So I started writing and then it ended up being Finns POV only. Anyways, thank you guys for the alerts and reviews it means so much to me and I know I say that every time but it's true!
So thank you!
I haven't smiled this hard in months, and I most definitely haven't laughed this hard. But here I am sitting at my engagement party that I didn't know I was having, two bottles of wine down and smile on my face that I haven't put there by force. The tension between my soon-to-be wife and I only grows with the days that past by and the guilty that slowly creeps on her face. The first few week the 'pretending' to be happy and me trying to fuck my pain away, that started not to work so I moved my stuff into one of the spare rooms. She didn't ask, but that night I heard her crying, and yes I wanted to go in and wrap my arms around her. But the anger and feeling of the one person you love on this earth keeping something from you, stopped me and I drifted off to sleep with her sobbing in the next room.
A month later and here we are, at our surprise engagement party I haven't actually seen her for about an hour, but if I'm feeling like this I can only imagine how she's feeling. I'm sure they are berating her with questions about when she is going to start planning, I know my mother has asked enough for everyone.
"Dude, you ok?" Puck came up for the party I'm actually pretty surprised I thought he would have thought this was lame, but here he is being a actual good friend and making me finally loosen up and not to mention helping me with these bottles off, which is exactly what I needed. "Yeah man, I'm okay just got lost in my own thoughts." Which is true, I feel good for once maybe I can make it out of this with my sanity, and hopefully my girl too.
"BABY!" and maybe I spoke to soon, the moment I heard her yell baby I knew she had, had enough to drink about an hour ago and unfortunately no one decided to stop her. Drinking has proven to be how she is coping with everything, it's like she has forgotten everything I put us through back in Lima, "Hey Rach, think you ready to go home?" I ask her while she links our fingers together as if we do this everyday and everything between us is fine, I don't stop it or pull away. I miss it, I miss her touch and sometimes just being reminded of that is good too. "Are you coming with me?" I know what she means and the answer is no, I might be coming to the house but I would be getting in the bed and wrapping my arms around her, but I know I need to get her out of here before she does do something. "Yeah Rachel, me too." I can see the excitement fill her face and the only thing I can think about is 'that's the girl i'm in love with.' We say our thank yous and goodbyes, and start our 45 minute drive to the house, she falls asleep holding my hand almost before we get to the first red light.
"Where are we?" Is the first thing she says to me after I carry her in the house and start to get her undressed so I can put her in the bed. "Home" I walk over and hand her some pajamas and start to undo my tie. " Finn" the sadness that lines her voice is enough to make me stop in my tracks, "Yes" Because for once I think I'm tired of being difficult. "I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean to get drunk at our engagement party, and I really didn't want it to end with you taking care of me." I know she thinks it's a huge deal but it's not, "That's what you do when you love someone." And I continue to walk into the bathroom and get ready for a shower.
"TALK TO ME! PLEASE!" She might have sobered up a little in the car but I can tell by how she's yell at me after I closed the bathroom door, she's not sober enough for this conversation. "Rachel-" *THUD* I'm pretty sure she just threw a shoe at the door, she's definitely not sober enough for this conversation. "RACHEL! Stop!" I rip the door open and she's standing there with tears falling down her face."Please baby just stop, your drunk and we really shouldn't have this conversation."
"I'm fine Finn, just please look at me at least."
"No." I can hear her gasp.
"No?"
"No, because I'm not going to look at you like this, you're a fucking mess right now. I don't want to look at you like this. When you sober up, WHENEVER THE FUCK THAT WILL BE! Then we can talk, because I'm not talking to you when you're drunk." It's not the best way of talking to her, but I can't stand to see someone that is so together be so undone.
"Why are you saying that like I'm always drunk? I do not drink that much."
"Wow, are you drinking so much that forgetting what you're doing? Because that's really pathetic then Rachel."
She starts laughing and I know that whatever is about to happen is about to be really bad, this is why I didn't want to have this conversation when she's drunk.
"That's fucking gold Finn, are you saying I have a problem with my drinking? I guess a fucking addict would know what that would look like?"
Yes, my heart broke and yes I could hear her say how sorry she is and she didn't mean to say it. But it's a lot of things you can change, but words are forever.
"I'm going to bed. I love you Rachel." I lean and kiss her forehead, because I don't know where tonight is going to leave us.
" Finn, please.. I don't .. I – please.. Just .. let me tell you, because if you leave me tonight, and after what I just said. I didn't mean, and you know I didn't mean it. And yes I have been drinking and I just, Finn.. I just want our old life back, the happy one? The one we had when we first got here"
I don't know when we moved or when I started to cry, but sitting on the bed looking at her trying to find a place that to start and seeing the pain pass through her face.
"Maybe I shouldn't forgive you Rachel, and if I ever left you. It wouldn't be for what you just said, I am who I am, I hate it but I own up to it. If I left it would be because I cant stand the feeling of being the only person left in this relationship that actually give a damn. So if you want to tell me now then yes please I'm here to listen, but don't tell me because you feel like it's going to change anything that has happened tonight." She slightly nods her head, "I want to tell you, Finn. Please just promise you'll hear me out and know that what I did, I did for us."
I take her hand in mine, because something tells me that it might be the last time for awhile, or forever.
"I'll listen to you."
"I love you Finn, I always will." I know she's thinking the same thing, no matter how strong our bond is, something's can't be fixed. "I love you too Rachel" I can tell when she takes a deep breath that my whole times is about to be rocked.
" A few months back…"
Don't kill me! I know that is the worst cliffhanger, ever! but I think I want the whole conversation and blowout to be its own chapter! that's NEXT BTW!
Tell me how you guys like it?
Also, I know Rachel said something's that are not cool, but I didn't the conversation to get super intense where the relationship had to be pushed to the breaking point. I hope you guys can forgive me and her lol
Finns been a trooper, I wonder how he'll handle Brody being in the picture.
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