*** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.***
Warnings: *See Chapter 1* This work is AU and unbeta'd.
A Little Yellow Creeper - VII
"Wasn't so bad was he?"
Harry looked up at his husband and frowned before turning his gaze back to the crib. "It wasn't him." He shook his head. "It was never him." He sighed.
Draco stood in the doorway, his eye on Jamie as Harry tried to reign in his emotions. "You act as though I don't understand." He whispered.
Harry didn't say anything.
"You're not the only one who's scared." Draco said. "You're not the only who feels inadequate. We didn't have anyone to teach us." He whispered. "And the few who tried were taken from us."
"I don't…" Harry shook his head. "I don't…"
"I know." Draco said softly. "You're having nightmares again."
Harry didn't look up, but he knew he didn't need to. "Is that why you're never there when I wake up?"
Draco could hear the hurt in his voice. "What am I supposed to do, Harry?"
"What you used to do." Harry bit out, turning his hard gaze on the blond. "Hold me, take my mind off it, make me feel better."
"No." Draco shook his head. "It didn't help you then and it's not going to help you now. You don't need distractions; you need to deal with it."
"Don't fucking tell me what I need."
Draco drew a breath and stepped into the hall. Harry sat, staring at the floor.
Draco poked his head back through the door. "Are you coming?" he hissed.
"Guess so." Harry mumbled. Draco rounded on him as soon as he stepped out.
"I know you better than you know yourself." He pressed a finger to his husband's temple. I know what's going on in there. I know what you're feeling and I know you're doing you best to ignore it. Stop." He said firmly. "Stop trying to hide from your feelings and deal with them."
Harry's nostrils flared, his jaw clenched as he turned and walked away; Draco shook his head and stepped back into the nursery.
~*~
It was well past midnight when Draco slipped quietly into bed, assuming his usual position; he was startled when he felt Harry's arm curl over his chest as he molded himself to his back.
"Harry…"
"I'm thirty-one years old, and I miss my mummy and daddy." Harry's words were soft, his breath warm against the back of his neck and Draco shivered. "Do you have any idea how small I felt stepping back inside that house? I walked over that little hole they kept me in; I could hear my footsteps echo over the hollow.
"I remember lying there, curled up under the little sheet listening to their footsteps on the stairs, the way the boards creaked anytime Vernon stood on them; the dust used to get in my eyes. One time Dudley heard me coughing so he started running up and down the stairs and jumping on them; he stirred up so much dust and wood particle I couldn't breathe. I coughed until I bled then I passed out."
Draco drew in a breath, his eyes stung with tears as Harry fell silent, lost to his own thoughts. He wrapped a hand around his arm and waited for him to finish.
"I don't have any good memories from my childhood, only nightmares. That part of me is dead; it died a long time ago and I was too young and any chance, any fleeting hope I had of reviving it died along with my mum and dad and Sirius and Remus and Severus and Albus and…" he paused. "I am… missing something. I'm deficient. I don't have what that child needs and every time I look at him I'm reminded of that; I'm reminded of my childhood and all the old wounds that never healed and I can't…" he paused again, Draco felt him trembling. "I can't do it Draco. Not because I don't want to but because I'm not able."
Draco turned in his arms, his eyes staring into Harry's own tortured gaze; he raised hand to his cheek, his thumb tracing the strong bones beneath his tawny skin and felt something inside him break as his dark green eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry." He whispered pushing his fingers into dark hair and pulling Harry close, cradling him as his husband sobbed into his chest. "I'm so sorry." He whispered again and again.
~*~
Cold gray dawn peeked over the window sill, crept across the floor; Harry sighed and burrowed deeper into his husband's arms. Draco lifted his head and sighed, carded his fingers through his dark hair. "Morning." he whispered.
"Mmm…" Harry hummed. "Did you sleep?"
Draco shook his head
"You look exhausted."
"I am exhausted. Sleep's been hard to come by these past few weeks."
"That's my fault." Harry frowned. "I'm sorry."
Draco smiled. "How do you feel?"
"Like shit."
Draco nodded and settled into the silence that fell between them. "What are we going to do?" he asked sometime later.
"We're going to do the right thing. We're going to take care of Jamie, together, until the agency calls." Harry said. "I'll try; I'll do my best, I promise."
"That's all we need." Draco whispered.
"Who knows?" Harry shrugged. "Maybe it'll help me… deal… with things."
Draco smiled, framing Harry's face in his hands as he spoke. "I'm proud of you." He leaned down kissed him gently. "I love you."
Harry reached up, covering Draco's hand with his own and brushed their lips together lightly, then again and again. His breath caught, his heart raced and his chest ached. It felt so good to touch him again, and their simple caress was enough to undo him. He parted his lips in invitation and moaned as Draco accepted.
The baby cried.
Harry stopped and Draco pulled away. "I'll go see what he needs."
"No." Harry shook his head. "I'll go. You need to sleep."
Draco smiled and kissed him again. "Thank you."
Harry shrugged. "Sleep well." Draco nodded as he slipped out of bed; he was asleep before Harry left the room
~*~
Jamie sat perched on Harry's jutted hip burbling happily and toying alternately with his and Harry's dark locks while he blew tiny spit bubbles. Harry nodded, bouncing him gently as he went over the numbers from his company's latest reports in a pleasant tone, stirring a pot over the stove; Draco leaned against the kitchen doorway and smiled as he listened.
"So, with current shipping rates, to have five teams return not only their primary but secondary lines of Beaters Brooms back to the company as well as the cost of fabrication for the new line and shipping back out to the teams, we're going to take a major loss." Harry continued. "But it's not the teams' fault the World Quidditch League decided to change players' weight restrictions a month before season open. And it's not like we can't take the hit." He added as an afterthought.
Jamie gurgled, patted Harry's face and sighed heavily.
"Don't sound so disappointed." Harry took a taste and nodded, dipped his finger into the pot and held it the baby's lips. "Good?"
Jamie was silent.
"You're fairly useless, you know that?" Harry stared down at him. "I mean really, what good are you?"
The baby squealed and smacked his cheek. "And abusive." Harry added.
Jamie cackled.
"You know it took three days for him to laugh like that with me and here he's laughing at you in less than twenty-four hours."
Harry turned, smiling at his husband. "Is that a good thing?"
Draco grinned as he stepped into the kitchen. "He likes you."
Harry's eyebrows rose.
"And that's a good thing." Draco nodded.
Harry smiled, took a step toward the blond and reached for him, pulling him close. "How'd you sleep?"
Draco stared up at him, his smile fading as his eyes darkened; he sighed as he pulled him into a deep kiss. "Very well." He whispered as he pulled away.
"Good." Harry nodded, smiling dopily.
Draco grinned back at him.
"You should wash up, supper's almost ready." Harry said after a moment to collect his wits.
"I can take over." Draco said reasonably and Harry frowned. "What?"
"You've no faith in my culinary abilities." Harry pouted.
"You don't cook, Harry."
"That you know of."
Draco stared at him, eyes narrowed, hand resting on his hip. "You've never made more than a cup of tea in this kitchen."
"That doesn't mean I don't know how to cook." Harry reasoned. "Just that I'm lazy."
Draco laughed and leaned in, kissing him lightly. "Alright. Want me to take him?"
"No." Harry shook his head. "We're good." He smiled lopsidedly at the infant, still cooing happily on his hip. "Hurry up, I'm starving."
Draco nodded once, smiling, he pecked Harry on the lips once more and disappeared; Harry smiled and turned back to the stove, whistling as he picked up the spoon.
Author's Note: I have no witty comments to write here; I'm completely knackered. But I do hope you all enjoyed it. :) Thanks so much for reading. See you in chapter eight!
-Peace
