Hi, guys! I know that this update is early, but I felt that you needed a filler chapter. This hopefully will explain some of the rushed feelings and stuff like that. Also, it gets more into their personal thoughts. Enjoy!
Though the pressure's hard to take,
It's the only way I can escape.
It seems like a heavy choice to make.
Never Let Me Go By Florence + The Machine
Chapter 7
Elena woke up to a pleasant feeling. She was enveloped in warmth and she couldn't help but let a smile come across her face. Opening her eyes, she blinked away the sleep and took in her surroundings. Sun was steadily streaming through the apartment and illuminating whom she was so conveniently laying on top of.
Last night came rushing back to her as she remembered falling asleep during the movie that she and Damon had been watching. She was curled on top of him as they lay on the couch, a blanket draped over their forms.
Regret hit her like a ton of bricks as she realized what she and Damon had talked about last night. How could she open up like that to someone that she barely knew? Sure, he'd shown her kindness when she needed it, but it didn't change who she was. What she was. How on earth could she get out of this? Nothing had happened last night, but she felt more than exposed both mentally and emotionally.
Slowly, she extracted her limbs from his, carefully getting up without disturbing him. He only snored louder and flipped on to his side as she looked for her shoes. Locating them near the glass wall, she slipped them on and took a deep breath. Why was she sneaking out? It's not like she had to do the walk of shame or anything, but why did she feel like she had to?
"Going somewhere?" Damon's sleepy voice called from behind her.
She groaned mentally, her face paling slightly as she turned around to face him. He had a small smile on his face as he looked at her, his blue eyes blinking slowly as he took her in. She gave him a forced smile, "I-I just have to get back home before it gets too late. I, uh, thanks for last night."
He sat up, giving her a weird look as he picked up his phone and looked at it before turning his focus back to her, "Elena, it's just barely after seven. We've only been sleeping for a couple hours." Standing up, he walked over to her, noticing how her breathing increased at his closeness. Reaching out for her, he brushed a lock of her hair away from her face as he murmured, "Now, what's the real reason you're trying so hard to sneak out?"
"I'm just, I'm not good at this," she admitted softly, stepping away from him and watching his hand fall limply back to his side. She grabbed her purse from the counter and walked towards the door.
Damon caught her wrist and turned her around to face him, a confused look on his handsome face, "You're not good at what? Staying for breakfast?"
"Look, I haven't been in a relationship in…a long time. And, I just don't want to end up disappointing you," she said quietly, almost causing him to miss what she said.
He laughed slightly, "I haven't been in a relationship in a long time either, but that shouldn't matter. We're in this together, right? We'll just take things as they come."
"I don't do the whole feelings stuff, okay? I don't do the talking, cathartic and feelings exposed type thing," Elena admitted harshly, running her hand through her messy chocolate hair, "And you'll just end up regretting this. I'm not the kind of girl that gets to have happy relationships."
His eyes narrowed as he took in her choice of words, "What do you mean by that?"
"I'm a freakin' stripper for crying out loud," she yelled, throwing her hands up into the air in exasperation, "I don't get the easy life. I don't get to be happy right now, not when everything is falling apart around me. I have to be responsible and careful and a relationship just doesn't fit in with that."
"No, you don't get to do that," he said, his eyes flashing with anger, "You don't get to make me feel something and then talk about yourself like that! Why do you think that you're less than someone else just because you dance for money?"
"Don't you see? I'm…Elena. Just Elena," she said in a small broken voice, causing Damon's hand to slip away from her wrist, "I'm not anything more and I won't be for a while. One day, maybe."
He watched as she gave him a sad smile before she walked out, leaving him alone with his thoughts and his fears. Stefan hadn't been lying when she said that she hated what she was, but then again, he had already known.
Running. It's what Elena did, what she was good at. She couldn't afford to let herself get too close to Damon when she knew that she'd be leaving soon anyway. As soon as Jeremy graduated high school, she would go back home. Probably get a normal job and go to college. She just had to keep saving her money and barreling through.
Her apartment seemed lonely all of a sudden. After spending time with Damon last night-er-this morning, she had come to enjoy the closeness of another person. Normally, her only extended interaction was with Jeremy when she was at home, but when she was in New York she kept to herself. Less bridges to burn, she would always reason.
One more month is all she had to get through. One month of awkward encounters with Damon and Stefan and then she would never have to see either of them again. She knew she had agreed to start a relationship with Damon, but now she felt as if she couldn't go through with it. He deserved happiness, someone who would stay behind in New York and keep him happy. She had a place in Mystic Falls, a family, no matter how small.
Sighing, she collapsed onto her tiny bed and couldn't help but compare it to how comfortable Damon had been to sleep on. Those few hours she had slept on his chest felt as if she had slept for days. She had felt safe and wanted and loved.
Loved.
"What's the matter with you?" Stefan asked as he approached a very disheveled Damon.
Damon was sitting at the bar of the club, a bottle of Bourbon in his hand as he waited for the club to open for the night. His cheek was adorned with stubble and it looked as if he had been drinking for a while.
"What does it matter to you, Steffie?" Damon slurred slightly, his ice blue eyes taking longer than normal to focus on his brother, "Can't a guy drink without needing an ulterior motive?"
Stefan sighed and took a seat next to him, pursing his lips as he looked him over, "Well, considering that the roles were reversed last time and you made me talk about Elena, I figured I could show you the same kindness. Brotherly bonding and all that."
"God, what is it about that woman that makes men drink?" Damon bit out sarcastically, "I swear, she makes you care and then she just walks away like nothing ever happened. Like nothing ever mattered."
Stefan's eyes widened in realization and a hint of anger as he tried to keep his composure, "You're drinking because of Elena? What happened?"
"N-nothing," the older man immediately tried to backpedal. He hadn't meant to spill the beans to his brother, especially when he was this drunk. He sighed, "I just meant that why do women make us drink? There's nothing-"
"Cut the bullshit, Damon," Stefan hissed, his green eyes glowing with fury and maybe even a tinge of jealousy, "You and Elena? For how long? God, probably everything she said to me was a lie," he gave a sharp berating laugh, "Man, I'll give it to her though, she was a great actress; all that self-loathing and stuff really got to me. And yet, she was just with you the whole time."
Damon's jaw ticked angrily, "Don't talk about her like that. And, not that it's any of your business, but we weren't together. She agreed to a date last night, everything was fine and then she walked out the door this morning like nothing even mattered. I had her for a grand total of four hours before she ran the other way because she thought that she wasn't good enough for me."
"Damon…" Stefan started, trying to find the right words to soothe his older brother. They had never gone at it for a girl before, but Elena was different. However, she had rejected both of them. She walked away and left them both wanting for what would never happen.
"Shut up, Stefan," Damon said quietly, "Let's just drink and hopefully we'll forget her name all together."
Monday came entirely too quick for Elena's liking. She felt as if she had hardly slept during the weekend and her mind kept going back to what she had said to Damon. She hadn't wanted to hurt him, but she felt that it was inevitable. And why should she prolong it? Why should she give him a month of happiness, just to snatch it away again? She would leave and they would both be heart broken and she didn't want that. She'd rather have him hate her than end up hurting him.
When she got to the club, she went straight to the back without seeing either Salvatore. She wasn't sure if she could handle it anyway. Quickly dressing in her outfit and applying her makeup, she waited for her name to be called.
Only one more month of this and she would be free. She could go back to being Grayson and Miranda Gilbert's respectable daughter from Mystic Falls. She could go back to the life she had before once she was sure that she and Jeremy wouldn't have to tap into their inheritance for at least a year. She could do this. She would survive and she would be happy.
Damon's eyes never left the stage once Elena was on. He could tell that something was bothering her, but she was a professional, she didn't let it affect her routine. He knew her well enough to see through her act and he wanted so desperately to go to her and beg her to let him fix whatever was wrong.
Part of him didn't want to watch her perform, mainly because he didn't want to her to think that he looked at her as if she were an object. He didn't want her to feel as if he did this will all the girls that worked for him.
To Damon, Elena was just more. She was more than the normal girl that ended up working for him. She a woman that he wanted to know. He wanted to know her fears, her hopes, her dreams, and everything in between. The thought scared him, but he knew it was true. He wanted to prove himself over and over to her and her alone. She was a girl that he could bring home to meet the family, he was sure of it.
He wanted to help her get over her insecurities and help her become the strong woman that he knew she was underneath all of this. But, he would give her space. He didn't want to scare her off right when he was realizing his own feelings. And dumping them on her would be the wrong move, he was sure of it. He would wait and bide his time, slowly helping her until she could accept what a wonderful woman she was and how she had nothing to be ashamed of.
Elena was going to be his. Damon was sure of it.
I hope this answers some of your questions. Remember, Damon and Elena are always filled with angst!
Be sure to leave a review!
~Grace
