Disclaimer: I don't own Love Live.
Honoka couldn't help but fidget under the awkward atmosphere that had taken over her room as soon as she had arrived with Umi. She sat across the table from her friend, neither of them had said a word since they had left school, and it had created an unsettling feeling that she wasn't entirely sure how to get rid of.
It was one of the rare occasions where Honoka was at a loss for words. She wasn't sure what she could say to Umi in order to break the atmosphere, while also making sure that whatever she said didn't bring up any awkward discussions about Umi's relationship.
Honoka fiddled the cup of tea on the table in front of her while while trying to think of something, or anything, to say in order to dispel this awkward feeling. Umi was the first to finally break the silence.
"I wasn't interrupting anything was I?"
The question took Honoka off guard, causing her to look up at Umi who was staring at her with a troubled expression, one that Honoka didn't see all that often.
"U-Umm, what do you mean Umi-chan?" Honoka stuttered her own question in reply, which Umi didn't seem very happy with.
"I just hope I wasn't getting in the way of any plans you had." Umi answered, still looking at Honoka. "It seemed like you and Nozomi already had something planned this afternoon."
"Well we were going to go get some food together after practice today," Honoka noticed Umi grimace at the admission and quickly spoke back up. "But don't worry about that Umi-chan. Nozomi-chan said it was alright, and you looked like you really needed someone to talk to."
"I'm sorry," Umi meekly stated looking away from Honoka, she could feel her emotions starting to come to the surface.
"You don't have to be sorry for anything Umi-chan, you didn't do anything wrong." Honoka replied with her best smile, trying to lighten the mood, but Umi was unfazed.
"I really messed up today."
Honoka thought it would be best if Umi let her problems out, so she decided to simply sit and listen while Umi vented.
"I had a fight with Eli." Umi started, while staring down at the cup in her hand. "It wasn't even something all that important, but we ended up fighting about it anyway. I was frustrated all day after the fight and I took it out on you and everyone else. I made practice harder on everyone because of it too. "
Honoka kept quiet while Umi started to let out her bottled feelings from the day. It wasn't often that Umi opened up to Honoka with her problems, but when she did it usually came out all at once.
"Everyone must think I'm some horrible person, taking out my frustrations on them like that," Umi stated, while finally looking up to Honoka.
"Nobody thinks you're a horrible person Umi-chan," Honoka said, looking up to meet Umi's eyes which had a small shine. "We all understand that everyone has bad days every once in a while, even you."
"But I let my relationship get in the way of practice," Umi was becoming voice was becoming louder. "I told myself that I wouldn't let my feelings for Eli get in the way of practice or my friendships, but I guess I kinda messed up both."
"We're still friends Umi-chan. One little mess up like this isn't going to change that, you know that."
Umi relaxed slightly at Honoka's words. She should have known that Honoka would have never doubted their friendship, even without spending much time together the past couple of weeks.
"You're right," Umi sighed as her mood brightened slightly. "We're still friends, even if we haven't been spending time together like we used to."
"And we always will be Umi-chan."
Umi smiled at Honoka, and could feel her insecurities about her friendships beginning to fade. Though her fight with Eli still weighed heavily, it would be easier to think about without having to question if she was being a good enough friend to not only Honoka and Kotori, but the rest of Muse as well.
Honoka saw Umi finally begin to relax and the tense atmosphere from before begin to fade, but there was one lingering issue that hadn't been sorted out. She just hoped that she wouldn't be overstepping her bounds by bringing it up.
"Umi-chan?" Umi tilted her head slightly and looked to Honoka urging her to continue. "What were you and Eli-chan fighting about?"
Honoka's question was met with silence that lasted almost a minute as Umi looked down at the table and didn't answer.
"I'm sorry Umi-chan," Honoka apologized. "If you don't want to talk about it that's fine."
"No," Umi looked up from the table and back at Honoka. "I'll tell you. It sort of involves you anyway."
Honoka kept quite and looked on at Umi, deciding to just let her continue.
"Eli and I were eating lunch like usual, and everything was going fine. We had made plans earlier this week to go out and have dinner today after practice, but I started thinking about some things today, like about my friendship with you and Kotori." Umi ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "I told Eli that I wanted to spend time with you guys today, and we could go out sometime next week instead. Eli wasn't very happy about that."
"Well that was kinda rude Umi-chan," Honoka meekly stated.
"I know I know," Umi dejectedly said, "Eli started to get mad and we just started arguing. She said that we were dating now and that it was only normal to spend more time together. She kept telling me that you'd understand, but that just made me even more upset."
"She's right Umi-chan," Honoka interrupted. "You two are dating now so of course you'd start spending more time together."
Umi sighed, "I know that, and I really do want to spend more time with her. I just didn't want to make my friends feel left out because I wasn't spending time with them."
"Well I am a little sad that we aren't spending time together like we used to," Umi's face fell at Honoka's admission."But like I already said Umi-chan. We're always going to be friends no matter what, so you shouldn't worry about that stuff and just have fun with Eli-chan," Honoka finished with an infectious smile that Umi couldn't help but return.
"You're right Honoka, thanks."
Umi continued to smile back at Honoka, she'd made sure that her friendships were safe, but that didn't fix her relationship with Eli, and she wasn't entirely sure what to say to fix things.
"I really need to apologize to Eli," Umi said, shaking her head with a somber smile. "I feel like such an idiot."
"How about first thing tomorrow you can go and tell Eli-chan you're sorry."
"What should I say?"
"I don't know, I've never had a fight like that with someone," Honoka answered bluntly. "Why don't you just try and explain what you told me already, Eli-chan loves you and you lover her, so I'm sure she'd understand if you just explained it to her."
Honoka wondered when she was finally able to be so open with Eli and Umi's relationship. She wasn't sure if her feelings were gone, but she knew that they weren't having much of an affect on her, she almost felt comfortable with it. She couldn't help but think of the role Nozomi had played in helping her get to this point.
"W-Well I guess you're right," Umi was blushing and stuttering at Honoka's frankness toward her relationship. "I-I'll just tell her what we talked about and hope she understands."
"Don't worry Umi-chan, she will."
Umi finally found herself relaxing and becoming truly at ease for the first time all day. She knew that she still had to make up with Eli and properly apologize, but right now she felt at peace with everything and was happy to get all of her doubts pushed away. It was finally alright to just spend time together with Honoka like she used to.
"Well since I'm here Honoka, why don't I help you go over your homework," Umi stated, reaching for her bag to get out her school work.
"Oh I've already got my homework done."
"Really?" Umi asked, she wasn't sure that last time Honoka had done her work ahead of time without her help.
"Yeah, Nozomi-chan helped me with it the other day."
"That's good, I can trust Nozomi to keep you on track," Umi put her bag down and her homework away somewhat dejected. She was surprised that Honoka would go to anyone other then herself or Kotori for help.
"So what do you wanna do Umi-chan?" Honoka questioned with a tilt to her head.
Umi thought for a moment, it wasn't often that it was just the two of them, but there was something that only the two of them shared.
"Do you still have our book?" Umi asked, knowing that Honoka would understand what she was talking about.
"Of course I do," Honoka exclaimed, making her way over to her table where she kept the book. "Here it is, you know it's been a while since we've used it."
Honoka grabbed the well worn book and sat down directly next to Umi so the two of them could both look at it.
Honoka began flipping through the pages with Umi, each of them filled with all kinds of different stickers. Some pages they'd laugh together and recall some memory of how they got a certain sticker. While other pages filled with old worn stickers would get warm smiles and happy memories.
"We haven't gotten any new stickers in a while have we?" Umi asked, still flipping through some pages.
"No we haven't," Honoka said flipping to the last page in the book. "But we already filled this book."
"You're right," Umi turned the final page and closed the book. "Why don't we go get a new one?"
Honoka hesitated with her answer. Normally she would be eager to go out and get a new book with Umi, and start another great memory just like the one from before. But when she thought about starting a new book, she couldn't help but feel like she was going back on Nozomi, and that it might diminish the value of the new memory she was starting to make.
"Well actually, I already started a new book with someone," Honoka nervously answered, scratching the back of her head.
Umi was taken aback by Honoka's answer. She didn't think Honoka would ever tell anyone about their book, let alone start a new collection with someone else.
"Really?" Umi asked, Honoka nodded. "Who did you start it with?"
"Nozomi-chan," Honoka still wasn't meeting Umi's eyes as she answered, she wasn't sure how Umi would take this.
"Oh," Umi muttered, "well I'm happy you could finally find someone else to share your hobby with."
"Are you sure it's okay Umi-chan?"
"Of course I'm alright with it," Umi replied with a smile, one that Honoka could tell was genuine. "I always wondered if you'd ever tell someone about it."
"Well Nozomi-chan and I have been spending a lot of time together lately," Umi perked up at Honoka's admission. "And it just seemed like she'd be able to appreciate it just like you did."
Umi found herself staring back down at the book on the table, running her hand over their names on the front cover.
"So what should we do with this book?" Umi asked, looking up to Honoka.
Honoka wondered what would be for the best. The book held wonderful memories from her friendship with Umi, and she cherished it greatly. But now that she started a new book with Nozomi, one that she wanted to fill with the same types of memories, she felt like she had to close a chapter of her own life.
"How about you keep it from now on." Honoka answered, getting a shocked stare from Umi.
"Are you sure Honoka?" The girl nodded in response. "I got this for you as a present so long ago, are you sure you want me to keep it."
"Well that book does mean a lot to me," Honoka said, "but it's just as much yours as it is mine Umi-chan."
"Thank you Honoka, this book has always meant so much to me," Umi picked up the book and smiled down at it, recalling all the memories it held. "I hope the book you started with Nozomi will be just as important as this one."
Honoka couldn't help but smile at Umi's admission, and a small blush crept onto Honoka's cheeks as she thought about making the same memories with Nozomi, Umi didn't fail to notice.
"You and Nozomi have been spending quite a bit of time together lately haven't you?" Umi asked, trying to get more information from Honoka. She was deathly embarrassed by most things romantic, but she had a hunch about Honoka so she would try and keep calm.
"Yeah it's been great!" Honoka exclaimed. "She helps me with my homework, we hang out after school together, and I even get to go over to her apartment sometimes too."
Umi couldn't help but notice Honoka's excitement. "So what do you think of Nozomi?"
Honoka stopped gushing and thought about what Umi meant. Nozomi was a friend, a very close friend, someone that Honoka found herself wanting to spend more and more time around, someone that she wanted to get closer to.
Honoka blinked in surprise, what did she really think of Nozomi? It was so easy to say it was just close friends, but when she thought about it seemed like she wanted so much more.
"W-Well she's a really good friend," Honoka stuttered out her response, still piecing together her newly found feelings.
"Is that all?" Umi kept pressing, it seemed that her hunch about Honoka's feelings were correct.
Was that really all there was to it? Was Nozomi really nothing but a really close friend? The more and more Honoka sat and thought about her feelings, the more she realized that friendship wasn't all she wanted. She wasn't sure that what she was feeling was love, but she knew that she wanted more then simple friendship.
"No it isn't," Honoka muttered finally coming to a realization.
"Well don't waste your chance to tell her that," Umi responded with a blush of her own. She couldn't believe she was actually helping someone with their feelings, but she was determined to get through this and help Honoka.
Honoka almost let out a dry laugh, she didn't miss the irony of Umi urging her to make her feelings known.
Umi noticed she wasn't getting a response, but could tell that her little talk had worked. She hoped that Honoka would do what she normally did, and run headfirst into her new found feelings.
"Well I think I should get going," Umi said, putting the sticker book into her bag and getting up from the table. "Thanks again for letting me keep the book Honoka, it means a lot to me."
Honoka shook her head breaking herself out of her thought, "of course Umi-chan, that book means a a lot to me too. You better take good care of it."
"I will don't worry," Umi started making her way toward the door to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow Honoka, and thanks for listening to me."
"Anytime Umi-chan, we're friends after all," Honoka smiled at Umi as she left.
Honoka got up from the table and flopped onto her bed and stared at the ceiling.
Now that she was aware of her new budding feelings for Nozomi she was trying to think of the best ways to let Nozomi know. She laid on her bed and thought of all sorts of different scenarios to confess and different people to ask for advice. One thing Honoka was sure of was that she wasn't going to let these feelings slip away like last time.
"Even after we made all these plans for today, she still wanted to ditch me and go spend time with Honoka!" Eli shouted in frustration, while Nozomi sat next to her on her couch and just listened.
It had been this way since the two had left school together and gotten to Nozomi's appartment. Eli was venting and ranting about her fight with Umi, while Nozomi just silently nodded along, only adding input when necessary.
"Elicchi, I think you need to calm down a little bit," Nozomi offered a small smile, trying to placate Eli.
"I know, I shouldn't be this upset," Eli said with a sigh. "I was just really looking forward to today, and when Umi told me she wanted to spend time with Honoka instead, I just got really upset."
"I think Umi-chan was just scared that she was pushing away her friends since you guys are dating now."
"But we're dating now," Eli responded almost pleading. "It's only natural that we're going to want to spend more time together," Eli huffed, "but instead Umi wanted to go run off and spend time with Honoka."
It all started to click for Nozomi as to why Eli was so upset about all of this. Eli was jealous of the second years' close relationship and probably felt like something was there that didn't really exist.
"I don't think that was what Umi-chan meant," Eli looked over to Nozomi with a small scowl, "you know they've been friends for a long time, I think she was just worried that they hadn't spent time together like they used to."
"I know that, but why did she have to do it when we already had plans," Eli crossed her arms in front of her. "It's almost like she was picking Honoka over me."
"Well Umi-chan's timing was really bad, but you know she isn't the type of girl to hurt people she cares about on purpose," Nozomi said in her most motherly voice. "And I know that she cares about you a lot Elicchi. She wouldn't have starting dating you if she didn't."
Eli's shoulder slumped as she began to relax, some of her frustrations going away as Nozomi consoled her.
"You're right," Eli responded, "Umi is way to good a person to do something like that on purpose, and I know she cares about me," Eli sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Now I feel like a child, getting so upset about my girlfriend spending time with her best friend. I need to apologize and just move on, I hope she'll want to do the same."
"You'll be fine Elicchi," Nozomi smiled, "just go up to her tomorrow and apologize, I'm sure everything will work out just fine."
"Thanks Nozomi," Eli said, leaning back into the couch, "you always know what to say with stuff like this."
Nozomi remained silent and fell back into the couch alongside Eli. She didn't feel any lingering feelings of hurt or awkwardness. She felt at peace and happy to simply be able to sit and comfort her old friend, just like she always used to.
Eli felt relieved to finally get everything out into the open and have someone listen to her. She sat up and looked around the room, noticing a small purple book sitting on the edge of the table. Reaching over to pick the book up she noticed the front cover had Honoka and Nozomi's names written across the front in orange lettering.
Opening the book, Eli was greeted with a page full of different stickers. A large sun in the top left corner, A stereotypical angel sitting across from it, and seven different types of flowers lining the bottom.
"Nozomi," Eli said, breaking Nozomi out of her relaxed daze, "when did you start collecting stickers?"
Nozomi's eyes went wide and she started to internally panic, she didn't realize that she'd left the book out from the last time Honoka visited.
"That's nothing Elicchi," Nozomi frantically reached over to grab the book, which Eli simply handed over. "It's just something me and Honoka-chan started doing lately, it was something she wanted to do together and I guess it sounded kinda fun."
"I didn't expect you to have such a childish hobby Nozomi," Eli playfully jabbed with a chuckle.
"It was Honoka-chan's idea, and I just thought it would be fun to go along with it you know."
Nozomi looked down at the book, it really was something that was starting to become really special. Even the idea of Eli going through it seemed like a violation of some code she had with Honoka.
Eli was surprised that Nozomi was letting someone get so close. She knew that Nozomi was friends with everyone in Muse and held them dearly, but Nozomi always kept a bit of distance from everyone but her. For Nozomi to let someone over to her appartment, and to start something like this book together, Eli knew that Nozomi felt closer to Honoka then anyone else in Muse.
"You know, you and Honoka have been spending a bunch of time together lately, haven't you?" Eli asked, she decided to try and push Nozomi a bit.
"Yeah we have been. Why do you ask?"
"Well you don't normally let people come over to your appartment very often," Eli stated, "so I was just wondering why you would let Honoka visit all of a sudden?"
Nozomi knew that Eli wasn't wrong, she never had anyone over alone outside of Eli. Nozomi wondered why she was so open with Honoka compared to the other members of Muse. She even started something as sentimental as their sticker book, and she never asked herself why Honoka all of a sudden.
It was something that Nozomi could have dismissed in the beginning as shared heartbreak. They'd both been through a lot, and losing their first loves to someone else formed a strong bond between the two of them, but even now Nozomi knew that wasn't it. If that were all it was she wouldn't be so willing to go along with Honoka all the time, and she wouldn't find herself hoping to spend time together. Her feelings were something deeper, just how deep she wasn't really sure.
"I don't know, I guess we just got close all of a sudden with everyone dating each other," Nozomi answered with a half truth. She couldn't tell Eli the real reason that they'd initially grown closer together, Nozomi wasn't sure how she'd deal with that news.
"I'm sorry," Eli stated guiltily, "I guess Umi was sorta right about not ignoring your friends huh."
"I do wish we could spend a little more time together," Eli shirked back at Nozomi's reply. "But it's alright, I know you want to spend more time with Umi, and Honoka-chan and I have been having a lot of fun together."
"Well I'll be sure to spend a little more time with you form now on," Eli said with a small smile.
"You know I'll always have time for you Elicchi," Nozomi said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.
"Jeez, you're always like this," Eli smiled, looking away with a small blush.
Eli looked at her phone to check the time noticing it was getting late.
"Well I'm sure Alisa is wondering where I am," Eli got up from the couch and gathered her bag, "I think I'm going to head home."
"Do you need me to walk with you?" Nozomi asked, following behind Eli to the door.
"No I'm fine," Eli turned to look at Nozomi, "thanks for letting me vent and helping me sort out my feelings."
"Don't worry about it Elicchi, I'll always be here for you if you need me." Nozomi answered with a smile that Eli returned.
"And make sure that you tell Honoka how you feel about her," Eli said with a smirk making her way toward the door, not giving Nozomi anytime to reply. "Well I will see you tomorrow Nozomi."
Nozomi stood and stared at the closing door as Eli left. She made her way back into her living room and plopped onto the couch in a daze.
It was hard to deny her growing feelings, even Eli had started to pick up on them. Normally a budding love was something to be cherished and held onto, something you'd want to cultivate into something more. But Nozomi's new feelings were filling her with anxiety and fear. She knew that she cared for Honoka more than any of her other friends, she couldn't deny that, but when she thought about falling in love and getting closer, she was scared. Afraid of getting hurt again and possibly having this love play out just as her first did.
A/N: Pretty quick this time I guess. Had a few ideas for a birthday oneshot for Honoka, but both plans fell through and I decided to update this instead, since the last chapter was kinda just setup. Also happy birthday to my favorite Muse, as if that weren't obvious.
Not a whole lot to say about this chapter other then actual feeling development. We getting closer to endgame.
As always let me know what you thought or ways you think I could improve. This chapter was kinda important so I'm interested to hear what ya got to say.
Chapter album – What's Going On by Marvin Gaye
