Disclaimer: i own nothing in this, harry potter and characters are the property of J. K. Rowling

This story is NOT mine, this was a good story that got removed, and despite everyone giving me and others bad messages, i believe this deserves to be on FanFiction, and unless im sent a message by someone representing FanFiction , or the original writer of this story, im not removing it, so dont bother trying.

other than that, enjoy the story :) feedback is always a good thing :)


Harry stepped into Diagon Alley with a smirk. It had been a long summer, but it had been worth it.

Dumbledore had not been kidding when he said there would be consequences. Harry had been denied access to any place outside the manor, only being let out of his room for meals and bathroom breaks, along with short trips to the library for books he needed for his summer. Harry smirked. As if. They hadn't even checked what books he was taking, seemingly taking comfort in the fact that they were sure he was suffering somehow. Idiots.

There was very little a first year could find for his summer homework in The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 4, after all.

The downside was that he had been forced to listen to his parents fawn all over his brother for the A's and E's he got in his OWLs, and had to listen to them console him about the P's and the T he had recieved in Potions, (Which somehow actually made James happy!). Harry had DONE his best not to gag, but he was sure he had recieved a few odd looks from across the table when he started choking with laughter around a mouthful of turkey when James clapped Henry on the back and assured him that getting a T from Snape was the equivelant of a O in his book.

Harry allowed himself another small chuckle as he pulled his OWL letter out and reread it.

.LEVEL's.

(O.W.L.s)

"O"Outstanding

"E"Exceeds Expectations

"A"Acceptable

"P"Poor

"D"Dreadful

"T"Troll

Harry James Potter has completed his first year at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft. His grades as follow are:

Defense Against the Dark Arts-O

Charms-O

Transfiguration-O

Care of Magical Creatures-O

Potions-A

History of Magic-O

Herbology-E

Arithmacy-O

Your child, in addition, has been recommended for advanced programs. Please sign at the bottom of the parchments attached if you wish to see about setting up such.

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonnagell?, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts

Harry had not been able to hold in a snort when he first read the last part. As if his parents would ever sign a parchment that in any way demeaned their golden boy. He had forged some signatures on the advanced classes sheets, but he wasn't sure if they would fly or not.

"Alright Henry-kins! We're going to saddle up for our next year at Hogwarts! Aren't you excited?" His mother gushed, as she and his father filed past, Henry at their heels.

"Muuum, don't call me that!" Henry whined. Harry sighed. If this continued, he might need to seek out a dark wizard in some back alley and ask him to AK him, to relieve him of this agony.

"She can't help it, son! Your second year at Hogwarts! I was so pumped that year! I remember that year. Sirius and I used to..." James took Henry by the shoulder, and led him to the side, obviously treating him to the tale of his bullying and pranking of some hapless child, which Henry was enjoying immensely, by the looks of it. Lily looked on with watery eyes, obivously glowing with happiness.

Harry coughed roughly, drawing her attention. The fondness all but disappeared, something that did not suprise him in the least, considering the screaming fit they had thrown the moment he had stepped off the Hogwarts Express. He ignored this and plowed on.

"I need to get my things." He stated, keeping as bland a face as possible. She nodded and dug into her handbag, before divvying up somewhere around 100 Galleons and putting them in a pouch, before handing them to him. Harry raised a eyebrow at the amount.

"Lockhart's books cost quite a bit. Don't spend it all on trinkets, because you're not getting any more." She told him sternly. Lockhart? Wasn't he that big blowhard that all the witches were screaming about? What was he doing on the curriculum? Harry shrugged and walked off into Diagon Alley, leaving his mother to fawn. It was probably one of the female proffessors getting a fetish. He secretly suspected Sprout.

Harry felt a odd sense of freedom as he wandered in. He checked the money and counted it more precisely. 107 Galleons. Harry was not far off in his estimate. He put the money away, and headed in the direction of Flourish and Blotts. It would not do to underestimate the price of the books.

Of course, he was quite suprised when he found along line of middle aged witches, all blushing and looking nearly blinding in the amount of perfume and makeup they were outfitted in. His mind quickly assessed the sparse reasons that a huge line of witches would lineup at the store. Of course, he groaned out loud a second before a loud, boisterous voice drifted from the bookstore, sending nearly every witch there into conniptions of squeals.

"Come one! Come all! Gilderoy Lockhart has time and man enough for all of you!" Harry was half suprised that the horde of women didn't crucify him for the blatantly chaveaunistic line, but it just sent them into further squeals.

Harry eyed the gaudy sign of the handsome blonde man grinning and giving all the witches a thumbs up and the occasional blown kiss. He sighed and resigned himself as he entered the store. Something was going to go wrong. He positively knew it.

He was not disappointed, as three steps in, there was a loud cry of "GREAT MERLIN! Is that Henry Potter!" and the the tall baby eyed man nearly tackled him, swinging a arm around his shoulder. The reporters all immiediately turned, and Harry was subjected to the sensation of flash blindness as nearly every bulb went off at once. Harry blinked rapidly to clear the stars from his eyes.

Harry let out a loud sigh. "Excuse me, Mr Lockhart." The man ignored him, jabbering like a monkey about how he was going to make him great. "MR LOCKHART." He tried more forcefully. The man stopped and blinked at him blearily. "I'm not Henry Potter. I'm his brother, Harry."

There was a uncomfortable silence except for the flashing of cameras as they tried to capture every possible angle of Gilderoy Lockhart looking dumbstruck. He then rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, and bent down to his level.

"Sorry about that kiddo." He gave another million Galleon smile. "Would you tell me where he is?" Harry sighed boredly and pointed down Diagon Alley, where his family was being mobbed by a cacophany of eager witches and wizards, all wanting to shake the hand of the Boy-Who-Lived?.

"GREAT!" He yelled, nearly knocking Harry over with a thunderous pat on the back. "As my thanks, you may have my entire collection! All autographed and signed personally by me! Gilderoy Lockhart!" He pushed a large stack of books into Harry's arms, and sprinted off towards Henry, hounded quickly by the reporters and photographers, leaving only Harry and a large group of witches with their books unsigned, looking very disgruntled.

Harry smirked as a positively genius idea struck him.

"Ladies!" The women all turned to look at him. Most were hungrily eyeing the pile of books in his arms. He gave them a winning smile and picked up one of the books of the pile, and opened the cover. There was the man's signature, along with what seemed to be a...kiss mark. Harry held in a grimace. The looks on the women's faces turned positively cannibalistic. "I'm sure we can come to an arrangement. After all, what need have I signed copies, when all I need are his books themselves? I would be perfectly willing to trade these to you, for a perfectly reasonable price, of course. I'll start the bidding at 5 Gall-"

"I'll give you 40 Galleons for that book! And my unsigned copy!" One of the witches blurted, and that set them off.

Around a hour later...

Damn, who would've thought he was that popular? Thought Harry, as he eyed his now 435 Galleon richer budget, along with his now perfectly normal set of Lockhart books. Harry quickly plucked a few extra books off the shelves that caught his eye, such as Archibald the Hunter's Jinxing Favorites, Legends:Wizarding Tales, New and Old, The Encyclopedia of Nasty Transfigurations, and The Diary of Emrys:Merlin's Final Days. Harry had already nicked his other curriculum books out of the family library, so he could splurge on whatever he wished. He quickly paid for them and left.

He briefly checked his list. He was supposed to meet Matt and Luna at the ice cream shop in around a hour, so he had plenty of time. Time for a stop at Gringotts.

He quickly felt the calming wards of Gringotts wash over him as he stepped thorugh the marble doors. It was very smart of them to put them there. They would most certainly lower chances of fights in Gringotts. He quickly accosted one of the goblin tellers not occupied.

"Excuse me..." The short goblin turned to face him. It's perpetual sneer deepened.

"I am Gringotts Teller Snatcheye. What can I help you with?" Harry nodded respectfully.

"I'd like to open a personal vault." Snatcheye looked at him disdainfully.

"You are aware there is a minimum 100 Galleon deposit rate?" He drawled. Harry coolly opened his pouch, revealing the now 512 Galleons inside. Snatcheye's eyes widened fractionally, and he hopped off his stool, motioning for Harry to follow.

He led Harry to a small office, where he took a seat behind a desk, and began pulling paperwork from a plethora of places, all of it looking positively dreadful. He talked as he worked, handing Harry a quill and inkpot which he immiediately took and set to the forms.

"Who would you like the vault under?" The goblin steepled it's fingers around it's stomach.

"Harry James Potter." The goblin waved it's hand, and the quill on his paper began scribbling furiously.

"Age?"

"Thirteen."

"Birthplace?"

"Godric's Hollow, England."

The questions continued, until Harry finally took a small knife and dripped a drop of blood onto the parchment. The Goblin took the parchment and rolled it up, storing it in one of the file cabinets. Snatcheye held out his hand.

"Welcome to Gringotts, mister Potter. I look forward to seeing you in the future." Harry nodded and shook his hand.

"Likewise." Harry opened his pouch and shoveled out roughly 400 of his newfound wealth. Snatcheye quickly divided it up, and snatched a quill and pen.

"So your first deposit will be 407 Galleons?" Harry nodded. It was close enough, leaving him with a still hefty sum of 105 to spend. He was more suprised by the gbolins ability to tally it so precisely in a single glance. Snatcheye quickly produced a Bottomless Bag and scooped up the small treasure trove of Galleons. Harry knew it would be perfectly safe in the teller's hands. Harry nodded and left.

He consulted his list. Fourty minutes to go. Great.

First, he headed to Madam Malkins Robes for All Occasions, purchasing his regular school robes, along with dragon hide gloves for Potions of the highest quality. The one's last year had been castaways of Henry's, just like usual. Also on the list this year, to his suprise, was a set of dress robes. Harry shrugged, and ordered some in the finest black and green, with silver hems. He smirked at his image, and laughed outright when the magical mirror told him he had a fine arse. He left the place in a rather good mood.

Next stop, he purchased his cauldron and some Potions tools. He was determined not to let Snape have a excuse to give him poor grades again. He was going to excel in every class, damn it, even if he had to shove his potions under Snape's greasy nose to prove it.

He drifted idly around the pet shop for a while, admiring the snakes, and talking with them while the woman at the counter wasn't looking. Snakes had a remarkable penchant for sarcastic and witty humour, something that Harry greatly appreciated. He already had Ico, although he had stayed at Hogwarts to explore, which was a reasonable request, considering the castle was VERY large, and would take some time to fully traverse.

Harry had the distinct pleasure of witnessing a brawl between Mr Weasley and Lucius Malfoy when he decided to browse the bookstore. Arthur was a very kind man, truly, but he was a bit too naive for his own good. Arthur had escaped with a few bruises and a severe tongue lashing from his wife. But he didn't stop grinning at the sight of the shiner he had given Lucius, along with the rapidly swelling black eye. Harry shook his head. Honestly! Grown men, nay, grown wizards fighting in a bookshop! With their fists, no less. Barbaric.

Harry nearly did a double take when he realized the time. He sprinted quickly over to the ice cream shop.

He did a quick once over of the area. He couldn't spot Matt or Luna anywhere. Then he sensed a familiar presence behind him, and hid a wry grin as Matt clapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey Harry, hows it go-WHOAH!" Matt yelled as he was promptly grabbed by his hand and flipped over Harry's shoulder, landing with a painful sounding thump on the ground in front of Harry. Harry put a foot on Matt's chest.

"You're late." He drawled, just as Matt degenerated into sputtering curses.

"You bastard! You mother-" He quickly stopped as he eyed the many mothers around him giving him a steely glare. He got up and patted off his robes, then flashed Harry a grin.

"So those practical excercise and defense theory books I sent you actually worked?" Harry nodded. Matt whistled. "Damn, I'm going to have to be more careful around you if you're going to start pulling that kung-fu shit around me." He ignored the angry mother's gasps and finger shaking. Harry smiled and walked past him, punching him lightly in the stomach. Matt wheezed a bit.

"It's called judo, you twat." Matt grinned and just waved him off. He took a seat under one of the large multicolored umbrellas.

"Now all we're missing is-"

"Harry! Matt!" Both boys turned to see Luna trotting up to them, with a jubilee of bags on her hands. It looked as though she had stolen a logo printer from all the fashion designs on the bags. Harry raised a eyebrow at her.

"So you took my suggestion?" Luna nodded and beamed happily.

"Who would've known that Muggles had such great clothes! And shoes! And-" Matt coughed, at Luna turned.

"What." Matt smirked.

"Luna, you must remember, we are men, and are therefore laking the part of the brain that allows for us to hold long, deep conversations over the topic of fashion." He sat back and chuckled, before hissing sharply and glaring at her. "Hey! Don't kick me!" She turned her head and sniffed sharply.

"Or lacking the brain altogether." She retorted, and Harry snorted. Matt shrugged, and reached into his bag, before pulling out a knife. It looked, in all respects, as a Swiss Army knife.

"Check this sucker out." Matt breathed. "Knife of the Living Dead. I bought it down in Knockturn Alley out of some shady shop called Borgin and Burkes. Apparently, one cut with this, and you're out like a light for while. Depends on the size of the cut." Harry nodded, turning it around in his hands.

"Nice piece. Good balance. Probably'll be dead useful in knocking out those magical creatures you said you got ingrediants off." Matt grinned and nodded, before pocketing the knife.

"That's what I thought when I bought it."

Harry glanced at his ticket, watching the time on it magically counting down. He turned to his friends.

"We should get going to Kings Cross." He watched as his friends pulled out their tickets, checking them, before nodding and following him as he walked out of the ice cream shop and shortly thereafter, Diagon Alley.

The Hogwarts Express had not changed at all from last year, still large, flashy, and blatantly Gryffindor favoritist. Harry eyed it with visible disgust, before reluctantly stepping on board.

The three were rather early, so they had the pleasure of picking and choosing their compartment. Luna had had a bit of trouble navigating the corridors, looking a bit like a coatrack with all those bags hanging off of her. Harry had shrunk them quickly with a assurance to Luna that he could unshrink them as same as before.

"Luna, you DO know that they don't allow you to wear anything but robes in school, right?" He asked bemusedly. She didn't even falter.

"Well, they moved up the year that students can travel to Hogsmeade. Second years can go now, too, with permission from parents." Harry's eyes rose, then his face darkened a bit. He supposed that his parents had signed Henry's sheet, but omitted his. Maybe another forgery was merited. in this situation. Or, if that didn't work, maybe a talk with Flitwick.

"Really? I guess I'll have to owl Dad for some of my clothes. I only brought robes." Matt inspected his plain robes with a hint of disgust. "Seriously, can't they have the tiniest bit of imagination? All black? I bet their heads would explode if we suggested a free dress code. Damn taskmasters." Luna nearly squealed at the end of the sentence.

"And I have all these clothes!" She gushed. "All the other girls are going to be so jealous!" She began rifling through her bags, bringing out and showing various articles of clothes to two unattentive boys. Even Hedwig seemed a bit annoyed with the constant squealing, giving a indignant hoot at a particularly loud one. Matt gave Luna a bored stare.

"Luna, Harry's owl says you're annoying. Quiet down." Luna's mouth snapped shut, and she gave him a glare.

"Well, tell her that she can deal with it." Matt turned lazily to Hedwig, and a few chirps, hoots and caws emanted from Matt's open mouth, sounding quite out of place. Hedwig hooted a few more times. Matt turned back to Luna.

"She says to quit it before she takes a dump on your pillow." Luna looked about to retort, but then noticed the very humanlike glare she was recieving from the snowy owl, and wisely shut up.

The rest of the ride was generally uneventful.

"...and finally, Welcome, all, you your next year at Hogwarts!" Dumbledore beamed out at all the young faces, most of which were silently urging him with their minds to get on with it and put the food on the tables. His eyes twinkled, and he waved his hands, conjuring food onto all of the plates.

"Finally!" Matt groaned, before digging in. Harry smiled slightly and piled up his plate with a balanced meal, before eating at a much more sedate pace than his overeager friend. Luna was off to the side, gabbing with one of her girlfriends about her new clothes no doubt.

Finally, back home. And to Harry, it was home, much more a home than Potter Manor ever was. He let himself breath in the musky scent, coupled with the scent of well cooked food. Yep, there was nothing that could go wrong n-

"HELLO ALL!" Harry froze, as the tell tale sound of the Great Hall doors being opened quieted the hall, so all the students could all stare at the newcomer. He shut his eyes tightly, mentally wishing his genius brain was not so damn smart, as he had aready assimilated the only reason as to why that person could be here, taking in the book choice, and the missing seat at the teachers table. He shook his head rapidly, quickly spiraling into desperate denial.

Oh my God, my luck isn't that bad, is it?

"You wouldn't BELIEVE what happened to me!"

It was.

Dumbledore stood up, beaming, and waved his hands at the newcomer.

"Everyone, please welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher!"

"Mr Gilderoy Lockhart!"

Fuck.

Harry turned finally, to see the blond man in sky blue robes, grinning fit to blind them all with his perfect white teeth. He looked as if he had just changed. Most of the females in the hall were looking at him starry eyed, including the professors. He flet a bit disappointed when he saw Professor Vector mimicking Professor Trelawney, The Divinations Professor, as they gave him calf eyes. Harry thought she would be more sensible, being the Arithmacy teacher and all. A shame.

He was also thouroughly relieved when he heard Luna snort in disgust next to him.

Lockhart strode purposely up to the front of the hall, before turning around and proceding to spout the most amount of meaningless drivel he had ever heard come out of a human mouth. It somehow described him wrestling a troll, out screaming a banshee and winning a staring contest with a basilisk all on the way to the Great Hall.

"People actually listen to this fool?" Harry whispered disbelievingly, earning several heated glares from girls around him. Matt nodded in agreement next to him, his mouth still agape in disbelief.

Lockhart finished up his ovation, still beaming idioticly, before taking a seat in between Professor Sinistra, the Runes teacher, and Sprout, both eyeing him with visible disgust.

Harry moaned miserably and put his head on the wooden table. It was going to be a loooooong year.

As soon as Harry entered his dormitory, he was greeted by the comforting sight of Ico slithering around on his bed. He was a bit worried, however, as the figure-eight he was tracing meant he was already very distressed.

Harry reached out a heisistant hand. to the agitated snake. Ico abruptly spotted him, and immiediately coiled and leapt at him, babbling in Parceltongue.

"Harry! Vorpala'ssss eyesss! You 're not going to believe-huh?" Ico, hitting Harry directly in the chest, immiediately emitted a flash of light.

Suddenly, Ico grew a good 7 inches, and a few in diameter. Harry, not expecting the weight, toppled to the ground with the snake on top of him. The snake's head rose, inspecting it's new height.

"Wow! I got bigger!" The Ico's mouth opened and closed a few times, revealing fangs now much larger. "My fangssss too! And I feel something sssstrange in my mouth." The jaw muscles on Ico's head tightened visibly, and a large purple drop slid down one of the fangs, landing with a splat next to Harry's head. Harry whitened a bit when the stone started to sizzle, and squirmed away a bit. "Excellent! I have accccid sssacs! There are a couple more new sssacs. Hold on..." Harry's eyes widened as drops of new colors slid down the fangs, and Harry had to twist out of the way as they fell down on the stone under him. Ico was oblivious, still fawning over himself.

"I feel sssso much more powerful! Sssscales of the Wyrmsss, I am sssooooo...how do you ssay it, Harry? Yess! I am ssso badassss!" Harry, having quite enough of this, pushed the snake to the side, rubbing his sore chest. Ico was still pondering. "But how,?"

"You foolisssh garden ssssnake!" Harry spat. "You are my familiar, of coursssse you grew! Your sssize is directly proportionate to my magic!" Ico snapped out of it at the sound of Harry's voice.

"Harry! Harry!"

Harry heaved a huge sigh. "What."

"There's another sssssnake at Hogwartssssss!" Harry immiediately sat up.

"What? Are you ssssure?"

"Yessss! The ssssscent is a bit old, but it isssss here, I can feel it! It smellssss extremely old, and powerful!"

Harry groaned and put his head in his hands. Could his year get any more complicated?