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I do not own the Hunger Games, but I do think Suzanne Collins is a genius!
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I find I am becoming more and more anxious as the carriage draws closer to Boston. My thoughts are completely jumbled and all I know for sure is that very soon, for better or worse, I am going to see Katniss Everdeen again.
I begin to panic. What if the painting did not elicit the response I wanted it to? What if it wasn't enough for her to look past my previous verbal upset? Sure, Finnick had shown me the light as it were. I have now admitted to myself that I have feelings for Katniss beyond whatever platonic delusion I had created. I have yet to define these feelings, I only know for sure they are overwhelming. Keeping that in mind, is it even worth exploring feelings that may not be reciprocated? The thought is frustrating to no end; as is anything related to Miss Everdeen.
I finally fall into a fitful sleep sometime in the middle of the night, and awake as we pull down the Everdeen's street. The driver had obviously not stopped at all during the night. By the looks of the sun it is mid-morning and I wonder if anyone will be home.
After I gather my belongings and bid farewell to the my driver, I trudge up the few stairs to the apothecary assuming if anyone is home that is where I will find them. As my foot plants itself on the top step, the door swings open with great force and a small figure bounds towards me. My brain tries to conjure the image of Katniss as the one running to greet me, however it is a blond-haired girl who leaps into my arms. My disappointment is short lived when I feel Prim's small arms wrap around my neck and I realize just how much I have missed her.
"Peeta!", she squeals. I chuckle at her enthusiasm.
"Hey Prim.", I whisper into her hair, as I squeeze her back. I set her down and she beams victoriously at me.
"I am so happy you are home." My heart tightens slightly at the word home. "Thank you so much for the hair ribbons and peppermints.", Prim gushes about the Christmas presents I had sent. "And... ", she beckons my head down to hers. I comply and she begins to whisper, "Katniss hung the painting in our room. I catch her staring at it all the time. She likes it alot. She..."
"Prim!", scolds. She is now standing on the porch behind Prim. "A young lady does not gossip." Prim spins to look at her mother.
"But Mother, I'm not gossiping. It's my room as well and I think the painting is lovely." Mrs. Everdeen simply shakes her head and makes her way over to me.
"Hello Peeta.", she pulls me into an embrace, "Welcome home." There's that word again. I can't help by hold her a little tighter when she says it.
"Thank you Mrs. Everdeen, it is wonderful to be back." I follow her and Prim back inside.
"Prim why don't you help Peeta get settled." Prim nods enthusiastically and leads me to the small room that I call mine. Mrs. Everdeen walks to the other side of the shop and begins busying herself breaking down herbs in the new mortar and pestle I sent her.
"So she really liked it?", I ask Prim quietly. She only nods and smiles at me, obviously not wanting to cross her mother again. "Umm... Where is Katniss?" Prim smiles broadly at my question.
"She's out hunting. She goes once or twice in the middle of winter to try for some fresh game. She usually doesn't get too much, and doesn't stay out long." She smirks knowingly at me. "She should be home by mid-day to eat." The thought of seeing Katniss in just a few short hours ties my stomach into knots. My mouth seems overwhelmingly dry. I think about her face, her body, the sound of her voice, and the way she sings; her smiles, her scowls. I get the impression that Prim is speaking to me. I shake my head of my current thoughts and look to her.
"I'm sorry Prim, What were you saying?" Prim giggles.
"I asked if your friends were able to be together." I nod happily to her.
"Yes. They were married on New Years Day." Prim claps her hands gleefully.
"Oh that is such good news. I was worried for them." Knowing sweet and gentle Prim she probably was.
I try to keep myself busy in the shop as mid-day approaches. I help carry boxes for the Everdeen's and even grind some herbs. Every once in awhile I catch Mrs. Everdeen giving me a knowing look, and I am sure that my nervousness is playing out on my face. Occasionally she will give me a pat on the arm, which I'm sure on the surface is supposed to be encouragement or a thank you for the tasks I am helping with. However the look in her eyes leads me to believe it goes beyond that.
The three of us head upstairs, and I help prepare the meal. When that is done I help Prim set up the table. She tells me that Gale has been coming home for lunch recently because of lack of ships to unload due to the time of year and British involvement. I put the last cup on the table as the back door swings open. My heart leaps in my throat as I look up.
Katniss is looking down, adjusting something on her game bag as she walks in, not paying any mind to the scene in front of her. I stare at her, not yet retracting my hand from the water cup I have placed on the table. I will her to look up at me, while at the same time wishing that a hole would open up beneath me so I could be swallowed whole.
"Katniss, look who's home!", Prim shrieks with delight. This startles both of us. I pull back, standing up straight, throwing my shaking hands behind my back. Katniss discontinues fiddling with her bag, her mouth has fallen open and she stares at a random spot on the floor for a moment before lifting her eyes to look into the room. When her eyes search out mine my chest becomes tight. I can't help but notice the chaotic storm in them, I don't think God himself could created the likes of it.
"Peeta?", her greeting comes out more like a question; her cheeks red from the crisp outdoor air.
"Katniss.", I nod to her. I find it hard to breathe. My shaking hands threaten to send a tremor through my entire body. I stand there and continue to stare at her, still in shock over the very first words we have spoken to each other since our fight before I left. My skin feels like it's burning, and I don't have a clue how to extinguish the flames. I am not sure whether I find it encouraging that she just keeps staring back. Speak to her dammit! She beats me to it.
"Peeta, um... I..." The moment is completely shattered when the door leading outside is flung open once again and heavy footsteps follow. We both hastily tear our eyes from each other and settle on Gale's figure entering the kitchen. When Gale sets eyes on me, he gives me a large smile and approaches quickly.
"Ahh, I was wondering when we were going to see your face again." He slaps me on the back, before going to set the items in his hand down. I automatically try to locate Katniss again, but her back is already to me as she empties her game bag.
Our meal is filled with exposed stares and awkward smiles between Katniss and I. Having been caught up in my Katniss fueled daydreams more than once since we sat down to eat, I try my best to stay focused for the rest of the meal.
Actually most of our encounters over the next month and a half are like that. Awkward, but friendly. The hostility has melted away, but an unnamed tension seems to have been left in its wake. Occasionally I catch her looking at me, but I am sure she catches me staring twice as much. When we brush past each other in a crowded room, the point of impact burns like a fever all day. We don't talk though. We have never had a conversation about Christmas or the painting. Although I occasionally am asked a question by Prim that's content makes me question if she is actually the one asking. I am just glad that Katniss' scowl that had, until I Ieft, been reserved for only me, appears to be nowhere in sight.
On a chilly Monday afternoon in early March, I am heading back to the house. Work is again scarce at the docks. Tensions have been reaching a boiling point between the colonists and soldiers. Over the past three days there have been rumors of confrontations. There is a thickness in the air. Something is coming. I just hope we are prepared for it.
I get back to the house to find the apothecary is closed. Maybe another birth? I make my way up the back stairs instead. The house is quiet but I see movement coming from the sitting room. When I walk in I see Katniss sitting on the floor working with needle and thread on some piece of clothing draped across her lap. I swallow thickly knowing that this is the first time we have been alone since I've been back. I clear my throat to alert her of my presence. Katniss glances up at me, her eyes widen and she fumbles her pin dropping it into the sea of fabric.
"Peeta.", her voice sounds breathless. I take a step into the room.
"I'm sorry Katniss, if I disturbed you. I can leave if you want.", I gesture towards the doorway.
"Yes.", she breathes while still staring at me with wide eyes. She suddenly shakes her head, "I mean no... No. Please sit down, I am almost finished here. Mrs. Trinket should be here for this dress soon." She starts feeling around the fabric looking for the lost pin.
Katniss, from what Prim tells me, does seamstress work on occasion, but has had to do it more since work has been tight at the docks. With Gale making less money, even with me giving almost all the money I make to Mrs. Everdeen, things around here have been tighter than usual. When I asked Prim why Katniss did not work in the apothecary like her and her mother, Prim simply smirked at me.
"Human blood makes Katniss faint." She must have seen the disbelief on my face, that a huntress could be bothered by the blood of any species. Prim just laughed and shook her head. "I know, I know. She says its different."
I come out of my reverie to see Katniss still patting down on the dress in search of her sewing instruments. I crouch down in front of her scanning the material with my own eyes, searching for a glint of metal.
"Ouch!", Katniss exclaims before a much quieter, "Damn." My head shoots up to see Katniss retracting her hand away from the dress, the pin still lodged in her finger. With the other hand she plucks the pin out and then wearily examines her finger. Before my brain has any clue what the rest of me is doing, I have gently grabbed her wrist and pull her hand towards me for a better look. A tiny red bubble is already forming at the point of puncture. I reach up so my fingers wrap around hers, then gently drag my calloused thumb over the blood, wiping it away. I feel a shiver run down Katniss' arm. For the first time I look up at her. Katniss isn't looking at me; she is looking at my hand wrapped around hers. Her mouth has fallen open ever so slightly and her gray eyes are hooded.
I place my thumb back on her injured middle finger, adding a slight bit more pressure, massaging the area in tight circles. I can't help thinking to myself that I am out of my mind. I am completely overreacting. Katniss is going to find me obscene. However Katniss does not try to pull away. After a moment or two or three, maybe even four, I pull my thumb away and smile when I see that the blood has stopped.
"You've seen worse.", I mutter, my voice sounds dark. Katniss responds with what sounds like a nervous giggle. I start pulling her hand gently towards my mouth "Just in case though.", I whisper. The voice in my head screams for me to stop what I am about to do, but it is too late, something inside of me needs this, needs to feel her skin against my lips, I crave this. Good God man! My brain takes one last crack at halting this insanity, but her finger is already at my mouth, and I can't help but press my lips firmly onto the pad. My lips tingle at the place that touches her, and I can hear Katniss gasp.
I pull my mouth away but keep hold of her hand, not caring at this moment that I have gone too far. I look up to Katniss to see that her face is much closer to mine than I had originally thought. I look down to see that she is on her knees. I fall down onto mine as I look back into her eyes. They seem to smoulder under my gaze. A slight flush covers her face and cascades down her neck, disappearing under her dress. I need to grab this beautiful woman's face and kiss her... hard, and I need to do it now. With that thought I hear the back door swing open. Fuck! I instantly release my grasp on Katniss' hand, and she falls back onto the floor pulling the dress onto her lap once again. I pull myself into a chair behind me as Gale sways into the room.
"Hey, just the man I was looking for.", an evil grin crosses his face. "Hey Catnip." He looks down quickly to Katniss. She is already deep into her sewing, she doesn't even look up as she says 'Hello' with the pin that pricked her in between her gritted teeth. "So.", Gale turns back to me, "Big card game tonight. You in?" A hopeful look on his face. I go to answer but I am interrupted.
"Can I go?", Katniss pipes in. Gale snorts at her, giving her a dumbfounded look.
"No."
"Well why not?!", Katniss protests.
"Because, Catnip, there will be girls there."
"Well what in God's name am I?" She is getting angrier by the second, not yet realizing what Gale means by girls.
"Not that kind of girl, Catnip.", Gale shakes his head at her. Katniss looks in thought for a second before realization dawn on her. Her eyes grow wide. She has a frantic look on her face, suddenly looking to me.
"Are you going?", she asks. I don't want to go, I want to kiss this girl dammit. However, just like every other time Katniss asks me a question I turn into a bumbling fool.
"I...umm...I don't..."
"Of course he's going." Gale wraps his arm around my shoulders and I know I am stuck. Katniss' face drops.
"Oh.", is all she says before looking down at her sewing once more. I try mentally begging her. Ask me to stay, please just ask me to stay and I will. Hell, just look at me and I'll stay. She doesn't look up though, consumed with the task in hand. I spend the rest of the day in my room reading before it is time to go.
Gale and I make our way to the game. the air is crisp and there is still snow on the ground. As we turn onto Kings Street, we see a crowd gathered outside the Custom House.
"What's this?", Gale asks to no one in particular. As we get closer, we see that the crowd is about five dozen people. They are gathered around the steps of the Custom House, flinging insults and snow at a lone young private, who has made his way up the steps to separate himself from the crowd. I look around trying to see what exactly is going on, but all I can see is madness. The people in the crowd are not only throwing stuff at the captain, but actually challenging him to fire his weapon.
"This isn't going to go well.", I mutter to myself. When I look to Gale I see he has the same crazy glint in his eye as most of the other people around us. He begins pushing through the crowd for a better look. "Gale!", I call to him, but he has already disappeared into the throng of colonists. Frustration surges through me as church bells begin ringing a little up the street. Church bells at this time of day would usually mean a fire, and will bring people out of their homes and businesses to watch. These church bells, however, are meant to enhance this crowd.
I make my way around the outside of the crowd, trying to get a read on the situation. The private looks scared, and his gun rattles around in his hand. He isn't pointing it at the crowd, but this crowd isn't far from driving him to it. This is what Fat King Snow has done to us. I think to myself. Here we have the beginnings of rebellion.
I glance to my left to see what looks like a captain and seven other soldiers pushing through the crowd to reach the steps where the lone private stands. A man a few feet from me yells to the captain as the soldiers maneuver by him.
"For God's sake, take care of your men. If they fire, you must die." The captain turns and nods to the young man.
" I am aware of it.", he responds gruffly.
Once the soldiers have joined the private, the crowd, which has swelled since Gale and I arrived, goes completely insane. Not only is it snow and insults being flung, but now it's food and rocks, and other throwable items. The crowd then begins yelling 'Fire' at the soldiers. The captain who has had his men load their guns is yelling at the crowd to disperse, but getting nowhere. There is a charge in the air. The tightness of anxiety is prevalent in my stomach. I need to find Gale and we need to get out of here before it's too late. I start pushing through the crowd keeping my head up in search of Gale. At one point I slam right into a boy who has wandered in front of me.
"Excuse me.", I say apologetically to the boy who is now holding the shoulder that I ran into. The boy's face shoots a look of horror up at me. The boy has stormy gray eyes. The boy is... "Katniss?", I hiss quietly. She is dressed like a boy from head to toe, this time the clothes she wears are tailored to her size. "What are you doing here?", I ask frantically. This is the last place Katniss should be.
"That's none of your business Mr. Mellark.", she spits back. I note that she only calls me by my last name when she's mad at me, but my main concern now is her safety. I can deal with her wrath later. I grab her by the elbow and spin her around so I can pull her out the back of the crowd. I see a wisp of her long dark hair fall out of the hat, which I assume holds the rest of it. "Let go of me.", she gasps, as she tries to free her arm. My grip is tight though. Eventually, I pull the two of us out of the crowd, and we make our way over to an alleyway between two buildings.
"Katniss.", I say more in relief than anything else now that I have her somewhat separated from the angry mob. This time she manages to wrench her arm away from me.
"How dare you.", she snarls at me. "Don't touch me, you don't get to touch me." I can't help but feel my heart sink. "I don't need your protection.", she continues her venomous assault on me. My eyes nervously wander to the crowd behind her, as they get more and more violent themselves. I see that the soldiers have their guns pointed to the crowd. I hope Gale is ok. Katniss, obviously done yelling at me, tries to storm off. I quickly reach out and grab her wrist. She half turns and I see her preparing to fight me off once again; then the guns start firing.
I pull Katniss while she runs at me at the same time. I gather her into my arms, propelling both of us into the the alley once more. I turn so I am shielding her from any potential stray musket balls, my back facing the entrance of the alleyway. Katniss has her face buried in my chest, her hands are grasping at the seams of my coat. I can feel her flinch every time time a shot goes off. I try to suppress my terror over the situation, along with my worry for Gale, and anyone else in the way of those bullets. I distract myself with the feel of Katniss pressed into my body, the feel of her skin as my fingers gently graze the back of her neck in a comforting manner. Katniss seems to be trembling so I begin to talk gently, attempting to soothe her with my words.
"Shh, Katniss. It will be ok, it will be over soon. You're safe with me, I'll protect you always. I promise. Shh." My words seem to be working as I feel her sink farther and farther into me. My arms in turn hold her tighter.
After a few minutes, I realize I haven't heard a gun fire in a while. I try to look over my shoulder, while still keeping Katniss in my arms. I can see bursts of people scattering, clearing the area in front of the Custom House. I bend my head down so my mouth is just grazing the top of Katniss' ear.
"It's over.", I whisper with regret, knowing that she will leave my arms soon. She pulls back, and there is an almost groggy look on her face. My thumb comes up to drag a stray tear that runs down her cheek. However, the look of terror is gone, and that typical Katniss fire is back. She looks at me with an indefinable emotion before her face quickly melds into her 'Peeta scowl'. She pushes herself completely out of my arms.
"Stay away from me.", she yells. I am totally taken aback by the outburst. she was clutching onto me.
"What?", I demand, my confusion quickly turning to anger.
"I don't need you to protect me, I can take care of myself." I just stand there and blink at her momentarily, at a complete loss for words.
"That's funny coming from the girl who was quivering like a leaf, holding onto my coat for dear life.", I manage to spit out after composing myself.
"Damn you.", she growls at me before pushing past me, walking with purpose out of the alley. About five feet out I see her jump a little as she glances to the ground at her right. I walk out behind her to see a young man bleeding from a wound in his stomach. He's alive but just barely. A few people are kneeled down next to him trying to stop the bleeding. Katniss continues to walk away with determination.
"Katniss.", I shout to her, no longer caring who knows she is walking around dressed like a boy. She doesn't turn around or even entertain stopping. "Katniss.", I yell again, "I am getting pretty sick of your irrational anger being directed at me..."
"Oh no!", I hear Katniss gasp. I don't think about what she sees, because all I can see is red.
"Jesus, what now?", I sigh exasperated. My hands find the sides of my head and I pray for the strength to crush my own skull in. Katniss again doesn't turn around, but instead bursts into a sprint stopping about 20 feet away before falling to her knees. I rush up behind her, and the air I had just inhaled becomes stuck in my throat at the sight I see.
In front of Katniss lies Thresh's lifeless body. His head lies in a pool of dark blood, his lips already turning gray. I rush to him, dropping down next to Katniss. It takes me a moment to realize Darius is kneeling on Thresh's other side holding his hand. I don't have to be a healer like Mrs. Everdeen to know it is too late, to know that Thresh Attucks is dead.
"Oh no", I hear Katniss say again, but this time it comes out like a whimper. Her hand reaches down to cup Thresh's right cheek momentarily before her shaky arm, which has lost all its color, pulls away. She turns her head so she is looking down in the direction of my knee. Darius doesn't say anything, but occasionally looks up at Katniss with worry on his face. We sit there silently for quite awhile. I feel sick to my stomach that Thresh lost his life. He was a good man, and someone I would consider a friend. He ran away from a life of slavery only to be brought down by a British musket ball.
Gale! I immediately think to myself, and jump to my feet, scanning the area. The few bodies that are already being dragged off the street, and those that still lay on ground do not resemble Gale at all. I take a deep breath, momentarily relieved, but where is he?
"Darius have you seen Gale?" I hold my breath in anticipation. Darius gestures towards the direction of the mobile mob.
"He followed the crowd." I exhale with relief that Gale is ok. I hear Katniss sigh and then catch the shaking of her head out of the corner of my eye. Suddenly she up looks up off into the space in front of her.
"I have to tell Rue.", she states. My eyes snap back down to the man lying on the ground, and my heart starts racing. I know Rue is Thresh's wife. She doesn't know yet that her husband is gone.
"I can go with...", Darius begins before Katniss suddenly looks up at me.
"Peeta will you come with me to Rue's house?" Her voice breaks right at the end, but her face stays like stone. I can't help glancing at Darius who is giving Katniss a forlorn look. He looks up to me and shrugs. I then turn back to Katniss, nodding my assent.
"I'll make sure his body get's to the morgue. I know the man who works there at night, he'll take him no problem." Katniss looks to Darius, she reaches out and covers his unoccupied hand with hers. I see his cheeks lightly redden.
"Thank you Darius." With that I see her put her three middle fingers to her lips, kissing them, before placing them on Thresh's chest right above his once beating heart. Katniss quickly stands, not looking at Thresh again. She stares into my eyes for a moment, her's noticeably glistening with tears, before we begin walking in silence.
Sigh!
Originally this chapter was supposed to span post the visit to Rue's house, but that would have been crazy long and this already took me too long to publish... Just more for next time I guess.
Fun Facts:
Unfortunately Thresh Attucks was based off the runaway slave turned sailor Crispus Attucks. He was one of 5 civilians killed during the "Massacre". 6 other civilians were injured during the event. Poor Thresh!
The dying young man who startled Katniss as she left the alley was a 17yo ivory turner named Samuel Maverick. He had been standing in the back of the crowd when he was hit by a ricocheting musket ball. He died a few hours later.
The young man who had yelled to the captain about controlling his men was 19yo Henry Knox. At the time he was a bookseller, but would go on to be a General during the revolutionary war.
Up next: More Boston Massacre and it's aftermath, plus a little Haymitch!
Thanks for reading!
