What should I do, I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out and maybe
I just hate to be all alone
Outside the door it followed me home
Now goodnight moon I want the sun
If it's not here soon I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say
Goodnight moon. . .
- "Goodnight Moon" by Shivaree


It took approximately three days before Renji found the time to meet the Primera's request. First he'd taken a day to think it over, then a second to get Byakuya's permission. And when he'd told his captain that he was thinking about taking the former Espada to Rukongai (the 78th district to be specific), he'd been met with a direct gaze that was searching. He'd explained, honestly, that Starrk seemed genuinely mystified that things called orphans actually existed; and once he'd mentioned orphans Byakuya's steely gaze had fallen to his paperwork, and he'd exhaled quietly before he mused, seemingly to himself, that if Coyote Starrk was to be staying in Soul Society for an extended period of time, then sooner or later he would likely come into contact with more than Seireitei.

He had also reasoned (offhandedly and much to the redhead's surprise), that it would be a good opportunity to test the Primera's true intentions.

Renji had been unable to tell if he was relieved that Byakuya didn't seem upset, or if he was upset that Byakuya hadn't put the kibosh on the whole thing. He was no longer sure how he was supposed to handle Coyote Starrk after everything that had happened between them in the past few days. From the startling kiss, to Aizen, to the frank flattery. . . Now he'd been given permission to be alone with the man in the place where he'd grown up?

In the two days leading up to it neither of them had mentioned Aizen, although Renji considered the subject far from resolved. It felt obvious to him that the Primera wanted to avoid the topic entirely, but he also suspected that Starrk knew he wouldn't be able to put it off forever. And despite Renji's discomfort regarding the matter, he'd felt weirdly. . .worn out, after everything the Arrancar had thrown his way. As consumed as he was by this idea that Coyote Starrk had been intimate with Aizen Sousuke, he'd ultimately decided that he'd give himself a break - or at least time to better wrap his head around the situation - before he dug deeper.

So they had both bypassed that particular situation, but it certainly hadn't been forgotten. A distinct tension had hung heavily between them, waiting to be dealt with properly, even if they both remained tight-lipped and reluctant to broach the subject a second time.

Actually, Renji had noticed that Starrk had become tight-lipped about pretty much everything. He'd still spoken to Renji easily enough, but mostly about things that the redhead had considered markedly safe. He no longer said much about himself, and even though he hadn't seemed to have a problem responding whenever the redhead addressed him, he still promptly fell asleep as soon as they returned to Renji's quarters. The difference in his behavior wasn't especially alarming, but the red-haired lieutenant couldn't help feeling that something was off all the same.

That Coyote Starrk had become. . .cautious, and uncharacteristically taciturn compared to the trusting straightforwardness he'd expressed before their first argument.

But the one thing that really struck Renji was this: while the former Espada had become reticent, he also hadn't moved into the living area like Renji thought he would have. Instead he'd stayed in the redhead's bedroom, and seemed perfectly content to do so despite everything else that would have suggested otherwise.

Renji realized it was the confusing contrast between Starrk's emotional distance and his physical nearness that bothered him more than anything. And while that was irritating him, it irritated him even more that the gray-eyed Arrancar seemed increasingly comfortable around Hisagi Shuuhei. Even though Starrk's nature remained inherently remote, and Hisagi's reasonably cautious after everything he'd been through, there still seemed to be a growing. . .ease whenever the scarred shinigami visited his tattooed comrade (which was often). And although the two weren't exactly chummy, the whole thing still got on Renji's nerves and pissed him off.

Especially when Hisagi had invited them for drinks again, and Starrk had actually smiled instead of looking unfazed like he had the first time. And it wasn't like it'd been disconcertingly wide with irrepressible enthusiasm, but it'd been haltingly genuine nonetheless, and the Primera's ashen eyes had lit up like a light going on inside.

Renji had felt like he'd been kicked in the heart, when he saw how fucking gorgeous the Arrancar's real smile could be, and realized that the first time seeing it was as a spectator and not the recipient. It hadn't been directed at him, and the surprising pang he'd felt as result had been more alarming than the smile itself.

After that he hadn't wanted to accept his friend's invitation, but when Starrk simply looked at him and waited expectantly, he'd found himself saying Yes. Because the Arrancar had been unnervingly discreet that morning and the day before, and Renji had felt, in spite of himself, that the man needed to get out. That maybe he'd unwind somewhere new, and would start to feel better if he had a distraction from the awkwardness that had settled between them.

He'd made sure that Hisagi got them something to eat first. And had soon regretted it when something about the man's serious demeanor seemed to amuse the former Espada. Starrk had sat nearest Renji but spoke mostly to Renji's gregarious friend, and he'd actually laughed more than once - the first hesitant; the second surprised; and a third that was low and languid - at Hisagi's dry bearing (and, sometimes, his entertainingly spastic responses to things that took him off guard). The redhead had stewed silently as he watched the other two with narrowed eyes, and he'd gotten even more annoyed when Starrk looked maddeningly alluring (again) whenever he brought food to his mouth with lacquered chopsticks poised between gloved fingers.

Renji had been happy to get the hell out of there, and when they'd first arrived at the bar Starrk had ended up by Hisagi while the redhead ended up by Kira. Renji had observed them closely, but his irritation had started to abate when he noticed the Primera relaxing in the company of others. Although that hadn't lasted long, because a certain relentless Arrancar had shown up out of the blue that matched his hair. They'd been there no longer than an hour when Akon of the Twelfth had suddenly appeared behind Hisagi, and leaned over him while reaching around to place a cigarette between the man's lips. The horned man had looked strangely flushed, his normally pale skin warmer than usual, but his dark eyes had been brightly lucid when he stared into Hisagi's slanted grays.

And while Akon had emerged like a ghostly shadow, Grimmjow had pounced from nowhere and somehow managed to land successfully on Starrk's back despite the man being seated. The predatory Arrancar had pinned his legs on either side of the Primera, and his left arm had coiled around the man's shoulders while the other gripped Starrk's forehead. He'd looked like a giant constricter and had even hissed like one; piercingly loud with deadliness. Renji had been so startled that he nearly unsheathed Zabimaru, but something about the Sexta's energy thrummed with. . .drunken playfulness. And Kira had calmly stayed the redhead's hand, who'd stared at him wide-eyed before turning to watch the blue-haired Arrancar growl into the back of Starrk's head. The man's frosty blue eyes had looked to have melted, glassy and wet, as he pulled roughly on the other's dark hair and actually licked up his exposed throat.

Starrk, on the other hand, had looked surprised (and Renji couldn't fucking blame him after the unfriendly exchange the two Arrancar had had just two days before), but ultimately unresistant, busy as he was trying to drink his sake while Grimmjow clung to him. Meanwhile Hisagi had waved Akon's cigarette away, then narrowed his eyes at the offending Sexta when he'd groused irritably, "Get away from me."

It had seemed like everyone was unraveling under the influence of alcohol, with the exception of Renji. Kira had felt sleepily aware next to him, Shuuhei had become more agitated than he normally would have allowed, and clearly Akon and Grimmjow were already happily intoxicated. Grimmjow had grumbled something about wishful thinking on Hisagi's part - that he hadn't even noticed him in the first place, and was he jealous that Starrk was getting all the attention? - then slid sideways so he was sitting between the two dark-haired men as he threw his arms around their shoulders. Hisagi had looked increasingly hostile as the blue-haired Arrancar wagged his tongue suggestively, but in the next moment Grimmjow had turned a throaty snarl on Starrk, as he curled his fingers around the rim of the Primera's hollow hole and clawed.

Starrk's next intake of breath had sounded so much like a hiss between his teeth that Renji had tensed as if he were the one in pain. He'd instinctively shouted "Hey!", but Grimmjow hadn't paid him any attention as his head fell back and his eyes rolled beneath drooping eyelids.

Akon had started running tobacco-stained fingers through the Sexta's hair, and Renji had just rolled his own eyes as he scooted over, squishing against Kira, and beckoned Starrk with two fingers. The former Espada had obeyed, but his eyes had been on the table in front of them when he sat down and pulled his uniform close to his hollow hole.

He had looked like he was going to be sick, but he had kept silent and so had Renji; who merely frowned deeply and ignored the unexplainable urge to rub the other's back.

Grimmjow and Akon had left soon after that. After yanking the Sexta's head back and kissing him upside down (and rubbing under his chin all the while), Akon had ruffled Hisagi's hair before he muttered, "Let's go," and wandered away in the crowd. And Grimmjow had grinned menacingly as he flipped them the bird, drawled, "Wasn't nice knowin' you fuckers," then quickly gathered snot at the back of his throat and spit into Hisagi's cup before he swung over the seat and disappeared.

Renji understood why his senpai couldn't stand the blue-haired Arrancar, and he felt he'd start feeling the same way if Grimmjow didn't stop fucking with Starrk.

They'd seen Kira back to the Third, and then Hisagi had seen Renji and Starrk back to the Sixth. The Primera had gone immediately to the bedroom upon their return, and Hisagi had arched a silently suggestive brow. But Renji had simply shaken his head to dismiss the implication, then told Hisagi that tomorrow he'd be taking Starrk to Rukongai.

And that's how, the following morning of the third day, Renji found himself winding an orange scarf of Oblivion around Coyote Starrk's neck. He couldn't take the Primera into Rukongai with his hollow mask and hollow hole in plain view, so he had to attempt covering them with a scarf that Hisagi had given him. And although the scarf was a deep, sunburnt orange instead of the silken white of nobility, it still felt strange as he tucked it into Starrk's uniform to cover his hollow hole, then adjusted the rest around the man's throat to make sure his hollow mask was completely concealed.

He was still trying to decide if they should change into civilian clothes to avoid bringing more attention to themselves than was necessary. The only problem was, he wasn't sure how well he could hide Zabimaru in civilian clothing. And although he didn't expect danger, he always had to be prepared in case there was.

So that meant leaving Zabimaru behind was not an option.

"Want me to come with?" he heard behind him, and he turned slightly to see Hisagi sitting on his futon, the man's legs spread wide as he leaned forward with his forearms on his knees. The man looked slightly worn out (Renji thought he'd probably had a little too much to drink the night before), but he still retained that air of level-headedness and professionalism.

Turning back around, the redhead tugged on the orange scarf a few more times and glanced into pale gray eyes. They were observing him directly - and curiously - as thin brows furrowed; presumably in response to Hisagi's suggestion.

"Guess a little extra security never hurt nobody," Renji drawled lazily, auburn eyes questioning as he watched the Primera. The man's mouth actually quirked downwards, and gray eyes sharpened as slender brows knit tighter.

"You can handle me by yourself, shinigami-san," Starrk quietly said. His voice was even like he was simply stating the obvious, but something about its soft tone seemed to insinuate something else that had the redhead feeling dangerously warm.

Twisting around, Renji forced a lopsided grin as reached up to tighten his ponytail. "Thanks for the offer senpai, but I got this one."

The scarred shinigami looked knowing, and Renji thought that the other man really had no freaking clue anymore. No clue what Starrk had really been through, what he'd really done, and how it was messing with the lieutenant's head. Hisagi probably thought Renji just wanted time alone to flirt, but in reality it had become so much more than that.

It'd become wanting time alone with the Arrancar to talk seriously about private things, and. . .

. . .deep down, he just didn't want Starrk getting closer to Hisagi than he got to him. And he'd been overwhelming relieved when the former Espada seemed put off (in his own quiet way) by the other man tagging along. The dark-haired Arrancar had become subtly distant and smiled at Hisagi when the guy invited them for drinks, but today he wanted to be alone with Renji?

The redhead couldn't help smirking triumphantly in spite of everything.

Hisagi's sloe-eyed gaze narrowed slightly - probingly - but he just smacked his hands against his knees before he stood up. "Have it your way if you're sure, Abarai." He started walking towards the door, then paused to glance in Starrk's direction. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't give him any trouble by trying to run away."

The Primera just arched his brow innocently, as he pinched the other man's scarf between two gloved fingers. "Is this mine now, shinigami-san?"

Dark gray eyes glanced down, then back up to meet those which were lighter. "If you want it."

"Then I'm not obligated to come back to Seireitei to return it to you."

Renji couldn't help snorting a surprised laugh, and Hisagi's gaze snapped to his before snapping back to the dark-haired Arrancar.

"What're you tryin' to say about my abilities, senpai?" the redhead asked loudly, planting his hands on his hips as he cocked one tattooed brow and edged his grin sharply. "Don't trust me ta keep this guy contained?"

"Well. . ." the other man mused slowly, his gaze distant as if he were thinking it over. Renji gave a squint, and Hisagi smiled briefly before turning on Starrk with a pointed forefinger.

"Now I want that scarf back, so don't lose it."


They'd spent at least an hour and a half hanging around Inuzuri before they found themselves walking along a reasonably deserted street that ran parallel to a wide river. The street was deserted because it was later in the day and the sun was starting to wane, but also because the area they were in wasn't heavily populated to begin with.

When Renji had first told Starrk the name of the 78th district that he'd grown up in, the Primera had stared at him with contemplative eyes. And the redhead had wondered if the man was thinking of himself when he heard "Howling Dog," or if he was thinking of Renji and how apt it was that his hometown was named as such; seeing as he knew that Renji had been an orphaned stray.

If it was the latter Renji would feel bothered, because Starrk couldn't fully understand what it was to be a child on its own, or how the redhead felt about being likened to strays after everything he'd been through.

But then again, Renji apparently didn't understand what it was to be a hollow on its own, or how the Primera felt about being a lone wolf after everything he'd been through. . .

But it was weird being back after so long, and not particularly comforting. He had ultimately decided not to bother with civilian clothes, but the prolonged stares soon had him regretting that decision. His gray-eyed companion hadn't seemed to notice, or if he did he chose to ignore it in favor of staring back brazenly with obvious curiosity.

Of course, he'd been especially interested in the children who ran around in rags and bare feet. He'd even talked to a few of them, but it wasn't until he gave a hunk of bread to a small blonde (who he'd taken a particular interest in) that Renji realized the former Espada was actually stealing just to feed little vagabonds. And when he'd asked the Primera what the hell he thought he was doing, the man had calmly said that if Renji could steal water as a kid, then he should have no problem stealing a little bread.

Renji had been dumbfounded, but knew it was pointless trying to explain that then and now were two completely different things- or that whether or not it was easy to do wasn't even the point. But he'd also been too busy trying to cypher through not only his feelings regarding Coyote Starrk stealing (and the implication that he was thoughtful enough to steal food for orphans in the first place), but the fact that he hadn't even known what the Primera had accomplished until he saw the evidence of the crime being stuffed into a small girl's eager little mouth.

He could have made a successful orphan himself, had he been born in Inuzuri instead of Hueco Mundo. . .

But needless to say, after that Renji had dragged Starrk away from people he could steal from, and that's how they'd ended up by the river. Now the dark-haired man was watching the water, dark with dusk, as it calmly drifted along. There was a long moment's silence that the Arrancar seemed comfortable with, but Renji was secretly racking his brain for something to say; other than telling Starrk again that he couldn't just go around stealing shit, even if it was for a noble cause.

It was that particular train of thought that had Renji glancing at the Primera with slightly wide eyes. A noble cause. . . The camellia on Starrk's chest was there for one very specific reason, yet Renji was starting to think that maybe it inadvertently represented more than suppression. The Sixth's camellia stood for noble reason, and Coyote Starrk, whether he fucked around with Aizen Sousuke or not, still had a certain nobility about him that continued to perplex Renji with its unexpectedness. The Primera was an Arrancar, yet he didn't want to fight because he seemed to think it unnecessary. He was an Arrancar with no obligation to the shinigami who were once his enemy (and now caging him in), yet he had abandoned Rikichi to keep the kid out of Grimmjow's indiscriminate crosshairs. And as an Arrancar he should have no real concept of children or hunger, yet he found it in him to steal food for orphans he hardly knew.

Staring at the former Espada, Renji frowned and wondered why the man had to cheapen himself in Aizen's bed of all people.

"There's a dog."

The sudden and uncharacteristic attentiveness of Starrk's voice had the redhead turning his gaze. There really was a dog, standing a good twenty feet down the street, cautiously distant as it observed them (just like anything else that lived in the lower districts). He and the Primera stared back silently, until Starrk crouched down and slowly took off his left glove.

And Renji was officially wide-eyed, especially when Starrk extended his arm and the redhead saw the tattooed "1" on the back of his hand.

So that's what he'd been hiding all this time. . .

. . .and something about that long-awaited reveal felt almost as intimate as seeing someone completely naked.

Starrk whistled, and wiggled his fingers imploringly at the watchful hound. Renji knew the thing was a mutt without having to look, but when he did it also appeared reasonably well-fed for an Inuzuri stray. Damned thing had to be smart and relentless to sustain that kind of weight.

But they had all needed to be smart and relentless if they wanted to survive Inuzuri.

The Primera whistled again, and the mutt slowly inched its way closer, creeping low to the ground. Until it suddenly started moving surprisingly fast, its eyes intent on Starrk, and Renji watched it closely but remained still so as not to startle it. His eyes were narrowed when he murmured, "Watch out. Most dogs around here are feral. They'll easily take your hand right off."

"He's fine," the Arrancar murmured back, even as he curled his fingers into his palm so the stray had to sniff the flat surface of his knuckles. Its splotched nose bobbed along Starrk's hand, and Renji found himself holding his breath until a tentative tongue appeared to test Starrk's flesh.

"See?"

Shifting sideways, Starrk fell back so he was sitting on his ass. The stray jerked back in response to the man's abrupt movement, but Starrk seemed undeterred as he crossed his legs and rubbed his thigh invitingly. The mutt observed him cautiously for a beat, then a moment later it was on him in a flash, turning in a circle before it collapsed on top of him.

Renj's eyes widened. "What're you, the fuckin' dog whisperer?"

Starrk glanced up at him and looked mildly bemused. "I don't know. There's one dog who seems insusceptible to my charms."

Auburn eyes narrowed. "I'm no dog."

The other man simply stared at him, then smiled slightly as he rubbed the side of the real dog resting in his lap. "I like how you assume I was talking about you. . ."

Renji felt himself reddening, but he tried covering it with crossed arms and a hard squint. "Well who else could it be? Not like you've run into many dogs around Seireitei."

"Komamura-taichou didn't even notice me, and I had my whole pack howling," Starrk seemed to pout, his frown soft as he looked up at the other man with dejected eyes. The redhead stared back, and slowly understood that the Primera was actually teasing him.

Smirking faintly, he crouched down beside the former Espada and draped his arms over his knees. "Aaaan' I don't think Komamura-taichou would appreciate being thought of as a dog. You also weren't howling, just gaping like a moron."

Starrk leaned back on his hand and let his head rest against his shoulder. "It's a sense, shinigami-san. It doesn't actually need to be heard; just felt. I'm sure that's how he ended up here, when he could've gone anywhere else."

Renji realized Starrk was referring to the Inuzuri mutt. Glancing down, he got his first good look at the thing since it'd first shown up. This close he could see that its right eye was blue, and its left a deep honey brown. There was a large russet spot that encircled that darker eye, and its left ear was drooped while the right stood rigidly erect. The rest of its coat was white and spotted sporadically with dots of ginger, and its tail curled a bobbing spiral above its back.

"So is that how Aizen found you? Sensed you howlin' at the moon? Seein' as he was, apparently, another lone wolf?"

He knew beforehand that the lightness of their conversation would immediately be weighed down. Starrk's stroking hand slowed, and Renji studied his downcast gaze and what appeared to be a carefully impassive expression.

"Maybe it's how you found me in the Vizard's basement," the Arrancar speculated after a moment. Renji had already known that Starrk wouldn't want to discuss Aizen after what had happened before, but he hadn't anticipated the man turning the conversation back to him; and in such a way that implied he'd been drawn to the Primera because he'd sensed his inaudible howl.

"You know," Starrk continued suddenly, "that stray dogs are like lone wolves? They exist to be alone." He glanced at Renji meaningfully, and the redhead found himself uneasy as he narrowed his eyes.

"What're you tryin' to say?"

"That we've been getting along so well."

Sarcasm. And Renji frowned as old frustrations from a few nights before began stirring anew.

"So, what you're really saying is things didn't work out between you and your precious Aizen-sama 'cause you were both lone wolves, and destined ta be alone despite wanting ta be together? Now you wanna insinuate we can't get along 'cause I'm some stray dog whose also destined ta be alone? That we're living together but still existing alone?"

"It isn't like we're living together because it's what we chose. You're simply doing as taichou-san instructed-"

"Fucking semantics! That wasn't your point ta begin with, so don't focus on it now in an effort ta throw me off."

"But it is the point. We're living together but you and I aren't actually- together. We aren't friends, we aren't bonded, we don't understand one another. It's obvious that you've been looking at me differently since I told you about my relationship with Aizen. I also know this is simply a task you feel obligated to fulfill, but I wouldn't hold it against you if what you wanted was a transfer. Never mind what taichou-san wants you to do."

Tattooed brows furrowed as Renji stared disbelievingly at the other man. He couldn't fucking believe Coyote Starrk was trying to get rid of him. That he was trying to stage a separation, and acting as if it was all Renji's doing. It was true that he'd started looking differently at the Primera after he'd found out about Aizen, but how could Starrk blame him? What did he expect from someone who'd had to defend themselves and their friends against Aizen's heartless assault? It wasn't Renji's fault Starrk had been stupid enough to fuck Aizen fucking Sousuke; and for all his disgust, Renji thought he'd handled the whole thing better than he'd had to. He'd kept feeding the bastard, had let him sleep in his fucking bedroom, and even took him to Rukongai just like he'd wanted. If none of that said "We'll handle your fucking careless indiscretion like two fucking adults," then he didn't know what fucking would.

"I know you're not really trying ta get away from me," he said with incredulous indignation. "Not when you've spent your whole life workin' not ta be alone. There's no fuckin' way you'd actually want me to transfer you."

"You make it sound like I've been so desperate that just anyone would do."

"And what the fuck is that s'posed ta mean?" Renji snapped angrily. "That you'll happily align yourself with Aizen but living with me is an insult? That you'll fall in love with the bastard who threw you inta war and used you, but the guy who kindly feeds you, an' takes you drinking, an' does what you ask even though he doesn't fuckin' have to, is 'just anyone' you don't need ta be with? Even though you're apparently so fucking lonely that you'd accept Aizen? Well guess what jackass, accepting a psycho like Aizen Sousuke is the lowest fucking desperation I've ever fucking heard of!"

Things suddenly went dangerously quiet, and Renji simply stared - chest heaving faintly - at gray eyes that were wide with an emotion he hadn't seen in them before. And when he realized that unfamiliar reaction was hurt, his gut twisted and his hands clenched into fists. Fuck, what was this feeling between them, and why did it always turn sour when he just wanted it to be sweet?

"What I meant," Starrk began after a moment, low and tight, "is that lately I've realized my need to be with others has lead me nowhere good. And maybe it's time I was alone, because when I'm not only bad things happen. Those around me always end up getting hurt. First my friends died just from being around me, and the next time I found companions I ended up in a war. Now there's you, and I've messed that up too, and I really can't stomach you looking down on me. So I'm letting you know I won't hold it against you if you want me transferred. I could stay with Aizen because he didn't care one way or the other what kind of people we were. It's hard to judge a tool beyond its usefulness, so his judgement regarding us was limited to our performance in battle. And even though I wasn't a fighter and couldn't be proud of being ranked Primera when my power had already caused me so much pain, I was at least an asset to him.

"And that's why things are different for you and I. You're judging who I am as a person, and it feels lonelier to be openly disliked for who I am than it does to be used. At least when you're used it's because you have something that's valuable to someone else. Before Aizen I'd mattered to no one because there was no one, and I'd come to despise myself for having no control over my own power. I couldn't stop myself from destroying the things I cared about, but then Aizen appeared and he actually desired me for the very thing I'd come to hate. It was morbid, but at that point it was the only thing I could have besides Lilynette. You can think of him as an egomaniacal sociopath, and he was, but he made me feel wanted even though I was a monster. You just remind me that no one in their right mind would actually want a monster, unless they were one themselves."

Renji was struck speechless as if his tongue had been sucker-punched right out of his mouth. Even his brain was having trouble processing everything Starrk had just said, and it skipped like a broken record on that last sentence that stabbed him straight through the heart.

Before he could gather his thoughts to speak, the Primera was suddenly coming to a stand. The dog sitting in his lap jerked to its feet and ended up backing straight into Renji in its eagerness to get out of Starrk's way. Its wagging tail whacked the redhead right in the face, and he sputtered as he reflexively smacked it away.

Then there was a bark, only it wasn't directed at Renji. It was directed at the dark-haired Arrancar who was currently shrugging his uniform off his shoulders and pulling his arms free of the sleeves.

The redhead's eyes widened as he pushed the dog aside so its backside was no longer in his face. "What're you doing?"

"Deserts aren't known for having water, and I need to cool down," Starrk informed him, as he stood there with his lean torso exposed. He didn't look at Renji as he quickly undid his obi and toed out of his waraji at the same time. A moment later and his hakama was pooling around his feet, before he dropped the top half of his uniform and unwound the scarf around his neck. He then stepped out of his hakama and bent down to pull his tabi off.

And Renji officially stood corrected, because seeing Starrk's bare hand wasn't as intimate as seeing the man in nothing but ass-baring fundoshi. . .

But he could hardly appreciate the view after the heavy shit the Primera had just dumped all over him. Not to mention that the man had just discarded the scarf that was meant to conceal his fucking identity.

"What if someone sees you?" Renji hissed as he glanced around, flustered enough to disregard their conversation for the time being. "Your hollow hole is plain as freaking day!"

"Doesn't look like anyone's around to see it," Starrk observed dismissively. "I'll be in the water anyway."

Without another word the Primera slid gracefully down the riverbank, his arms extended for balance, before stepping into the water. It splashed around him violently in response to his abrupt intrusion, and within a few seconds it was up to his waist, then obscuring him completely when he dove under.

Fuck. Renji's mind was still reeling and he had no fucking idea what to think or where even to begin. The Inuzuri mutt had sat down beside him after Starrk left, and he heard it whine unhappily as it flattened itself against the ground and covered its muzzle with its two front paws.

Didn't he fucking know it. . .

He'd basically been told that he made Starrk feel worse than Aizen ever had. He'd been told he was fucking worse than Aizen! Renji would have been insulted if he didn't just feel fucking horrible. He already knew he could be a prick, but he hadn't known he could rival Aizen Sousuke. Fucking hell!

He also couldn't get over Aizen being the first one to make Coyote Starrk feel wanted. The Primera's loneliness had already been drilled into his head, but he'd really never been desired before Aizen? Renji honestly found that hard to believe, because, well, Coyote Starrk was fucking flawless as far as looks went, and one of his friends had to have found him attractive before they died.

Well, speaking of morbid. . .

Renji groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. The thin skin of his lower lids stretched when he slid his hands down his cheeks, and he stared at the river as he waited for Coyote Starrk to reappear. Despite what the Primera thought, Renji was sympathetic to his plight. Of course he'd been rightfully alarmed when he'd first found out, because he'd had a hard time understanding why someone as peaceful as Coyote Starrk would choose- the complete fucking opposite of himself, basically. But. . .given the Primera's unique situation. . .

Renji also reminded himself that even though Starrk had slept with a crazy bastard, he'd yet to act by the same token. He hadn't done anything harmful to Renji or any of the other shinigami he came into contact with, and he'd even gone out of his way to protect Rikichi from Grimmjow and feed starving orphans.

Did he really deserve Renji's hostility when he'd done nothing but be diplomatic and accommodating?

Right then something suddenly broke the water, and Renji jumped at the startling sound. There was a flash of brown as Starrk whipped his head back, a spray of water trailing him, and then long-fingered hands smoothing down his hair before they gathered it together and wrung it out. His back was to the riverbank so the redhead couldn't see his face, and he was far enough away that Renji wasn't sure if he'd be heard when he stood up and yelled, "I wanted you!"

The Primera turned slightly to see over his shoulder. Even at that distance Renji could see the man's one eye, blown wide and looking impossibly gray and hauntingly disturbed. That one look seemed to be howling so many things - even more than the words from his mouth - and Renji was finally starting to understand that underneath that deceptively languid exterior there existed someone who was deeply troubled.

That those gray eyes were not simply eyes, but a reflection of stale monotonous surroundings and an existence between shades of gray. Although Hueco Mundo itself was black and white, Starrk's personal experiences had been stained gray; and therefore his perception of fuckers like Aizen Sousuke had been seen not through rose-colored glasses, as the saying went, but gray-colored glasses.

And now Renji felt it was up to him to fling his color at those deceptively gray shades, that had done nothing but promote blindness.

To paint them rose like they were meant to be.

"I wanted you," he said again, quieter this time, but no less assured.

"Past tense would suggest that's come and gone," the other man observed softly.

Renji didn't bother taking his uniform off before he slid down the riverbank. The hound behind him barked, but he ignored that too as he entered the water and quickly waded further until he was able to stretch onto his stomach and swim forward.

He realized as he got closer that he'd been hurdling dangerously close to falling in love with Coyote Starrk, and that it'd had a lot to do with the anger he'd felt once he learned the truth about the man's sexual history. First he'd been hurt and angered that his tattoos reminded Starrk of someone else who'd had similar markings, and then he'd become resentful that Aizen of all people had played such a pivotal role.

That he'd beaten Renji to it; had taken advantage of Starrk's vulnerable heart, and twisted a unique nobility that loneliness had weakened.

"I wanted you so badly it drove me crazy whenever I thought you fantasized about groping tits, when I wanted ta be groped by you," the redhead confessed, watching the dark-haired Arrancar watch him as he swiftly closed the distance between them. Starrk's pretty eyes had gone wide, but otherwise he was hard to read as he slowly drifted away from the approaching redhead.

"So I asked you about it 'cause I had ta know who'd it'd been before me," Renji went on. "I had ta know what kinda girl she'd been. If she was pretty, if you loved her, how stuck you really were to think of her when you looked at porno mags. But then you told me 'bout Aizen instead, made it sound like you loved him 'cause he comforted you, and I fucking was jealous- but mostly just hurt 'cause I couldn't understand why someone like you would settle for a bastard like him."

He was finally close enough to snatch Starrk's wrist, so the man couldn't drift away like he'd been trying to. He held on tight as he pulled the Primera back to him, and stared boldly into the other's disbelieving eyes.

"I wanted ta think someone like you deserved better than Aizen, and then I'd started ta think that maybe you didn't deserve better than what you were willing to accept, 'specially if it was somethin' that fuckin' low."

Starrk's slender brows furrowed, and Renji's tongue swept his bottom lip as his thumb grazed the other man's arm.

"But no one deserves ta be used. And you shouldn't mistake his wanting you for somethin' real, 'cause what he wanted from you was something you weren't even comfortable with. Whether he really desired you or not, he didn't actually respect what you wanted. And what a person really needs - what they really deserve - is someone who loves 'em just the way they are. Someone who won't push 'em to fight when they're sick of their power hurting others."

For a moment Starrk didn't respond; just stared at Renji with his strikingly almond-shaped eyes.

"Most other Arrancar aren't looking for that sort of thing in Hueco Mundo, so you'll take what you can get from a shinigami who isn't much different, but at least strong enough to stick around. He also professed to be an ally, and that was rare among hollows. Even if we found out later that it wasn't completely sincere."

Renji frowned slightly, but simply said, "You're not in Hueco Mundo anymore," as he held the Primera's gaze.

Thin brows furrowed faintly, and Renji slowly slid his fingers over Starrk's wet skin as he pulled the man's left hand towards him. Their legs tangled as they both tread water, and the redhead found he didn't dislike the feeling as he looked at Starrk's bare skin.

And it was smooth and lightly tanned even though it rarely saw the sun, and his fingers were long and finely-boned. . .

" 's this why you were gloves?" Renji questioned as he glanced into Starrk's eyes, and brushed his fingers over the inked 1 on the back of the Primera's hand. " 'cause you don't feel like showin' off your number like Grimmjow does?"

The Arrancar's hand seemed to tremble slightly, and his eyes held fast to Renji's fingers when he murmured, "Grimmjow is the exception. The rest of us concealed our ranks."

Renji arched his brow as he continued stroking Starrk's tattoo. "So why're you still concealing it? 's not like you have anyone to surprise anymore. We already know you're the Primera."

"Well, when you put it that way. . . I guess it's just become a habit."

"Your hands gotta get hot."

"It feels hotter like this," Starrk objected as he quickly pulled his hand free. Renji's jagged brow arched in mild surprise, and the other's hand disappeared back beneath the water.

"They're sensitive to touch," he explained shortly, and the tattooed lieutenant found himself slowly grinning as he glanced at the dark water between them and searched blindly for that hand once more.

"Well now you're just teasin' me. . . Are your hollow holes sensitive too? When Grimmjow grabbed yours last night. . ."

". . .they are. It can be painful when someone's too rough."

Renji finally found what he desired, and he quickly grasped Starrk's hand so he could skirt his fingers lightly over the palm. The Primera's face quickly became intriguingly flushed, and Renji's eyes drooped as he brought that sensitive hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to Starrk's palm. And when the man's chiseled cheekbones reddened significantly, and his slender brows furrowed as if he were in pain, the redhead found himself overwhelmed with feeling as he pulled Starrk into a comforting hug.

"If I really wanted you transferred we wouldn't be here right now," he mumbled against the man's kinked hair. "You'd already be stuck with another division an' another bastard shinigami."

There was a moment's silence, and the former Espada felt tense with hesitation in Renji's arms. So the red-haired lieutenant just squeezed tighter, and tentatively smoothed his hand over Starrk's bare back.

"You're not a bastard," the Arrancar finally murmured, breath close to Renji's ear. And the redhead's mouth twitched a smile as his fingers gently bunched the Primera's skin.

"I don't think you're bein' honest with me, but I'll take a compliment where I can get it. You're not a monster either, y'know?"

"Now who's being dishonest."

Starrk's voice sounded close to a quiet laugh, although one that'd likely be humorless. Leaning back slightly so he could see the other's face, Renji remained holding him as he rubbed his knuckles under Starrk's chin.

"If I'd met you during the war, I would've tried to kill you and I wouldn't have given two shits about your life story," he admitted, as he thought about the time he'd said that very thing to Szayel Aporro Granz. "D'ya understand what that means?"

The dark-haired Arrancar frowned slightly as he glanced past Renji's shoulder. "That. . .you really are kind of an asshole, and I really am a monster?"

Renji laughed at Starrk's feigned ignorance. "No. Yes. No you're not and yes I'm no better than any other asshole for treating the enemy like they weren't even a person. But it's a two-way street, and my point is, we both had to do things back then that we don't gotta do now, so let's stop beating each other up over it. Just have the fuckin' self-preservation to pick better fuckbuddies next time, will you? Don't you know that being naive will get you fuckin' killed?"

"You don't really develop a sense of self-preservation when nothing's ever threatened you before," the Primera reasoned earnestly; and Renji looked back and forth between pale gray eyes as he tried to understand how Starrk wouldn't know to be cautious, because he'd always been the strongest thing out there.

At least until Aizen Sousuke came along, anyway.

"You an' me really are at opposite ends of the spectrum. . ."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Keeps me thinking, that's for sure," Renji mumbled, eyes falling to glimpse the other man's mouth. His arms tightened against Starrk's lean torso, and he met the man's gaze a second time with heavy-lidded intent.

"Didn't wanna ruin the mood earlier, but your dick's been diggin' into my hip this whole time."

Starrk actually laughed as he glanced away. "I warned you that my hands are sensitive, so, proceed at your own risk, and all that. . ."

Renji just smiled faintly and pulled the Primera tight so he could nudge the other's nose with his own. Soft eyes met his once more, and he stared into them briefly before lightly brushing his lips against Starrk's. He felt more than heard Starrk's sharp intake of breath, when the man's chest jumped against his own.

Imagining the Primera's sensually long canines, Renji pressed deeper; and used the other's inhale to his advantage as he teased his tongue between parted lips. When those lips actually closed around his tongue - like a hug - and sucked lightly, he ended up groaning loudly as he scratched down Starrk's back. The Arrancar arched against him with a moan of his own, and Renji angled his head to deepen the kiss as he sucked Starrk's tongue into his mouth. His hands were drifting dangerously low on Starrk's svelte waist, fingers brushing fabric, and he decided to grab the moment by the proverbial balls as he aimed for something else in that general vicinity.

There was a hoarse gasp against his mouth when he grabbed Starrk's ass. It was round and deliciously firm in his hands, and he answered that gasp with a throaty growl as his fingers squeezed and pulled the Primera's hips flush against his own.

He remembered telling Coyote Starrk the first day they'd met that no one had grabbed him by the balls hard enough to get him motivated the way he needed to be. And now, whether it was balls or ass, Renji felt the evidence of "motivation" as it jerked against him, then rubbed with a slow fervor that had him clawing down Starrk's ass and onto his thighs so he could get those lean legs around his waist.

The balls themselves he'd get to, he told himself absently, as he nibbled on Starrk's lower lip before tasting the upper with the flat of his tongue. He'd get to them now, as his right hand slid back up, under the Primera's thigh. . .eager fingers slipping inside Starrk's fundoshi to brush that silken sack of need. . .

Starrk broke away with another rasping gasp, and Renji stilled as he considered the man's overcome expression, and wondered if he'd gone too far too soon. Gray eyes were wide, pupils blown, and skin was deeply flushed. And as the moment stretched and Renji really started to think that he'd crossed the line, he felt Starrk's hand cup his face, wet with water and enticingly naked as the man's thumb rubbed his cheek.

He had wondered, with apprehension, what kind of lover Coyote Starrk could be if he'd been with a man like Aizen Sousuke. But the Arrancar's tender first kiss, and his overall gentleness around others, had put Renji at ease enough to take a chance. And now. . .

Now he shuddered beneath the Primera's caring touch, and his hands groped any skin within reach as he tried to pull Starrk even closer than he already was. Their mouths collided a second later, and Starrk's legs tightened around his waist with crushing force as the man pressed up. Suddenly wet hands were tangled in Renji's hair, and his head was yanked back as the dark-haired Arrancar leaned over him so he could assume control.

Renji's eyes fluttered as he groaned, simply hanging on as Starrk dominated his mouth with an aggressive tongue and nipping teeth.

"I- wow. . . " the redhead managed to pant breathlessly when the Primera finally broke away for air. Starrk said nothing in response, and Renji found himself staring up into dilated eyes that stared back with hungry excitement. " 's getting dark out. . ." he tried again, wetting his kiss-swollen lips as he slowly ran his hands over Starrk's ass. "We should head back sometime soon. . ."

The former Espada still said nothing, but his eager eyes had softened as he pressed a kiss to the tip of Renji's nose, then leaned back in for another from his mouth. Softly, slowly, and the redhead felt like whining as his heart hammered in his chest. His tattooed brow screwed tight and he squeezed the other man just as strong, as he sealed their kiss with an unspoken promise that even he didn't know the details of.

They broke apart and Starrk sagged slightly as he pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. They were silent with nothing but the sound of their calming breaths, and Renji went cross-eyed staring at the other man's face, before glancing around at the darkening sky and the even darker water.

"Uh, so. . . Like I said, gettin' dark out. . . Hey, don't even think I'm gonna carry you all the way back!"

"But I'm tired now," the other man murmured, tilting his head slightly to bump their noses, before he lazily kissed Renji's top lip.

"I've been treading water for the both of us this whole time," the redhead protested huskily, though there wasn't much heart behind it when he was distracted by the Primera's slender body curled around his own, and the man's warm breath caressing his mouth. Normally cool eyes that were currently heated with arousal stared into his own, past dark lashes, and held his gaze as parted lips teased his quietly panting mouth.

Fuck but the former Espada had become unstoppable, and the shinigami lieutenant felt he could do nothing but moan helplessly as he kissed back and tried not to weasel his hands back into Starrk's fundoshi.

He was rapidly losing the battle, and that's when he remembered something else he'd thought when he first met Coyote Starrk: wake the sleeping bear. . .and you didn't get razor sharp teeth and claws, but an insatiably horny beast of unforeseen sexiness?

It took all his willpower to gently push Starrk away, even if his hands slid and lingered over the man's sides, and his mouth hovered close for more.

"I'll fall asleep and drown," the Arrancar avowed half-heartedly, as his hands slid down Renji's shoulders. The redhead stared dazedly at the other's languid eyes, then quickly pulled him back to kiss the fucking life out of him.

They were gasping for air when Renji decided it was enough, and he managed a breathless smile as he tangled their fingers together and swam backwards.

"No you won't, 'cause I got'chyou wide awake now."

And it really seemed true, because even though Starrk's eyelids were lazily drooped, the eyes they concealed within looked bright with responsiveness as he followed Renji. The red-haired lieutenant smiled more as he teased Starrk's palms with his fingertips, then pulled the man towards him so their faces were dangerously close. The Primera leaned in first, and they kissed briefly before Renji had to break away so he didn't get caught up in it all over again.

Turning around, he squeezed Starrk's left hand one more time before he let go so he could actually swim efficiently. As they got closer to the riverbank he realized the Inuzuri mutt was still waiting for them there, its tongue hanging out happily as its tail wagged.

"Renji-san."

The tattooed lieutenant nearly got whiplash, he'd turned his head around so quickly.

And the sheer breadth of his smile actually hurt.

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to keep the stray."

That wasn't what Renji had expected, and his auburn eyes widened before he laughed. "I think I oughtta feel insulted that you got a death wish even after I kissed ya," he drawled teasingly. "Or at least insulted that I ain't good enough company on my own."

Starrk just smiled softly, but its sincerity warmed Renji regardless.

"But you're the stray I've wanted from the start, shinigami-san."


Oh, come dance with me
Over murder and pain

Come set you free
Over heartache and shame

I wanna see our bodies burning like the old big sun
I wanna know what we've been learning and learning from. . .
- "Man On Fire [Little Daylight Remix]" by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros