Thanks for the reviews!

moriartsmajor

jai parker

laurenkeyblade

and

WolfSymphony: Really liked your suggestion about the different Loki's adding lady Loki and Scholar Loki to the story. Really helped inspire me how to write this chapter. There will be a Jotun Hallucination Loki and actual Jotun Loki later on ;)

I really appreciate it.

You're reviews have really hepled me. Alright now to the story.

Loki avoided Tony for three days after their talk. He was too overcome with shame. It was mid afternoon and he was standing by the window spraying it with windex, he seriously considered chugging it down.

"I wouldn't do that." The hallucination chimed it. Loki spun around to see it leaning against the sofa pointing to the cleaning solution." It probably won't kill you, it will just burn the fuck out of your mouth and throat, then you'll be on suicide watch...then again it could earn you some sympathy."

" I don't need your input." Loki snapped, placing down the bottle.

"Yes you do, you need need someone to vent to, beside you like the comfort I bring. However Tony was very kind." The hallucination moved closer, it's fingers brushed the side of Loki's face, he leaned into the touch." Tony's very handsome and he has a personality similar to ours, he would be very nice to snuggle up to." It whispered, Loki couldn't agree more.

" Not gonna happen though." He lost the confidence in his voice.

"Not yet, all you have to do is seduce him." Suddenly the hallucination transformed into a lady version of Loki. Her hairs hung in long ringlets. Her blood red lips were tantalizing. A long wavy black and green dress clung to her hourglass figure.

"Oh fantastic you're a girl now. Just what I needed. Why can't I just hallucinate kittens. By the Norns this is frustrating." She trailed her right arms against Loki's left side, and gently pulled him by the waist into her arms.

" Sleep with Tony Stark, gain his trust."

The prospect of having sexual relations with anyone sent him into a panic. Before a flashback could claim him, the hallucination kissed him gently on the forehead.

"Shh, not now. When you're ready. You will eventually be able to allow for such affection. You crave it, but you're fear stands in the way. Tony wants you, we both know it. He swings both ways for sure, for now just get closer to him, and slowly accept his touch. Come now Loki, you know you want him. You deserve affection."

"It would be nice." Loki pondered what had been said. She wasn't wrong, he did find Tony very attractive. The way he looked at him, those eyes were so inviting.

"Hey Rudolph, done cleaning yet?" Tony had wandered into the and found Loki staring into space, he seemed to be contemplating something. Those words snapped Loki back to reality.

" Not quite yet, I still have to do the windows." Loki turned away, still feeling ashamed about what he told Tony. Loki went to snatch up the windex, but Tony reached out and grabbed it.

" You can finish tomorrow, no rush. Why don't we just hangout?" Tony smiled, Loki couldn't see it though, his eyes were downcast and his posture stiff. Tony waited for a reply but got nothing.

"Okay...look I know you've been trying to avoid me. You told me things that were very personal. You probably feel ashamed, but you shouldn't. You didn't deserve-"

" Yes I did! Stop trying to convince me otherwise. I don't know why you insist that their treatment was not justified. My punishment was just, fath- Odin probably ordered them to do it. One must be broken in order to shape them into a worthy being!" Loki screamed in Tony's face. Rage, but most of all sadness gathered in his heart, he couldn't contain his fury, not anymore. Tony took a step back sighed and leaned against the couch.

"If I knew they would do that to you, there's no way in Hell I would have sent you back. Nobody deserves torture, you do not deserve it. I was...tortured awhile ago. I didn't deserve it, so neither do you." Tony held onto Loki gave, trying desperately with his eyes to convince him this was the truth.

"I...I'm sorry that happened to you...you didn't deserve that, you're an avenger. You protect the innocent and worthy people..." Loki's eyes dropped again.

"I didn't always. When I was held captive it was when the people called me the , Merchant of Death. I sold weapons, which probably killed a lot of good people. I have done terrible things, but I was rewarded a second chance. All of the avengers were, well Steve is pretty clean, but that's not what I'm getting at. It took a long time, but the people around me, they convinced me that what happened wasn't my fault. I learned that everyone, and I mean everyone deserves a second chance, no one is beyond saving." Tony continues to stare at Loki, who refused to meet his gaze. Tony decided to close the gap between them, he moved closer till they were inches from each others face.

I'm beyond saving.

"Loki, look at me." Loki refused," Loki, please would you look at me?" Loki still refused so slowly Tony lifted his hand," I'm not going to hurt you." Tony gently placed his on Loki's chin and lifted his eyes to meet his own. He was surprised to find a couple of tears on his cheeks. Tony brushed them away and smiled." Get what I'm trying to say?"

"Yes…" He mumbled," If I could have taken your place, been tortured instead I would have. I hope your memories do not haunt your dreams and waking life."

" Damn that was sweet, very sincere. Nice Job." Lady Loki smiled.

" Aw reindeer games…" Tony places his hand son Loki shoulders and pulled Loki closer giving him a hug. Loki leaned in to it for a second, and wrapped his arms around the mortal, but then he felt Tony's breath on his neck. He could feel that he was on the verge of panicking.

" let go, l-let go." Tony heard the warnings and quickly let go. The broken god wrapped his arms around his thin frame and shock violently.

"I'm sorry, I should have know that would be too much. Wasn't going to hurt you. Just breath, you are okay. They cannot hurt you here." Tony spoke soothingly until the shaking subsided. Luckily he didn't start screaming this time. He didn't have a flashback this time, just felt uneasy and scared. Loki calmed breathing and stood up straight. Loki pushed the loose strands of hair and in front of his eyes and turned to Look at Stark.

" I do not understand why you share such intimate things with me, or your comfort. It baffles me, but is appreciated."

"What do you appreciate?" Steve asks Bruce enter the room, looking for food.

"The fact that neither of you were here, oh how the fates hate me." Loki smirked throwing his hands up in an exaggerated motion. Bruce scoffed and took a seat. Steve looked at Tony confused, then from behind his back produced a little black sketchbook, some pencil, and a sharpeners He cautiously walked over to Loki and held it out.

"Here it's for you." Loki looked puzzled and refused to take it."Thor said you liked to draw in your youth, so here. It might help…"

"Are you suggesting art therapy, Captian?" Loki raised his eyebrow curiously.

"Yes?" He backed off slightly, not sure how Loki would react. A smirked formed across the demigod's face.

" Well I guess it's better than homicide." He took art supplies from Steve's hands." Much obliged Captain." Without another word spoken Loki sat down and began to draw, nobody yelled at him for being in the room, no one said anything so he assumed it was alright. While he drew the female Loki transformed again into another version of Loki. The other Loki had his hair tied back in a ponytail and reading glasses over his eyes.

" You could impress them with your knowledge. Next time Stark is in his lab, maybe suggest how to tweak a few of his creations. If he asks, say it's payment for his kindness." Loki nodded, agreeing with the hallucination, nobody noticed the nod.

Loki drew his own face, but distorted. It was a grotesque version of himself. It looked like a monster, it was how Loki viewed himself. Tony peered over Loki's shoulder to take a look.

" Too close Stark." Loki's words rang out like a melody. His voice was playful not harsh.

" My curiosity got the better of me, what are you drawing?"

"Porn obviously." Tony laughed, Loki couldn't help but smirk. Steve's face grew red, that made Tony laugh more.

"Kinky."

"Yes indeed it is." Loki drew a frail neck for himself, he drew hands around it, as if someone was choking him to death.

"No, seriously what is it?" Loki rolled his eyes.

"If you wish to see so desperately then I'll show you when it's done, you're impatience is a very annoying quality."

"Hey!" Tony tried to sound offended, he wasn't really. Tony was actually very amused. Loki finally fined the drawing and hesitantly handed it to Tony. steve and Bruce were still in the room, so they took a look at it to. Tony''s face fell, so did the others.

"That's... fairly disturbing." Tony choked out the words, not sure what to say.

" What did you expect?" Loki replied seriously regretting his decision to show them.

The other Loki smiled mischievously." I think it was a good idea."

"Is his really how you see yourself?" Steve hadn't meant to say that outloud, but his thought came tumbling out of his didn't reply, he hung his head. That answered that question.

"What are you guys looking at?" Thor's booming voice announced his presence. Loki lifted his head to see Thor striding towards the notebook. After then he's ever moved in his whole life he bolted and snatched the sketchbook.

"They were looking at a very descriptive depiction of you and Bruce Banner in an a compromising position. I told Steve not to draw something so vulgar but he wouldn't comply."

"Loki! Could you not.' Steve spoke up shaking his head,"He's lying Thor."

"I though so, it is in his nature." Those words cut through Loki like a sword.

" What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Loki's face grew dark and scowled taking several steps back.

"Loki,please-"

" What the hell did you mean by that comment, Odinson?" Loki hissed. Tony could see a massive fight brewing.

"You often lied in your youth...Please don't get mad. Can't we just have a civil conversation? I didn't come in here to start a fight." Thor pleaded.

" Don't yell at him. I know you're furious at that stupid oaf, but we need him on our side. Control your rage, let it fester like it did all those years. Push it back and relax." The Hallucination with the glasses said gently. It was very convincing.

Loki growled, then closed his eyes for a moment and rubbed his temples." Your words gave me a headache, Lucky for you I'm not in the mood to fight." Loki moved his hand back to the sketchbook and took a seat. Thor looked surprised, then sat down as well. Steve and Tony sat in between them. After a few moments Loki sighed loudly and slid the notebook across the island and towards Thor.

" You'll probably steal it later and look at it later. Captain Rogers listened to your words of my exquisite artistic abilities and gave me parchment to draw in." Thor looked shocked again. Loki was actually sharing something with him. A breakthrough. Thor slowly opened the book, not sure what to expect. He certainly didn't expect what he saw. He let out a gasp.

" Be sure not the fold the pages or stain the pages with your greasy hands. I quite like that sketchbook."

"Loki…"

" Can you give it back now?" Loki was getting agitated, he really didn't want to hear what Thor had to say. But the other Loki was right, he needed Thor, he hated to admit that fact.

"This is very disturbing, is this how you see yourself?"

" I didn't ask for your commentary."

"Your mind is very dark, brother."

" If my mind was light I wouldn't have tried to take my own life at the bifrost years three ago now would I? Not that Odin did anything about it, he encouraged me to do so. Now give me back the damn sketchbook already!" Loki jumped out of his chair and moved behind Thor, and held out his hand. Everyone mouth was open, they looked absolutely shocked. Thor handed over the sketchbook.

" Now storm off upset, they will feel bad." Loki didn't want to listen to the voice, but he wanted them to feel sympathy for him. He wanted them to understand his pain. Tony tried to stop Thor, but he went after Loki regardless. Loki made it down the hallway and towards the stairs when he heard Thor's voice.

" Loki please wait!" Loki spun around.

" Wait for what huh? Wait for what?"

" Please we need to talk." Thor's voice shook.

" Talk about what? The draw? To answer your question, yes. Yet that's is how I see myself. I'm nothing more than a monster. A disgusting frost giant that none can love. After all those years of never receiving any praise from fath- Odin, I finally understand why. I was nothing more than a stolen relic. He intended for me to bring peace between Asgard and Jotunheim, that's why he took me! He didn't take me out of the kindness of his heart, he has never felt even an ounce of love for me! I was a political bargaining chip nothing more. And don't you dare say that's not true. He said it himself! No matter what I did, it was never good enough. The only one who ever showed compassion to me was mother, and yet even she lied to me. Do you have any idea what it's like to learn that after years of being told that frost giants are savage beasts, evil, foolish, and disgusting only to learn you are one? No of course not, because you are Asir, the golden son. You know what it's like to loved, praised,admired. All I've ever received is hatred, mockery,and violation! At that was long before the invasion. Let me tell you a little secret Odinson, when no one was around the guards would have their fun with me, because they knew damn well that no one would listen. Your warriors three and Sif blamed me for their stupid mistakes, so when I tried to defend myself I was dubbed the liesmith. I tried to tell you, but your were too dense to understand my suffering!"

"Loki-"

" Don't fucking interrupt me! I'm not done speaking! You will listen to me. I suffered every single day. You saw my tears and told me to stop acting like a woman.'Warriors don't cry loki,' Were those not your exact words? You dismissed my pain, but I was loyal. I gave all the love I had within me to you! You bumbling oaf, and what did you do? You gave it took the fucking humans. While you were on Earth fucking your pretty little girlfriend we were at war with Jotunheim!

" Be careful not to tell them about Thanos's voice in your head, convincing you to to the misdeeds! Don't tell them of the manipulation. They will think you're lying, don't tell him that part. Spoek the hallucination in a frenzied voice. Loki took this second to regain his bretah, then continued.

"I tried To fix it. I killed Laufey, my birth father for Odin! It was all for him! I firmly believed at the time that if I destroyed Jotunheim, then father would finally see me as the worthy son! I would have saved Asgard. If slayed all the frost giants, like you promised you would do, then there would be no doubt in ftaher's eyes that I was on his side he wouldn't view me as a monster like the rest of the frost giants. He would see me as pure! I would then earn his love and finally when I told him of the atrocities down to me, those guards would be punished. He would tell me I wasn't at fault, hold me in his arms and I would be pure! For once in my life I wouldn't feel soiled! That's all I ever wanted, I never wanted the throne, I just wanted to be worthy, I wanted to be your equal! There Odinson, there's your precious truth, are you happy now?" Loki had to finish his rant he was running out of breath, he didn't realize tears were pouring down his face. He also didn't realize Tony, Steve, Bruce,Natasha,and Clint were in the hallway listening to very word.

Thor opened his mouth to speak but cried chest heaved up and down with heavy sobs, he shielded his eyes with his hands. He believed Loki, the truth hurt. Thor felt like his heart was ripping into two. Thor was blocking the stairs, Loki knew he had to flee.

Fuck, I didn't mean to make you cry like that! Damnit I can't handle this!

Loki spun around and saw the Avengers, it was then Loki realized his face was wet. He was still crying. A strangled moan escaped his lips and he ran, pushing past Tony and Clint. He ran to the elevators and quickly closed the doors. He made his way back to his bedroom and began to scream. He screamed his lungs out, shouting vicious, cruel words. Then finally he screamed for Odin.

"Father! Father!" He cried. The other Loki held him, stroked his tear streaked face. Loki closed his eyes and begged for death.