Chapter 7

Clara had not spent long on the floor sobbing.

She could not afford to let herself fall apart for too long, because she knew she ran the risk of being caught – and that was unthinkable.

The Doctor thought she was stronger than that and she knew she was too.

And if she decided she was not going to fall apart, it would not happen, she would not allow it to happen again...

A short while later she was in her room in front of the mirror, taking her time as she drew on her eye liner carefully, making sure her face was flawless, showing no trace of the moment she had cracked, because she had decided not to let her self break again, she had never behaved in a way she perceived as weak until now, but everything that had happened had become too much, and she didn't like the way it had felt, to be sobbing and helpless.

Clara never wanted to be helpless.

She was pretty sure the Doctor felt the same way, but she had to be better at hiding her fears than he was – he had a right to be afraid, he was facing pain and uncertainty...

As she looked at her reflection she saw a much calmer, together version of herself, and it was a relief to know that she could see the one she loved go through so much and manage to pull herself back together and find the strength to face it all again.

"Right..." she said as she looked into the eyes of her reflection, "You're going to do this, you have to! Whatever it takes, do it. Do it for the Doctor."

And speaking those words aloud seemed to help to strengthen her resolve.

Clara turned from the mirror and went back to the console room to wait for the Doctor to return with Jace.


Jace Earl had gone back to his office and removed the picture of his wife from the frame, set the frame back on his desk and then opened up a case and set the picture along with the Doctor's notes, inside the case. Then he opened up a drawer and reached in the back and took out his laser pistol.

As he held it he frowned, thinking it was out of place both on this journey and in his hands – he had become a medic to save lives, not to endanger them – and holding the weapon in his hand felt wrong on so many levels.

He thought of the Doctor and Clara, and how they were both good people who had suffered greatly – the Doctor was still facing much pain before he recovered, and Jace had noticed many times the look in Clara's eyes – she had found it unbearable to watch helplessly while the man she loved had gone through so much, but she had stayed strong, determined not crack under the strain. He wondered how she managed to do that without falling part, and then he thought back to her angry words in the corridor.

She had, quite wrongly blamed herself for his reaction to the anti venom, and then when he had explained she had, naturally, turned the blame on to him, because she had to blame someone. But it was human nature to do so after such trauma...

Jace felt deep compassion for both of them, and hated himself for putting the weapon into the case and locking it firmly, sealing his decision to take the gun on board the Tardis. Then he left his office and locked the door, and went back to the Doctor's room to tell him he was ready to leave.


Clara had stood there in the control room leaning on the console deep in thought for a few minutes before she sensed the odd feeling that something had changed – then as she looked up she realised what it was, the whole of the room was on one level now, to make access to the controls easier for the Doctor while he was in the wheelchair – when had the Tardis done that?

Then she paused to reflect again on her own emotions:

She was back in control now.

Good.

Nothing terrified her more than sliding out of control and becoming a sobbing wreck - except perhaps watching the Doctor go through such trauma – that had been enough to shake her calm exterior to the foundations and she never wanted it to happen again.

It wouldn't happen again, she reminded herself, because Jace had promised he would manage the Doctor's pain.

And he would manage it, she would make sure he kept his word...

Then the door opened and the Doctor entered the Tardis, followed by Jace, who was carrying a case and a package that had been sealed up by the pharmacy.

"I've got the extra meds," he said, looking to Clara.

"Good," was all she said in reply, as she watched the Doctor drive his chair over to the Tardis controls.

"Clara come here, I need some help." The Doctor was reaching for the controls, and she joined him at the console and Jace stood and watched as he turned dials and pressed buttons and Clara helped him activate switches he could not quite reach.

Then the Doctor threw a lever and there was a whooshing groan that echoed as lights flashed, and then the console fell silent.

"Hurry up!" Jace said anxiously, "I want to get away!"

The Doctor looked up from the controls.

"You are away, Jace. Don't worry about your colleagues missing you now – that was two hundred years ago, their bones are already dust."

Jace looked at him in surprise.

"We're in the future? But I didn't want to go ahead -" and then he stopped abruptly, and the Doctor looked at him intently.

"You don't want to go ahead into the future? Why is that, Jace? Where did you want to go, the past?"

And Jace wondered if his own paranoia had read too much into the suspicion he seemed to hear in the Doctor's voice.

"I wanted to go back, I mean, eventually – back to Earth in the old days, that's where I was hoping to end up."

"Maybe you will, " the Doctor replied, "Once I don't need your help any more. Unless you want me to drop you off somewhere right now?"

Clara stared at him.

"No, you can't let him leave yet, you need his help -"

"I'm leaving the choice to him!" the Doctor said firmly, and as he looked back at Jace, the medic made his mind up:

Yes, he would still carry out his plan, at gun point if that was what it took to get him back to the day before his wife died – but not yet. The Doctor needed his help, and Clara wasn't ready to take so much on by herself, purely because she loved the Doctor and it would be difficult for her to cope, especially if he had more complications...

"I'm not leaving until you're recovered," he said to the Doctor, "There's no way I'd leave before I was sure you and Clara can cope with your treatment program. I'm guessing it won't be much longer before you come through the worst of it. Until then, I'm staying right here, because I know I'm needed."

"That's good to know," the Doctor replied, "Clara, could you show him the way to the lab, please? It looks like Jace has some more meds to put away."

"Yes I do," he said, indicating to the sealed bag, "I had the pharmacy make up a package based on your doses that worked back at the complex – I've got everything covered." and he shot a look to Clara, "Including extra pain relief. I had ordered up some morphine, but I also decided to add an order of milder pain relief too – I'm hoping we can switch to something less addictive when the worst of the pain is over. I want to cure you, but I don't want you coming out of this a junkie."

"Sensible plan," the Doctor replied, "Thanks for being considerate."

Jace smiled.

"I try to be."

"You are," the Doctor replied,eyeing him thoughtfully as he sat at the console looking comfortable in his wheelchair, "You're very considerate – for a man in a hurry."

Clara glanced at him, and he knew that look, but he dismissed her curiosity with a wave of his hand.

"Show Jace to the lab," he said, " And then show him to his room. There's accommodation next to the lab, he can move in there for now."

Jace thanked him again, and then he left the console room, following Clara down the Tardis corridor.


As he sat alone in the console room, the Doctor leaned back against the padded leather chair and watched as the viewing screen displayed a mass of stars drifting by as the Tardis passed leisurely through time and space, and then he thought some more on his suspicions about Jace Earl:

He was definitely a man in a hurry.

Quite possibly, because he was thinking about the Tardis being a time machine, and a time machine could be of great use to man who perhaps had a burning desire to use it to go back and change the past...

"Watch out," he said in a low voice, "I'm on to you, Jace..."


Clara had watched as Jace unpacked bottles of pills and arranged the medication in order. He had made a point of telling her what each pill or pre-loaded syringe was for – making it clear he was going to make the Doctor as comfortable as possible. She had listened to all he had to say, and then led him to the door beside the lab, which led into a small but comfortable bedroom.

Jace had sat down, and then slid his case beneath the bed.

"I'm going to get some rest now," he had told her, and she had nodded, and then left the room.

As she walked back down the corridor, her thoughts were still on Jace and that case he had slid beneath the bed – it didn't seem large enough to contain clothing, and she was sure she had already seen a suitcase along with the lab supplies, so if he had packed his clothing earlier and been happy for that case to be left in the lab, what was in the case beneath his bed?

Partly, it was none of her business.

But the fact that he was someone they knew little about, who was long for the ride, seemed to make it her business all of a sudden.

Clara decided that later, when she had a chance she would search his room, just to be sure he wasn't hiding anything...


"Clara?"

She stopped walking and turned back, hearing the Doctor's voice echo from somewhere down the corridor, past the lab and Jace's room, up the end around a corner...

She walked back up the corridor, and he called to her again, and as she turned the corner she saw him in his chair, outside an open door.

"I thought I'd get some rest for a while. Would you like to come in?"

She smiled in reply, and he pressed a button and drove the chair through the open doorway and she followed.

As she entered the room the Doctor paused beside a table, picked up a remote control and activated some buttons.

The door closed behind her and a lock slid into place, then he aimed the device towards a wide Victorian style fire place, and flames jumped to life. Lights dimmed to a soft glow and as she looked around, she felt instantly comfortable:

This was the Doctor's bedroom.

It was a vast place, half of it was set out as a bedroom with dark furniture and a four poster bed where velvet drapes were tied. The other half of the room was more like a front room, with an open fire and comfortable chairs and shelves of books lining one wall. It was all in old style, like something from the Victorian era.

"Its lovely," she said as she looked around.

"And since I fell ill, the Tardis has been kind enough to make everything remote control activated. I appreciate that, it makes life much easier."

And then he drove the chair over to his bedside and he looked to Clara as amusement sparkled in his eyes.

"Come on then, you know you want to get me into bed."

And then he laughed.

"I meant, I need to lie down and rest for a while. Don't get your hopes up, I'm still healing!"

"I didn't think that -"

"Yes you did!"

"No I did not!"

Her face had turned scarlet as she put her arms around him and helped him to shift over to the bed. He sat down heavily, then fell back against the pillow and laughed again as the sudden movement dragged her with him.

Clara gave a gasp, her lips close to his as she leaned over him.

"You did," the Doctor said softly, "You did get your hopes up. And its not fair of me to disappoint you." And he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

As she responded, she turned on her side, laying beside him and pulling him closer as he held her and felt the heat of her skin and the quickness of her breath and the fluttering of her fragile human heart as she trembled. All of it reminded him how humans were so short lived, so easily broken...

But it didn't put him off her, it just made him want to wrap his arms around her for ever more...

Then he pulled away and saw sadness in her eyes as she longed for more, and as he looked at her he spoke to her gently.

"I know you love me, and yes, I love you too. And when I'm stronger, we can share the physical side of that aspect. But I'm not well, Clara. Can you be content to lay here beside me while I sleep? If not I'll understand."

"Of course," she replied, "I know you're not recovered yet."

And as she lay beside him, he unbuttoned his shirt and then took her hand and placed it on his chest.

"Feel that?" he murmured as he shifted closer and kissed her again, "As long as you feel that double beat, you know I'm alive. So stop worrying about me, I can feel it flowing from you like a dark cloud of tension. Just close your eyes and sleep, rest in my arms."

Clara's hand was resting gently in the centre of his chest, her head was on his shoulder and as she closed her eyes he smiled, watching as her worries faded out as she slipped into a deep sleep, comforted by his closeness.

"I do love you," he whispered as he ran his hand over her hair, "I shouldn't, because humans don't live long, at least not nearly as long as Time Lords, but I do love you, I couldn't stop feeling this way if I tried..."

And as she gave a sigh and continued to sleep, the Doctor closed his eyes and then as he felt thankful he was now back in his own bed at last, he slipped into a deep and much needed sleep.


Clara woke up as the softness faded from the lighting in the Doctor's room, becoming brighter as the firelight flickered out. She turned over and watched him as he slept on, he was still on top of the covers, his breathing was slow and even and all trace of the terrible pain he had suffered after the anti venom shot had vanished.

She ran her hand over his hair and he stirred in his sleep, then she pushed back his open shirt and kissed the centre of his chest. He smiled and gave a murmur and shifted position again, as if her touch had perhaps disturbed a lovely dream.

"Wake up," she said softly, "We've been asleep for hours!"

And he gave a sigh and opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Morning, Clara," he said, and he turned on his side and wrapped his arms arm around her, breathing deeply as he buried his face against her hair and inhaled the scent of it as he leaned against her shoulder.

"Doctor..."

"No, let me go back to sleep. I don't want any breakfast yet, I'm too tired to move..."

"I don't think you are!"

Clara shook him.

He opened his eyes again and looked at her in surprise.

"Is that your idea of lovingly waking your sick boyfriend?" he complained.

"You moved."

"Sorry, but as long as I didn't kick you out of bed I don't consider any harm done!"

Her eyes lit up as she started to smile.

"Doctor, you moved! You can move your legs!"

Surprise registered in his eyes as he realised he had a degree of sensation back, and as he tried to move he succeeded, and then his eyes lit up with hope.

"This treatment is actually working!"

"Of course it is, that's why you're not going to give it up!"
"You do love to order me around. Here's an order for you, put some pillows behind me, I need to sit up."

Clara was still smiling as she rearranged his pillows and helped him to sit up. There was a sparkle in the Doctor's eyes, along with a hint of frustration as if he wished he could have everything back right now this instant, and she was ready to grab him and hold him back if he tried to get out of bed and stand, because he was definitely not strong enough to try for that yet.

"Clara, I need you to -"

"Make you some coffee?" she said, "That's a good idea – caffeine, energy, -"

"No."

The tone of his voice had changed.

He ran his hand down her shoulder as he looked into her eyes.

"You're right, the treatment is working. And its been long enough since my last dose. I want you to go and fetch Jace and tell him I'm ready for my second shot."

Her smile faded.

"No, you should wait, you might not be ready -"

"Don't tell me if I'm ready!" he said sharply, "Stop trying to control everything! I know you hate watching me suffer, but look at what its doing for me! Jace is right, I'm recovering! Now go and fetch him, please!"

She climbed off the Doctor's bed and smoothed down her clothing, ran her fingers through her hair and then glanced at him reluctantly.

"Okay, but if he says it's too soon -"

"He won't. It has been twenty four hours. I know when the dose is due."

She gave a sigh.

"Fine, you're obviously determined to rush this, I'll go and fetch him."

"Rush it?" he exclaimed, "I'm not rushing anything!" but she gave no reply as she grabbed the remote control and unlocked the door.

And then Clara left the room, and anxiety slowly built up inside her as she went off in search of Jace as she recalled the nightmare events of the previous day...


Her heart felt heavy as she went up to Jace's door and knocked.

There was no reply, so she knocked again, then she called his name.

"Go away!" he groaned, and she opened the door sharply and walked in, wondering what could be amiss.

The answer was right in front of her.

Jace was still in the clothes he had been wearing the day before, his hair was a mess and he stank of sweat and stale booze.

There was an empty whiskey bottle on its side on the floor and as he looked at her, his eyes were still glazed.

"Sorry about me, Clara," he said, "I drink to sleep sometimes. Last night I couldn't sleep so I drank and I still couldn't sleep - so now I'm still drunk."

And he smiled apologetically, oblivious to her stunned expression.

"The Doctor needs his anti venom shot!" she said sharply, "He needs you to help him, how could you get in a state like this?"

He looked down at the bottle on the floor, then to his late wife's picture that was on the pillow, and he slipped it under his pillow before turning back to Clara.

"The Doctor needs his shot!" she said again.

Jace replied lazily as he sat there, swaying slightly as he tried to focus on her, and his reply filled her with dread:

"Sorry," he said, "I'm in no fit state. You'll have to give it to him. You do it. You give him the shot, Clara..."