In the morning, the girls woke up when the rooster crowed. Soon after dressing Sharra sent Heather ahead to the stables because she always took the longest to saddle her horse. Five minutes later, the others made their way to the stables. On their way Galahad, Gawain, and Dag joined them. Liz and Caitlyn were talking animatedly, ahead of the group, when they opened the doors. The sight that met their gaze was enough to send someone rolling with laughter. Soon everyone, Arthur, the knights, Sharra, and the girls, was staring up at Heather, who was currently hanging from the rafters by a rope tied around her ankle.
"I'm not gonna ask," Sharra stated.
"DO
I LOOK LIKE A PIÑATA TO YOU?" Heather asked.
"La
cucaracha, la cucaracha
Ya
no puede caminar
Porque le falta
Porque no tiene
Una
pata para andar," Liz sang.
"Dude! That's the cockroach song, it has NOTHING to do with the piñata!" Heather said.
"Well, it's Mexican," Caitlyn explained.
"Get me down!" Heather whined.
"This is exactly why I always send you ahead," Sharra said, with a half-smile on her face.
Horses saddled and prancing beneath them, the girls sat in their leather pants and tunics. It was black leather and on the chest of each tunic there was a red silhouette of a dragon's head. Each girl had their sword strapped into the saddle sheath and had one dagger sticking out of each boot. Sharra was the only one different. She had her hair put up with chopsticks, unbeknownst to everyone they were sharpened at one end, making them perfect throwing devices. She also had holsters crossed on her hips, these held her golden seventeen and a half inch sais, used for close range combat.
They started off at a command from Arthur. He led the way out of the courtyard at a canter. They approached the great gate as two Shires pulled it open, Ghost whinnied as they went by. Phantom fought Sharra for his head as they galloped along the path. They then entered the woody lair of the Woads.
After getting so far into the forest, they had slowed to a fast trot along the rarely used path, Tristan rode up beside Arthur.
"Woads. They're tracking us," he said.
"Where?" asked Arthur.
"Everywhere," He answered.
"God! What's with those freaky Smurfs? They must be gay! I mean they'd have to be if they're this desperate to catch you," Caitlyn said. Arthur lead the group through the trees at a gallop but the moment they got so far down one path the Woads would shoot in front of them, spiked roped attached to the arrow, blocking their path. Someone would yell 'This way!' and they'd go down another path. After so long the Woads had them trapped in a small clearing, Arthur now faced the man with the 'moon' symbol on his forehead. Heather looked as if she was going to dismount and do some damage, Sharra put her hand on her shoulder and shook her head.
"Come on, let me at him. I wanna gouge the stupid bastard's eyes out!" Heather snarled.
"What are you waiting for?" Gawain yelled.
"Inish. Devil ghosts," yelled Dag as they started to disappear. The man with the moon on his head had an arrow knocked and his bow drawn back, pointed at Arthur. Sharra nudged Phantom forward and came up beside Tristan.
"You'd better go, your master's calling," she said with a hint of malice.
"Why would they not attack?" asked Galahad.
"Merlin doesn't want us dead," Arthur replied.
"The old bastard better not want us dead after kidnapping us and telling us we have a mission," Shea said, talking for the first time since they left Hadrian's Wall.
"Are we going to have the same problem with you that they do with Tristan? God help me, I'm surrounded by social retards," Heather said, dramatically.
"Well, except Lancelot, he has no social problems," Liz said.
"That's because he's a man-whore, or gigolo, or what ever you wanna label him," Heather argued, rather loudly.
"Heather!" Sharra called sharply.
"What?" Heather cried. She looked toward everyone else, who were staring back at her. Crickets chirped…chirped…chirped.
"Man, I hate these awkward silences," Liz said, breaking the silence. Arthur nudged his horse forward and they started down the path.
"One day, Bors here, got so drunk that he pissed all over the outhouse walls. It smelled as if a dog went in there and pissed," Gawain said, pointing at Bors and laughing.
"Must be drunk already," Shea whispered to Heather, who giggled.
"How's that possible we're nowhere near an inn."
"I think he carries a flask."
"You think that's funny, try being with Heather when she's drunk!" Caitlyn said.
"Oh no," Heather said.
"Why? What happened?" Lancelot asked, greatly interested. Caitlyn began to tell the story.
Flash Back
"What's your name?" Liz asked Heather.
"I don't fucking know! Dammit, quit asking me!" Heather slurred.
"What's your name?" Caitlyn asked. Heather grabbed up a butter knife and forgot what she was going to do with it. She suddenly jumped on the table and stood, almost regally had it not been for her swaying.
"Heather!" Liz said half-shocked half-laughing.
"I am Glorfindel, King of the High Elves! Fear my great elfish, mithril blade, Spork! I will slice through your orcish ranks like teeth through mashed potatoes, Dork Lard Zordon! Flee!" yelled Heather, drawing everyone in the bar's attention.
"Did she just say she was a king?" Shea asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, and wasn't Glorfindel a messenger for Lord Cirdan?" Liz asked. Heather turned to the people on the other side of the room.
"Never fear peasant Men! I will vanquish the evil eye that dare cast its horrid gaze on my peanut!" she stated.
"What peanut?" Shea asked, sending Liz and Caitlyn, who'd been trying to hold their laughter, rolling out of their chairs.
"Yeah, and since when did the Lord of the Rings become a mix between Power Rangers, animal fat, and peanuts," Sharra asked.
"Since Heather got a hold of it," Liz replied.
"Behold! My golden Peanut of Justice," she said, holding up a whole peanut.
"It eats all evil doers for lunch and picks their skin from his teeth afterward. If bitten by this great creature it will inject you with P-O-J, Poisons of Justice," Heather announced.
"Poj? Hey! Have you seen my poj?" Liz asked Shea, making all of the girls roll with laughter.
End Flashback
"Interesting," was the only thing Lancelot could think to say without laughing. The every one of the knights groaned as it began raining. Heather held back sudden laughter as she looked at Gawain, who was currently huddled under his cloak.
"He looks like the wicked Queen from Snow White!" Heather told Liz, in an excited whisper.
"Yeah, he just needs a crooked nose and a face full of warts," Liz whispered back, then her and Heather giggled silently.
"I can't wait to leave this island. If it's not raining it's snowing. If it's not snowing it's foggy," Gawain was complaining.
"And that's the summer!" said Lancelot.
"The rain is good. Washes all the blood away. Doesn't help the smell," Bors said. The girls just stayed silent watching each other.
"Hey, Bors, do you intend to take Vanora and all your little bastards back home?" Lancelot said.
"Oh, I'm trying to avoid the decision…by getting killed. Dagonet, she wants to get married and give the children names," Bors said, chuckling.
"Women! The children already have names, don't they?" Tristan said.
I'm gonna neuter him! came Heather's violent thoughts as she screeched "Feminist!" and launched herself off the log she'd been sitting on. Before she could get a foot though, Sharra stood up and grabbed her. Heather winched as she was forcefully shoved back into her seat.
"You must remember, youngest sister, that all men in this time period are feminist, who think all women should be at home raising babies and sewing," Sharra said, smirking.
"And only God knows how much we suck at sewing," Shea commented.
"And how much we scare the hell outta little kids and babies," Caitlyn added.
"Elizabeth, watch our little sister and calm her down," Sharra said.
Liz winched at the use of her given name. You use that name again and I'm gonna snap, she mind spoke to Sharra. Heather came to sit next to her.
Why do you think she'd talking like that? Heather asked.
Probably just the dialect rubbing off on her, Liz answered.
"Well, we only gave Gilly a name. It was too much trouble, so we gave the rest numbers," Bors said as the girls settled down again, Heather glaring daggers at Tristan.
"That's interesting," said Lancelot," And I thought you couldn't count." The knights laughed.
"You know I never thought I'd get back home alive. Now I've got the chance, I…I don't want to leave my children," Bors said.
"You'd miss 'em too much," Dag replied.
"I'll take them with me. I like the little bastards. They mean something to me. Especially number three. He's a good fighter," Bors stated.
"That's because he's mine," Lancelot said.
"Lancelot, you need to realize, you're not attractive enough for every woman in the world to want to jump down your pants," Caitlyn said.
"Yeah, look what happened with Sharra," Shea said smirking.
"She has good aim," Lancelot said.
"What are you talking about? I missed," Sharra grumbled. Lancelot looked like a sheet as his complexion paled. Shea and Sharra chuckled together while Heather, Caitlyn, and Liz laughed openly.
"Bors, I think you should marry Vanora and give the children names," Liz stated, taking a serious tone.
"Yeah, it can't be that hard," Caitlyn added.
"You try naming eleven children," Bors said.
"Hey! How about we name your kids," Liz asked.
"One problem, we'd probably have to give the kids name tags until he and Vanora got use to calling them by name," Caitlyn said.
"I guess…" Bors said, slowly.
"Yay!" Heather said, her arms raised in victory.
"I'm going for a piss," Bors stated. The girls got disgusted looks on their face.
"Are you implying you need help?" Sharra questioned. All the knights paused at what they were doing and Bors turned back.
"No!" Bors said, shocked.
"Well then, why are you telling us what you're going to do?" Sharra asked with an eyebrow quirked.
"Yeah, a simple 'Going into the woods, need privacy' would've worked! Honestly, there are virgin ears hear! Or even a 'Be back in five'!" Heather exclaimed. Sharra had started sharpening her knives, as a bewildered Bors disappeared through the trees.
"If I'm not back in five minutes…Just wait longer," Heather said in her best Ace Ventura voice and ran in the opposite direction Bors had.
Sharra smirked and shook her head. She got the felling she was being watched and looked up, her bangs falling over her left eye but she could still see, as her emerald eyes connected with dark ones. He, Tristan, looked at her with an emotion she couldn't interpret, his eyes glowed like fire as he watched her. Sharra's eyebrows furrowed as she tried to figure him out. Suddenly Lancelot's voice carried over to her, breaking her trance.
"Sharra I'll take you up on the offer you gave Bors," he said, smirking.
"One, that wasn't an offer. Two, the day I help you like that would be the day you won't have to worry about wearing pants anymore," Sharra commented, as she put her knives away and then leaned against a tree and closed her eyes, with the silent knight still watching her.
Deleted scene: Note; we had to cut this out because the movie.. I mean.. chapter was getting too long.
"Heather, why don't you sit down," asked Liz calmly, as if talking to a child.
"I DON'T WANNA SIT DOWN I HAVE TO SAVE MIDDLE EARTH FROM ZORDON," she yelled.
"Heather, Zordon is from Power Rangers," said Caitlyn.
"THEN WHY IS HE STANDING OVER THERE, in his perfect cylinder-head-thingy thinking he's all high and mightier than us? HUH?" Heather said.
"Heather please come down," Liz begged.
"NO!"
"I'll handle this," Shea said grabbing her hand that had the peanut in it. Shea grabbed the peanut and, before Heather could protest, cracked it open and ate it.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Heather yelled.
"Yummy."
"No, I hope the POJ gets to you, I hope that you regret what you did," Heather hissed in a Gollum voice as Liz and Caitlyn dragged her to the car.
A/N: Now I know I said that I hated pairing people that are more than three or four years apart, but what the hell. Why not? I mean the knights are cool, hot, and whatever other word you can think of to describe them positively. LET THE SUETHORING BEGIN!Note to Jen: Tell Genesis, Squirrels throw nuts!
A/N: If there are some places where it's cut off I'm sorry but the computer I'm on won't let me edit it online.
Special thanks to the people who review: Readerfreak10, Aquamum, SharonH, and any others I've forgotten to mention. Any questions? I'd be happy to answer.
