A/N: This one contains some possibly disturbing bits and if you don't wish to read something concerning attempted violent crime towards women turn back now. I've been trying to write this prompt for awhile but it has illuded me. I guess I had to be less than blissfully happy to write it. You can thank my girlfriend (or curse her as the case may be) for going away and leaving me to my own devices.


You never know how oblivious you are until the world smacks you in the face. Truthfully, I've never thought about my sexuality in terms of a label. I like who I like and I've been fine with that. I've been fine going along like this because it was never serious. I never dated anyone and thought, this could be a real long term relationship.

There was a night about two years ago when my best friend, at the time, and I went to a party. She can be super uptight and rigid sometimes… okay, most of the time, and I just wanted to get her to loosen up. She's not good with change and everything about our lives was changing.

Our a capella group was completely different and kind of a disaster, we were seniors and getting ready to move on with our lives, and she was really coming to terms with the fact that she liked women in more than a part time way.

I on the other hand was still blissfully unaware of any of my deeper feelings because it's safer that way. Not acknowledging things that could hurt you and making everyone else feel comfortable before you consider yourself is just safer. I liked the way we were, but I was too blind to see that we were probably in some kind of weird pseudo relationship. That all changed the night we went to the Sigma Chi mixer.

Aubery didn't even want to go but I talked her into it. We had a routine and she hated to deviate from it. This is not to say that we aren't social people because we definitely are that. Sunday night is roommate night; we chill, we watch whatever trashy TV we are in the mood for, and we talk about our week. Why the Sigma guys decided to throw a party on a Sunday night is a mystery but they did and we hadn't gone out in a month.

Regionals were coming up and Aubrey was stressing out so hard that bags were starting to appear under her eyes and she's freaking gorgeous so this was a tragedy that needed to be stopped. I begged, cajoled, bribed, and basically forced her to get her ass up and dressed. I think in the end promising to let her organize my entire bedroom was what sold it. She used to make me keep my door closed because she couldn't stand to look in on my organized chaos. She said it gave her mental hives.

Anyway, we got ready and we looked extra hot. I had my eye on this girl that I knew was going to be there and I had a feeling that Aubrey was dressing to impress as well. Once we were on our way I think my excitement rubbed off on her. The air was electric and I could feel this vibe going between us. It felt like we were going to have a good time, like something out of the ordinary was around the corner.

This feeling of fate could not have prepared me for what was about to happen. We arrived at the party at the perfect time. Not too early but not too late because not everyone was drunk out of their minds yet. I grabbed Aubrey's hand and led her through the throng to a group of people I knew. She didn't have many friends that weren't mutual and she was generally just absorbed into the groups that I socialized with. We were never apart for much more than classes and dates, most of which I went on and while she waited at home.

Guys asked Aubrey out all the time but she just never went. The few girls that we knew that might be interested were intimidated or scared off by her intense personality. I've been asked more than a few times how we are such good friends since we are so opposite and she's a little scary to some people. I just shrug and tell them that is how we work. I've always seen us as a genius kind of balancing act.

I was talking to my friend Jenny, the girl I was hoping to get cozy with later, when I noticed it. Aubrey was looking at me funny. Kind of like she'd never seen me before. There was this element of angry disgust about her and it made me pause, my hand still resting on Jenny's arm. Aubrey gave me one last look and then walked away.

Her back disappeared through the crowd before I knew it. I excused myself and went after her but she was gone, vanished into the crush. Leaving me like that was very unusual and I knew something was wrong and that something had to do with me. Every fiber in me knew that it was just the start of something awful. I went back to Jenny because at that point I was a getting a little upset and I needed a distraction. Aubrey had been really closed off lately and I wasn't really in the mood to find her so I could apologize for some perceived slight.

An hour passed and I'd already kissed Jenny. That was a dead end because I couldn't stop thinking about Aubrey and why she had gone. My thoughts were like a speeding car on it's way to a forgone conclusion. Could she have been jealous? If she was jealous was it because of me or Jenny? Did I want her to be jealous? How did I really think of her? She was gorgeous and smart, too smart for me. That's what I thought sometimes and the one time I had said it out loud she had gotten angry at me.

She hates when I get down on myself, which is funny because she is harder on herself than anyone I have ever met. Probably because her dad is such a hard ass. He has these ridiculous standards that no one could live up to but Aubrey tries. She tries too hard. That means she ends up just being disappointed in herself and everyone else.

I left Jenny and went to look for her, coming each section of the party until I ended up outside. The guys had constructed this makeshift bar in the backyard and there were a bunch of people crowded around, talking and drinking. That's where I found her jacket, slung across a bar stool. It wasn't even folded. She always folded her clothes neatly when she took them off. It was a compulsion that she couldn't fight and I found it charming.

It worried me that she wasn't near her things. It wasn't normal for her to just walk off and leave them like this. I picked up the jacket and found her tiny purse under it. Now, I was really worried. That had her ID and a little cash in it, not to mention a small can of pepper spray that she always carried. I nudged the guy beside me, as a lifted the purse strap over my head and settled the small leather bag against my side.

"Hey, did you see the girl who left this stuff?"

He looked at me with a blank face for a moment and then grinned. HIs eyes roamed my body and it took everything I had not to punch him right in the face. He was wasting my time.

"Well?"

He laughed, the motion of it shaking his body back and forth to a troubling degree. "Yeah," he said and then reached out for my arm.

I pulled away and stepped back out of his range. "Where did she go?" He was really starting to piss me off now.

"You're hot," he commented.

Obviously, he was a wit master. "The girl… blonde, tall, blue dress… where did she go?"

His head flopped back on his neck and he looked at me through slitted eyes, giggling like a little kid. "She, ah… caught Chuck's eye and he took her to the VIP lounge." His face told me that this was not a good thing. He was a little too gleeful.

"And where the hell is that?" My fingers were clutching Aubrey's jacket and my worry was turning to panic. Chuck had a reputation. He had been accused of raping a few girls but the cases were all mysteriously dropped at the last moment, leaving the school disciplinary committee with no choice to let him go unpunished.

Barden had an honor code and each student signed a document promising to adhere to this code when they were accepted. It stated that any violations would be dealt with internally before authorities outside the school became involved. I think it just made it easier to keep the school's name out of the news and if you could just make problems disappear instead of dealing with them, all the better. It was bureaucracy at it's most nauseating.

"It's downstairs but I wouldn't go down there if I was you," he said. By now he was clinging to the bar and I could tell if it wasn't there he would have been on the ground. "Unless, you want to play too."

I rolled my eyes and took off, giving him a good shove as I went. When I made it back inside I could barely make my way through the packed living room to the kitchen where I knew I would find the basement door. By the staircase Jenny was still standing talking to a few friends and she tried to catch my attention but I plowed right by her. I didn't care anymore. Aubrey was the most important thing.

When I got to the door I turned the knob and cursed. It was locked. Of course, because it would have been too easy otherwise. When rattling the handle and twisting it hard didn't help I tried to think. There was no way I could break it down and I really didn't want to call too much attention to what I was doing so I went outside. There had to be another way in. It was an old house and they usually had a window or another entrance to the basement somewhere.

I slipped out the back door and around the side of the house, scanning the bottom near the hedge for a window or door into the basement. It was a huge brick house and had been here as long as the university had been open. When I reached the back I saw a shaft of light shining through the green and brown of the bushes. When I crouched down I found a window that latched on the other side but it was definitely old and a little fragile.

I pushed my way through the branches of the hedge to get to it. My favorite dark green dress drug through the dirt and got caught on the sticky branches but that barely registered. When my hand hit the cold glass I pushed lightly and the window gave a little. Then I could hear muffled voices from below and pushed the rest of the way through the hedge so I could try to see through the window.

It had been painted brown from the inside, making the glass opaque. I couldn't see anything until I shoved my face towards the crack that I made wider by pushing in more. Then I saw Chuck, in all his disgusting glory, standing with his back to me. Two of his frat brothers were gathered around him as he looked down at something, if he would just move I could make it out.

I didn't see Aubrey anywhere and I prayed for it not to be her that he was towering over. My instincts screamed at me and my heart sank. He laughed, the sound of it muffled by the distance between us and the solid glass in front of me. It was a dirty, nasty sort of laugh that chilled me. My body couldn't fit much closer to the wall but I crammed myself in between the brush and the brick and tested the sides of the window, trying to find a way to open it far enough to stick my head inside so I could look around.

None of the brothers were turned so that they could see me and if I could just look in long enough I hoped that I could see if Aubrey was there. Now, I shifted my weight so I could try from another angle and that's when the latch gave and without ceremony I fell right through the open window and half onto a couch below. The lower part of my body landed on the floor and I thanked god that I was in good shape because I sprang up and looked around, trying to decide what kind of situation I had tumbled into.

Chuck and his brothers turned around and stared, slack jawed at my entrance. None of them seemed to be able to grasp what had happened. I figured that the enormous amount of alcohol they had consumed made them slower to take it all in. Since Chuck was turned to me I could see beyond him to the ratty futon that was laying flat. Right in the middle of the mattress was my best friend. I clenched my fists when I noticed that her dress was pushed up and her underwear were pulled down. Chuck's pants were unbuttoned and hanging open but he hadn't gotten any farther.

"Get the fuck away from her," I screamed.

He jumped, his body waking from being caught almost violating another girl. I ran towards them, with no real plan other than to get to Aubrey and cover her up. I knew there was no way I could defend myself against all three of them but maybe if I made enough noise someone would notice and help us. It wasn't likely with the music playing upstairs and the lateness of the hour. No one was going to hear me, I decided.

When I reached Aubrey I felt a strange wetness running down my face. She looked so innocent passed out like that, just like I had seen her millions of times when I was too tired to go to my own bed after a movie marathon. Sleeping beside her gave me such a safe feeling. When my eyes went from her face to the odd angle of her legs, spread out like a posed doll, a growl rose from my throat and a tear dropped off my cheek to land on her leg.

How dare these boys think that they could take this from her. I quickly pulled her panties up and arranged her dress.

"Aubrey, wake up. Please, honey… just wake up." I made my way around the side of the futon to her head and put a hand on her face. Her head rolled to the side but she didn't stir. I looked up, meeting Chuck's eyes. "What the fuck did you do to her?"

He looked back at me, a glint of satisfaction in his eyes, like he was getting off on this. The taunting curve to his lip made me sick and furious at the same time. I didn't know whether I would throw up or scream, maybe both. This was the only time I thought projectile vomiting would be useful.

"I just gave her something to make her more accommodating."

He slurred the last word and leered at me, his eyes trailing from my face back to her body. When he looked up again, I could see the gross desire in them. He had just become more interested than afraid of being caught. He looked at each of the guys and then back at me. I knew that if I was going to get out of this in one piece, I was going to have to think of something quick.

I took my hand away from Aubrey's face and it brushed the rounded edge of something soft. Aubrey's purse, I vaguely remembered slipping it on when I discovered it there under her jacket. Then I remembered the pepper spray that was inside and the panic subsided ever so slightly. I began to form a plan, one that would make Aubrey proud. I walked around the end of the futon until I was as far away from Chuck and the other guys as I could possibly be. My hand rested on the purse and I kept it there, right outside the opening, waiting for my moment.

Chuck advanced on me and the other brothers took the hint. One came around the opposite side while the other followed Chuck. I slipped my hand into the purse and fiddled with the handle of the pepper spray can. I had to time this right to surprise them all. Once Chuck was in range and the guy behind him fanned out farther to the left, I lifted my hand out of the bag and aimed.

The spray hit its mark and the liquid went straight into Chuck's face. He immediately doubled over and started yelling. That's when I switched and sprayed at his friend. The last frat douche came up on my right and hand his hand around my left arm when I turned and got him directly in his open eyes. He tilted forward and I could feel the heat of his breath and the saliva as it flew from his mouth and onto my face.

He covered his eyes with his hands and staggered away. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and looked down at Chuck who was now crumpled at my feet, clawing at his eyes and trying to wipe away the pepper spray with his tee shirt. While they were disabled I rushed around and settled over Aubrey. My hand flew to her face and I smacked it a few times.

Her eyes slid open groggily and I nearly shouted with relief. "Come on, Bree, we need to get the hell out of here." She blinked up at me, confused but she didn't protest when I slid her legs off the futon and put her arm around my neck. I lifted her up the best I could and was happy that she didn't weigh all that much. I supported and half dragged her towards the steps. The hardest part was pulling her up little by little and hoping that none of the guys recovered in time to get to us.

I could hear Chuck shouting and the sound of hard rubber soles on concrete reached my ears. That's when I used all of my adrenaline given strength to pull Aubrey up the last few steps and to the door. I flung back the dead bolt and turned the knob with a quick motion. Aubrey supported both of us the best that she could while I pushed the door open. We kind of fell into the kitchen, right into the legs of the other party goers.

I looked up and smacked the leg of the nearest person. "Can you help us?" He stared down at me, bewildered but bend down and offered his hand anyway. "Thanks," I said as he helped pull me up. I turned and pulled on Aubrey's arm, waiting until the guy went around the other side of her to help me.

When we were both on our feet, I reached for the phone on the wall and dialed 911. The cops got there in five minutes and I made sure that it was the Atlanta police that I talked to not the campus cops. I was tired of the hypocrisy and I was not going to let these assholes get away with what they did to Aubrey or had almost done. I couldn't be sure how far things had really gone.

They took Aubrey to the hospital and I got to ride in the ambulance but when we got there I had to stop at the big double doors even though it felt like my heart went right through them and along with her to the back. That's when all of the life and energy drained from my body and I felt so heavy and dark. I couldn't imagine staying awake but I had to. I wouldn't rest until I knew she was okay.

An hour later someone shook me on the shoulder. I was staring at the TV in the waiting room, completely dazed. It was a nurse who came to tell me that I could go back now. My first thought when I saw her was that she looked peaceful again. Her face was blank and I could see an IV dripping away beside her. After her dad got there the doctors told us that her blood tests had come back positive for GHB.

My mind went back to times when we, as freshman girls, had been warned about date rape drugs and to be cautious about accepting drinks from others. I swallowed hard. I knew something had been wrong with her, whether it be just alcohol or something more. She had been drugged. Tears started to cloud my vision and I wrapped my arms around my torso. I felt so cold and so alone.

It took two days for her to recover enough to talk. When she woke up that morning I was laying with my head on the bed, my cheek resting on her hand. Something roused me from my deep sleep. It was her other hand on top of my head. She was stroking my hair.

My eyes shot open and I looked up. I was sure my face must look terrible. Little sleep, no food, and barely more than a quick shower was all I had managed thus far. Her hand fell away and I looked down at the one I had been resting on until she raised it and cupped my cheek.

"Thank you," she rasped, her voice not having been used in days.

My hand flew to hers as if to stop the words. I didn't deserve gratitude. If I had stuck by her side none of this would have happened. "I'm sorry," I muttered. I bit my lip and looked into her cloudy green eyes. She still wasn't quite all there.

"Why are you sorry?" She turned her hand and gripped mine, bringing them both down to the bed. "You saved me." She stopped speaking just long enough to take in a long breath. "I remember most of what happened after I passed out and part of what happened before." She gripped my hand hard and I looked up again. "You were brave and quick. If you hadn't gotten there… you saved me." She said the last part with even more emphasis.

I shook my head and dropped my eyes in shame. "If I had looked harder for you after you left none of this would have happened." I couldn't make myself look away from our joined hands. My happiness that she was okay was my only solace. They hadn't raped her. I had gotten there in time to prevent that but they had violated her with everything that came before and I would never forgive myself for not being there for her.

Her voice was stronger now, almost like she was critiquing my choreography or singing. My smile was small but it was there. My Aubrey was still intact. My Aubrey, that's what she was and I had been getting more comfortable with the idea. The feelings I had for her were more than I had let myself believe they were. I loved her, not just as a friend, but as something more than that.

"Are you kidding me?" She didn't actually expect an answer. "If I hadn't gotten jealous and run away like a child those… assholes wouldn't have been able to do this to me." The bitter bite to her words cut me but I hated that she blamed herself. It wasn't her fault it was theirs and I still felt like some of it was mine to bear.

"You saved me and I'll always be thankful." She released my hand and placed hers under my chin, raising it up. "When you were flirting with Jenny I got so angry, at myself and at you. It was just one more time that you didn't see me instead of someone else."

She leaned back until her head rested on the pillow again. "I could have just told you how I felt but I'm an idiot and I didn't want to ruin things, even though I did anyway."

I sat up straighter and reached out for her. "Ruin things? You didn't, I had no idea and I was the stupid one. You were the one all the time, right there in front of me. No one else was ever good enough and no one made me feel safe, like it could last. I was never comfortable with anyone else."

I couldn't go on because the words were beyond me. I couldn't say I love you yet. It was probably too soon and I knew if I went on that it would come out. My mouth was just too fast for my mind. Need to take this process at her pace outweighed my desire to get everything off my chest.

"Chloe, I've watched you date all these different people and I knew that you weren't ready. I wasn't even sure that you liked me that way but I was going to tell you how I felt someday and see if maybe we could be something. You're the only one I ever wanted. That's why I never really dated anyone else and even when I did I always watched you to see how you reacted."

It was a lot of information for us both and it was sad that the catalyst for our revelations was such a terrible cost.

"I'm okay," she said, catching on to my melancholy thoughts.

She was reading my mind again. I wanted her to be right but I knew that she couldn't be totally okay yet. "What happened," I asked. I wanted to know but at the same time I didn't want to put her through it all again. "If you can talk about it, I mean."

She sighed and her lips formed a grim line. "I was upset because I knew that Jenny liked you back." She paused to look into my eyes. "She told me as much after class last week. I just felt like this was going to be different because I knew how infatuated you were with her. I guess I was just tired of waiting so I got angry and I ran away."

I raised out of the chair and sat on the bed. I needed to be closer to her when she told the next part. Her fingers joined with mine.

"I got outside to the bar and the guys started making me drinks. I knew better than to take them but I was just so angry and sad and I wanted to not think anymore, to not feel so hurt. So, I drank them. Next thing I knew I was feeling weird, like I had drank a whole bottle of cough medicine with a vodka chaser." Her eyes squeezed shut. "It was the worst feeling ever. I had no control of my body and I couldn't manage to even yell."

I held my breath and waited for the next words and I knew my heart was going to seize and stop if I wasn't careful. Things had come so close to being so much worse than they turned out. If I hadn't gotten there in time I might have fallen in on Chuck in the middle. That thought stopped me cold again.

"I was just so sleepy and I tried to stay awake but they were pulling me away from the bar and into the house. I was stumbling around and I think they picked me up. I just remember feeling weightless and then there were stairs and something rough and fabricy."

She stopped again and I opened my eyes. This was the hard part and for her sake I was going to look her in the eye when she told it. She needed me to help her finish.

"Chucks hands were all over me and I tried to push him away but he was too strong and I was so out of it. He pushed my dress up and started to pull my underwear down. That's when I passed out."

I was breathing now. The air sounded like a hiss as it flew through my clenched teeth.

"Chloe," her voice was soft and it calmed me. Just a little, enough to snap me back to the present. I let my head fall to the bed.

"You saved me," she said again but I couldn't think about it that way. I could only register what I hadn't done not what I managed to accomplish.

"Don't cry," she said and tried to pull me up to her. "I love you," she whispered.

I shuttered and threw myself into her body, my arms reaching around her to cling as if she would disappear. She met me, her body open to mine, her nose warm in the hollow of my neck. "I… I love you too." I whispered back even quieter but I knew she heard because her arms tightened around me. Maybe we were both ready now.

It was a beginning born of near tragedy but when we went to court we were strong and together. I testified first and so I watched when she went, sitting right beside her parents. Her eyes found mine before and after. I drew strength from hers. She was amazing and even when the defense attorney tried to catch her up, she remained steadfast and got through it.

The conviction was satisfying but the smug look on Chuck's face when he was sentenced to time served and two years probation. It was infuriating and no one was angrier than Aubrey. She railed for hours afterward, ranting on and on about the judge and how this proved that the justice system was a political circus.

We are together. That is the important part. Fear of loss is one of the greatest motivators and I found that this fear was far greater than any fear of commitment that I had. Being with Aubrey is the best thing that ever happened to me. We are good for each other, even her very conservative dad sees that. This is why I am going to ask her to take the next step with me. Well, as soon as I can work up the courage.

That's a story for another day. Right now, I just want to enjoy the life we have and only use this memory as a way to remind myself that we come from a place of strength. That is what we took away from this and why we continue to help victims of violent crime through the non-profit Aubrey set up while she was attending law school.

You see, making a positive out of a negative is the Posen way and since I'm now part of the family I am happy to live up to that standard. Just as long as we take a little time to appreciate what life has given us, I think we will be okay.