Chapter 6: The Fall (Continued)
The rain picked up again during the night. A crash of thunder roused Dot from sleep. Her breath caught, the sights and smells of the room foreign, disorienting her. Then Bob's smell filled her nose and she pressed her face further into the pillow. She reached out for her him and frowned as she found empty space. Her eyes opened, and she touched the pillow next to her. It was cold. Slowly she leaned up and found him standing by the window, watching the storm beyond.
Lightning flashed, a long bolt illuminating his form for several nanoseconds. She sat up straight, the sheets silently slipping from her. He didn't move, gave no indication he knew she was awake. Another bolt streaked by. She saw him clearly, with arms crossed and an expression so serious, she almost didn't recognize him.
Her heart pounded in her chest. Her fingers grasped the covers, embracing them like a lifeline. She took a breath, braced herself, and spoke as evenly as she could. "What's wrong?"
His eyes snapped up to hers. As another bolt crossed the sky, she could his face was neutral once again. "You should be sleeping."
"So should you… unless I'm making you uncomfortable. I can go," she offered gently.
His arms dropped, and he moved beside the bed, tapping her legs gently for her to move over. He turned on the light as he sat next to her. She blinked away the brightness before a blush crept into her cheeks at the sight of his bare chest, memories of the shower flooding her mind.
"Who's making who uncomfortable now?" Bob asked with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood.
Dot laughed softly and rubbed her forehead. "My body won't stop betraying me."
He reached out and pulled her hand away from her face, kissing the palm. "I'll take that as a compliment."
She bit her lip. "So… you're not sorry about tonight?"
He stared at her, something working behind his brown eyes. He slowly shook his head. "No," he said softly.
"… but?" she prompted.
He sighed. "But I promised you no more secrets. And there's something you need to know."
She turned her hand in his and clasped it, preparing herself. "What is it?"
He took a breath. "You asked me once, why we couldn't be more than friends." He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. "Do you know the story about Michelangelo?"
"Um, I think it was a virus. A nasty one if I remember. Wiped out an entire system."
Bob nodded. "It was called Ianal; a small, closed system like Mainframe. No virals, no Net port, very little crime and hardly any games. But a dormant virus was embedded in one of the classified files. A citizen accessed the file and unleashed it by accident."
Dot frowned, not quite sure where he was going with this, but intrigued nonetheless. "How did a citizen access classified information?"
"The Guardian gave her access, the first mistake that led to the system's destruction. He tried to stop the Virus as soon as he realized what happened but wasn't prepared for it. Michelangelo infected the citizen immediately, using her as a bargaining chip with the Guardian. Her life was held in exchange for access to the core."
"What happened?"
"The Guardian gave in. And the virus drew so much energy from the core, the system went into overload. Sectors shut down and the system started to fail. When the virus absorbed enough energy, he sabotaged a portal into the SuperComputer. He was stopped, barely, before he reached any other system.
"But Ianal was lost. The Guardian called out for help too late. And all because he chose not to do what he was formatted to: mend and defend his system."
Dot shook her head. "He did try to defend it. He tried to protect the hostage."
"And it cost him the system."
"He couldn't have known that."
"We all know that, Dot," he said softly, his eyes and tone serious. "We all understand the risk – and the difficult choices – we must make. And he couldn't do it, because that hostage was going to be his wife." Dot eyes widened, and he shook his head.
"No. Guardians can't get married. Back then it was advised against, but now it's forbidden, and Michelangelo is the reason why. After Ianal was destroyed, at the hand of a Guardian as much as a virus, the Collective needed to ensure such a disaster didn't happen again. We are expected to always put the system, and the Collective, first. We can't risk the lives of all for the sake of one."
"And what happens if a Guardian breaks that rule?"
"Format termination and dismissal, for loss of confidence."
Dot stared at him. "In what?"
"Protecting the system at any cost. They won't risk another Michelangelo. And I understand why."
"Then explain it to me," she said, voice turning angry. "Because I don't."
"It's duty first, Dot. And if we can't do that, if there's any chance the system will be at risk, we should do what's right and request termination of our format."
She opened her mouth, ready to argue, and froze. "You mean… what I did will cost you your format?" A sharp pain filled her heart. "Oh, User, you do regret it-."
Bob reached up and cupped her face, pulling her in for a kiss that left her breathless. Once she relaxed, he released her lips and rested his forehead against hers. "I will never regret this night, or you, or wherever this goes. I love you," he said firmly. "And that's what scares me. Because if I had to make a choice between you or the system - any system, the whole spammed Net…" He leaned back and gazed into her eyes, his thumb tracing circles on her skin. "Dot, I couldn't make the right choice. Because I don't want to lose you."
His voice sounded so sad her heart cracked. For the first time, she saw him questioning his own abilities and the convictions that once seemed so clear. And it was her fault. She flinched and put her head in her hands.
"I'm so sorry. User above, I should have just kept my mouth shut about that stupid video."
Bob shook his head. "Dot, that had nothing to do with this. I've loved you for a long time now, and nothing was going to change that. Whether you found that thing or not, I'd still be in this position."
When she looked like she didn't believe him, he said, "You asked me why I came back to Mainframe. I came because I was asked to. And because of you." His eyes lowered. "I know that night wasn't real, because it wasn't really us. But I loved you the morning after, and every morning after that, and it never went away." He looked up again. "And I would rather have spent the rest of my life near you, even as only a friend, than to have never seen you again.
"I sealed my own fate when I agreed to come back. I knew it was a risk… but I was willing to take it. And I thought, if I kept my distance, I could make that choice. But now I know I was only fooling myself."
"Then," she asked slowly, "why do things have to change? You've already lived with this for so long."
"It's not just my secret anymore. It's one thing for me to lie to User and System; I can't ask you to do the same." Bob smiled sadly. "We can be together… or I can be a Guardian. But I can't do both. Not anymore." He pushed a strand of her hair back. "Not now."
She pulled away, her face paling. "You're serious." He nodded once. "You can't. I can't ask you to give that up for me. I'd never forgive myself."
"I can't give you up," Bob said softly. "Not again. I'd never forgive myself."
"That's not fair!" She threw the covers from her legs and stood, stalking over to the window. She crossed her arms and stared at her reflection, seething to herself. She wondered if he could see the way this was tearing her apart… the way it must have torn at him. Her head dropped in her hand at the thought.
"Dot?"
She took a breath. "Why didn't you just tell me all this before, the night after Enzo's party?" She turned to him. "That's why you pushed me away, isn't it?"
He winced and looked down. "There hasn't been a second when I haven't thought about you, about being with you, and there you were, kissing me. Just like last time," he answered quietly. "I couldn't let it happen again. But I think you knew, that there was something more… and telling you about Ianal then would have just been an excuse. I didn't want you thinking we could have had a chance."
She laughed bitterly. "It doesn't sound like we even have a chance now. Either we lie… or you lose your format." She turned to him. "And it's all my fault."
"Dot." Bob's voice dropped with seriousness. "It's not because of you. It will never be your fault; do you understand that? It's the old rules the Collective members are too stubborn to change. If you want someone to blame, blame them, or me. I put us into this mess that first night, and I've only dug us in deeper."
She shook her head. "No," she said lowly. "I put us into this mess, when I trusted someone dangerous. You did your job, and you followed your calling." Her eyes dropped to the floor. "And look what it's cost you."
"Look at what it gave me," Bob answered softly. When she looked up in curiosity, he said simply, "You." She shook her head and he cocked a smile, pointing his thumbs at himself. "Winning!"
Despite her guilt, she laughed at his antics. She moved back over to the bed, kneeling next to him on the floor. She placed her hands on his knees and looked up at him. "You're random, you know that?"
"I've heard."
Her eyes stared into his, searching for something. Gently, she touched his cheek. "So… this is it then? No matter what, this is the choice you must make, to live with for the rest of your lifecycle?"
He took a breath. "Yes."
She nodded once. "Then whatever happens, whatever you choose, I'm behind you one hundred percent."
"I'd rather you be beside me." She blushed, and he chuckled. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of that."
"Even when you can't guard a system anymore?"
He pressed his hand against hers. "As long as I have you, none of that matters. Not anymore."
"…Really?"
"Yes."
The seriousness in his eyes made her cheeks burn again. "Well, then I guess you should know, I don't think I'll ever get tired of you making me blush."
Bob's smile turned wolfish. "Challenge accepted," he replied, voice husky.
The soft baritone rolled over her like a heatwave and her blush spread across her body. She pressed her hand over his heart, butterflies jumping in her stomach when he intertwined his fingers over hers. Her other hand laid flat on his chest and she pressed him back down onto the bed. He went willingly, smiling as her lips descended on his. His arms wrapped around her back and pulled her tight against him. She purred into his kiss, deepening it as she settled across his hips.
"WARNING: INCOMING GAME."
His head fell back into the covers with a groan. "Oh, come on."
"At least it didn't drop during the shower," Dot chuckled as she rolled off him.
"Yeah, that would have been very bad." He sat up and ran to the bathroom for his icon.
"Do you want me to-?" Dot called out to him.
"No, I've got this one." He moved out to the living room, his uniform donned, and called for Glitch. His faithful keytool immediately flew out of the darkness and attached to his armband.
She leaned against the bedroom door, watching him. "Be careful."
He smiled and brushed a kiss across her lips. "Always. I'll catch you later."
"I'll be around."
He ran to the garage and she watched his form zip away toward the game descending over G-Prime. She gnawed on her lip as she moved back into the bedroom. The chrono read 0523, a very short time before dawn. She knew Enzo wouldn't be back anytime soon… but Bob might not be, either.
And after their conversation, she didn't think being spotted leaving his apartment would be a good idea. Putting on her damp clothes from the floor, she shivered as they stuck to her heated skin. Stealing a heavy hoodie from his closet, Dot took one last look at the bed. After a nano, she straightened the sheets and left a note on the pillow. Then turning off the lights, she searched for any witnesses and moved quietly out into the street, back to her apartment.
