Chapter 7 – One fuzzy transition too far

As she drove to Kate's house, Caroline recovered her poise somewhat, her confidence returning with every mile. They could work this out she thought Kate would understand that she needed time. There really was no need to tell everyone.

Despite being married to John for much of the last 20 years, Caroline's filter for all things gay had still been set to "on". And over the years the world turned and things changed and she noticed those changes, all the while with increasing levels of discomfort. One time she caught a section of the news which had a piece about clause 28, another time it was the age of consent. There were increasing numbers of gay people speaking out, speaking about the need to be open, about their need to be themselves. It bothered her intensely. What on earth was this need to shout about being gay all about anyway? She was sure it was perfectly possible to live your life as a gay person and not tell everyone. She privately acknowledged that, in time, she would need to tell the boys, tell her mother, probably tell John, but surely that was the extent of it, wasn't it? And it certainly didn't need to happen any time soon.

As her mind became more and more assured of its ground so her arousal was given the space to crowd back in. By the time they reached Kate's house she had carefully considered the two options for seduction; the hall and the sofa.

Option 1: the hall

Caroline would enter the house, and as Kate hung up her coat and turned to walk away, she would take her hand and gently push her up against the wall. Placing her hands on either side of Kate's head she would kiss her slowly, seductively and Kate would respond, her tongue moving into her mouth, desperate for the contact.

Caroline would then pull out the shirt from Kate's waistband and, using the back of her hand stroke the soft skin on her stomach until Kate became breathless and her movements became more urgent. When she could wait no longer Caroline would move her hand upwards to push off Kate's bra and stroke her breasts, her thumbs tracing lightly across the nipples. Then, frantic, to feel a nipple in her mouth, she would roughly push up Kate's shirt and bend her head, glorying in the sensation and the moans from Kate.

Caroline would become aware of Kate's hips moving against hers, signalling her readiness for more. She would continue to tease her, moving her hand down to gently trace a line along the top of her trousers. A few minutes of this goading and Kate would beg her to move her hand lower and Caroline would give in, undoing her trousers and pushing them halfway down her legs. With Kate breathless, sweat forming on her skin, Caroline would take one finger and draw it agonisingly slowly between her legs pushing on the already soaked underwear. Kate would groan and plead with her to go deeper, but she would continue to torment her until she was barely able to stand.

At last, Caroline would slide her fingers into the warmth and stroke through the glorious wetness until Kate screamed out her release, Caroline thrusting inside her as she came.

Option 1 had a lot to recommend it she thought.

Option 2: the sofa

Option 2 would take longer, was a little more complicated and to be honest Caroline was a bit vague about some of the transitions. Nevertheless option 2 had a lot of good points and she gave it a lot of detailed consideration during the car journey. In option 2 they would first talk, the details of the "chat" being one of the areas of vagueness (primarily because it was merely a mechanism for increasing the anticipation). During the "chat" (which she was sure took place in the kitchen) Caroline's eyes would be focused mostly on Kate's lips occasionally flicking down to catch a tantalising glimpse of the point where her naked skin met the top button of her shirt. She would watch until, unable to wait any longer, she would reach forward and draw Kate into her, kissing her slowly and deeply, tasting her, pushing against her mouth, pushing until Kate's legs were up against the kitchen table. She would then take her hand and lead her into the sitting room, where she would gently but firmly guide her to sit on the sofa.

Caroline would then kneel down between Kate's legs (in her fantasy Caroline managed this manoeuvre in heels, with grace, knees being a lot more flexible in fantasies than they are in reality). There then followed another slightly fuzzy transition which resulted in Kate wearing nothing but a beautiful blue green silk shirt, her nipples clearly visible beneath the soft material. At this point she gave serious consideration to shoe horning some stockings into the fantasy, but even in her highly aroused state, considered this one fuzzy transition too far.

Caroline would then very slowly trace a finger along the inside of each thigh watching Kate throughout, taking her time, enjoying the sense of power at the reaction she was causing. Finally, unable to resist any longer, she would lean forward and, pausing only slightly would take Kate in her mouth slowly licking her over and over, her fingers thrusting deep inside her, until, unable to take any more Kate would come, crying out Caroline's name.

Though the thought of option 2 was undeniably delicious, by the time they reached Kate's house option 1 had won out. It had the major advantage of speed and to be honest Caroline felt that she probably should iron out a few of the fuzzy transitions in option 2 before pursuing it further.

Unfortunately for Caroline neither option came to pass.

As they entered the house things seemed to be going to plan. Her coat was hung up and taking Kate's hand she moved her to lean against the wall. She fell on her neck, kissing softly until she reached the jaw line and from there up to take her ear lobe gently between her teeth. It was at this point that Caroline realised Kate was not moving. She was stood, stock still, and when Caroline turned her head to look at her, all that was returned were steady brown eyes, no trace of desire present.

Caroline felt very silly and coughing slightly to cover her embarrassment stood back a little and away from Kate.

"Erm..is there something wrong"

"Caroline you are unbelievable. I invited you round to talk to me. Not to seduce me. If you want to talk then fine but if not, I suggest you go."

Stung by the words and the dismissive tone of Kate's voice, Caroline looked down and away trying to shield her uneasiness at this turn of events. Kate was unmoved.

"Well, do you want to talk Caroline?"

Caroline just nodded. When she next looked up Kate had turned and walked into the kitchen. Caroline followed meekly.

"Sit down"

Caroline obeyed.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" Caroline just nodded.

Whilst Kate busied herself with the tea Caroline's head was spinning, fear and panic starting to rise again. She focused on her breathing, trying to get herself under control.

Finally Kate bought over two cups and sat down, letting out a long sigh. She regarded Caroline for a while before finally speaking.

"Caroline, I don't know what's going on in your mind, but the terror in your eyes tells me that you are very very frightened of something" Caroline didn't move, frozen to the spot. "And if you don't talk about it" she continued "it's going to eat you up and it's going to destroy us and anything we might be." She paused waiting for something, anything from Caroline.

Eventually Caroline could stand the silence no longer and taking a deep breath said.

"I don't know what to tell you, I don't know where to start".

"Why don't you start from the beginning"

God, the beginning, where the hell was that? And then suddenly, unbidden she knew the beginning. The beginning was where it had always been. The beginning was Sophie. She exhaled slowly and began.

"Erm…well the thing is, you're…erm you're not the first woman, you know, the first one I've erm.."

"Had sex with?" Caroline looked up startled at the words said out loud and then nodded looking down and away from Kate's steady gaze. Kate softened her stance slightly.

"What was her name?"

"Sophie" Caroline said unprepared for the overwhelming emotion she felt even just saying this out loud.

Kate said quietly. "You knew her when, before John?"

Caroline nodded "When I was at university" and suddenly the feeling became too much and Caroline moved her hands to cover her eyes as tears crept between her fingers.

Kate moved her chair forward slightly and gathering Caroline in her arms, stroked her hair until her tears began to slow.

"You loved her very much" Caroline just nodded.

"Ah Caroline sweetheart…what happened?"

Caroline sniffed and sat upright again. She looked up, holding her hand over her mouth.

"Erm..I came home from university one summer and told my Mum, and well… let's say she didn't exactly react well. And I didn't know what to do and I was scared and so when I went back to Oxford I ended things. And Sophie was so upset. And I just kept away from her and ignored her because I couldn't stand it." By this time Caroline was crying so much she could no longer speak. Kate waited patiently for her to calm.

"My Mum… you know…she said some really hurtful things. She told me I wasn't gay, that she knew me and I wasn't gay, those were her exact words. Then she tried to get me to see a psychiatrist. Maybe I should have done to make her happy but I didn't want that Kate, I didn't want to think of myself in that way. Sophie made me so happy and I treated her so badly and I feel awful about it. I even ran into her last year, at a conference. God that was awkward. She looked so beautiful, so happy, but I could still see the hurt in her eyes when she looked at me." Caroline paused before continuing.

"After it was over with Sophie, I didn't really feel like being with anyone else and then John came along. And he was very persistent and he clearly loved me, at least I think he did." She said a slight frown crossing her face. "And I thought, well I thought that I could learn to love him, and I suppose over time I did. I did love him in some ways."

"But?" said Kate sensing a "but".

"But….but it wasn't enough" Caroline finally admitted. When it came down to it, it really was that simple she realised, it wasn't enough. Much as she would have liked to she couldn't just manufacture love, it just didn't work that way. The realisation freed her just enough.


Later they lay on the sofa, Caroline lying alongside Kate, one arm flung across her waist, her head resting on her chest. They'd been like this for some time, chatting for a while but silent for the last few minutes. Finally Kate spoke softly.

"So what do we do then?"

"Do?"

"Well…about us, what do we do?"

"Oh…OK, well I think, no I don't think, I know, no that's not right, I suppose we should err, well I should, you know, do something about it."

Caroline really wasn't sure she was conveying her message clearly. Unfortunately for her, a highly amused Kate was in no mood to help her out.

"Do something?"

Caroline leant back slightly to look her in the eye.

"You do know you are not helping one bit here don't you?" Kate burst into peals of laughter and Caroline's heart sang at the sound.

"Yes I need to do something, I need to tell the boys and I need to tell my mother, and I guess we should probably go on, you know, a date or something?"

"A date? You mean you're going to romance me a bit rather than just shoving me up against the wall?"

"Well I hate to disappoint you, but you up against a wall is just about my perfect fantasy right now – I find the whole idea very romantic" Kate laughed.

"Is that so? It seems to me Dr Elliott that you have a few things that need to be worked out of your system"


Later they lay naked on the sofa facing one another. Caroline could feel their bodies touching at their breasts, their hips and their legs and she was still able to feel the trace of Kate's hands inside her.

For the last five minutes she had been engaged in a gentle exploration of Kate's face with her fingertips, following the line of her eyebrows down to her cheekbones and further downward to dwell at her lips. All the while she gazed at Kate, wondering yet again how she had reached this place with this beautiful woman.

Eventually she spoke.

"Kate?"

"Yes?" this was said so softly, so lovingly it sent a thrill through Caroline's body. How does she do that with just one word?

"You know earlier"

"Earlier?"

"Yeh, you know at work, when, you know, you said that thing, that you said, you know to me."

An amused Kate smiled at her "That thing? Which particular thing would that be Caroline?" When Caroline didn't respond she said "Would it be the part about me loving you?"

Another shot of electricity flowed through Caroline's body.

"Yes, yes that thing….erm…well I was wondering, you know, wondering if you, you know meant it, well that is if you still meant it?"

"Well I didn't like to tell you this Caroline but your love making this afternoon has been seriously under par, so I am definitely reconsidering" Caroline's face was such a picture of shock and horror that it was all she could do to stop bursting into laugher again. She gathered her into her arms speaking softly into her ear.

"Of course I still love you sweetheart, why on earth do you think for a second that I would stop?"

"Oh I don't know, I thought you might have got tired of me"

"In one afternoon? Caroline what do you take me for?"

Caroline had the grace to look at least a little sheepish.

"I love you too" It was said suddenly before Caroline had the chance to stop herself. Kate stilled as tears formed in her eyes.


Part way through its long journey the box observed all this nonsense with distaste. It was already annoyed that it had had to stop its journey to remove Sophie from the bag and let her go. Jesus, where will it stop? And all these declarations of love. Well the box just didn't buy it. Far too early. Let's just wait and see how it pans out when Celia gets involved. Then we'll see some fireworks. The box shouldered the bag and continued on its way.