A/N: Chapter seven follows! I am so excited to be writing. I have been sick, so the writing has been going a bit slow, and I hope that everyone understood the story, since I wrote the last chapter while I was drugged on Nyquil. This chapter took quite a few days to write and a ton of rewrites, so I hope that it turned out OK! Let me know what you think of this chapter,
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters; they belong to A&E. I just take them out to play.
CHAPTER SEVEN
EMMA'S POV
The date hadn't really gone the way Emma had thought. It had been great, especially at the start, before she let fear get the best of her. She thought she overcome it for a while, until Killian had asked about Henry. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk about her son. She was so proud of the young man he was becoming, and she was actually quite proud of herself for how she dealt with having a kid so young. Yet, she was concerned about what the discussion could lead to.
When she made her confession about Henry, his father, and the issues that surrounded the affair, she was sure that Killian would judge her. She hadn't wanted to tell him anything because of the fear he may run. He ran once, why wouldn't he run again. Her heart couldn't take it; she knew it would break her. However, she also knew it was better to just tell him now. Just as she deserved to hear about what happened all those years ago, he deserved to know what happened after he left.
She was so scared that she would hurt him. She was worried about what he may think about her: would he think she was a slut for going out so quickly after he left, especially when she said she had loved him; what would he think about the situation that she found herself in with Neal. Even though he had been gone for so many years, she still wanted his approval and support.
Despite all the fear and concern that she felt, she was also quite happy with the date. She got to spend the night with the man she used to love. She got to see that there was still a spark there, even after ten years. When he had held her hand during the night, she felt a familiar tingle run through her, warming her, making her feel safe.
Now that they were sitting in his car at her house, she could feel the static in the air. She was listening to Killian say that he was home and he was sorry for everything he had done; yet all she could focus on was his lips. His lips looked so perfect and were saying everything she wanted to hear. She had wondered for years what those lips would feel like on hers. Would they be soft and tentative, or would they be demanding and tough. It was in that moment she took another leap.
She was pulling on his jacket with a force she didn't realize she had. Her lips were on him before she had another second to think about what was happening. The kiss started small and tender. His lips were nothing like she had imaged. There was passion in the kiss and it was tentative at first, but at the same time they demanded more. The kiss started to turn to something more. The intensity of the kiss was starting to take over her. Her hands started to move from his jacket to his hair. She could feel him moving only slightly, almost like he was scared of ruining the moment. It was the best kiss she ever had. She never felt like this before, not with Neal, and not with any of the guys she had dated after him.
She pulled pack too soon. She didn't want to break that kiss, yet she knew that if she didn't stop now, she would never leave the car. She needed more once she started. The kiss had righted everything that was wronged during dinner. It was like the kiss got rid of any doubt she had about his return, removed any fear that she had about ruining the night. The kiss she had just shared with Killian tore down her walls.
His forehead came to rest on hers. She could feel his breath calming down. She couldn't look at him, knowing that if she looked into those blue eyes, she would never leave the car.
"Goodnight Killian" was all she could say as she turned to climb out of the car. She had a proud little smile on her face as she entered the house. She had left him speechless, and she couldn't lie, she was too.
When Emma woke up the next morning, she still had on that proud little smile. She kept thinking about that kiss from the night before. Sure, it was only a small kiss, but that kiss had changed everything. Emma wasn't feeling so bad anymore about Killian's leaving. She wasn't so angry anymore. She was beginning to understand why he had left, and she was starting to understand that what he did really was in everyone's best interests. She was surprised at how quickly her walls and anger were falling, but at the same time, she wasn't surprised. Killian had been her best friend for years, and now he was back again, filling in those cracks that she had. Things were starting to feel right again. Yet, at the back of her mind, she was still a bit scared and worried. She didn't want to get her hopes up or get involved. She had only been truly involved with two men and both of them left her. She wasn't sure she could deal with the pain again.
Saturdays were her favorite days – it meant lounging around the house, spending time with her son watching his favorite movies, and relaxing. It gave her time to think about her previous week and let her take time to herself. But it also meant brunch. Since college, the girls had always gotten together every other Saturday for drinks and gossip over their favorite food. It had been what got Emma through the rough patches with Henry and helped her deal with the stress of medical school. At first, Emma would bring Henry, until David and the guys decided that Henry could use some male bonding time, and Emma could use the time away from her son. So today, he was spending the day with Robin and Roland fishing.
They always met at the same restaurant at eleven. They had been sitting in the same seats for years now. They had found this place a month after moving back to Alexandria. Ever since, they came together from crepes and pancakes – the servers learning their orders quickly.
Emma was always the last to arrive. Mary Margaret was always the first. It didn't matter how hard Emma tried to arrive first, she always ended up being last. It had become another running joke within the group. Emma was always on time for her job and anything Henry had going on, but for brunch, Emma was always late. The girls were already seated when Emma arrived.
Mary Margaret was seated next to Regina, involved in a conversation about Regina's mother, who happened to become Mary Margaret's stepmother a few years ago. Belle was seated next to Ruby, involved in a conversation about one of her favorite customers at the library.
Ruby was the first to notice Emma standing in the doorframe to the room they always occupied during brunch.
"Oh my God Emma, finally!" Ruby yelled, pulling her into a hug as they moved along to the table. "Tell us everything! How was the date, where did he take you? What did you all do other than dinner? Was there a goodnight kiss? Was there more than a goodnight kiss?" With the last question, Ruby wiggled her eyebrows. Ruby was always the one to ask more than she needed to know. Emma glared at her friend, who never had a filter on. Ruby's long black hair flowed down her bare back – her friend's filter wasn't the only thing that was sometimes missing. Ruby was the wild child of the group; she was bold in her fashion choices and even bolder in her questions. She was Henry's favorite "aunt", mostly because she knew what to serve him whenever he came into her restaurant by his school.
"Gosh, Ruby, let the girl sit down and eat first." Regina quipped from her seat. Regina had seen Emma when she got home last night, but neither said anything to each other.
"Oh please, I have been waiting years to hear all about how Killian Jones is. I am sure that he is amazing in bed. I haven't seen him since high school, but from what Mary Margaret said, he looks just the same, if not better." Ruby giggled. Mary Margaret sighed as Ruby's excitement got a bit out of control.
"Nothing happened Ruby. We had dinner. We talked. It was a good night. Overall, it was a good night." Emma said, with a hint of sadness in her voice. "There is nothing to tell."
"What do you mean nothing to tell? Emma, you went out with Killian, a man you used to love, and there is nothing to tell." Belle said. While Ruby was after gossip for the sake of gossip, Belle was after the love story she was sure they were all going to get. She was always the shy one, and always blushed a bit when sex was brought up in conversation. Belle's long brown hair was curled to perfection and she always looked put together. Belle was a librarian and writer.
"Girls, calm down. Let her breathe." Mary Margaret chimed in. "Listen Emma, we all know last night was kind of a big deal for you, and we are here if you want to talk, and we are here if you don't want to talk either. I just know you will sit around and stew with your thoughts, and that isn't what you need right now Ems."
Mary Margaret was right. Emma had done it countless times before. She was known for working through all her problems by herself. She had done it for years, ever since he left. Sure, she had help with Henry, but she never asked for help with her dating life, not like she really had one since. Hell, there were times when it took her months just to tell them that something had gone wrong at work. They all knew something was up, but Emma always claimed she did better by herself. There was no need to involve anyone in her issues, especially if it was just going to hurt everyone around her: she would rather just hurt alone.
She had done this the first time Killian left. She hid in a hole and refused to left anyone else help her through the years. When Neal had happened, Emma didn't even let them know what really happened, she couldn't face how helpful they were going to be. They really were the best friends, but she had always been better at working through things on her own. Now though, sitting around her best friends, who had been there through all her downs, she knew she had done wrong all those years ago. She thought she had done better by herself, but she was wrong, she did better when they were there.
"OK" Emma started. "We went out: he took me to Olive Garden. I couldn't believe he remembered that. Once we sat down though, my fear came back. I was so nervous about what was going on and where we were. But, conversation started flowing easily again. It was great, but then I thought I ruined the whole evening when we started to talk about Henry."
"What?" everyone but Mary Margaret blurted out.
"Why would you even do that?" Regina asked.
"It wasn't like I wanted to talk about Henry, but he asked how old Henry was, and things went from there. I don't know how to explain it, but one minute I am telling him how old Henry is, and next thing I know, I am telling him the whole story. I started to panic, I was so worried about what he would think of me." Emma said looking around at her friends, and with each glance, she wished that she hadn't told them. She wouldn't classify their looks as judgmental, but they weren't very supportive either.
"Oh Ems, that is actually a really good thing." Mary Margaret said. Emma looked towards her friend, who had a true look of understanding and acceptance on her face.
"What?" Emma said.
"Emma, you have always been so closed off to people, and last night you actually took a chance. You told him about the most important person in your life. I think that was really big of you, and I am sure it was amazing." Mary Margaret took Emma's hand with her speech.
"It actually felt really good to get it off my chest. I know I don't need to apologize for having Henry or for what happened after he left, but I still felt I owed it to him to tell him about what happened. I was actually surprised at how well he took it, in fact, he was the one apologizing for everything." Emma smiled a bit. She still couldn't believe his reactions the pervious nights. He had been so understanding and supportive of her, never once judging her for her prior actions.
"That's amazing Emma, I knew he would never make you feel bad about anything that happened." Belle said.
"I am just not really sure where it leaves us now. What does this all mean? I don't know if I can allow myself to open back up to him. I couldn't live with myself if the past came back to haunt us. I couldn't do that to myself, but I also couldn't do that to Henry." Emma's voice held the pain that she used to feel. It had been what she was most afraid of. She was afraid to let herself be open to love again.
"Emma, it's worth it." Mary Margaret started, "The fear you are feeling is understandable, but you deserve to be happy. You cannot keep letting your fear of being left hinder your chance at love. Love, is worth it." She concluded.
"Mary Margaret is right Emma, you deserve to be happy. We all saw what you were like with Killian in high school, and we know you could be happy again with him; you just have to take a chance with him. Besides, why not take a chance with one of the hottest guys we've ever seen." Ruby added, one to always add a laugh at the end of a serious statement. It made Emma giggle and did lighten the mood a bit.
"I know I deserve to be happy, but I cannot let Henry get hurt. I couldn't live with myself if I let him get hurt." She said. She knew if she didn't have Henry to think about, then she would jump at the chance to be with Killian.
"Henry is already hurting." Regina said, all eyes glancing over to her.
"What the fuck are you talking about Regina?" Emma barked. She couldn't believe what she was hearing – her son was hurting because of her. She had done everything for him, how could he be hurting?
"Emma calm down, what I mean to say is that even though you have tried to protect him over the years, he notices what you deal with. A few years ago, you know when you dated that douchnozzle Walsh?" Regina questioned. Of course Emma remembered Walsh, one of the only guys she actually dated after Neal. He was sweet at first, but then he started to pressure her into sex and pressure her to meet Henry. She had a rule after Neal – she wouldn't just have sex with anyone and she wouldn't let anyone get near enough to Henry to hurt him. She dumped him after about a month. Emma nodded to her roommate. "Well, you had gone out one night and Henry was hanging out with me and Robin, and he just asked – Why is my mom always hiding me from her dates? – he went on to say that he felt you were ashamed of him. Now, Robin and I told him it was the opposite, that you were just protecting him, but you could tell he thought he was a problem."
"Why didn't you ever tell me that? My son was upset and you thought I didn't need to know?" Emma questioned.
"He asked us not to tell you, plus by the end of the night he was fine. But a couple of months later, when you had to work a night shift; he asked why you never dated. Again, he thought it was because of him." Regina said. Emma was getting more and more upset every time Regina opened her mouth.
"Emma, calm down, and let Regina explain." Belle said, seeing the anger creep across Emma's face. She took a deep breath and nodded at Regina to continue.
"Emma, listen, I don't want to upset you, and Henry is fine now, but for sometime he thought you weren't dating simply because of him. He rarely sees you going out on dates, and he thought it was because you were upset with him or ashamed. I explained to him that there was a guy in your past that hurt you, so you didn't trust easily. He understood and decided that he was going to get you back in the game. He called it Operation Cygnus. I didn't tell him anything else about your past, but I did tell him that you loved him so much, that you wanted to do anything for him and you just wanted to keep him safe. I promise, everything is fine now, and he hasn't brought it up since." Regina said.
Emma let out a long sigh. She had never wanted to hurt her son, she only wanted to protect him from the pain that she had felt so many years ago. She never realized that by keeping him in the dark and not showing him her pain, she only opened him up for a different kind of pain.
"I really screwed things up with him didn't I?" Emma asked.
"Not at all!" Ruby said, "I am sure he was just worried about his mom. Emma you know we all think that you are amazing, and Henry idolizes you. He just wants to make sure that you are as happy as you make him."
With that Emma smiled, not quite sure what to say about the subject anymore. She didn't quite understand Henry's concern for her. He had grown up around a lot of people who were in loving and stable relationships, so why should he worry about her life? He had others to look up too, yet at the same time, she knew that it was different to see your mom alone at most functions, but all her friends in committed relationships. In the end, all she wanted to do was make Henry happy and make sure nothing happened to him.
"OK, well get on with it." Ruby announced, "We know more happened after your discussion with him about Henry, so tell us what happened!"
"Well, after my breakdown about Henry and Neal, he drove me home. He kept apologizing for everything I went through. He just kept saying all these amazing thing. Then as the night ended, he said that he had won my heart once before, and he was going to win it again." She said, smiling at the memory that had kept her up half the night. She was excited to hear that he wanted to win her heart again, but she had so much trepidation with his admission.
"That's amazing Emma! He is finally going to prove to you how much he cares. It's romantic!" Belle gushed.
"Yes, that is amazing Emma, but come on, give us something juicy!" Ruby cried. She knew she couldn't hide it any longer.
"Yes, there was a good night kiss." Emma said blushing.
The girls all squealed. Well, Mary Margaret and Belle squealed, Ruby let out a "hot damn" and Regina just nodded and took another sip of her drink. It was what she expected from each of them. In fact, she had to second Ruby's statement.
"Tell us all about it, before Ruby pees her pants with excitement." Regina said, laughing at how the woman was shaking with excitement in her seat.
Emma went into the story of the night and the kiss. She couldn't help but to grin like a child on Christmas morning when she described how she felt finally kissing him.
"I had dreamt about that moment for years, and now that it happened, it was so much more than I had ever expected. I had never been kissed like that before. It was intense, but passionate and loving." Emma gushed.
They spent the rest of brunch discussing Killian's presence, all the while Emma's fears were drifting away. She knew that there was a chance that Killian could leave again, that he could break her heart all over again, but Mary Margaret was right, love was worth it. He was worth it.
KILLIAN'S POV
Killian woke up the next morning in a state of euphoria. He had finally gone on a date with Emma last night, and even though there were ups and downs, it was the best night of his life so far. He was surprised for sure to hear about Emma's time after he left, about Henry's father and conception, yet at the same time he felt overwhelmed with joy that she would trust him with her story.
He had spent the past ten years with intense anger at how he left, and now that he was back, he was going to make sure that she never was hurt again. He would spend each day for the rest of his life apologizing for putting her through such an ordeal. Even though he wasn't primarily responsible for Henry being alive, he still felt the need to apologize to her for that, because if he really thought about it, he felt at fault. She had mentioned to him that she wanted him to be her first; her last, and he had wanted the same thing. In fact, he was actually a bit jealous of this Neal lad when Emma mentioned him: it should have been him to be with Emma her first time, it should have been him to be Henry's father. The thought was only in his head for a minute, but it was there. He should have acted sooner in high school, he should have told her what was going on in his life. He was going to spend the rest of his life making it up to her and he was going to make sure that she got the life she deserved.
He climbed out of bed and grabbed his phone to text Graham. Graham may only be a deputy for the local force, but he also knew some of the local realtors. He had found a place for his business to grow; now he just needed to find a place for his family to grow.
KILLIAN: Hey mate, can you meet me in thirty minutes. I need to take a look at some houses.
GRAHAM: Sure, Ruby and the girls are at brunch, so I am free. Meet you at the high school!
Killian decided that bringing Lily along wouldn't be the best thing. Yes, what she had to say mattered, but he also wanted to surprise her with a real home. They hadn't lived in a real home: always staying in flats or townhomes in London. But here, he wanted her to have a perfect childhood, with a house that had a large yard and a pool. He wanted to make her happy, but he also wanted to make another two people happy with his choice too. So instead of Lily going with him, he called Smee over to watch her.
When Smee arrived a few minutes later, Lily ran into the man's arms. Many would think that Killian having Smee babysit Lily was wrong or stupid: Smee was his assistance, not his babysitter, but Smee had been watching her since Killian came over to London and his sister loved the man almost as much as she loved her brother.
Killian drove past the hospital and back to the high school he once attended. Memories flooded through his mind again, the same way they had a few nights before when he rushed Lily to the hospital. He had loved his time at the school. He was glad Graham had asked to meet here: he wanted a house in this school district; he wanted Lily to go to the same school he did. The neighborhood he grew up in was one of the best in the area, and he couldn't wait to give Lily the opportunities he had.
"Hey mate, how was the date last night?" Graham asked him as he got out of the car.
"Bloody fantastic!" Killian confessed. "But you know at the same time, I'm worried. I can tell that she is still hiding behind her walls. I am worried that she will never be able to lose her fear and just be herself again. I understand that I shattered her when I left, but I am having a hard time imagining Emma as someone completely different from the girl I loved. I hated myself every day for what I put her through, for what I put all of you through, but I had to make sure that everyone was safe and that you all continued on with your lives in a way you all deserved. She told me about Henry and Neal, and how just my leaving changed who she was."
Graham interrupted, "what do you mean she told you about Henry and Neal?"
"She told me about how after I left, she became a different person. How she started to drink a lot and party. I just cannot picture Emma like that. I know I hurt her, but I didn't think I could cause her to completely change her personality. To hear her tell me about how she met Neal and about Henry, I was just so surprised and upset about it. Not upset with her, but with myself. If I hadn't left, then…" Killian was suddenly interrupted.
"Listen, don't go there. I know you think that your departure caused Emma to have all these issues, but what has happened is in the past. Emma doesn't hold any of that against you. Sure, she is angry that you left and how you left, but she doesn't blame you for anything that happened after. Also, if she is talking to you about Neal, her walls are already down. It sounds like she has told you more about Neal than she has the rest of us." Graham said.
"What do you mean?" Killian asked.
"Well, we only met Neal twice, I think. Emma didn't really tell us much about him. We just knew they met at a party and he was Henry's father. She had shown up at Mary Margaret's dorm one night in tears, saying that Neal died in a car accident and that she was all alone. A week later all the girls moved out of their dorms and moved into Emma's grandparent's old house. That was the last we ever heard about Neal and we never spoke of him again." Graham added.
Killian was a bit surprised that Graham was saying that Emma didn't talk to their group. They had always been so supportive of each other, always telling each other their secrets. Sure, Killian had been her best friend, but Emma had always been able to talk to the girls too.
Killian was getting upset. He knew that Emma was going to be hurt when he left, but he thought the group would take care of her, and now hearing that they didn't really know the story of Neal and Emma upset him. Why didn't they take care of her? But he also was angry with himself. He knew that this was his fault.
Graham continued, "We were there for her as much as we could have been. When you left though, her life shattered, and we couldn't only help so much. We tried to glue her life back together, but she had to do some of that repair too, and some of the pieces just got glued back differently than before. She isn't going to be the same girl you fell in love with. She dealt with so much, from you leaving, to Henry's father dying, to Henry being born, to medical school and a lot of judgments. She did the best she could, and for what it is worth: she has done a terrific job and truly has raised a wonderful boy and has done amazing things with her life. "
With Graham's explanation Killian started to realize exactly what had been worrying him about the previous night. Emma wasn't the same girl he had fallen in love with, she had turned into something so much more. She had turned into such a strong woman, who truly deserved the world.
"I guess underneath it all, I am just worried that I am not going to be enough for her anymore. That what I felt for her years ago will not be enough will be different." Killian confessed. "I love that woman. She had always been my everything, even when I didn't realize what that meant. I will always love her. That's why I left, and in the end, that is why I came back. Yet, what if the love I have for her isn't what she needs, what if it isn't good enough?"
"Mate, what you felt for Emma ten years ago may have been real, but it was new and you were young. Love doesn't stay the same, it changes, and it evolves. It doesn't lessen what it was, but it makes it stronger. I thought I loved Ruby in high school, but as the years went on, I realized what I felt for her was just a puppy love. Yes, it was love, but it has grown over time. What I realized was that no matter what, love, and unconditional love will always be good enough." Graham advised.
"I just want her to know that I am here. I am not leaving; I will never make her feel like she isn't good enough ever again. I never want her to think that she is a problem, especially when she is the answer to everything for me. I am going to spend my entire life making sure that she realizes that. I will never stop apologizing for what I did to her. I will never stop loving her." Killian said.
"That's amazing mate. So what do you need my help with then?" Graham asked. They had been talking outside in the parking lot for a while now, and it was time for Killian to tell Graham exactly what he was going to do to win Emma back, and make sure that she knew he would be there forever.
"I need you to help me find a house." Killian said, "and it needs to be the perfect one."
"OK." Graham said, "I texted Blue this morning and she has a few options that she thinks will work. She didn't know your price point, but I told her not to set one, as long as it was in our old neighborhood, you would be happy with the listings. I printed out the listings she sent."
Killian was taking a look at the pictures when his eyes landed on one listing that he just knew would be perfect. The house staring back at him was one that he had dreamed about living in since he had moved into the neighborhood years ago. His dream home was staring up at him.
A/N: Thanks for reading! I have chapter eight and nine almost finished, so I might have them up soon! I hope you all enjoyed – again, please please please review!
