An attempt at some sort of like.. ambiguous, double-shipping thing. Hilariously clear which one the fic favours, though. It's shockingly off-character, jumps around with mood... no wonder I abandoned it. Never completely deleted it for some reason though, which is why I find myself hastily wrapping it up now and reducing the quality of the internet yet again. I was all set for exactly 10 chapters on this stupid anthology, too. There is literally nothing redeeming about the existence of this piece.
Oh well, I did say my mission statement was to store all my past work even if it shames me, so why the heck not the most shameful of all. At least I feel like this final burst of writing marginally improved the whole thing. I think you can tell exactly where I just worked on it, lmao.
(Hahaha oh god the first line is horrifyingly relevant to my life right now. Literally exactly what I said to a guy recently. Mutual romantic feelings from me were not involved. Not fun.)
Written 2009-2010, age 14-15. And now! That's June 2012.
/-/-
Homestar was rolling around in the grass when Strong Bad walked up to him, saying, "we need to talk."
"Ooh, the Stwo' Bwo's looking for a chit-chat with moi?" Homestar sat up to look at his company, shaking green tufts off his clothing and skin. "This is new! A pleasantly surpwising happenstance, if you will."
"If you don't shut up and listen I'll punch a hole in your head," Strong Bad growled, and Homestar shut up. "I don't even know why I came to you instead of... someone else."
The masked man dropped down next to Homestar, glaring at the soft blades of grass beneath them. Homestar wasn't sure whether to say something, since he'd been told not to say anything. Nevertheless, it was clear the conversation wouldn't go anywhere without a little prompting, and he decided to take his chances. "What's up, then?"
"It's your stupid girlfriend," he said. This was not at all what Homestar was expecting.
"... What? What about her?"
"It's great how you don't even bother to correct the 'stupid' part," Strong Bad snorted, looking up. "Just... dump her, okay? For reals, this time."
"I'd never do that!" Homestar cried, staring at him with shock. "She may be a wishy-washy, flippy-floppy ugly bwoom thing, but she's my girl and I'm loyal to her."
"Loyal's probably the opposite of what she is," he responded, irritated. "Look, I doubt what I am saying will register in your thought processes, but she only goes out with you because you're the easiest to lead along. And when she feels like taking a break, she dumps you, then picks you up again a week later. It's... infuriating."
"And why's this even matter to you?" the white creature asked, huffing even if he hadn't quite registered everything in his thought processes. "If you ask me it ain't done anybody any harm."
"That's exactly it!" Strong Bad hissed, falling backwards onto the field. He crossed his arms, eyeing the sky with some sort of unbridled fury. "It's doing you - I mean me - I mean... everybody else... harm, since they are always... wanting to go out with her. I want you to completely dump her so she goes out with someone else, and then one less person is whining to me about their love issues."
"Got a point there, Stwong Bad. The other boys go on about her all the time, don't they?" Homestar frowned, pondering the issue for a moment; suddenly, a thought came to him, and his expression shifted into a sneaky grin. "But... not as much as you are, you know...?"
"What - what are you implying?" For the first time during the whole conversation, Strong Bad looked straight at Homestar, face scrunched up in horror. "She's hideous!"
"Or are you just saying that?" Homestar smirked, leaning closer. "Come on, I know you're hiding something..."
"NO. Dear god just no. I'm not hiding - anything to do with her." Strong Bad tensed up as Homestar started nudging him, looking away as best as he could. "Seriously, if I - if I knew that was the direction this talk would go in, it would not have happened at all."
"Aww, it's okay, Hot Pants. I know everybody's trying to get with Marzi! It's nothing new," he sung in response. "And hey, I appweciate the headsup, but we're too sweet for each other to let our little, incwedibly fwequent spats get in the way. We will pwevail! Love will always win!" Homestar jumped up and yodelled the final line into the distance. It just seemed like the sort of line that needed yodelling.
"... Never call me Hot Pants again," was the first reply. Mumbled, not extremely forceful. So Homestar shrugged.
"Sure thing, Tight Pants."
"T-tight - I - Homestar!" Strong Bad suddenly yelped, throwing Homestar offguard. Geez, did he dislike tight pants that much? "I am sick of your romantic flip-flopping! Either completely be with her, or the two of you should both free yourselves up!" There seemed to be a moment's pause in time, in which Strong Bad's face shifted from upset to outright horrified. "Wait, no -"
"A confession!" Homestar crowed, pirouetting on the spot. "Come on, Sultwy Boy, it was too obvious all along. But that's not how you should deal with your in-fat-u-a-tions, yo." He dropped right next to Strong Bad again, pulling him into the most comforting bear hug he could. "You gotta tell 'em up fwont! Otherwise it curdles in you, and you get sullen, and sad, like you - are - right - now." And suddenly, struck by some strange, subconscious thinking, he whispered his last words right in Strong Bad's ear. "You know, I wouldn't mind at all."
Homestar patted the wrestler on the back one last time - the stunned man choked with the force, like a ripple from a shockwave - and with that he jumped up to leave. "Well, ta-ta! Whenever you're ready!" The wind blew against him, spinning the little propeller on his cap, as he sprinted down the hill and left Strong Bad to himself. If he had turned to look, he would have seen his friend simply staring, not moving an inch from the grassy slope.
