A/N: …hi?

First off, the immense guilt I'm feeling right now is just unbearable, so I'm going to get the ball rolling with a big fat helping of I'M SORRY. My story has been left alone for months and I owe all you beautiful readers an apology. I wrote the seventh chapter (and the eighth) but my computer contracted some virus, and all my work got erased. I was very uninspired after that. Then I had exams, so no updating there – and I've been overseas for every single one of my holidays since then. Heck, I'm going to Japan in a few days! Now I just finished my exams, a term early as well, so I have a lot more time to write, and I promise you guys, I will write. (Because I'm so great at keeping my promises…)

I spent some time reading every single beautiful review you guys wrote me. Honestly, it brought tears to my eyes; you guys are just too lovely. I really am a lucky duck. Quack you, quack you, and quack you.

In other news, I have changed the titles of my chapters to show a song that I thought suited the chapter, or I listened to while writing :) I highly recommend them!

I'd like to give a quick shout out to the amazing AusisWinds-13, for just being all round lovely and amazing. This one's for you, Ausis :)

Disclaimer: Don't own. I do own the games KH1, KH re: Chain of Memories, KH2, KH 358/2 Days, KH re: Coded, and KH Dream Drop Distance (yeah, no BBS fow me D:), so I consider myself pretty lucky.


Chapter 7: Shattered


"Dad was killed because he knew their all about their dirty little secret."


Shock.

It's that mind numbing feeling that courses through every nerve in your body. It renders you speechless, causes your hair to stand on end (not that I needed any help with that), makes your blood to freeze in your veins like ice and elevates your pulse to astronomical levels.

And it wasn't what I was feeling at the moment.

I just felt…numb. Maybe I had to wait for the news to sink in.

But right now, facing Cloud's stoic, but expectant face I had to supply an appropriate reaction, to ensure that his story had not gone to waste on me. And it hadn't. I just needed some time, I'm sure. But right now, I was…almost indifferent. I felt heartless. Like there wasn't anything inside me. I didn't just have one bomb dropped on me, I had two. And yet…I felt so hollow; so shell-like.

Maybe because it's in the past. I always try to make sure I don't dwell on things that have passed. But they have the tendency to sneak up on me when I'm least expecting it, and I knew that the pain that I was trying so hard to keep at bay would hit me when I was alone.

Cloud stared at me, his face was relaxed but his muscles in his shoulders and back were tight with stress and tension; he was filled with anticipation. I needed to put the poor guy out of his misery, in a way that didn't involve killing him.

"Cloud, I-" I attempted to speak. He raised a hand, effectively cutting me off.

"I know what you're thinking," he said, ominously. Well by all means, please tell me because I can't even begin to process my thoughts.

"Sora," he resumed. "You try too hard to block everything out."

I gaped at this. How did he...?

He continued, "To pretend that events and people don't mean anything to you. But the harder you push it away…the more it's going to hurt. The more it's going to kill you. I…I learned that the hard way."

Now I really was shocked. But I didn't say anything, instead I just nodded. Cloud's eyes were downcast, and his fists were clenching and unclenching. His sky coloured eyes suddenly snapped up to mine, and I took a startled step back.

"Don't tell Aerith about…him. Tell her the other stuff…just not this. She's been through enough to have this added on. Tell her about Zack. Just not about–"

"I get it, Cloud. Don't worry."

Cloud nodded at me, and sat down on the floor. I had never seen him so…defeated. A pang of sadness hit me, but I ignored it. His spikes were drooping slightly and his arms were wrapped around himself loosely – I felt like I needed to comfort him, but I had no idea how to do that. He wasn't looking at me. Instead, he busied himself by running his fingers along the floor. I cautiously walked over, and sat beside him. He didn't say anything, just continued to trace patterns on the floor.

Ugh. This is awkward.

I decided to pat his shoulder, which was a mistake because the instant I lowered my hand to said shoulder, he gripped it and turned to me with a bewildered expression on his face. I instantly retracted my hand with rapid speed.

"What are you doing?" Cloud asked, his face twisted with an uncomfortable expression.

"Uh…comforting you?" I ventured, scratching my head. Cloud's blond eyebrows shot up his forehead.

"Well…stop." His face held an expression of complete bafflement. I nodded mutely, and quickly jumped up from my spot next to him. I could only handle so much awkwardness in one day.

"Um…I'm going to go talk to my mom, so…" I trailed off, hoping he'd get the hint.

"Oh. Oh yeah, you do that. Just remember what I told you." His eyes held a hardened expression.

I nodded dumbly. "Y-yeah. Okay."

The instant I left the house, I had to grab onto the fence for balance. A sick and dizzying feeling crept over me, and I felt like puking. My head was throbbing, and my thoughts were all mixed up. My dad, Kairi, Rikku, Ventus, Roxas, Mom, and now…him. I needed answers. I thought after my chat with Cloud, things would clear up and I would continue on with my blissfully ignorant existence, but alas, fate had other plans.

Clear head, Sora. I tried to tell myself. It'll work itself out, just go find Mom.

I began to jog down the street, my feet echoing loudly against the fairly empty street. Left, right, left, right, step, step, step. It was calming and my mind began to clear. Faster and faster I ran, until I was sprinting. My muscles began to burn with the exertion, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I believed that if I did, everything would catch up to me, and I wouldn't be able to fight the impending pain off. So I kept running, running away from my problems, running away from my feelings, running away from anything and everything that caused me strife.

It was a brief pleasurable moment, but like all good things it came to an end.

Eventually I was in front of my dumpy old home, panting heavily as the burn in my legs began to manifest itself. I felt an intense stitch in my right side and my heart was beating harder than it had in a while.

Inhale, exhale, inhale- Oh screw this!

I burst through the front door.

My mother was sitting by the kitchen table, calculating bills and various other financial requirements for her shop. She looked up at the intrusion, and her instantly face brightened when she saw me. Her smile slowly melted off my face when she noticed my dark expression and she instantly took off her reading glasses and hurried toward me. She placed her small hands on my shoulders and led me to our squishy old sofa. I didn't have the courage to even look at her. I knew the numbness wouldn't last. The pain, the…the loss everything was catching up to me and I felt sick.

"Sora," she murmured quietly to me. I continued to stare at my hands. "Sora, tell me what's wrong sweetheart."

Slowly I raised my gaze to meet with her shining green eyes. She smiled at me encouragingly and comfortingly. I took a deep breath.

"Mom," I began softly. "I went to see Cloud."

She looked confused, but she continued to brush my hair back from my face, and brought me closer to her. Her arms wrapped around me. "What did you see Cloud about?" She asked me.

This was it.

"I saw him…about Dad."

Her reaction was so instantaneous, even I wasn't ready for it.

"Zack?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. We barely spoke about him, only in passing really. My mother loved and cared for Cloud too much to ask what happened. I never understood why. If she really loved Dad…wouldn't she want to find out everything, regardless of what people felt? It made no sense.

"Mom…you know how they told us he had died in the field?" Mom nodded, her eyes tearing up. Shinra always sends a representative to the families who suffer casualties. We ended up with one of Dad's old friends, a redhead named Reno (who, now that I think about it, really resembled that Axel guy…) He bore the news with such a solemn, defeated expression on his face…it was so different than what we were used to from all the times that he would visit. It was as if he were robotic; delivering the news, offering condolences, and then leaving.

Mom rested her head on my shoulder and held my trembling hands in hers. It reminded me so much of when were dirt poor, with her doing everything she could to feed Roxas and I – with our hands always asking for more. She'd hold us close and tell us stories of the ancient Keyblade wielders who would protect the worlds as they fell into darkness. She'd sit us in her lap and sing us old Destiny Island songs in the traditional tongue that she'd bothered to learn when she first moved here. Poverty wasn't anything new to her, but having to take care of little kids without another helping hand was new. She never complained, and always did whatever she could to ensure that Roxas and I lived a decent life. She turned everything around by herself, with only a little help from the two of us.

If there was one love that I believed in, it was the love I had for her.

I didn't want to hurt her, but I knew she deserved the truth. Well, at least what I was asked to tell her. I cleared my throat; I was surprised by the roughness of it.

"Cloud and Dad…they found out some information on Shinra. Shinra was hosting these…experiments. Projects, almost. They were classified, and very, very illegal. They were harnessing pure negativity from the Dark Realm and infusing it within bodies. It was them who created the first Unversed, the beings that Ven was working to find out about. All of the creatures were destroyed, but the documents remained; and…" I could barely say the name, "…Xehanort found them."

Mom looked shocked, and confusion still lingered in her expression. I swallowed thickly.

"He recreated them, as you know, but not without discovering the source. Apparently it came from a being that Shinra experimented on – a…a body to host the negative energy. The notes that Cloud and Dad found said that Xehanort had infused something into the host body, so that it came out of a comatose state and was…living again."

Mom interrupted for the first time. "How did they…how did they know it was Xehanort?"

"His mark was left everywhere."

She nodded solemnly.

Every time Xehanort attacked or committed some form of act anywhere his mark, a large χ that would appear project over the entire area. That's how he first came to attention. The "chi" or "kye" as it's sometimes pronounced had one worldly meaning. Death.

"They kept the…body caged deep inside the Shinra compound where no one could see or hear it. But it began to think on its own, act on its own. Shinra knew they couldn't control it for too long, and they were going to move him to a safer-"

Mom interrupted again.

"Him?" She said questioningly.

"It." I corrected myself. Whatever it once was…it definitely isn't human anymore. My eyes felt watery, and I did my best to blink it away. Mom wasn't faring much better; tiny tears were leaking out of

"It was going to be moved to a different location. So Dad and Cloud decided that they were going to infiltrate Shinra and stop them; to expose Shinra's secret to the worlds and shut down the experiment. Only they were caught. Dad…he risked his life to give Cloud the chance to flee. Dad was killed because he knew all about their secret dirty little secret. And now…the very experiment that he was trying to shut down escaped. And I don't know-"

My voice choked, and I felt tears flowing freely down my face. I hadn't cried since…since…Rikku. But that wasn't important. My Mom, who was clutching me to her and who, despite it all, was still trying to comfort me over herself. Who was whispering in my ear to shush because me in pain caused her to feel pain, that she couldn't stand to see me cry, that she loved me.

And for the first time in a long time, I didn't think about my hatred for love. I didn't think about the fact that love was the cause of so much pain. I only thought about how it was love that was the only thing that got me through the despair that was suffocating me.

The only thing that got me through what I didn't want to tell her.

It would kill her if she knew who the host body of the experiment really was.

After the steady stream of tears dwindled to a simple trickle, Mom finally got up from her spot next to me. She kneeled in front of me and brushed her hand against my slightly damp cheek. I felt slightly emasculated for bawling – but Roxas wasn't here to give me a hard time (and besides, he's the more emotional twin) – and Mom looked at me with a sad smile gracing her lips.

"I'm going to make us some hot chocolate, okay sweetie? Then I'm going to call Roxas home." She pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, ruffled my hair and went to the kitchen.

In no time at all, my mother had become strong for me. Again.

But I had to get more answers. I only had a few pieces of a much bigger puzzle.

I thought about Cloud. How he blackmailed Shinra into giving both our families freedom and peace. How he forced Shinra to honour Dad, instead of shaming him with their lies. I wondered if anyone else in Shinra knew about Cloud and Dad's plan. Cloud…he'd be pissed if he knew what I was planning on asking Mom; he would say that she would figure it all out. But I took my chances. I needed to know.

"Mom," I called out. She turned toward me, her hands fiddling with the meticulously organized matching mugs she kept from when she lived in Midgar.

"Yes Sora? What is it?"

I gulped. Well here goes everything.

"It's about Vanitas…"

Whatever she was expecting me to ask about, it definitely wasn't that. It was random, completely off topic; only linked loosely to Dad by the mutual subject of family, in my Mom's mind. But I knew it held much more meaning and significance than she would understand.

She stared at me with a completely bewildered expression. It then fell into a saddened look, one she always wore whenever we brought up Vanitas or Ventus.

"What about Van, sweetheart?"

"I was just curious about… Well you… You said he died from neurological complications, right?"

"Yes…" She looked at me curiously, mixing the contents of the mugs.

"Where is he buried?"

She blinked owlishly at me. She took a deep breath. "Well, we didn't bury him. We had him cremated."

"Were you there at the cremation?" I asked instantly.

Her face, if it was even possible, turned even more perplexed. Then it morphed into a pained one.

"N-no. I wasn't there. I…I was going through a bad time, and Ven was too little to have to go through that and Zack…your dad didn't want to stress me out. So the hospital had him cremated and sent the ashes to us."

Damn it.

"Why…why do you want to know about this, Sora?" Mom asked me curiously.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "If we're getting everything out in the open…"

She nodded, and smiled understandingly, placing two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the kitchen counter. I hurried over to grab one. We sipped in companionable silence.

"What hospital was Vanitas treated in again?" I asked, casually.

Mom thought for a while. Then she frowned.

"The Shinra one. Shinra's Children's Hospital," she murmured darkly.

I froze for an instant. Crap. Cloud wasn't kidding.

"Oh." I said simply.

I didn't press on the topic again.

When Roxas finally did show, it was late and I was already getting ready for bed. I heard Mom call him up to her room, and I knew that she was going to tell him about Dad.

I nestled deeper into my covers and stared at the glow in the dark stars that Roxas and I stuck on our ceiling aeons ago. I knew then, that there was no way I was going to get any sleep tonight. I couldn't just lie there, could I?

I crept out of my bed, and padded toward my mother's room. I peered through the gap between the slightly open door. Roxas was lying next to Mom, tears silently streaming down his face as he slept. She was stroking his hair, and staring blankly at the wall in front of her. I gently pushed the door open. Her gaze snapped to mine, and she smiled sadly at me. I crept up to her side, and crawled in next to her.

I couldn't remember the last time I had cuddled up to her; it must have been back when I was too little to understand what was going on. But I knew I was safe in those arms, loved even.

"I love you, Mom," I whispered to her, before the cool sensation of sleep overtook me.


A/N: Ugh god. I was going to cut this chapter even shorter, but I thought you guys deserved more for waiting. The next chappie's coming real soon, so watch out for it! :D I have some happier stuff in store for you guys, so keep your eyes peeled for updates ;) It's late here and I am super tired, so when I apologize for any mistakes - please let me know if you find any!

As for the lines that I have yet to include into a chapter, they are all coming in the next one (finally, right?) and it shall be good!

Here's a refresher for those of you who have forgotten.


In the next instalments...

"AH! My virgin eyes!"

"No Shiki, don't touch that!"

"Ventus...?"


Word Count: 3 208