John Church was quite surprised when he entered his house and found his wife leaning against a wall, looking as if the very action pained her. She was clinging onto a pamphlet. Her eyes dug into the paper as if she wanted to set it on fire. The rims around her eyes were scarlet and they looked like shattered glass.
"I'm going to America." The statement was resolute and final. Angelica knew that Church surely wouldn't argue with her at a time like this. Yet he still blinked in shock. "Why-"
"Don't." Each word was delivered like a punch. "Don't even try. I am going to America right now. And you will not stop me."
He sighed tiredly. "Angelica, I can't leave right now…"
"Then don't." Her look seemed to vaporize him, her fists were clenched and she was shaking from fury. "I'll go myself. I don't care. I'm leaving. Now."
Thankfully, Church saw no reason to argue with her. Angelica raced into her room. She screamed. Cried.
Nothing had broken her heart more than the night she had to give Alexander up. She'd always been frightened of being crushed under the weight of a society that expected from her what she did not want to give. But if she had him, if she had Alexander, she'd have an intellectual equal. She'd have a husband who would challenge her. Someone interesting that she could spend a beautiful lifetime with. She had loved him, wanted him so badly.
But she'd seen her sister. She'd seen Eliza with that same look in her eyes. That love struck gaze that one would only find in dreams.
She should've known it was a dream.
It was a shattering day indeed. If she didn't go with Alexander, Angelica knew it was unlikely she would ever find someone as intelligent as him again. She'd be married off like a piece of property to a man who did not love her, a man who saw her as nothing more than a wife.
But Eliza…Eliza was beautiful. God, she was beautiful. And not just in appearance, in the way she smiled at anyone, whether she needed to or not. In the way she wrapped you in a hug and whispered reassurances in your ear to make anyone feel better. She was kind and precious and so easily breakable in a world of greed and corruption. Angelica would not be able to bear if she was the one to break her dear sister.
That hadn't made the wedding any less torturous. She was elated to see her sister with joy on her voice. She always was. Even if that joy could have been hers. Even if she'd have to say goodbye to him. Looking with such adoration at a woman that she could never be.
Sorrow and delight mixed with each other as Angelica watched the newly wedded couple walk away, not sparing her a single glance. And despite the wave of emotions she felt, there was another one among them: Dread. She'd read Alexander like an open book when she first met him. He was the type of person who would race through life without looking back. The type of person to which time was not an ally, but a villain that needed to be conquered. Not like her sweet Eliza, who closed her eyes and smelled every flower on the sidewalk. Who soaked up every moment the world blessed her with.
Angelica would never be satisfied. She had a bad feeling Alexander wouldn't either.
But she still let it happen. She still let it happen because she knew nothing would make Eliza happier. And she still loved Alexander, she still put her faith in him. That night when the two of them walked away, Angelica entrusted him with her most valuable person. Eliza. A silent promise to keep her safe and protect her. She knew that with his ambition, he'd be able to get a job that would pay well and provide them a comfortable lifestyle. She knew he would love Eliza as she loved him.
So she sacrificed her life. She married John Church and traveled to London. Their relationship felt like a tomb, devoid of any passion or love. Almost like a prison she was doomed to be trapped in forever. There were times when she would have a breakdown while trying to sleep, wanting to crawl out of bed and run away.
And every time, she would close her eyes and see her sister. Her sister who hung the sun in the sky every morning. She would remember the scribbled letters Eliza sent her, going on and on about Alexander and how she loved him. How excited she was when he first proposed. How they'd held onto each other when she returned from home and met his son. The celebration they would have anytime a child was born.
Her sister was happy. And that was all she needed to calm her down.
There was still the tiniest bit of longing inside her. She too sent letters to Alexander at every possible moment. Listening to his troubles and trying her best to provide a solution. But it was still driving her crazy. She was tired of the ocean that separated them. He consumed her every thought. She just wanted to see him again.
She finally did get the chance, and she would get to see Eliza too. It was the most wonderful day she'd had in years. Finally being around people she genuinely cared about after being chained to her husband for so long. Her sister looked older, wiser. But she was living with an excited family and a lovely house, courtesy of…
Alexander. Seeing his eyes again, being able to hold him again. It was the greatest gift she could have gotten. Yet he had to toss it away by refusing to come with them. And Eliza…seeing the light dim in her eyes made Angelica want to scream. She was able to get her sister to return to her usual hopeful self during the trip, but they both knew it wasn't the same without Alexander. Not to mention that lingering feeling in her mind. He will never be satisfied.
Now, she rode in a ship with nothing but the dull window to entertain her. And that pamphlet. That-that.
She let out a howl of rage and ripped the corner off before letting out a sigh. It wasn't the pamphlet's fault. It was the one who wrote it.
So he'd been alone at the house, because he refused to go along with them for the trip, a detail he miraculously seemed to have forgotten to mention. A girl comes in and begs him for help. Yes, that was always his flaw, wasn't it? He wanted to be the hero. He sees a helpless woman and next thing you know, he's thrown away him and Eliza's relationship for a complete stranger.
Those exciting weeks where her sister had stumbled in, gloriously raising another letter from Alexander with a permanent pink etched in her cheeks. The way she'd leapt into his arms at their wedding. The reason Angelica had sacrificed her life. The trust she had put in him to protect her. The years Eliza had spent loving him unconditionally. All of it erased by his words.
And he still had the nerve to blame Maria for all this? He went on and on about how he simply couldn't say no…yet he had no trouble saying no to her and Eliza and breaking both of their hearts. He'd constantly pushed his wife away in order to write hundreds upon thousands of pages. Words that extended beyond Angelica's imagination. And yet he couldn't say no? He couldn't say two letters!?
She'd thought that letting Eliza have him would make her life better. But now, her sister had lost everything. Why didn't Angelica see? Why did she love Alexander? Why didn't she listen to that voice in the back of her head? She'd trusted him and he'd betrayed her. She wouldn't have cared if it had been her who'd been hurt.
But Eliza was the one who was suffering.
And why? Reputation. Legacy. How she hated that word. Alexander would do anything for it. He was willing to destroy his family so long as he gets to be remembered. Something that he wouldn't even be alive to witness.
All sorts of people out there could get away with their crimes unscathed. But Heaven forbid someone say something against Alexander. Heaven forbid someone out there even have an ill thought of him. Instead, he has to shout and let the whole world hear him. Instead, he has to throw his wife and his kids and everyone close to him under the bus. Instead of letting the rumors die, he has to magnify them.
This was never about her or Maria or anyone else. It was always about him. Always about Alexander, all about his mistakes. And Eliza had been trapped in the battle.
She marched through the streets and she saw that same pamphlet being thrown in her face over and over again. People murmuring to each other, "What does his wife think?"
"Frankly, I don't blame him. She just wasn't good enough."
Wasn't good enough? Wasn't good enough? Eliza was more than enough. Eliza was an angel to him. Eliza only asked him to stay alive and be true to her. That was enough for her. But for Alexander? Nothing was enough. He could never be satisfied.
It took ages, but she finally found him. His enemies stood over him, dancing in glee and delight. The image brought Angelica joy. He'd done this as a last defense against his rivals, and all he'd done was seal their victory.
And there he was.
Alexander stood, practically bent over in pain. The eyes Angelica had fantasized about for so many ears were now brimming with shame and failure. He looked so small, so alone as the entire town, the entire world turned against him. Seeing him like that almost sparked the old, passionate feelings about her. The sacrifice she'd given him.
But he'd thrown that sacrifice away.
She would give him no mercy.
She raced towards him. "I came as soon as I heard!"
As soon as Alexander's eyes caught a glimpse of her, they lit up in hope. He looked at her as if she was his savior. "Angelica…" he murmured.
She had dreamed about him looking at her that way. Imagined what it would be like to hear her name on his lips like that. Now, the universe was finally giving her what she wanted. And it was all wrong.
"Angelica, thank God, someone who understands what I'm struggling here to do…" He reached for her hand and a bitter laugh lodged itself in the back of her throat. He seriously thought she had come for him?
"I'm not here for you," she snapped, yanking her hand away. She heard gasps and realized that an entire crowd was watching. But she kept yelling. There was a small part of her that didn't want to shout at him. The part of her that hated seeing his eyes go dark in despair. But it didn't matter anymore. He had hurt her Eliza. She had trusted him, given up everything for him. Because nothing was enough for him.
Are you satisfied? Are you satisfied? Are you satisfied?
That was the lingering question beyond her words. The sword she stabbed him with again and again. "God, I hope you're satisfied."
She didn't care that there were tears streaming from his eyes. She didn't care that she was leaving him in a crowd of merciless enemies. Let them taunt him. She had another job to do.
"The Reynolds Pamphlet…"
The climax of the crowd had finally died down and Angelica now marched through the empty streets, one target in mind.
"Have you read this?"
Abandoned copies of the pamphlet floated through the wind, crinkled from the hundreds of people that read through their contents.
"You ever seen somebody ruin their own life?"
Final murmurs discussing the pamphlet echoed in Angelica's ears. She was still only looking for one.
"His poor wife…"
Finally, Angelica came across the familiar house. The door was still unlocked and she barely looked where she was going as she stumbled through the halls.
The door to Eliza's room was half open. There was her sister. She sat against a wall, clutching countless letters. The room smelled of smoke and fire. She looked up at Angelica, her eyes like ice, her face soaking wet.
"Help," she whimpered.
Angelica dived towards her. "I'm so sorry…" Eliza leaned her head against her shoulder and let out a defeated sob. "It's not your fault…You have married an Icarus. He has flown too close to the sun…"
There was no reply. There didn't need to be. So much was happening that there were no words to describe it.
Two enemies gleefully rejoiced. One regretful man pondered with his wife and daughter. An injured woman escaped her enraged husband. A wise old man shook his head in disappointment. A former soldier watched down from above. A son reconsidered his entire life. Two broken sisters cried in a burning room. They each asked the same question. Alexander…what have you done?
All of them had been changed by The Reynolds Pamphlet. They could only hope the writer had been changed the most.
And that was twice as long as the others. I just really like writing about Angelica, I guess. Next up would be Eliza but we already know how she reacted and nothing I write could do justice for the lovely song known as Burn. Thank you all so much for reading and a special thank you to everyone who reviewed. Each one made my day. See you all later.
