collin nodded and they went back to working. Well, she did. Collin just watched her work and sometimes teasingly bumped her pencil with the eraser on his own. Finally, she scribbled on the top of her notebook.

It's about Brady. I'm being stupid.

He gave her a sweet smile and added his own scribble. If you are, it looks cuter on you than it does on Brade.

Nikki grinned at the compliment and then shook her head. Dawn's right, you're a flirt, Collin.

"And what are you talking about now, Miss Connweller?" Mr. Kellan asked snappishly from right behind her shoulder. How Nikki had missed him walking up on them again was beyond her, but Collin must have clearly seen Mr. Kellan approaching from behind her.

Nikki stuttered, looking helplessly at Collin, wondering why he hadn't warned her.

"Whatever we want to talk about," he growled back, clearly fed up with the substitute. "Mind your own fucking business."

Mr. Kellan blinked, then he drew himself up in anger as the class went still all over again. Nikki wasn't the only one shocked at Collin's use of language with a teacher.

"I'll take that notebook now, Miss Connweller. Now."

Abruptly Collin was on his feet and between them, his muscled body vibrating. "She wrote three sentences on a piece of paper, dipshit," he snarled viciously. "Sack up and leave her the fuck alone already."

"Miss Connweller, Mister Littlesea, please remove yourselves from my class for the remainder of the period. You will get no credit for today's assignments."

Collin was clearly overreacting, so Nikki jumped up and grabbed Collin's arm, pulling at him for all she was worth to try to get him to move away from their substitute. "Collin, it's okay. Really, let's just go."

"Get to the principal's office," the substitute snapped, but Collin didn't budge. "Both of you!"

"Nikki, sit down," Collin told her in a hard, authoritative voice. "This prick doesn't get to tell you what to do."

"That's exactly what I get to do," Mr. Kellan retorted, drawing himself up even more to accommodate Collin's extra height on him. Which worked all of a second until Collin started stalking forward, eyes locked on the substitute.

"You're harassing her," Collin snarled, and Nikki realized that Collin was at that point Kim had warned her about. The point when the wolves were about to lose it completely. She actually saw his back muscles ripple with the need to phase. "If the school wants to hire some power tripping jackass, that's their problem, but when you start upsetting her on purpose, it's my problem."

Collin was too big and he was too angry. The substitute finally took a step back, looking far less sure of himself, and Nikki knew that Collin was one more comment away from getting himself expelled.

If left to her own devices, Nikki would have made a break for the door. Instead she stayed behind Collin, frantically pulling on his arm. "Collin? It's over, okay? Just let it go. Collin, please."

Clearly he wasn't letting it go. When she started to move sideways towards the door, Collin caught her arm, holding her in place.

"She's not leaving," Collin said, his tone growing softer with true danger as he stepped forward again, forcing Nikki to move with him. He wasn't hurting her, but his grip was like a vise and she couldn't slip free.

It wasn't Nikki that stopped him, it was Owen. Owen, who had somehow appeared at her side, carefully wrapping his own arm around her waist and placing his hand over Collin's where Collin held her tightly. He said something short and halting in Quileute, and she heard Jake's name and Embry's too. Owen repeated his words again, even softer, saying Jake's name over again.

There was a moment of silence as Collin didn't move, didn't speak, and didn't listen. Then abruptly Collin let go of her arm, turning and stalking out of the room. Nikki didn't wait for the substitute to turn on her again, and she grabbed her things, hustling out of the classroom just short of a dead bolt.

Nikki had never ditched a day of school in her life, but when she saw Collin stomping out of the building instead of heading to the principal's office, she followed him.

It took him a few minutes of prowling around the woods behind the school, muttering in their native tongue angrily, but finally his temper gave way. Probably because Nikki was watching him so worriedly, her books clutched to her chest. Collin took a deep breath, then another, then he turned and walked to her. It startled Nikki when Collin wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him and hugging her tightly.

It startled her more when she realized that Collin was inhaling the scent of her hair.

"Sorry, I kind of lost my shit in there," he finally murmured. "That guy was just looking for reasons to bother you, and it pissed me off. We're down two of the girls right now and it makes us protective."

"It's okay, Collin," Nikki promised him, even though she was worried about how much trouble they were both officially in at this point. She hugged him because Collin had been trying to protect her, but mostly she hugged him back because it seemed like maybe Collin needed a hug right now. Sure enough, when she tentatively wrapped her arms around his waist, Collin shifted into her and tightened his own hold.

"I can see why Brade likes you so much," Collin said with a tense smile as he let her go. He backed up a few feet, looked off into the distance and then seemed to fight to focus on her. "You're perfect hugging height. So what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh. Ahh…well…I…it's not really important…"

Collin flashed her a quick grin as her cheeks heated up, but he didn't tease her. Instead he leaned back against a large cedar tree and rolled his shoulders in a way that made her relax a little. "Since I foresee an asschewing by my Alpha and a suspension by my school, I pretty much don't have anything better to do."

"I've never…umm…so I thought that maybe…you could…give me a few…suggestions..."

Seriously, Nikki had never wanted to die as much as she did right in this moment. Collin had tipped his head slightly, as if trying to figure out what she meant.

"Suggestions for?" When she went purple, her face literally heating the air around her, Collin valiantly tried to cover the grin that spread across his face. "Oh. Suggestions on how to hook up with Brady."

"No, how to hook up with your mom," Nikki shot back.

Collin barked a laugh, and then he straightened, walking over and tugging her into a second hug. Nikki resisted, but it was hard to extract herself from his long muscled arms. When she gave up poking him in the ribs, Collin rested his chin on the top of her head, even though he had to bend over somewhat to do so.

"Naw, I can see what you mean. Your friends aren't exactly pro-Brady, and asking Kim would be weird."

"Yes! Yes, thank you. Soooo weird. I want to be able to be over there and not have to envision her…you know…and Jared's…you know."

The wolf chuckled, his torso vibrating against her shoulder. "Nik? If you can't say it, you might not be ready to do it."

Which was a valid point, so Nikki sighed and rested her head against Collin's chest. "I'm better with things than words."

"And Brade definitely counts more as a thing, so I can see why you two work well," he teased her. "Hey Nikki? You do know Brady's a virgin too, right? He's not expecting you to be anything but you, sweetie."

She had thought he wasn't more experienced, but she hadn't been positive. After being around Collin and the lifestyle Collin led, Nikki wasn't sure the situations Brady had been in or the perks he'd enjoyed as being Collin's friend. "I just don't want to do things wrong, you know? I really like him."

Loved him. She loved him, not that Nikki could tell Collin that.

Collin made a noise in his throat, a comforting sound. "Nik? Did you know that Brady could have hooked up with half a dozen girls in the last year but he didn't bother to?"

Jealousy hit her hard, and Collin's nostril's flared before he chuckled again, relaxing his hold so that he could look down at her face.

"Key words there are could have, littlest Connweller. Trust me, Brady knows whose territory he is. The point I was making is that sex is great, but Brady wasn't looking for a meaningless hookup. If he was, he would have done it already. So ask me what you want to ask, but just try not to overthink this so much. Brady really likes you too. He's got fifteen seconds a day to not be in school or running his ass off and he's with you. That means something, Nikki."

His words made her feel better, so Nikki nodded, took a deep breath, and then she bit her lower lip. "I guess…okay. I guess I wanted to ask you what I should do. I guess, how to do it? How to go down on him. I mean, there are ways that are better, right? For you guys? You're different than other guys, not that I've…done that for anyone else either."

Collin was quiet for a minute, and then he took her hand, pulling her over to a nearby tree and settling down next to it.

"The hard part isn't for you, Nik," Collin explained. "The hard part is for Brady. He's got great control, he can pick up a single Pringles chip and break it into eight pieces if he wanted to without crushing a single edge. But he's going to have to figure out how to touch you the way you like in a way that he can keep that control. And if you go down on him, he's not going to be able to have his hands on you at all. Not until he's really used to it. If he grips your hands or your head, he could hurt you on accident. So if he's not touching you, don't get offended, okay? Brade's just keeping you safe."

She thought about that, then swallowed and nodded. "I get that. Wouldn't want to get all squashed and squished, I guess."

The gorgeous young wolf laughed, a small one but a real one. "Oh sweetie, you're all of two feet tall. There's going to be plenty of squashing and squishing, but hopefully just the good kind. If not, tell me and I'll give Brade his own talking to."

Nikki wrinkled her nose at that but she couldn't help laughing too. Collin's amusement at her their situation was infectious.

"Okay, so what about…you know."

"Nik, you're going to have to use actual descriptors for some of this. What about what?"

"What about what I'm supposed to do? If I go down on him?"

Collin flashed her a quick smile. "Do whatever you want to, Nik. As long as you don't dig your teeth in, there's not a lot of ways you can go wrong with that. Not with us, anyways. We're built…sturdier than other guys. Unless you're actually trying to hurt him, you can't. Or you're sewing him into an Indian Chief costume, and then watch the needles. That shit hurts."

"What about if we sleep together?"

"Then he's a lucky bastard," Collin teased, earning a swat from her hand.

"Collin, I'm serious! Brady…I really like him. I don't want to screw all of this up."

As if he could tell how important it was to her, Collin nodded, even though his smile stayed. He draped his arm over her shoulders, pulling her into his side. "I know, Nik. But Brade's right about something. You really do worry too much about stuff. Brady knows the drill when it comes to hook ups. How to keep it safe, even with us being all wolfy. Just do me a favor, okay? Tell him what you want. Grab his hand and show him what you want. Girls don't do that sometimes, and it makes a difference, especially with us. It's a lot of stuff to juggle, trying not to accidentally break your partner while trying to figure out what they like. When sex is easier, it's a lot more fun."

"Show him? Isn't that kind of… pornstarry?" Nikki had a horrifying image of her trying to be pornstarry. There was a pizza delivery and a classroom and too many people spanking too many things. By the time she looked back at Collin, he had a shit-eating grin on his face. She flushed and earned another laugh from her boyfriend's best friend.

Collin pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. "Stop worrying," he told her. "Not about this. There are plenty of things in life that suck. Being with someone that you care about is not one of them. Go, Padawan learner. Go sex my best friend."

Nikki slapped his arm, told him she hated him even as she laughed and let him hug her a little tighter. "Hey Collin?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't really hate you. It's kind of the opposite sometimes."

"I don't really hate you either, Nik. It's definitely the opposite."

And because she couldn't stop herself, Nikki looked up at Collin and asked softly, "Are you okay? In here?" She tapped his chest with her forefinger before resting her palm on his breastbone. "You didn't seem okay in there."

"I'll be fine," Collin promised, his voice quieter. "Stop worrying so much, Nikki. Everything's going to be fine."

But even as he said it, Collin covered her hand on his chest as he stared off into the woods, towards something or someone she just couldn't see.


Collin's bed smelled like sweat and sex and Callie, so Brady had grabbed his pillow and just slept on the floor.

When Brady had gone to sleep, everything was normal. True, their normal was kind of fucked up on any given day, but it was relatively consistent to the fuckery that tended to be commonplace. When he woke up, the Pack was on fire.

That's how it felt, and it was completely disorienting. The bonds between himself and his Packmates felt like they had been boosted, and that extra connection was tracing through his body like an overworked muscle, burning him inside and out. For a moment all Brady could do was lay there in shock, inhaling and exhaling his way through the pain. Then he realized that he could hear his Packmates even though he was in human form. Their thoughts were fuzzy, like an FM radio not set to exactly the right station, but the burning was associated with the static. There were a lot of wolves in the Pack and they were frightened, confused and in pain like Brady was.

Whatever had happened, the Packbonds were messed up.

The rest of the voices were fuzzy, but Collin's voice was strong in Brady's head and much more clear. Collin needed Brady's help. He had done this and he couldn't figure out how to fix it. When he had bumped Embry –

Wait. Collin had bumped Embry?

Yes. He had bumped Embry and he had landed too close to Paul. Now everyone was being assholes and on top of it he couldn't figure out how to stop whatever it was he was doing right now. When he jumped rank, it was because Seth had really pissed him off. And he had already been really pissed off because some dick substitute had been giving Nikki shit –

Wait, what? Who was screwing with Nikki?

Brady felt Collin's frustration press down around him, the burning increasing as images were pushed at him. When he was a wolf, it was easier to see what his brothers and sisters saw. Like this required more focus. He got to see and hear Collin's growing agitation, starting with Callie flirting with some asshole at school and heading into a substitute teacher that nearly got his throat crushed. Collin hadn't been able to calm down, so he had stomped off into the woods, stuffing that rage back inside of him and it had built. It had built through a conversation with Nikki. It had built through a pizza at the pizza place, watching Casey working the bar and knowing how badly Paul needed that job back.

And when Seth had ordered Collin to wake Brady up early for extra patrolling, it had done…this.

This…somehow bumping Embry and boosting the Packmind in a way that everyone was getting a static-filled version of the wolf Packmind, and Brady wasn't the only one that felt that he was on fire. Jake and Seth couldn't block him off and everyone was angry and getting angrier. Collin needed Brady to help him figure out how to fix it.

"How the fuck am I supposed to know that?" Brady grumbled as he staggered up to his feet, stumbled to the doorway wearily, and opened it. Collin's mother, Michelle, was standing in front of the door, holding a basket for laundry. She yelped in surprise at finding a large person in Collin's room, dropping her basket.

"Brady? What are you doing here?" she asked, looking past him for her son. Then that look, that look of disappointment that Brady couldn't handle creased her face. "You should be at school, Brady. Do your parents know where you are?"

His parents? His parents hadn't known where he was for the last three years. The burning in the Packbonds increased, the static making it hard to understand what she was saying, so Brady stumbled past Michelle Littlesea and towards the front door. He could hear her call someone on her phone as he ended up staggering down the steps outside. Probably her husband, something about Brady being in Collin's bedroom drunk.

The burning got worse as Brady realized that the Alpha was getting angry – really angry at Collin for this.

Everything spun as Collin tried desperately to fix what he was doing, and the Pack's newest fourth ended up pulling on Brady for strength. At his current level of constant exhaustion, Brady had little to give. When Collin pulled, he pulled too hard. For a moment Brady blacked out on his feet, then he blinked and the world tilted and flip-flopped around him. Completely disoriented, Brady ended up falling on the grass and puking. There wasn't a lot in his stomach to throw up, because he'd been living off of not very much lately, but Brady puked it all. And when he was done, he looked up and things went from fucked to fucked. He was on the wrong side of the marker that designated Collin's yard from his father's yard, too close to the porch steps.

And sitting there on the porch, staring at him in sheer disgust was Brady's very own, very special brand of hell.

He had stopped going to his father's and Joe Carter's 'meetings' when Sims and Leah had bailed, and Brady had always been very careful about dodging their scents. But there was Brady's father, slumped in a picnic chair that he'd probably spent the night in. Collin had pulled far too hard and the world was spinning, so Brady couldn't see the label on the empty bottle. He knew the smell, though.

Brady might have been larger and far stronger than this man would ever be, but too many years of being too small had instilled a permanent fear of Bradley Jennings inside his son. The panic attack was instant, the moment he realized his father had been drinking Jaggermeister. Bad things happened when his father drank whiskey at night, but the very worst had happened when he drank Jagger in the afternoon.

To this day, Brady got the cold shakes every time he smelled black licorice.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Bradley demanded, sounding too alert for how much he must have drank.

"I'll clean it up," Brady breathed, the same thing he'd been saying every time someone in this family threw up. With an alcoholic father and a drug addicted mother, it wasn't all that rare.

"You're fucking right you'll clean it up," his father snarled, starting to his feet.

There used to be a garden hose on the side of the yard, but it wasn't there. Panicked, Brady staggered up the stairs and past his father, through the front door and into the kitchen. He could get water and paper towels, or something. Then he stopped dead in his tracks. His mother was sitting at the kitchen table, wearing nothing but a stained pair of white underwear. She was rail thin, her clavicle in sharp relief over her sagging, emaciated breasts. Limp hair fell over her gaunt face, and her teeth had darkened a deeper yellow since the last time he'd seen her. The bones in her wrist jutted beneath her skin, and she had several open sores on her hand.

It had been a while, but Brady hadn't forgotten this smell either.

There was a tourniquet around her arm and a needle in her hand, stuffed with cotton to help filter the shit his mother had scored. A folded spoon and a lighter lay forgotten on the table, used to cook the arsenic out before she shot that crap into her veins.

One of these days she was going to stick that needle in and it would be the last time. The drugs would kill her or his father would beat her to death, pissed off she was using again. Maybe she figured that his father would still be passed out drunk outside. Maybe she needed a fix and just didn't care.

The last Brady knew his mother was living somewhere in Forks, fucking some dealer for her crank. He hadn't spoken to her in almost a year.

"What the shit are you doing here?" his mother slurred, staring up at him with unfocused eyes.

Maybe it was because she was naked. Maybe it was because she was using. Maybe it was because his father was right behind him and Brady knew how angry his father got when she was high. He was breathing too rapidly because he couldn't get enough air into his lungs. And when his father's voice snarled something in his ear, a fist shoving him by the shoulder as a kitchen chair clattered to the ground, Brady wasn't a wolf anymore. He was a little kid watching his daddy beat and rape his mommy because she was high. This hand had touched him too much, leaving him black and blue and bloody every time.

She was high again. She was high again.

Brady grabbed for her, heard his mother start screaming at him as he staggered backwards with her through a doorway, just trying to get distance between them and his father, and then there wasn't anything to step on. He'd gone through the wrong door. One door was to the back yard. The other was to the basement. Brady's mother barely weighed anything, but he couldn't see through his tunnel vision, and the static was so loud that it filled his ears, blocking out what his father was yelling. The floor gave way to steps and Brady fell, taking his mother with him. He desperately twisted to keep from falling on her, but they ended up in a mess on the bottom landing of the steps.

She was screaming, that same insane shrieking that always happened when she was loaded, and Brady tried to stand up, tried to get them both back from the man coming down the stairs. The needle in her arm broke and hit him in the jaw, smelling like blood and crank and cotton. He hated the smell of cotton, even more than he hated the smell of Jagger.

Those heavy footsteps on the stairs. Fuck. Those fucking footsteps, coming down the stairs. A voice in his head was trying to tell him to do something, but Brady was blinded with terror. Calgary wasn't the worst thing that could happen. Before the caves, there had been this basement and those footsteps coming down the stairs. The musty old carpet, stained with years of spilled liquor and vomit and blood. An armchair that he wasn't ever supposed to touch. It was hard to hear down here, and no one ever called the cops when they were down here.

When Callie had broken his father's coffee mug and blamed it on him, his father had told him to wait in this basement.

His mother was clawing at his face and he lost his hold on her as he fell over a folding chair that didn't used to be there. Brady's head smacked the floor right in front of the gun rack.

His father had a lot of guns and he wasn't supposed to touch them either. He'd fallen close, but he hadn't touched them. He hadn't, he hadn't –

"I didn't mean to—" Brady tried to say, but he was hyperventilating too hard to speak. He barely realized that his father was kicking him in the stomach, because it didn't hurt as much as it used to. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sor—"

Abruptly an arm wrapped around his father's neck and slung him backwards. Brady heard the crack as his father's shoulders hit the dark wood paneling of the wall. Everything stopped in the silence that followed the shock of that crack.

Jared was there.

"You touch that kid again and I'm breaking every bone in your body," Jared snarled, sounding so dangerous and violent that for a moment no one moved. Apparently Michelle hadn't called her husband, she'd called someone else.

"That kid ain't a kid no more, Qahla," Bradley growled, spitting on the floor. "He's eighteen and he's an adult. He broke into my house and went for my guns. I have every right to protect my property. That piece of shit's had a real ass whooping coming his since he was thirteen."

"You don't even know his birthday," Jared spat, incensed. "He's seventeen and he's sick. He got sick in your yard, you dumb sonofabitch, and he was trying to clean it up so you wouldn't beat on him again."

"That is a worthless, pathetic, whiney little snot that my junkie ex-wife shoved out instead of aborting. He's a fucking pussy –"

At which point Jared punched Bradley Jennings the fuck out. He had done it several times since Brady had known him but this was the hardest Jared had ever hit him and Bradley was unconscious before he fell to the floor.

Then Brady's mother was screaming at Jared, calling Jared terrible things and screaming that Brady and Jared were killing Brady's father. And just like when he was a child, Brady shut down completely. It wasn't that he couldn't hear the obscenities and the accusations of his birth mother. He could. He could and he remembered all of it, down to every last word. It was just that her voice when it sounded like this – high as a kite and pitched in such frantic insanity – made him incapable of moving. Too many times, too many years of cowering in front of this had rendered him incapable of defending himself from the onslaught, even as an adult and a wolf.

When she went after Jared with a lamp, Jared grabbed her up and dumped her in the shower in the bathroom. He turned the cold water on her and left her screaming bloody murder on the pan of the shower. Brady could see her in there, tangled up in a rust stained shower curtain. She never had put any clothes on. He ended up retching a second time, deeply distressed by her nakedness, and so terrified of his vomit that he was shaking as he staggered to his feet. He had to clean it up and he couldn't get his limbs to move right.

He had to…he had to clean it up. He had to. He had to clean it up. He had to

Then whatever Collin had done reversed itself. The static was gone. And instead of pulling, Collin was pushing his own strength into Brady, so much so that Brady didn't know how Collin was going to be able to walk when this was over. Only just like the other way, Collin pushed too hard, nearly putting Brady on his knees as Collin blocked Brady from the pain of being around his parents again. Snapping him out of his panic attack and leaving him completely cut off from those things that made up his messed up insides. Brady wasn't just numb, he could barely move and the world tilted.

Like a marionette with its strings cut, Brady folded beneath his own weight.

"It's over, you're okay," a male voice was telling him. "Brady, you're okay. Brady, look at me, you're okay. Breathe, kid."

He just stared up at Jared, unable to form a word. Then his eyes cut to the body on the ground, but before the bile could rise in his mouth, Brady felt Collin cut off what was left of Brady's emotions.

"Come on, kid, I've got you," Jared said hoarsely as he hoisted Brady to his feet. "Kim's outside, I wouldn't let her come in. We'll get you home."

He staggered forward, aware that Jared was all but carrying him up the stairs. Kim was waiting with the car out front, but she was white as a sheet and standing in the yard with Michelle, looking as if she had been about to come in there too no matter what Jared had told her. She made a noise of relief when Jared and Brady emerged, and she ran forward, grabbing his other arm as if she could help support him.

Brady couldn't function through what Collin had done, so he had no choice but to let Jared haul him to the car. Kim stayed right by his side, sounding scared. "Jared, his pupil is blown. Did he drink too much? Should we take him to the hospital?"

"It's Collin," Jared said, sounding shaky himself as he started the car. "Brady was having a panic attack so bad that even Jake couldn't get through. Collin stepped in and tried to help, but he doesn't know what he's doing. Call Paul, someone needs to check on Collin. The pup's probably unconscious somewhere, he threw so much at Brady. The static's gone, and I can't hear Paul anymore. I think Collin short-circuited everyone out."

"Jared?" Brady said, his tongue thick in his mouth.

"I'm here, kid," Jared said roughly. The older wolf reached back and gripped his arm. "Everything's okay."

"He's gonna hit her. He's gonna hurt her."

Jared's fists flexed on the steering wheel, shaking. Finally, he pulled out his phone. "Hey. Can you get to Brady's father's place and get his mother out of there? I have no clue…try taking her to her dealer in Forks. Redding something…I have no idea where he lives. Callie runs with their son Jeff, she should know where to find him. Thanks, Sam. And let that piece of shit in the basement bleed. I don't care if I caved his head in or not."

"Jared? What happened in there?" Kim asked worriedly, her hands running soothingly over Brady's head and neck. Her own voice was shaky with adrenaline.

"He was kicking him, Kim. I should have killed that sonofabitch. The next time I will."

Jared's imprint made a hurt noise in her throat, but she continued to rub Brady's shoulders. "Everything will be okay, Jared," she promised him quietly. "We'll just try harder."

The rest of the drive was silent, but halfway to their place, Jared reached back and put his hand on Brady's shoulder again. Brady flinched at the contact, but he stayed quiet and didn't fight. Like a wounded animal that had been sedated. A wounded animal that had to be all but carried into their apartment. Sam called a few minutes later, saying that Brady's mom was gone and that he was looking for her. Brady's father was nursing one heck of a concussion in his basement, and Sam had left him to it.

It was Callie and Owen who brought Collin in, but Paul was right on their heels with Cassie tight on his. Collin was passed out cold, and when they got him to Jared's armchair, his head slumped sideways onto his shoulder.

"Paul, he's white as a sheet," Cassie said in concern, trying to approach but Paul snagged her around the waist to stop her.

"He might come out fighting, Cass," Paul replied tightly. "Wait until he's awake."

Their voice blurred into so much white noise, then Brady heard one particular voice getting angry. When that voice was angry, Brady had to listen, so he tried to move enough to see what was wrong.

What was wrong was that the Alpha and the Beta were there, and Jared was trying to block them from getting past him and into the living room.

"No," Jared growled, and when Jake swung around, growling himself, Jared dug deep and held his ground. "No, Jake, enough! You two play your games and he is always taking the brunt of it! You're not getting near them, unless you want to put me in the dirt to do it."

Jake took a deep breath, then another as Seth stood beside him silently. "Jared? I can help Brady. Collin didn't know what he was doing and he made a tangle of him. We can help him, and he needs the help."

"Help Collin," Brady managed to rasp. "Something went wrong. Help Collin."

Jared held his ground, up until Seth closed the distance between them, putting his hand on Jared's shoulder. "Let me help, Jare. I can help. No one's hurting him now, you made sure of that. Let me help him."

It wasn't exactly a request, but Seth was gentle enough that Jared wavered before finally giving way and stepping aside. Jared stayed on Seth's heels though, crouching next to the end of the couch, watching the Beta with a tight, worried expression.

Seth knelt next to the couch, smiling slightly when Brady weakly tried to shove his hand away. "I know," Seth murmured kindly. "You and him against the world. But right now you're the priority, Brady."

"Collin's pale as a sheet and not moving, Seth," Paul growled angrily. "Brady's at least conscious, he can wait."

The Beta stayed where he was, his hand wrapped around to lightly squeeze the back of Brady's neck.

"Brady's the priority because he's a submissive wolf that got manhandled by a dominant one," Seth said quietly, his voice firming. "A dominant wolf that picked a fight with a human and let his anger take control of him again. If Collin had kept his temper, he still would have bumped Embry, but he would have done so in a way that rearranged the Pack, not burned through it like too much hard liquor. Brady's not the only wolf that needs resettling right now, and you two are fortunate that your imprints kept you more centered than most. So sit down, be quiet, and let us work."

Seth didn't have to put any force behind his words. The shame of his disapproval was enough to have Paul clamping his lips shut and doing as he was told. And if Paul choose to sit in front of Collin, well no one argued him that right.

There was an impromptu Pack meeting at Jared and Kim's place, as wolves were cycled in and out. The Alpha took each of them aside, speaking quietly to them, and Brady knew that he should be able to feel the power in the room, the weight of the Alpha's presence and his gentle suggestions that would help set each wolf to their center.

Callie seemed to have weathered Collin's…flux…of strength the best besides the two Pack leaders. Embry and Owen were battered around the most, and when Jake finally got Jared to calm down and talk to him, Jared grudgingly admitted he still felt dizzy and strung out. Paul flat out refused to be attended to until Jake turned his attention to Paul's imprint, but when Cassie admitted to feeling off too, Paul caved and let Jake help resettle him too.

Brady didn't know exactly what Jake was doing to sooth the ragged edges of the Pack, to help them come back to center, but he could feel what Seth was doing to him. Collin had shoved a lot of power into Brady, trying to help him, but it had overloaded his senses totally. Seth was carefully drawing on Brady, trying to find what was Brady and what was excess from Collin, and slowly stripping away what wasn't Brady and Brady alone. It was delicate, careful work that took a long time, and Seth was breathing heavily through his nose when he finally pulled back.

He didn't know why Embry was lingering nearby, but the other wolf had a look of empathy on his face. It would have pissed him off, but Brady was numbed too much for that. Even Embry's presence couldn't get through Collin's personal brand of Novocain.

Jake had gotten a phone call halfway through the process and he had stepped outside. But Brady had caught the voice on the other end, as had the rest of them. Callie's face had gone blank, and Embry had seemed to shut down completely. A few minutes in, Embry stood up and left the house, muttering about going to check on Ness with Owen. Seth stayed quiet and waited with his hand on Brady's neck until the Alpha returned, using his presence to comfort him instead of using the Packbonds. That was good, because Brady's insides felt scrubbed raw.

"How is he?" Jake asked as stepped back into the apartment, tucking his phone into his back pocket.

"I did what I could," Seth told Jake tiredly. "The rest is too tightly twisted up with Collin. Collin's going to have to figure out how to undo what he's done if they ever want to not be in each other's heads."

"Is she okay?" Brady heard himself rasp.

"Is who okay, Brady?" Jared asked, his hand squeezing down on Brady's shoulder. "Your mother?"

"Sims," another voice spoke. Over on the chair, Collin had started to stir. "Well, that was technically help, I guess," Collin mumbled. "Shit. Shit, that hurt."

"Samantha got to a phone and called me," Jake said, his expression and his tone flat as he grabbed a bottle of soda from the kitchen table and came back into the living room. "She thought someone had died, Collin."

"She's okay?" Brady repeated roughly, and the Alpha put his hand on Brady's wrist, where the leather wristband covered his tattoo.

Jake gave Brady a slight smile. "She said she was worried until I told her it was you and Collin. Sam said Collin's too dumb to die and you're too tough. She said she misses you."

Brady closed his eyes and turned his face back towards the couch, unwilling and unable to say anything to that.

Jake looked at Collin for a long time, then finally he grunted. "You alive?"

Collin looked like he was going to make a weak joke, but then he clamped his mouth shut beneath the weight of the Alpha's stare. "Yeah," was all Collin said, and he too looked away.

"Not everyone's cut out for this," Seth said abruptly, standing up. "Paul, keep us informed of when they're on their feet. Collin's training clearly isn't going fast enough, and Brady's needed on patrol."

Even Jake stopped drinking from the bottle of soda he was chugging, glancing at Seth in surprise. Then his face went blank and he grunted at the shocked looking group. "Do what he says, no arguing. And rest, Brady. At the rate Collin's going, you're going to need it."

The Alpha put enough weight behind it that they had no choice but to do what he said. Then together the two leaders of the Pack slipped away.


Sleep had come quickly after Jake and Seth had left, and Brady wasn't blind to the reason why. When the Alpha said rest, he had a strength behind him that the rest of them didn't.

Brady had passed out almost instantly.

His dreams weren't good, and even his dream self was aware that he wasn't awake. That didn't help him escape, though, not until the chocolate colored she-wolf sank her fangs into his shoulder and pulled him back up the stairs. When he woke, Brady was covered in a light sheen of sweat. He also wasn't alone.

Someone was sitting on the floor next to the couch, shoulders to the end of the furniture, staring up into the moonlit night through the living room window. He was hyper-aware of the fact that Collin was drifting in and out of consciousness in the bedroom down the hall, that Collin was holding Cassie tight in his arms as if she was a teddy bear, and that she was speaking softly in Russian to him. He knew Kim was sleeping in the armchair Jared always sat in and he knew that Paul was on the phone outside with Sam.

Owen's fading scent said that he had lingered outside the apartment, but like everyone else their newest wolf was gone. There was no one to hear him if he spoke softly enough.

"I'm sorry," Brady said roughly into the darkness of the room. He wasn't even sure what he was apologizing for, there were a lot of things to choose from.

Jared shifted, his bare feet scuffing against the carpet. "Today wasn't your fault, Brady," the older wolf said quietly. "It wasn't Collin's fault, either. It just …was."

Brady tried to sit up and immediately the room began to swim. He grunted and then eased himself back down into the couch. The younger wolf had been aware of the tensing of Jared's shoulders, but he didn't have to focus on that because as soon as he relaxed, so did Jared.

"Seth and Jake think it was Collin's fault."

He wasn't arguing and Brady made sure his tone and body language reflected that. He was simply…acknowledging what the leaders of their Pack had stated. Jared grunted, sounding less respectful than a midlevel dominant wolf should sound about his Alpha and Beta. Surly even, although it was clear Jared was keeping his voice quiet and non-threatening.

"Those two pups still have big paws, no matter how much punch they pack."

Brady wasn't used to hearing Jared criticize Jake and Seth so openly, and he didn't know what to say. So he kept his mouth shut until Jared's shoulders loosened a second time. The older wolf sighed and slumped a little, still watching the moon above them.

"Jake and Seth weren't around those first months," Jared finally said. "We screwed up a lot because we had no idea what we were doing. Sam didn't phase next to Emily because he was a selfish pup. He phased next to Emily because he didn't know how not to. Whatever Collin's strengths are, they're new for us and more than anything they're new for him. He screwed up because he didn't know how not to. Jake and Seth can hold him to a higher standard if they want, but it's hypocritical bullshit. Sam held Jake's hand and Jake held Seth's. No one held Sam's hand and things went wrong. Someone has to help Collin, not just hold him accountable."

Brady still didn't know what to say, but the day had been…bad. Bad enough that he didn't have the ability to criticize anyone. Even though there had been external reasons for what had happened, that didn't make it less bad. So Brady closed his eyes, running his thumb under his leather wrist cuff. Thinking about her made it easier. They had crawled out of hell together. No one knew what they had seen and lived through, not really. Their nightmare had been theirs alone.

Shame gripped him, because Jared had witnessed something today that so far had only been witnessed in his memories. In the bedroom Collin stirred, mumbling that everything would be okay.

Jared had twisted his head, looking at Brady first and then glancing down the hallway. When Jared turned his face back to the window, Brady knew that the older wolf had decided that everything was okay enough to not stand up and intervene. It was then that Brady realized something. He might hate Jared some days, a bizarre gut wrenching emotion that he couldn't control, but Brady trusted Jared to stand up and do something if things were wrong. If Jared wasn't standing, then Brady could lay down on this couch, a couch that used to be his, and try to force those feelings of shame deeper.

"I'm sorry," Brady whispered again, meaning it. "I've been an ass to you. Why did you come get me?"

The older wolf was silent for a long time before he finally answered. "You've been an ass," Jared agreed quietly. "And you know why I came for you, Brady. You just don't know how to deal with it. And that's not your fault either, kid. It's just...it's not your fault."

Jared had seen what they were. Jared had seen what he was. Brady turned his face into the back of the couch, jaw tensing. Then he whispered so softly that no one else could hear. "Thank you for going back for her."

They never talked about his mother. Sometimes, rarely, they talked about his father. But never his mother.

"You're welcome, kid. Try to get some more sleep, you've had a long day. We've all had a long day."

This time sleep didn't come right away, because Jared wasn't Jacob Black. But Jared had asked him to, so Brady closed his eyes and he tried. And this time he dreamed of different things. Of snow covered peaks and deep dark caves he'd never seen. Of a wolf he didn't know swimming in a pool of ice cold mountain water. Of fresh breezing bring new scents to his nose. There was no basement, no footsteps, no fingers against his skin.

The chocolate she-wolf stretched out on the shore, keeping watch over them silently, and he knew that he was finally safe.


"How is she really?"

Jake gave his Beta a tired look, rubbing his temple as he walked. What Collin had done was still resonating in both their heads, the backlash of sorting out the Pack causing headaches for both.

"She's tense," Jake replied shortly. "She's worried. Samantha says Leah's drinking the Kool-Aid down there, but she's the happiest Sam's ever seen her. Leah's hooked on the adrenaline, whatever that means."

If there had been more, Jake would have told him, so Seth tried to be accepting of that tiniest morsel of how his family was. Seth was in the middle of his trying to be accepting when the Alpha cleared his throat.

"Their Beta imprinted on her, Seth." Seth's head shot up at Jake's tight tone. "Samantha says that Taye's dangerous, and his Alpha is even more so. She says they're a hard, desperate Pack, completely focused on this whole avenging their ancestors thing. Taye's that wolf Jack and I tried to pick up back when she first came to town, and he's…dangerous. Sam says that the Alpha can't hold her, but if Leah wants to leave, there's going to be a fight. They're running with a hard crowd, Seth."

"Do either of them want to leave?" Seth asked, his voice staying calm and controlled. He pulled a little bit of wood out his pocket and began whittling at it idly.

"Not yet. Sam said she'll let us know if it becomes a problem."

Seth nodded because there wasn't anything else he could do.

"I give it a month at most before Collin bumps Paul," Seth finally said. "Less probably. I've been as gentle with him as I can, but he's getting too dangerous. He almost went for a human today, and he doesn't even realize that he's out of control. If I can't get through to him by then, we may have to do something more drastic. The pup won't like it, but I'm not sure we have much of a choice."

Silence met his words, and the air between them stayed silent until the Beta spoke his Alpha's name quietly. "Jake."

Jake closed his eyes, standing for a moment and letting the moonlight bath his face. The weight of their Pack was resting heavily on his shoulders tonight, and Seth knew that talking to his imprint had left Jake momentarily lost to the draw of the imprint bond between them. Could Jake feel her through the Packbonds, even so far away? Did he miss her, the way the others would miss their imprints? Did he love her, or did he just tolerate the bond between them? Seth didn't know, it had never felt right to ask.

So Seth waited while Jake stood there, eyes closed, until then he finally opened them again. Of them all, the Alpha loved his wolves the most, even the ones that were wrong. But an Alpha had to be willing to do whatever it took to keep his Pack and his people safe. He'd been willing to kill his own brother, even if it had nearly broken his heart. But he had been willing, and that's what was needed.

"I know, Seth," the Alpha said softly, admitting defeat. "I know."

Maybe it wouldn't come to that. Maybe.