Hello, all. At the beginning of this story, I said I would never abandon it. This still holds true today. However, there is a lot of pain and emotion behind the main themes and concepts of what I am writing about. As in my life, in all other times, writing is a tremendous way to help me both express and cope with what I am feeling. I started sharing my work in the hopes that maybe, someone who didn't have the words could find expression through my humble works. Yet, despite my passion and your amazing response, the struggle is still there. So although I will not discontinue this story, it will be slow going. I am in a much better place than I was when I started this story, and it feels hard to reopen some wounds. So, please, don't expect even weekly updates. I will honestly try my best, but I am an optimistic person that would much rather focus on the happier aspects of life if possible. With all my passion, I thank you.
Enjoy.
xoxo,
littelredwritinggleek
October, 2009
McKinley was in an absolute frenzy. It was the week before the "big game". The make-or-break game. Optimism flooded through every student's veins, and nerds and jocks alike anticipated the excitement that Friday would hold. Never had Lima seen a team as good as the current one. And with the dynamic duo of Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman, who had crushed records already, everything seemed to be falling into place.
Homecoming week. For girls it meant dresses and dancing, for the boys it meant football and possibly some action, but for Quinn Fabray it meant cheering on her boys and winning Queen, with Finn as her King.
She would have thought that being friends with two boys would be awkward, but Noah's womanizing ways only made things easier between the three: She didn't have to worry about him feeling left out. No, she could focus on being that perfect girl, perfect girlfriend. Despite her home life being somewhat broken, the pressure was still there. In fact, Quinn put it on herself. If she couldn't control everything, at least she could maintain her image. Finn and Puck were sloppy, and went with things, Quinn had to be that structure.
Too bad Finn was straying. Ever since he joined glee club at the beginning of the year, he had been so into it. She wasn't going to not be supportive or bitchy about it, but she felt left out. Lately, she and Puck had been talking more. When Finn was at rehearsal, they'd often go out and sit on the bleachers outside, waiting for him to be done.
What good friends were for.
Good friends.
That was it.
Quinn knew she was being paranoid, but lately it was like something had changed. No, she hadn't, nor would she ever dare, cheat on Finn, but she couldn't deny the certain level of feelings there was. Like a little girl growing up, she suddenly was all-too aware of how muscular Puck was, how smoldering her eyes were, how her skin felt electric whenever he grazed her arm. Of course, they still held normal conversations, and didn't sit there staring at each other, but she knew he felt it, too.
It was all so wrong. Finn was good, perfect, even. That was what she wanted. He was all that you saw, no hidden meanings or unclear lines. Finn put himself out there and that was that, done. Simple. Cute, adoring, sometimes silly, Finn.
Puck, on the other hand, was a hot mess. He was all blurry lines and rough edges and missing puzzle pieces. He wasn't what good-girls stuck around with. But there was that deep, meaningful side to him, hidden under all the sharp points, that appealed to Quinn. He wasn't safe, like Finn, but Finn was alluring, dangerous. Quinn had seen her own mother break, so why should she turn away from Finn? Maybe he wasn't super-passionate, but could high-schoolers even experience that? How many people really did? Finn was as steady as a rock, safe as a locked door on a sunny afternoon. So why did Quinn suddenly start longing for an open window on a storming night?
Sitting with Puck after their practices on Monday, she tried to figure it out. But yet, he was the same old Puck, and she had no answer. As he went on about Mario Kart and Neil Diamond, she listened, finding his openness much more rewarding than talking with Finn. She loved Finn, but he was always an open book, to the point where there was never any hanging onto his words. Yet, letting Puck's calm voice fill her ears with beautiful white noise, she cast her thoughts aside.
Safety was just that, safe.
Finn felt so guilty. He shouldn't have, because it was such an innocent thing, but still, thoughts of Quinn flooded his mind as he danced with Rachel Berry, the school theater-freak that somehow seemed to capture his heart.
The list of reasons went on and on. He loved Quinn, but she was quiet, usually, which sometimes against her will made her appeal cold. Rachel was an open book, you got what you saw, and her almost-constant enthusiasm and happiness, worn for all to see, was refreshing. Uplifting, even. Then, there was the feel of her significantly smaller frame pressed to his, her bright smile, warm brown eyes, the feel of her shiny hair, the child-like innocence, the truthfulness...
No. Outside, sitting in the sun, probably listening to Puck drone off, boring her, was Quinn. Faithful, pretty, beautiful Quinn. Rachel was a fire-cracker, one hell of a risk. He shouldn't even be attracted to her. But yet, he heard her sing, felt her passion, and then suddenly he knew it. He kinda sorta had a crush on Rachel. Despite it being all wrong, the feeling was there.
Quinn was mysterious sure, but still, safe. Despite what lurked under her surface, despite the lost-sense she had, especially compared to the fact that Rachel knew exactly what she wanted, and wasn't afraid of it, Quinn was good for him. She was his life-long best friend, the girl he fell for first, and that had to count for something.
Holding onto Rachel close in glee, he felt so tempted to turn her chin upwards and kiss her full, soft lips.
But Quinn was safe.
Safety was just that, safe.
Betcha didn't see that coming! Hope you liked the bit of Finn you got. If you get confused about the plot, which will start to jump, don't hesitate to ask. Also, these chapters that are coming up lead to key plot points. If they seem a little more poetic than direct, there's a a reason for that!
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