Hey guys sorry this took so long. Life got in the way. In the meantime if you are looking for another amazing(assuming you think this story is amazing) story. Seriously go check out 'Armed and Dangerous' By Celeste. . It's actually written by three great authors. Celeste. , SheWhoTangles and LittleLizzieZentara (My Beta). They are three of my fantastic friends and have been a great support system for me over this past year. So please support people, who support me and check out their awesome story. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


A is for Always

By

Natalie Elizabeth

Chapter 7

Beckett walked into the main area of the cabin. Their early dinner had gone quite well. The cabin didn't have a gourmet kitchen yet she was still able to whip up a nice meal of pasta and salad. Once she realised she would be leaving tomorrow she had taken out all the fresh ingredients from the fridge. Carrots, mushrooms and onions had gone into both the salad and the pasta sauce. The cabin was always filled with dry ingredients like rice, pasta and flour, as well as canned goods like tomato sauce, beans, and corn. She had offered to make dessert but Castle refused. He had barley let her stand at the stove cooking. Castle's coddling was getting on her nerves but she allowed it to continue for now. It was sweet and endearing and she realised something he needed to do. So she had allowed him to help with dinner, which then led to her helping him with a band aid.

Once dinner was over he had offered to do the dishes and she was more than happy to leave him with that task. She was leaving the cabin the next morning and she had to finalise a few things. For Castle's sake she planned on not coming back. At least, not for healing purposes. If she came back it would be for relaxation or a break. She wouldn't be coming back alone. Not now, not ever!

There weren't a lot of personal items to pack. A few items of clothes, toiletries and her books. Her books that Castle was currently packing into some boxes he must have found under the sink.

"Can I help you with something Castle?"

He looked up from his task. "I just thought I'd help. I didn't think you would want to leave these behind."

She didn't. But one thing bothered her as she looked over the room.

"Where are all my notes?" she asked slightly alarmed.

"Oh don't worry they are safe." Castle held up a black plastic folder.

Beckett walked over to him and snatched the folder out of his hand. "Where did this come from?"

Beckett flicked through the folder and saw pages and pages of her writing.

"It's mine."

As he said the words Beckett turned a page and saw Castle's own hand writing.

"What is this?" she asked confused. She hadn't taken that long. Surely Castle hadn't been writing this whole time.

"It's my story ideas book. I always take it with me in my travel 'Go bag'."

Beckett smiled. "You have a travel go bag. Like you're a spy or something."

Castle got up from the floor. "Hey do you know how many times I went on a trip and forgot my underwear."

Beckett laughed. "Because they don't have underwear where you travel to."

Castle looked at her shocked. "I am very peculiar about my underwear."

Beckett smiled. "You're peculiar, that's for sure. So shouldn't your go bag have things in there like a phone charger?"

"Yes but only a wall charger not a car one. I have my phone set up in the other room charging."

The other room. As in not her bed room. Although they had shared a few kisses during dinner preparation he had been treating her as if she were fine china. It now seemed as if he was going to continue that same treatment by staying in the cabin's other bedroom.

"So why put my psychotic notes in with your story ideas?"

"They are not psychotic," he told her as he took the folder out if her hands and held it to his chest dramatically. "You have a lot of good points. I am not writing Storm anymore but you raised issues that I can learn from."

"You read my notes?" Beckett asked shocked. She hadn't really meant for them to be read. It was just ideas and musing that she needed to get out.

"Just skimmed over a few pages. I can't wait to get home and go over them with the books. Read the sections you were referring to and see where I went wrong. Or what made you suggest what you did."

Beckett gasped. "You're going to go over them again?"

Castle frowned at her. "Well, yeah." he looked down at the folder in his hands then back up at her. "I mean if that's ok with you, that is? If it's not..." Castle held the folder out to her.

Beckett looked at the folder. It was her thoughts and ideas about his books. He had put it safely with his own story ideas. He was going to use her ideas as a form of research to be a better writer. It was one thing for him to follow her around and use her work life to base books on. The pages within the folder contained her personal and private feelings about his books. Even at times her psychotic rants about random things in his books.

"You have no idea how interesting and refreshing it was to read," he told her. "I read reviews about my stories from professionals and fans but this was different. You picked it apart and analysed it. You asked questions and pondered theories. It makes me want to go back and re read my own work. To see what you got so excited or agitated about?"

Beckett could see the joy in his face. The point of the notes was to help her but maybe they could help Castle too.

"You can read them. If you think it will help."

Castle smiled at her. "Oh you're so going to regret that. I am already thinking of sitting down and picking your brain about a few of the things you mentioned. I've never had anyone I could do this with before. I mean I discuss scenes and things with Alexis but not like this. This is different. Most people just placate me, or tell me I have to change it because they are my publisher and they know best. You will tell me the truth and argue your point and give me evidence to back up your theories. That is, if you want to. "

Beckett smiled back at him. "I'd like that. It's the same for me, to. I tried to join a book club but with my schedule it just wasn't possible. It would be nice to discuss your books with someone."

Their eyes locked and Beckett wished she could capture this moment.

"Just so you know. Nikki's middle name isn't 'In'."

Beckett couldn't help but laugh. She had written down random thoughts while reading. Being called Nikki Heat was bad enough but if she had a terrible middle name, it was all over.

Beckett nodded. "Ok so it's not 'In'. It had better not be Annmarie, Amalia, Abby, Adele, Ali or any other name starting with 'A'."

"You don't like names starting with A?" he asked confused.

Beckett shook her head. "Not for Nikki. Otherwise her initials would spell NAH."

Castle laughed. "I didn't think of that."

"I swear some parents need to be jailed for the names they give their kids. It's the first most important decision you make for your child and so many people mess it up. Look at you, you changed your name."

Castle shrugged as he placed the folder in his hands on the couch. "That's because I wanted to be a writer not a superhero." He placed his hands on his hips and stood up straight. "It's Ricky Rogers to the rescue."

Beckett laughed as images of a little Castle flooded her mind. "I bet you loved it as a kid though."

Castle nodded giving her a big toothy grin.

"My friend's installs spelt NED. She hated it. Natasha Eve Diano. Some of the guys used to call her Ned Flanders."

"Do you know why I called my character Nikki?" Castle asked her.

The name Nikki Heat had plagued her. It wasn't a cop name.

"That was the name of your favourite stripper?"

Castle shook head and laughed. "No. I do put a lot of thought in my names. I think of the type of person they are. I write down words to describe them, then go onto baby name websites and type in those words. It shoots out a whole list of names that have that meaning. You're lucky I picked Nikki. I could have named her Eunice Heat, it has the same meaning."

Beckett frowned. She honestly thought he got the name off some bimbo he had once been with. To hear that he had taken time and researched the name surprised her.

"What does Nikki mean?"

"Victory of the people. Victorious. Triumphant. Each site and book has a different version."

"Victory of the people?" she asked shocked.

"Yeah. You fight for the victims and most often you win. I wanted a name that said that."

Beckett smiled. Wow. "And here I thought you wanted her name to sound a little slutty."

Castle gave her a cheeky grin. "I did that's why I named her Nikki instead of Nicole. Makes it sound hotter."

Beckett lightly swiped at his arm then covered her mouth when a yawn escaped.

"First my stomach grumbles then I am yawning in your presence. Some host I make."

"Why don't you go to bed? It's been an emotionally tiring day."

It had been. "I normally get up early but end up taking a nap during the day and then stay up late. I was about to go down for a nap when you turned up."

The guilty look returned on Castle's face. "So you're due for sleep, then. I wanted to leave early anyway. If you are cautious about going back to the city then I wanted to ease you into it. Make sure you are settled at my home before I left you to go off with your Dad."

Beckett smiled. Castle always the man thinking of others. He had wanted her to return the city, he had been adamant about it. He also knew how hard it was for her and was willing to ease that worry.

"Ok I'll shower first and then I'll try and sleep."

Castle nodded at her. "Ok I'll just finish tidying up out here and then maybe I'll go to bed to."

"This early?" she asked surprised.

Castle shrugged. "I didn't get much sleep last night. I was worried about today. I can always read your notes or play with my phone if I can't sleep."

Beckett nodded at him. "Ok. Can you deal with everything out here?"

Castle smiled at her so she left locking up for the night with him.

Beckett walked off towards the small bathroom. It wasn't much more than a basin and a small shower cubicle. Castle's coat closet in his home, was bigger than the small confined space she had just entered. Closing the door Beckett began the tedious task of getting undressed. Taking off her shorts and underwear was no problem; it was her t shirt that was the issue. Lifting her left arm pulled on her healing wound so taking off her top the normal way wasn't possible. One handed she leaned forward and pulled at the fabric and after a lot of straining she eventually discarded her top. Looking in the mirror Beckett shook her head and the bird's nest that was on top of her head.

That was the one issue with her injury. Most things she was now capable of doing. Thanks to rest and some light strength training most day to day issues weren't a problem. Except when it came to her hair. Washing it one handed was possible but eventually became way to tiring for her. Forget trying to tie it back, a ratty plait was all she was capable of on a good day. Now that she was returning to New York she couldn't get away with washing her hair once a week. It needed to be done and it needed to be done now. Taking off the rest of her clothes Beckett grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself. Taking a deep breath Beckett reached her hand out to the door handle. She could do this, it was easy. All she had to do was turn the handle and walk through the door way. Castle loved her and wanted to help. He had wanted to help her and she had pushed him away. Now it was the time to be the bigger person.

Opening the door, Beckett took one tentative step out.

"Castle?"

"Yeah?"

Beckett took a deep breath. "Rick I need your help."

She heard his footsteps and then suddenly he was appearing before her. Her took one look at her then immediately tried to avert his eyes elsewhere.

"Oh, Kate I am sorry. I thought you wanted me to come here."

Beckett smiled at Castle's obvious discomfort.

"I do. I need help with this mess." Beckett pointed at her head.

Castle looked at her head and she had to give him credit, he really did try not to laugh.

"Sure what do you need?"

"Can you help me wash my hair?"

Castle looked at her surprised. "Ahh yeah. How can I help?"

Beckett took a deep breath. "Join me in the shower."

Eyes widening, Castle gasped. "The shower?"

Biting her lip, Beckett nodded. "It's to tiring for me to do it on my own. The sink is too small and I don't have one of those attachment hose thingies.

"You want me to have a shower with you," Castle asked shocked.

Beckett nodded.

Castle frowned at her. "Couldn't we just brush it?"

Beckett smiled. His nervousness was endearing. "It has to get washed sometime. If not today, then tomorrow. I thought that was why I was staying with you. So you could help me."

"Oh it is," he told her. Looking her up and down Castle took a deep breath. "Umm ok, you go in and get..." He waved his hand in front of her body. "Get started with everything else. I'll be in... in a second."

Beckett turned around and entered the bathroom as Castle walked off. She dropped her towel and made her way over to the shower when she caught her reflection in the wall mirror. She glanced at her body and gaped in shock. It had been awhile since she had done any landscaping. Rushing to the shower she turned it on and climbed in before the water even had a chance to warm up. Grabbing the bar of soap she quickly created a lather before grabbing her razor and set to work creating a firebreak. This would be the first time he saw her naked unless he had peaked when her apartment had blown up. She wanted to look her best which wasn't going to be easy considering she hadn't been taking good care of herself. The best she could do was maintain the shrubbery and be thankful she had lost her appetite and hadn't been stuffing her face with chocolate. Beckett had just finished admiring her handy work when she heard the door open. The shower was small and only had a plastic curtain so Beckett moved as close to the taps had as possible to allow Castle room behind her. The plastic rings screeched as the curtain was pulled back and soon the small shower became even smaller.

Beckett nervously turned around and looked at the man that was in the shower with her.

"Hey."

"Hey," he repeated back.

Beckett looked over his naked chest, lightly sprinkled with hair. He was a lot more muscular then she ever realised. She tried to keep her eyes focused on his upper body but something down below caught her attention. Beckett tilted her head down and her eyes widened at what she saw.

"Castle," she struggled to get out. She looked up at him for explanation but he had none for her.

"Castle," she said again returning her eyes to his groin area. "Why are you still wearing your underwear?"

"I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."

Beckett laughed. "Yet I am the one who is naked."

"I don't have any other clothes apart from underwear," he told her. "My go bag contains underwear, toiletries, my folder, charger, pens and paper. I didn't think I would need clothes but I grabbed my go bag just in case."

Beckett frowned. "And you're telling me this why?"

Castle sighed. "I don't have any other clothes to wear otherwise I would have worn my clothes in the shower."

Beckett smiled. Castle was trying to be respectful.

"Rick, if I wasn't comfortable with being naked in the shower with you then you wouldn't be here. You have to know how hard it was for me to ask for help."

He regarded her for a few seconds before nodding at her.

When Beckett reached her hand to his waist band his hands shot out to stop her.

"I'll do it," he told her. "Why don't you wet your hair. The sooner your hair is washed, the sooner I can get out of here."

Beckett ran her hands up his chest and cupped his face. "Or you could stay in here longer."

Castle withdrew her hands and then turned her body around. "We need to get to sleep."

Sleep! Here she was naked and wet in a shower and Castle was thinking about sleep. He hadn't wanted to kiss her earlier because they needed to talk. So they talked, and talked and talked. Now she was done with talking. Their feelings had been aired and a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Now all she wanted to do was wrap him in her arms and show him how much she cared for him. Yet he was turning her away from him. Beckett looked down at her chest and saw the angry red mark on her body. Maybe he didn't want to look at her wound. She didn't blame him, it was sickening. Puckered skin, all red and wrinkly. The scar would get better and she was using the cream the Lanie had given her at the hospital. In the meantime she would give him time, cover her scar and hope for the best.

"Kate, are you ok?"

She nodded. She wasn't but she would be.

"Yeah, let's get this over with." Beckett grabbed her shampoo and handed it to Castle.

She closed her eyes and allowed his fingers to roam over her scalp. It wasn't the kind of contact she wanted but she would take it for now.

The shower was over all to quickly and before Beckett knew it she was tucked up in bed and the sun was barely down.

"Don't I even get a kiss," Beckett asked as Castle arranged the covers over her.

"One," he told her as he leant forward and placed a quick peck to her lips. "Get some sleep. It's been a hard day and I know tomorrow won't be easy for you either. Now sleep," he ordered.

Beckett sighed he was right. She did feel exhausted both physically and mentally. Tomorrow she would be heading back to the city. It scared her but she was doing it for Castle but also for her to. She needed to go back to the city that had caused her to run. It was hard for her to go back but she would have Castle by her side. He would be there supporting her through the hard stuff.


Beckett sat up in bed gasping. She grabbed at her side as searing pain shot through her. Hunching over she held her side for a few seconds. She knew better than to jolt her body. Why had she sat up so quickly? Taking a few deep breaths Beckett tried to think if she had been dreaming. Her sleeping pattern had been off recently due to dreams about her shooting. Sometimes she would relive the day in minute detail. Other times a figure in black approached her at Roy's grave side while everyone just stood there and watched. Then there were the nightmares. The dreams where Castle was shot. Those were the worst and she often found it hard to sleep after those. Hence the irregular sleep patterns. Beckett scooted up the bed and rested against the head board. She felt calm and at peace. Which was unusual, seeing how she was awake at this ungodly hour. She hadn't been dreaming then.

Why had she woken up? If not from a nightmare then what had caused her to practically jolt out of bed. Pulling back the covers Beckett climbed out of bed and walked over to the window. Maybe some animal was having a turf war. Peering out into the darkness, the forest was still and silent.

"Kate."

Beckett almost hit the roof at the sound of her named being screamed into the night. She turned to look at her open doorway expecting to see Castle there based on how loud his voice had been. Her doorway was devoid of him.

"Kate. Stay with me, Kate."

Beckett blanched as the words Castle had uttered to her after she had been shot echoed through the cabin.

"Stay with me Kate, I love you."

Beckett made her way out of her room and headed to the room Castle had insisted on staying in. He was relieving her shooting. He was having nightmares about the day just like she had been. She entered his room and quickly turned on the lamp by the bed. His eyes were closed but she could clearly see the distress on his face.

"Kate don't leave me. I promise you, I can be a better man."

Beckett frowned. What?

"I am not like that anymore, Kate. I've changed. I changed for you, because of you."

Beckett was confused. Castle had never said any of that to her. Unless he had said that to her after everything went black. No, that couldn't be right. No way would he be uttering such nonsense.

"Kate I love you. Please don't walk away from me."

Beckett's heart broke. Castle was pleading with her dream self. Placing her hand gently on his arm she shook it lightly.

"Rick, wake up."

"Kate, don't leave me."

Oh God this was killing her. Hearing him pleading for her to stay. Beckett pulled back the covers from his bed and climbed in next to him. She wrapped her arm around his chest.

"I am not going to leave you Rick. I am right here," she told the sleeping man.

She snuggled tightly into his chest causing herself a little pain but she didn't care. He needed her, had probably needed her for over a month while she had been holed up here.

"I am not going anywhere Rick."

"Kate."

She noticed the change in his voice immediately. Pulling her head from his chest she looked up at him.

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?" he asked confused and tried to pull her away from him.

"You were having a nightmare," she told him.

She ran a hand down his chest and watched as it rose and fell quickly.

"Rick, are you ok?"

He blinked rapidly looking around the room before locking eyes with her.

"Yeah," he replied breathlessly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He frowned at her. "It's all hazy."

"I thought you were reliving my shooting."

Castle nodded. "I do that sometimes."

"But you weren't." She ran her hand down his face. "You were yelling at me not to leave you."

Castle frowned as if trying to remember. "You were walking away."

She shook her head. "It was a dream Rick. I am not going to walk away. Okay."

He nodded at her but still looked distressed.

"Rick, it's ok. I am not going to leave."

"I know," he told her.

Beckett stroked his face and locked eyes with him. "Rick my father told me a little of what the two of you talked about. He told me that you doubted your self-worth. Just now Rick you were screaming for me not to leave you. You were saying you could be a better man. That you had changed."

He turned his head and wouldn't look at her.

"Rick. I know what a wonderful man you are. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think that. You are incredibly special man and I am lucky to have you. Don't ever forget that ok. I love you and I am here."

She watched as he smiled and then turned to look at her.

"I don't think I will ever get sick of hearing you say those words."

"I love you," she told him again. She struggled to sit up as she tried to place a kiss to his lips. When she felt her skin pull she couldn't help but let out a small hiss.

"Hey let's get you back to your bed."

"No," Beckett protested. "I want to stay here with you. In case you have another night mare."

"I'll be fine."

Beckett whimpered as she felt cool air hit her skin as Castle lifted the covers off her. Castle lightly tapped her back.

"Come on, you will be more comfortable in your own bed."

Castle helped her sit up. Beckett grumbled, the beds in the cabin were a little on the small side. Castle was probably used to sleeping in his gigantic bed and having to share this little one with her would probably feel claustrophobic. Walking to her room Beckett sighed. It was just one night. Tomorrow night they would be back in his home and then they could share his bed and she hoped much more.


Authors note: So thanks for all the new alerts and followers. I do a little Castle happy dance every time I get one.

Yeah!

Makes me look like a bit of a freak to my co workers when I start dancing and there is no music on.

I continued this story as people seemed to want more. Chapter 4 was supposed to be the last. So know I am just going on a whim here.

We will now move on to Beckett confronting her friends. Anyone ever wanted to see or hear anything particular these guys should have told Beckett when she came back ?

Please feel free to make suggestions or PM me. I try to be a people pleaser but also like to think outside the box.

So go ahead review, you know you want to. :)