"MA!" I hear my son screeching from his car seat. He absolutely despises being in that chair for more than 10 minutes. But life's rough kid, you gotta deal. I hear his zippy cup drop to the floor and prepare myself for his tantrum to begin. We've been in this car for 20 minutes longer than we needed to because of that accident on the highway. Though, I can't really complain, he's been good for majority of the ride.
"Caleb" I say in a sing-song type voice. "Want to listen to the Wiggles?!" I ask ecstatically. The Wiggles, every mother's dream come true. Four men singing ridiculous songs that magically calm down any toddler, no matter how severe the screaming. I take his silence as a yes and find his own personal playlist on my iPod. Spoiled little thing. I tap my fingers to the beat of the song and find myself laughing at..well, myself. I'm starting to think I like this song more than he does. "Dorothy the Dinosaur. Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp!" I sing along.
The bluetooth cuts off and the blaring of the ringing cellphone echoes through my SUV. I quickly glance at my screen to read the incoming call name, AJ. "What do you want pain in the ass?" I ask jokingly as soon as we're connected. "Where are you? You said you were almost here 10 minutes ago" I bite on my bottom lip to hold back a giggle, I always do this to her. "I'm literally almost there" I answer as a giggle escapes. "I see the restaurant, I'm down the road a little" She lets out an exaggerated sigh, "hurry up, I want to see my godson!" she responds trying to be angry and hanging up. Who was she kidding?
Within a few moments, Caleb and I are pulling into the parking of the local food spot. I don't like this part of town, I always found the people here so arrogant. I hop out, and quickly unbuckle Caleb out of his car seat. He lets out a relieved sigh into my ear as he wraps his arms around my neck. Just like his father, a drama queen when he doesn't get his way. I duck in with him glued to me still and grab my purse slash baby bag. More Caleb's baby bag then anything else, of course.
"FINALLY!" I hear a familiar voice yell from in front of the restaurant. I laugh as I turn to see AJ with her hands on her petite hips, tapping her converse on the ground jokingly. She runs over and hugs us tightly. "You are fucking glowing!" she beams. I guess, I put a little too much bronzer on.
"Shouldn't you be inside holding the table small fry?"
"Punk's holding it" she states catching me completely off guard. She yanks Caleb from my arm and begins to shower his face in kisses. Punk's here? This was supposed to be a girl's lunch. "I thought it was just supposed to be us" I ask as I slowly follow her inside. She spins around immediately, "well, you know, he was laying next to me when you sent me the text and we read it together and I just figured you needed like a guy's point of view too" she responded sheepishly, seeing my wide eyes looking back at her.
A guy's point of view? A guy's point of view for what, how to handle an infuriated man when he finds out I slept with his best friend?! I'm pretty sure I don't need a point of view to tell me I fucked up. I'm so mad at her right now, how could she do this to me?! He read the text messages with her?! UGH. I can't believe she didn't tell me this before. Over the past few weeks, Punk and Dean have worked so close together! I could kill her.
She leads me to the table and immediately feel judged and completely out of my comfort zone. I mean, serves me right, I guess, but really?! I just feel bombarded and unprepared for this. "Anyone else coming I should know about? Dean? Roman, maybe?" I snap. Now, I'm not the only one sitting awkwardly at the table. Punk looks like he wants to crawl in a hole and AJ, well, she just realized her mistake. I'm never this bitchy, but I really just can't understand why she would do this to me. She's probably still mad at me for leaving Randy at the altar but whatever, it's my life not hers. The waitress comes over for our orders, and deflects the argument that could have been started.
"So.." AJ begins once the waitress takes off. "How's mommy life?" she asks with faded smile.
I look over at Caleb, who laughs almost on cue at AJ's failed attempt to tread lightly. "Even Caleb knows how full of shit you are" I say with a laugh, as I place my chin in the palm of my hand with my elbow propped on the table. "It's ..ok" I say with a shrug. I'm not sure how to answer the question. Was this her gateway into getting me to talk about Roman? "Caleb's great, that's all I could really ask for"
I watch Punk sit up at the table and interlock his hands, "Let's cut the shit and spill how the hell you managed to get caught into the predicament you're in"
Well, there goes treading lightly. I take a deep breath and try to think of an explanation, the table is quiet and eyes are intently fixed on me. "I really don't know" I shrug, staring back at these two judging eyes. You fuckers. "So you just slept with him?" AJ whispers inquiringly. I grab a strand of my hair and twirl it in between my fingers, "No!" I answer displeased and shake my head in aggravation. "Dean had been gone for a while…" I begin. "I had gotten into that fight with him and just was like a mother by day and a dirty stay out by night. One night the drinks just happened to get to me and… Roman was there, just like he has been, for the past however many months that he stayed with Caleb and myself"
"Stayed because Dean asked him to" Punk pipes up, and it feels like a dagger was just put through my heart. "to watch over you and Caleb" I forgot I was sitting with Dean's number one fangirl. No matter what I say about my situation with Dean, Punk would find a way to make me feel worse than I already was feeling. "to make sure nothing like this would ever happen."
"I know" I answer quietly. "It's not like I don't feel guilty" I tell him. I feel as though there's an elephant sitting on my chest. "Punk, don't tell him" I blurt.
He shrugs and keeps his gaze on AJ. He can't even look at me, welcome to my world Punk, I haven't been able to look in the mirror since that night.
"Do you plan on telling him?" AJ asked.
"Yeah, I want to. I want to every single time he calls or visits. Or like today, I want to tell him. It never comes out, it's always like I distract myself and think of how much damage it'll be to our family-"
"Your just selfish" Punk cuts me off. I don't even have a response, he's right.
"Babe!" AJ scolds, she turns and places her hand on top of mine.
"No, he's right. I just, I don't know, I'm selfish." I shrug, I feel like that's all I do lately. "I always say I'm going to tell him and then .. well, like today this is our first time seeing him in two weeks. The time before I wanted to tell him, he had just returned from the European tour. The only other time I saw him was when he came home for the first time right after it happened." My hands are trembling and I can't seem to make them stop. I'm even tired of my stupid excuses.
She nods. The table falls quiet and I see AJ giving Punk this look as if to cut the shit. I don't blame him. I'm gross. When Dean finds out, dear god, the murders that will occur.
The food comes a few moments later but the same silence stays among the table, except for Caleb's babbling with his toys. I try to think of something to say to lighten the mood or just divert the conversation but I got nothing. I just sit there wallowing in my guilt, Punk can barely look in my direction and AJ is just trying to keep the peace.
"So… your going to come tonight though right?" AJ asks when we're done paying the bill. She helps me gather Caleb's things and we head outside to the parking lot.
"Yeah, I'm going now, he was practically begging us to come" I answer. I could hear Punk scoff at my comment, I'm sure it was to the fact that Dean had to beg me to come.
I watch AJ give him a look of death. "Well, I'm happy your coming" she smiles at me. "We're going to take in a bit more scenery around the town. We'll see you two in a bit" she replies, dragging Punk to their car. He's definitely getting an ear full when they get in that car.
"There's my big boy!" Dean laughs, as I place Caleb down and let him run full speed towards his dad. I silently pray he doesn't wipe out on the way to him and when he makes it to his arms I let out a sigh of relief. "I missed you so much, you know that?" Dean's telling our son and I can't help but smile. He looks over at me and smirks, slowly making his way over. That smirk, Jeez, he could impregnate millions. "What's up, gorgeous?" he greets, pulling me in roughly and kissing me hard. I push him off me lightly, I suddenly feel so nauseous.
"You okay, babe?" he asks with slight concern on his face.
I nod. "Yeah" What am I suppose to say the guilt of me fucking your best friend make me physically ill when I lock lips with you? However, it could have been the food from earlier, something tasted off. I think.
"You look exhausted" he pouts, placing a few strands of hair behind my ear and kissing my forehead. He can't keep his hands off me, and Punk's words from earlier in the day, just keep replaying in my mind.
"I am, I'm really just so tired" I reply. I wasn't lying, even though I did sleep in late this morning, I felt this feeling of exhaustion all day. "It must've been the traffic we sat in heading to see aunty AJ" I say as I tickle Caleb a bit.
"You don't have to stay the whole show, just for a bit" Dean says sympathetically.
"No, we're going to stay. I miss everyone, I want to catch up a bit" I tell him, lightly running my nails through his hair to adjust it. I run them down his jaw line. "Growing in a little fuzz, huh?"
He chuckles, "Yeah, you like it?"
"I'll get use to it" I reply, kissing him. I missed his kisses. Ever since that dinner, it's like we're brand new.
"People are in catering, go ahead go say hi and gossip, or whatever you broads do" he smirks, nudging me in the direction. "I'll take Caleb to go see the Steph and Hunter" I nod and take off towards catering.
I never miss this place until I come back and see everyone in ring gear and the Divas all dolled up. Don't get me wrong being a mom is the best gift I could've ever been given, but there are times I wish I was still on the road and performing every night. I plop down with some of the girls and take in all the stories and drama that have gone on since I've left. Doesn't sound much different from the shit they complained about while I was here. I guess somethings never change.
I watch cater thin out slowly but surely and realize Caleb and Dean haven't come back to get me. God only knows what he's doing with Caleb. He probably has him running across the ring. I need to find them ASAP. I grab a water and quickly head out to find them. I was right, he had him in the ring tossing him around and play fighting. "Be careful with baby!" I shout as I walk towards them. I grab the ropes when I arrive at the ring and climb on to the mat. The ropes still feel as unforgiving as they were all the years I was tossed into them. I follow the pattern with my finger and look around the empty arena.
"Miss it?" Dean asks knocking me out of my daze. I shrug and watch Caleb run full speed into Dean's legs. "Watch out, buddy" Dean smiles down at him, and then turns his attention back to me. "Come back, you know you miss it. We'll be on the road together. We won't have to spend any time apart" he coos with his hand over mine.
"Yeah? And what will we do with Caleb?" I laugh.
"He'll just come along. Grow up in the business. You know he'd love it" He responds. He's really serious about this.
For a moment, I actually consider it. I look down at Caleb sitting by his feet and I shake my head. "Dean, this isn't the life I want Caleb to have. It's no way to like have our family all the time."
"You miss it. I know you do. You're just being stubborn" He chuckles, kissing my forehead. "It's fine, I respect it… for now" he plants a few short kisses on my lips, before pulling me in for a long one.
"Hey! Make out session is over" I hear Punk call out as he comes down to the ring, with Roman in toe. My heart feels like it just fell into the pit of my stomach. I feel trapped, there's like nowhere to look except for Caleb. It's been a little less than a month since I've seen Roman.
"I'm just tired and I don't feel well" I respond, trying to shake it off.
His eyes are boring into mine. "You sure? Nothing else? You're not nervous or hiding something?" he counters. He chuckles as if to make it a joke but I know he's serious. I could rip his throat out right now and then go after that best friend of mine.
"Never my girl" Dean responds for me. His words make me cringe. Never my girl, god, if he only knew "She's alright. She just misses being in the arena is all" he finishes.
For a split second I make eye contact with Roman. His jaw's clenched and I could tell he's nervous. His eyes go from Dean, to myself and then to Punk. He can't seem to look at anyone either. Did Punk tell him he knew? No way. He better not have, that's not his place! "I'll walk you to the back, I'll carry Caleb" he finally speaks. I think he shocks himself as well. "I'll let Dean and Punk go about the match and shit" he's staring at Dean as if he's waiting for an approval.
"That's fine with me, dude" Dean answers nonchalantly. Lifting Caleb over the top rope and handing him to Roman. "Be a good guy for mommy, Caleb" he reminds him with a stern voice. Caleb laughs, poor thing has no idea what his father's talking about. "He's probably the only person who doesn't find me intimidating at all" he explains to Punk as we begin to walk away.
The walk to the back is silent and completely awkward. What do I say to him? I'm sure he's probably thinking the same thing. I have to say something. "So, how's the knee?" How's the knee? I'm pretty sure it's just fine since he's back in the ring now.
"It's doing..alright" he answers, awkwardly trying to hand Caleb over to me. It's like he's trying to figure out a way in which he could hand over Caleb with little to no body contact. A little too late for that, bud.
"There you are!" AJ shouts, her eyes are practically bulging out of her head. What is her problem?
"Alright, I'll catch up to you later. Have fun tonight" Roman says and quickly takes off.
"What are you doing alone with him?!" AJ whispers with an extremely disapproving look.
"What?" I asked puzzled. "He helped me carry Caleb to the back because I wasn't feeling well, you moron"
"Oh.." She responds. Did she really think I would do something again?! She lifts up Caleb and starts talking quietly into his ear.
"What bullshit are you talking into his ear?" I laugh, playing taking Caleb away from her.
"Just telling him to get ready.." She smirks. I have no idea if she's attempting to use me to get into character or what but that smirk gives me the creeps.
"Get ready for what, freak?"
She shrugs and starts skipping off towards hair and make up. "I left something for you in my bag. Go use it and I'll catch up with you later!" she yells.
Caleb and I look at each other. "Maybe, just maybe, I made a mistake making her your god mother, Caleb" I joke. He grabs a strand of my hair and tugs at it while laughing. "Let's go see what your aunty left in the room for us." I place him down and let him grab on to my index finger as we slowly make our way past the familiar faces and head into AJ's room.
I paced back and forth in the locker room while Caleb played with the action figures Stephanie and Hunter had given him earlier in the evening. I hate waiting, it makes me anxious. The only way I feel any type of relief is to just keep in motion. I'm taking deep breaths and that seems to be calming me as well, but I'm getting light-headed. "Just calm down, Kaitlyn" I say aloud. I could hear Dean coming, he's so obnoxious after his matches. He stays fired up for hours following live shows. "Maybe I should tell him now? No, maybe not"
He bursts threw the door causing myself and Caleb to jump. "The fucking loves of my life!" he shouts.
I stop dead in my tracks and shake my head. "Watch your mouth" I laugh.
"I know, I'm sorry" he apologizes, kissing the top of Caleb's head. "I'm gonna shower real quick and we'll just get home, alright?" He says with a smirk and a wink. I know what he's getting at. I roll my eyes and watch him head into the showers. I can't stop fidgeting at all.
"Kaitlyn…." he calls in a serious tone.
"Y-yeah?" I answer, my voice a few octaves higher than usual. My stomach is doing flips and I want to vomit.
I watch him come out of the back room with my pregnancy test in his hand. He holds it up as if to read it again and looks back at me shocked. "Two lines is yes" he states.I nod trying to contain the happiness that is about to explode out of me. "This is yours right?"
I nod and can't help but laugh. "Yeah!"
He runs over and lifts me up kissing me and squeezing me so tight. He's so happy, he can't even contain his emotions. "I fucking love you so much" he says over and over into my ear. I could hear him sniffling, and it hurts my heart. My guilt is taking over, what should be, the second happiest moment in my life. He pulls away to look at me and wipes the tears that are trickling down my cheeks. "I'm so fucking in love with you. I can't wait to have another little fucker running around and I'm happy it's with you" I laugh through the tears that continue to flow, knowing that he means that in the best way possible. "Did you tell anyone?" he asks.
"No, just you know and well Caleb" I force a smile. "Oh, and AJ, cause she had this weird feeling I was and left me the pregnancy test. But let's not say anything, until I go to the doctors, okay?"
He throws his head back. "Come on! Just Roman and Seth" he says with his big blue eyes.
I drop my head defeated, "Alright.. alright, fine"
"And Punk, got to tell Punk!" He says running out with Caleb, leaving me in the room alone. Ugh, it makes me so uncomfortable that they're so close. I follow him into the hallway and watch him look for the three guys.
"Sooooooo?" AJ says, sneaking up from behind. "Was I right, or was I right?"
"You were right" I laugh, as she attacks me the tightest of hugs. "I made an appointment for the doctors, just to be 100%"
"Oh, please! Someone sneezes on you and your pregnant" AJ says shaking her head. She quickly looks around, looking to see if anyone is around us. "So when do you find out?" she whispers.
"I just told you" I chuckle, "tomorrow, I go to the doctors to find out for sure" Was she not listening to me? Her attention span gets shorter and shorter every time we're together.
"No, not that" she snaps, offended. I look at her waiting to continue on. "When do you get to like see who is the for sure father?"
I scoff, "what the fuck are you talking about?" I stare at her trying to figure out if she's trying to play a sick joke or not, but she stays humorless.
"Kaitlyn, you literally slept with both of them with little to no time apart. That could be Roman's too, I mean you did take that into consideration too right?"
I honestly never even thought about Roman. I did sleep with Dean that night after dinner, too many glasses of wine had me inviting him into my bed. That night with Roman, I was so drunk I don't even remember if he wore a condom. Oh my god. My vision goes blurry, and her voice sounds farther and farther away. Everything around me goes silent and black.
sorry for the lack of updates! I'm going to try my bestest to update this really really soon! lol =/
umm , yes .. reviews are great. && I started a new fic The Dance, check it out (I know, I know - I had no business starting a new one but whatever)
xoxo Dee
