Standart Disclaimer: I do not own Oregairu and i do not make any money publishing this story


Doubt.

You know how they say, people would have deepest conversations with themselves during shower, they even have an expression for that in English called 'shower thoughts', i was having one of those as the hot water fell off my shoulders finding its way down towards the drain.

Most of its contents were filled with doubt after the realisation i had during the week, becoming aware of the reasoning of the reluctance i had for weeks that was gnawing at my thoughts.

The moments i felt full of doubt for pushing those two together kept making me feel like a piece of crap, how could i be in doubt about something that i considered my greatest achievement just a few weeks ago.

Even worse, that feeling was not traveling alone, along with it came its nasty accomplices; despair, self-loathing, foolishness and humiliation, it was like being surrounded by lesser creatures that had the power to overwhelm you when they come at you at the same time.

I shook my head trying to bury the thoughts, kept telling myself that i did all i did with genuine concern and there was no indication that they would ever regret it, yet doing that made my lack of self confidence more obvious.

If i thought what i pushed them into was good for them why was i so afraid of pushing myself to the same situation, why did i feel like i didn't have it in me to endure the possibility of having another heartbreak.

As i laid my forehead to the wall and let the water bounce off my back silent tears came off my eyes, i felt like i tried and failed too many times and i felt i had only one more try left in me, i was afraid of failing on that last try.

I moved out of the cabin and started brushing my hair, as the comb went through the tangled parts of my wet hair i reveled in the pain i felt at the roots of my scalp, i could move past the horrible feeling i had for doubting for pushing them together by constantly reassuring myself that they were good for each other.

But that seductive feeling of powerlessness i felt when i considered my own situation hindered me from forming rational thoughts to solve it and it forced itself to be kept as a doubt.

After blow drying my hair and brushing it a few times more i went out back to my bedroom and pressed the spacebar on the laptop standing on top of the bed, it was a habit of mine to listen to music while preparing to get outside yet today it wasn't one of the usual cheerful ones, melancholic sounds of the piano and violin together made my mood darken even more.

Opening the drawer an opened envelope with handwritten paper inside got into my vision, it was the one i have written and crumpled over and over so many years ago, i looked at it with nostalgia laughing internally at the fact that seventeen year old me could have such a feeling that i never experienced again after so many years.

I didn't keep it for the sake of the supposed recipient actually, the reason i kept it for so many years was to constantly remind myself that i had the capability to feel that kind of emotions.

I remembered running into him again after so many years and being soul crushingly disappointed by the fact that he grew up to be an absolute idiot, i wondered if he had always been such an idiot and my seventeen year old self was so blind to even realise it, i still had no idea.

My friends back then were mad at me for not even trying to hook up with my high school crush after having such a chance meeting, but half an hour of conversing was enough to realise it had no chance to work at that point.

They didn't understand that i needed someone to say they were fine with me the way i was, they had no idea how many years had it been since someone said something like that to me, they didn't know he was the only person who ever said something like that to me and there he was telling me to switch off my useless major while i still had the chance.

Before i realised i was putting on matching underwear, old habits die hard i thought, i felt like there was no possibility of it being useful being in the mood i was, it still felt like too much of an hassle to change it now so i let it be. I wondered if i was doing that deliberately and lying to myself but the answer was a big fat no.

I was told that it was a shame that people were so full of self-doubt and insecurities during their twenties considering they were the years one would be in their physically peak condition, and it made me wonder if i was behind on getting past my twenties just like i was behind on marriage game.

I wanted to act unconforming and take him to a high class restaurant today so i would normally wear a pretty dress but i had plans to take him somewhere else before that where wearing that kind of dress would be too eye catching so i settled on one of my business suits.

From top to bottom i wore black, the tie, vest, jacket, trousers and even my boots were going to be black but my shirt was pure white as if symbolising that little spark of hope i had to power through this dark mood i was in.

I gave myself one final look in the mirror after slamming the laptop close, silencing the slow tune, i looked as sharp as one could get but i had to do something about the expression on my face, i slapped both my cheeks telling myself get your shit together Shizuka.

Putting my feet outside, i was welcomed by an unexpected afternoon sunlight as if it was denying the weather broadcast that claimed this one to be a cloudy day, maybe it was signaling me that there was still possibility for me to have a bright day.


I would have preferred to use my own car considering i was the one who was planning this date, oh i called it a date without even thinking, but he insisted on using his own car so i made my way to the spot he was supposed to pick me up.

Calling this a date without even thinking made me realise i was mentally conditioned to make this one a conclusive one, i didn't have it in me anymore to keep this charade up, i internally promised myself i would decide it today whether i was going to go along with it or run away, even the idea of running away crossing my mind in the situation i was in made me feel disgusted but i couldn't help it.

I didn't want to bother him driving around the small streets getting to mine so i arranged this meeting spot not too far away for walking and the moment i arrived on the meeting spot a car within my sight turned its engine on and drove towards me.

It was a black BMW and it was using its turn signals, what a blasphemy, it was a model which was probably worth two thirds of my own trusty steed, when i realised it was him as he slowed down and drew near left side i wondered why he would come with a car like this one, i thought he probably didn't have a designated car without a driver so he must have picked the one that was available.

I decided i didn't want to expose the mood i was in too quickly but i was sure there was no way i was going to be able to hide it whole day, i was going to have to deal with it when the time came so i formed a smile as i got in and gave him a greeting. "Good afternoon Kurebayashi, i hope i didn't make you wait for too long."

He formed a smile which was obviously not a fake one unlike mine. "Good afternoon Hiratsuka-san, i am supposed to say i have just arrived to that question but i don't think we need that kind of deception, you were not late though i was just a bit early, i considered the possibility of not being able to find here too easily."

I smiled when i thought about him not being used to finding his own way with the car and the idea that he was worried about being late made me feel a little better. "Well you didn't need to worry having this GPS device here, what is with the unexpected car by the way."

I put in our destination with experienced fingers as he answered my question. "Ah, this is my own car actually."

I raised an eyebrow. "What does that even mean, 'your own car'"

He hit the signal handle down making me feel weird again and started driving while he answered. "It literally means what it is, i bought it myself, i use it in these rare opportunities when i go somewhere unrelated to my work."

That raised another question. "How does that even work anyway, i mean how do you getting paid even works considering you are the owners son and heir."

He gave a smile that i could only describe as sly. "Ah, normally i would get a percentage of company shares when i started working there and i would get paid from profits based on that percent but i opted for a regular wage like a CEO, but calling it that way makes us look bigger than we actually are, we are just a company doing work inside a single prefecture after all."

I knew him enough to not ask why so i asked the other question on my mind. "And what made you insist on using your car instead of mine?"

He gave a strained smile this time. "That was for your benefit actually, i didn't want to force you to drive me who knows where in case something work related comes up."

I lifted an eyebrow again. "So there is a possibility of you ditching me."

This time he looked dejected while answering. "Well it is unlikely unless someone falls off of a roof to his death but i will not lie by saying it hasn't happened before but i wanted to be prepared this time considering i had no idea where we would be going."

"Huh you really think things thoroughly, must be one hell of a hassle to experience something like that before." I commented.

He grimaced. "Yeah it was mentally taxing to talk with the relatives but i am extremely careful about providing safety equipment so legal action doesn't become a huge issue."

We drove a bit more before he questioned our program. "So where are you taking me today Hiratsuka-san."

I smirked while answering. "We are going to a high class restaurant for dinner, i wanted to act like 'the man' and take you out to a proper dinner, but we are going to spend the time before that with a friend of mine, i think you will like the place."

"So it is not only the literal pants you like wearing Hiratsuka-san." He teased.

"Well someone had to." That sounded a little harsher than it did inside my head but he didn't look fazed.

He looked unexpectedly amused. "Well i cant wait for you to take the lead the way you did when we went for ramen, i kind of missed that side of you."

I wondered if i had it in me to show that kind of me now, at least kids were probably going to take my mind off my worries for now, dinner was the one that worried me the most.


We arrived at our destination after half an hour of driving and moved into the eight story building making our way to the third floor by elevator, he didn't ask anything even though there wasn't any clue outside the building indicating what kind of place we arrived.

I was making my way through a familiar corridor when the door at the end of it opened and the little thing that came out of it ran at me full speed and almost knocked me to the ground despite its size.

Actually that little thing was a grown woman who was same age as mine, but one could easily mistake her for a middle school student especially with the way she liked to dress herself.

She talked as if screaming with that high pitched voice. "Shizuka-chan i missed you so much, you promised to visit more often last time."

I patted her head affectionately. "Sorry Yuuki, but you know how hard they make me work, it takes a lot of willpower to go out at weekends."

That was a lie. Even though she was one of the few people i genuinely considered to be my friend, i was getting annoyed every time she started talking about her family life so i was in a way partially avoiding her, once a month was more than enough, i didn't have it in me to listen to that every week.

"This is Kurebayashi, i would say he is my friend but that will probably not stop you from screaming internally so have fun with it." I said with a defeated tone before turning to Kurebayashi.

"Yuuki is my friend from the days of university, i suppose you can call her Yuuki-san, it is no longer her family name but i am too used to it and she never uses her given name, she teaches English here, it is a private course targeted at kids with high potential" I introduced her with a monotonous voice.

They exchanged greetings and i could see her judging Kurebayashi from top to bottom with intrigued eyes while he had an obviously forced but polite smile while that was going.

Apparently satisfied with all the gazing she had done Yuuki spoke excitedly. "Well i gave you the time for my best class and it is only their second week together so it should be fun using you while making them do something to get to know each other better, shall we go!"

We both answered with only nods and followed her lead but on the way she slowed down and patted me twice on the back sneakily, she was probably having too much fun at the moment.

We made our way into the classroom and were welcome by a group of twelve kids who seemed to be at the middle school age, Yuuki immediately started talking in English and the class seemed fine with it, i supposed it was thoughtful of her to match us with her best class as otherwise it might have been boring or it might have been pointless for my aim if too much Japanese were being thrown around.

"All right guys, these are my friends and they will be participating with you for this period, you can call them Hiratsuka-san and Kurebayashi-san." She pointed at us while saying our names.

Nice to meet you voices in English echoed the room as we both made small bows with smiles on our faces, they immediately started asking one question after another while we tried to answer without being overwhelmed.

When they realised Kurebayashi's lack of accent surprised voices echoed in the room, even Yuuki had a detectable accent despite many years of teaching, Kurebayashi wasn't as smooth as his Sensei, but still his voice could pass for a random guy in a foreign movie, maybe they should make him voice foreigners in anime i though, that would certainly get rid of complaints about Engrish.

Yuuki probably sensing our distress intervened. "Let us give them a little bit of breathing room okay, now that we have guests today, lets entertain them with something fun, we are going to play a game called two lies one truth, i will ask one of you to write two lies and a truth about yourselves on the board and a random person i choose will ask one question about a statement and try to guess if it is true, you win if the one that was true is the last one standing."

A cheer erupted, i guessed even bright kids like these liked to mess around once in a while and it was probably a fun game for middle schoolers, they were mature enough to mess around with statements that would receive a nice laugh, it would have been boring to play this game with younger kids.

Yuuki started by writing her own three statements.

'I am mad at Hiratsuka-san'

'I think Kurebayashi-san looks kind of cool'

'I acted rude towards someone today'

Uhh, it was too obvious so i wasn't surprised when almost all hands immediately got raised, she pointed at one of the girls.

She answered with an awkward smile. "I don't think i need to ask any questions , it is obvious that you cant be mad at your friend or act rude towards someone so your second statement is true."

Yuuki acted like she was disappointed and a pout formed on her face, but i was aware of the message she was sending on my way but i chose to ignore it for now.

A few kids got up to the board and had their statements questioned, they were braver than i expected, their statements were either embarrassing or self deprecating most of the time which helped everyone to have a little bit of laugh.

Yuuki looked like she was ready to stir some trouble so she asked Kurebayashi to write his own statements and he obliged her.

'I don't hate my job'

'I made out with someone today'

'I am not afraid of Hiratsuka-san'

Another easy one for me, after all he wasn't the one who was afraid, it looked like no one was willing to answer, i was about to answer myself when one of the boys leaned on and whispered in my ear. "Oi, lady, did you smooch him today."

I grinned at his boldness and answered with a wink. "No way."

He immediately raised his hand. "It is obvious that you are scared shitless from the lady here and she says she didn't kiss you so there is no way those two are true, you kind of look like a workaholic anyway."

Whole class went into a laughing fit after that except me, Kurebayashi unexpectedly admitted defeat and raised his hands to the sides. "You got me there pal, you didn't even need to ask a question."

I supposed he was humoring them, or he was satisfied with the message he was sending on my way, it would probably leave too much bitterness in these kids if he told the right answer.

A few more kids went up to the board and finally i was the only one left, so Yuuki turned her face to me and i raised myself up in defeat, you two were not the only ones who could send messages but unlike you i was going to get as obscure as i could get and i had no intention of playing by the rules, lets see if you get it.

'I don't hate people who get their nose into others business'

'I like persistent people'

'I like giving unsolicited advice'

I turned around to the class and Kurebayashi immediately raised his hand and spoke making my eyes go wide.

"All three, absolutely truth."


Yuuki was still pouting at me for ruining the mood while we were saying our farewells but i didn't let it bother me that much, she didn't have it in her to stay mad at someone for long.

Meanwhile i was kind of mad at Kurebayashi for turning my message around, i meant to break the game by giving three lies yet the way he claimed them to be truth with utmost confidence almost made me believe in it myself.

Maybe it was the reason i still haven't pulled the fuse on this thing, there was a hope within me that expected him to surprise me the way he always does, i was pathetically hoping him to get me out of this situation one way or another.

We were making our way to our next destination when he broke the silence. "You looked down today Hiratsuka-san, are you still worried about your mails."

"Not really, i did much worse than that before, they were pretty tame compared to the earlier ones, i just had a taxing conversation with Yukinoshita-san mid week, it drained all the energy from me." I gave him an excuse that was only a half truth.

He didn't look like he bought it but he didn't give any objection. "If you say so Hiratsuka-san."

We arrived to the restaurant i made reservations in and we were immediately guided to our table, it was actually a pretty high class place and someone with my income would normally feel like being robbed here but being the way i was i rarely had the opportunity to spend my earnings and they ended up piling in my bank account.

We gave our orders but refused the wine when offered, we still had to drive back and being the only one drinking would have felt weird, besides i already had plans in my head to bury myself in the bottle when i got back home.

"How are your kids doing Hiratsuka-san." He opened the conversation.

I could guess that he was trying to better my mood, and in a way it was working yet it was still bittersweet to think about them, i was able to convince myself what i did for them was good but they still reminded me of my own situation.

"They are moving on even while struggling with their mother." I replied.

We talked about Yukinoshita-san for a while, he was more surprised than i was when he heard about her behaviour, apparently he had a much worse opinion of her than i had, i wondered if it was because she reminded him of his own mother.

"It makes me wonder if i have been wasting my time all along, i wonder if i should have put my fist on the table like Haruno-san did." He said as if talking to himself.

"Well i lack the necessary knowledge to advise you on that." And i was no longer sure if i was the right person to go around distributing unsolicited advice.

It was the easy way out to talk about the other peoples problems to pass this evening so i gave in to the conversation letting it take its course wherever it led.

But the gods of the romantic comedy were not done with me yet, if you could even call this a romantic comedy anymore, it would be too depressive for that i supposed and useless thoughts about which gods were responsible for the situation i was about to be thrown into went past my mind.

An unknown couple who just got into the restaurant spotted Kurebayashi, looking at the dejected face that he formed one could easily tell he didn't like them one bit, even before exchanging greetings they had extra chairs pulled and invaded our table.

It was enough to have thirty seconds of chat with the women to realise she was a bimbo trophy wife, so i decided to turn on the auto pilot the way i do in the classes, i was sure i wasn't even going to remember their names or faces when we were done here.

So this was how it was supposed to be, the guy was talking endlessly about his job with apparent vainness while his partner was bombarding me with some bullshit which i was replying with generic lines, i had to hold back the growing nausea.

When it appeared that they were meaning to order and eat at our table Kurebayashi formed his first proper sentence since their arrival which woke me up from the state i was in as his voice had an obvious edge to it. "I am sorry but this was supposed to be a private date so can you please get to your own table."

He didn't look sorry at all, the guys face turned purple like an eggplant but his partner only gave a bored look, i wondered if i judged her wrong and the possibility of her being the devil who was leeching this guy dry came into my mind.

When they left for their own table i spoke with a dejected voice. "Sorry about that, i guess you could tell i wasn't going to be able to deal with that any longer."

His eyebrows formed a scowl hearing that. "Don't be an idiot Hiratsuka-san, i haven't seen such a rude behaviour in my life, i could hardly stop myself from punching him when they dared to order at our table, you don't have to change yourself to get along with that kind of vain idiot, you are perfectly fine the way you are."

This guy was just determined to put me through emotional roller coaster at every chance, every time i would witness something new about him that would get me dejected and every time he would manage to lift my spirit by his words.

I looked at him with widened eyes, what kind of coincidence was it for him to form the words i was thinking about just a few hours ago, my cheeks were probably red now and i replied with a barely audible voice. "T-thank you."

He smirked at the way i was right now. "Oh my, are you finally going dere on me Hiratsuka-san, i was close to resigning to the fact that i would never get past your cool side."

If we were talking about character arch types i could give him another one, i turned my head to the side and gave him a sidelong glance as if i was offended. "Don't get cocky you idiot."

We both had to contain the bursts of laugh that came after that, it would have made quite the scene in a place like this if we let out the laughs that was about to surmount us.

Now that my mood was in a comparably better state rest of the evening went with a lighthearted conversation, you could say i was having fun for the first time today, it was a great wonder what could a few words could do to ease ones doubts, or was it those specific words that held all that power i wondered.

We left the restaurant at first with the aim of calling it a day but i managed to shamelessly force him to accompany me for the booze shopping, my mood might have been better but i was still determined drink myself to sleep tonight, who cared about going to work with a hangover anyway.

While we were at it i decided i could handle my general shopping too, no need to waste this extra manpower i had for carrying stuff so we left the mall carrying two shopping bags each.

His phone rang when we got back to driving towards my home and he started to have a long conversation which appeared to be an unpleasant one judging from his expression and tone.

As the conversation went on that reluctance hit me with its full force again, so it didn't need physical contact to show its ugly rear, i had to try hard to stop unpleasant thoughts forming in my head.

It even got heated towards the end as he ended his last words with an ultimatum. "Handle it by tomorrow evening or do not have any hopes of getting any contracts in this prefecture ever again."

I didn't say any words as he kept giving occasional glances towards the phone once in a while, he gave a huge sigh before talking again. "Sorry about that, i hate that i have to play hardball even once in a while, i always feel like calling back and apologising after i do it, even when i know i am dealing with an idiot who probably deserves it."

I had to relax myself for the rest of the way if i didn't want this to ruin my mood again just when i was about to get a little cheerful, so i lowered the window and lit a cigarette without asking for a permission to smoke inside the car.

When we arrived at my house, his expression gave out the fact that he was surprised seeing i wasn't living in an apartment, i actually lived in an house that was suited for a family with two floors and a lawn.

I answered his unasked question. "It is a relatives house actually, he is a paranoid man who doesn't have it in him to rent it to a stranger so i am staying here for less than half the price.

He looked intrigued. "Looks homely, it gets depressing to live in either an apartment or a huge mansion sometimes, ever thought about actually buying it."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess i could get a bargain price for that too, who knows maybe someday, it would still be hard to pay for it alone."

We made our way to the door and dropped the shopping bags to the floor, i intended to exchange farewells before pulling out my keys but something in me made me stop and lean on the wall to the side of the door.

Before i knew it my mouth spoke on its own. "Is this where i am supposed to invite you for a coffee."

I expected him to show an amused face but what i got was a dead serious expression and voice. "Then why aren't you doing that Hiratsuka-san."

My eyes went wide when he put his left arm near my head to the wall and slowly leaned on, it felt like hours as he slowly approached my face and instead of earlier reluctance, a thousand objections formed in my head.

I didn't want a man who was probably going to hate his work for all his life.

I didn't want a man who was going to have to play hardball with people even though he hated doing that.

And most importantly i didn't want a man who was going to have to keep compromising for his families sake and get me tangled with that family.

I didn't want to dive into a relationship that had such a high chance of not working and leaving me with a heartbreak.

I hated the fact that i didn't even have enough courage as Hikigaya did, i was disgusted with myself for thinking he could only do that because he was young and naive.

At that point i was at the edge of making a decision, i turned my face down and held his chest with my left arm stopping his advance.

There was no disappointment or surprise in his voice, only wonder. "What is it that makes you hold back Hiratsuka-san, what are you afraid of, or do you just not find me agreeable."

I lowered my head even more and spoke with a cracking voice but the tears you would expect were not there. "I find you extremely agreeable Kurebayashi, it is just that you come as a package deal."

Now that i was sure tears i expected wouldn't come i raised my head to look at his face, still there was no disappointment, all his face told was he didn't understand, he looked like his brain was searching the right one among a thousand reasons.

Right when i was about to push him back with a final sigh, Haruno's words popped into my mind, remember your own words she said, and it downed on me as all the advice i have been handing out flashed through my mind.

I remembered telling Hikigaya that it was hard for the likes of us to find that person, even once in a lifetime occurrence.

I remembered telling Haruno to want everything to be the way she wanted it to be, to have the right kind of greed.

And i remembered telling Yukinoshita to never try to escape from a fight she had a chance of winning, there was no way this one was unwinnable.

I thought i could be crude, i could be rude, i could be possessive, i could be obsessive, i could even be envious but one thing i wasn't, was a coward.

And what was with thinking i only had one try in me, to hell with that, who was i becoming, Hikigaya from a year ago, i didn't know if it was going to work with this guy but i was going to try ten times more if it was going to take that long.

Without removing my gaze from his, i mustered all the force i could on my right arm and slapped myself with all that while also removing my left hand from his chest, it hurt like hell, apparently i had some strength in me.

A shocked expression appeared on his face at first and he looked like he was going to close the distance but he suddenly stopped, that shocked expression left its place to a look of realisation and before i knew he pulled himself back, sat on the ground and started laughing like a mad man.

"Oi, shut up, you are going to disturb the neighbours." But he just kept laughing as he kept beating his kneecaps with his fists.

I decided i wasn't going to be able to silence him so i opened the door and started carrying the shopping bags inside and lit up a cigarette after doing that in one go.

When i finished smoking half of his laughter gave its place to coughs but i was fed up with it. "Are you going to shut up and explain why you are laughing or shall i go inside and just shut the door on your face."

After a few more coughs he spoke while his speech was still being interrupted by occasional laughs. "I am sorry Hiratsuka-san, i am an idiot for not being direct with you but i didn't expect you to be this dense after all the clues i gave you."

Frustration slowly started to grow inside me and i asked with teeth gritting. "What are you blabbering about idiot, what clues."

He was still having hard time stopping his laughs so it took a while for him to reply. "What did you think i was going to do when i told you i had no intention of keeping up with meeting my families expectations."

What was i supposed to think about something so vague. "Who knows, a thousand possibilities crossed my mind, the best case scenario being taking over and changing fields and the worse case i thought you could embezzle some money and run off to a tropical island."

That made him go into an another laughing fit and it took him a while to get over it again. "I love the confidence you have in me but come on Hiratsuka-san, i praised you for your work so many times and i kept showing my dislike for my own, i told you i had an ambitious brother that i had an understanding with, i even thought i gave you too many clues at one point considering i wasn't sure if i wanted you to know it before you made a decision."

My eyes widened when the possibility popped into my mind. "You don't mean-"

He interrupted my words. "It took you long enough, i have even shown you my future workplace, i have even introduced you to the few people who were aware about this."

That earlier frustration was turning into anger at this point. "Why would you settle with only the clues Kurebayashi, why the hell could you not just tell it."

"I told you i didn't want you to be fully aware before you made a decision, you got over your reluctance without hearing this a few minutes ago didn't you, doing this was worth it just for that." He told all that with a serious tone but his laughter returned when he continued. "But it didn't even enter my wildest dreams that you would do it while being this clueless, that was commendable Hiratsuka-san, i don't know if i could deal with myself if i was in your situation."

"How was i supposed to know you would turn it all away with the back of your hand idiot." I shouted in frustration.

He sat there still laughing and coughing once in a while, it was worth it huh i thought, it was time to take the control of the situation and go for my payback, it was the only way to get over this anger.

I kicked him on the leg and spoke with a low but angry voice. "Get up."

He looked at me with reservation, probably trying to judge the scale of my anger, but i had no intention to give him time to think rationally.

This time i kicked him on the ribs and made sure it actually hurt, my voice was louder, almost screaming. "I said get up you damn fool."

This time he complied and got up to his feet, without waiting i grabbed him by his tie and slammed him back to the wall, i was past the point of being reserved so it was actually a nice impact which made him aware of the situation he was in.

I switched the force i was applying on his tie downwards and his knees gave consent by bending, allowing me to slide his feet forward and his back downwards, when his face was level with mine i went in for the attack.

I made sure that the kiss i was giving was neither too long nor too short, i was aiming to be as cruel as i can get by stopping it prematurely, when i pulled back i realised i managed to get my aim seeing the shocked expression on his face mixed with disappointment.

With a ridiculing voice and a look of superiority i teased. "That is how you do it Kurebayashi, you still have a lot to learn, now get off my lawn i have an early day tomorrow."

I moved inside the house and turned around waiting for him to leave but he was still standing there leaning on the wall, knees still bent almost to a sitting position and eyes still open wide.

"Shoo." I shouted as if he was a cat.

He looked like his body at least was finally back in his control but his eyes were still open wide, he turned around and started to move down the few stairs like a dead man.

But at that moment all the stress and anger within me gave its place to relief, things did not only turn out favorable for me, i was also able to reign over all my doubts before it turned that way so i decided to show a little bit mercy and also send him away with relief.

"Kurebayashi." I called out to him with a stern voice which made him turn around almost instantly at the second step.

I mustered the sweetest smile and the sweetest voice i could and waved my hand in front of me awkwardly. "See you later."

His eyes went even wider in that instant and he gasped in as if it was the last breath he would ever take.

I slammed the door close and made a little fist pump.

Behind those bespectacled eyes, i could see something had taken a hold of his heart...


AN: Hello everyone, here we are at the end of the journey, my tale ends here and i wanted to have a fairy tale like ending, not like the ones we read to the kids but the real ones where towards the ending hero is full of doubt and everything looks grim but by some miracle that has been planted before everything ends up ok unexpectedly.

It was hard writing this chapter, i wanted to show a depressive Sensei while she was full of self doubt even doubting her old choices, i thought how could i write Sensei that way when i have been writing her as a rational women full of confidence all this time, and i said why not become depressed yourself and write that way.

I tried hard to get into a self induced depression, i don't know if i managed to do that or even if it is clinically possible to actually do that but i am sure i was at the very least stressed considering writing fiction is a lonely thing full of self doubt.

I thought about not sailing this ship but i didn't have it in me to leave Sensei unhappy, it is past time someone took him guys, it might as well be anyone if we cant be the ones doing that, i think i made a compromise by leaving her in a state where she was ready to have another go if this one didn't work in the end, i hope volume 12 arrives soon (if it ever does) and somehow gives her a happy ending she deserves.

I had a few fictional characters i have been about this much fascinated with before but they have always been the main characters in their story, for Sensei to make me feel this way as a side character who doesn't even have her own PoV speaks volumes about her, every time i read the chapter she had the talk with Hikigaya on that bridge or watch that part of the episode eight i get the goose bumps.

I hope i managed to put out something good with this story, it was certainly a great ride for me to try and come up with different ideas each chapter, one thing i learned was to not trust too much on my memory, i remember someone mentioning holding a spreadsheet while writing fiction, i think i should have gone with that so i might not have missed some ideas that only resurfaced after posting my chapters.

If you are still reading this thank you for sticking till the end, i know this is becoming one hell of a long AN but i never liked the farewells so i feel like i will be extremely sad when i put the last word for this, jokes aside i would still not mind receiving reviews from you and answering any questions you have as much as i can, lately it has come to my attention that there were authors here who would answer every review they get with a pm so i thought considering the amount of reviews i get it shouldn't be too much of a hassle and decided to give it a shot as long as it is a review that deserves a reply.

For the last time, thank you for reading.

William "Bill" Huggins