Mario's Pizza Place

Cyndi: The time has come for Sasori to find Mario's pizza place. I will also include Patrick's training... And I'll throw in whether he dies in the process of not.

Hidan: I should say the damn disclaimer...

Cyndi: You've already said it a lot!

Hidan: But I'm special. Deidara-chan wouldn't stand a fucking chance-

Deidara: Cyndi doesn't own Naruto, un. *smirks at Hidan*

Hidan:...

Cyndi: Yeah, the Deidara pisses me off too. But in the cutest way possible.

Hidan: [Censored Censored Censored Censored]

Far Away

Penguins: Whoa, that's some mouth that dude has.

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The Hideout

Sasori was plotting in his bedroom. He concluded that Mario's Pizza Place must be a highly armed, dangerous place filled with rogue ninja fish. He prepared many types of poisons specifically for this. Now if Tobi didn't touch these...

"Sasori no Danna!!!" Tobi danced into the room, accompanied by Deidara. It seemed as though Tobi adopted Sasori's "no Danna" status quite quickly from Deidara.

Sasori sighed. "Don't touch those."

Deidara smirked. "Eh... What are those, un?" He pointed to the twelve different jars filled with poison.

"Tobi wonders..." Tobi began to touch one jar, poking it. It was filled with a red liquid. On the outside of the jar, a picture of Tobi's happy face was taped onto it. "Is this for Tobi?"

Sasori quickly pulled him away. "You don't want to touch that unless you want to die in the next few minutes..." Sasori also added under his breath, "I'm not going to use it now anyways."

"Tobi is strong!" Tobi drank the poison down. "Tobi likes cranberry juice!"

Sasori jumped back. "What the hell?" He paused and smiled. "I do have an antidote, but I'd rather have you wait and serve your punishment. See you in five minutes." He turned to Deidara. "I'm going to go and destroy Mario's Pizza Place. But I'd like to watch Tobi suffer for the next few minutes." He stuffed a large explosive tag into his bag, follow with a few shuriken, ten gallons of poison, and set up Hiruko, his best puppet. Deidara watched, unsure whether Sasori really needed these weapons to take down a pizza restaurant.

Deidara was baffled. "Sasori no Danna... Do you know what pizza is, un?" Tobi started to stumble around the room, finally collasping in the corner.

Sasori twitched, but regained balance in a minute. "Of course! It's an explosive factory... And pepperoni is something closely related to it." Sasori spoke these words slowly, unsure. Tobi was cringing compulsively, gasping for breath.

"..." Deidara looked at Sasori in disbelief. "Pfft...Hehe..."

"What's so funny?" Deidara erupted into a fit of laughter.

"Sasori no Danna." Deidara sat down on the bed, creasing his eyebrows. "I respect you and all that, but pizza is food, un."

"Food?" Sasori seemed taken aback. "Nonsense." Tobi rolled over, motionless.

Deidara walked over to Tobi and put his hand into Tobi's pocket. He pulled out a picture of a large pepperoni pizza. He walked back to Sasori, a smirk on his face. "Pizza is technically a large piece of dough topped with tomato sauce, spread all over with cheese and various toppings, un. Toppings would be things like pepperoni... And this is what Westerners call food too. Yuck." Tobi was turning blue... Of course, no one could tell. Deidara pulled off one of Tobi's gloves. Purple... Even better. He turned to Sasori. "Sasori no Danna, I like Tobi-baka better this way, un."

"Oh..." Sasori hit his head. "Then this mission will be even easier." He went over to Tobi with a large needle, filled with antidote. Tobi whimpered. He injected the antidote in as Tobi struggled to take his "last" breaths. "Never touch my stuff again."

"So, how do you plan to take those pizza delivery fish out, un?" Deidara grabbed the remote and started searching through the channels. He gave up later on, since all of the channels showed fish soap operas. Deidara would watch the cooking channel, but he'd rather not eat Seaweed Salad or Algae Cake.

"Delivery fish?" Sasori was definitely confused this time. "They're not S-Ranked ninjas?" The stunned looked on Sasori's face assured Deidara that Sasori honestly did not know what they were.

"Tobi is confused..." Tobi regained his breathing pace, and was now "normal" again. Deidara seemed to be spazzing uncontrollably now.

Deidara was keeling over. As Tobi would later describe, Deidara was LOLing, LHAOing, and ROFLing for the entire week. Everytime Zetsu would recommend that they order pizza, Deidara would start laughing. Kakuzu, in particular, was not impressed when Deidara spit hot, melted cheese right onto his face... Repeatedly. From now on, Kakuzu would wear a raincoat to Pizza Fridays and would sit as far away from Deidara as possible. In fact, everyone would sit as far away from Deidara as possible.

Mario's Pizza Place

One fish was answering the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello." Sasori was on the other end of the phone. "Is this Mario's Pizza Place?"

"Yeah, bud. What do you think?" The other fish whispered something to his co-worker. They laughed hysterically. Sasori walked into the fast food building, and walked up to the counter, hanging up the phone call.

"I'm going to kill you." Sasori said this is a very casual voice, as if he was asking for the weather. "Would you like me to do it now or in the next five minutes." Tobi and Deidara followed him, but Sasori didn't know. They hid behind a trash can. Tobi was hidden inside the trash can, as Deidara suggested. In fact, Deidara suggested that he not come out for the next week and a half.

The fish turned around. "Bud, you just can't come in here killing people like this. We have a way of settling stuff."

"Okay, we will fight according to your customs." Sasori glared at the fish, whose name tag read "Mario".

"We will determine the winner in a game of..." Mario stepped up. "Rock Paper Scissors!"

Deidara pulled out Kisame's video recorder. This had to be good.

1

2

3

Sasori held out a fist. The other fish held out a paper sign. "You lose."

Sasori widened his eyes. What form of trickery is this? "Two out of Three, Mario."

Sasori lost repeatedly. After fifteen rounds, he got fed up and decided to just kill the fish. Deidara hugged Kisame's video recorder. But his moment of triumph was short lived... Someone was heading towards his hiding place.

"Hey there Danny!" Spongebob walked in, surprisingly unaffected by the corpse Sasori was dragging out from behind the counter. He looked at Deidara. "Can I play hide and seek too?"

Sasori looked at Spongebob, then at Deidara, then at the video recorder. Using his chakra strings, he pulled the recorder from Deidara and broke it. Deidara stifled a groan.

Sasori frowned. "I can't have Itachi's depression now, okay?" He smiled at Spongebob, who was looking at the corpse.

Spongebob stepped back. "You guys are having a pinata party and didn't invite me?!" Spongebob started crying, pointing at Mario's body. Sasori frowned again, this time at Spongebob's stupidity.

"We are not having a pinata party..." Sasori opened the door and left. Deidara was still groaning.

"Tobi is bored." Tobi's voice could be heard inside the trash bin. "Is it starting yet?"

Deidara threw the trash bin into the wall. "Tobi-baka, it's over."

Spongebob was surprised to see Tobi appear. "Let's go jellyfishing! Patrick's been so busy, hanging out with his new best friend..." Spongebob sniffed.

"Yeah, that Hidan-san is certainly a magnet for girls..." Deidara recalled Hidan's past dates. "But this Patrick guy is a guy, correct?" Deidara was confused...

Flashback

Hidan walked through the door with the blondest girl Deidara had ever seen.

"Hidan-san, who is that?" Deidara looked up from the book he had been reading, labeled "When Tobi Attacks".

"Oh, this?" Hidan looked at the girl, who was offended by what he called her. "This is Sacrifice Number Sixty Eight."

The girl's eyes widened. Hidan took a gulp of air.

"Umm.. Fuck... I mean..." He looked at Deidara. "This is..." He nudged the girl. "What's your name again?"

The girl pouted. "You met me in a church half an hour ago and bring me here to call me Sacrifice Number Sixty Eight. I'm leaving, Sketch Man. You couldn't even remember my name, Miyuma."

Hidan cringed, annoyed. He lowered his breath and whispered in the girl's ears. She seemed comfortable again, not confused at all. Deidara was confused, but left Hidan to perform his sacrifice.

Two hours later...

Hidan came out of the room, bloody and all. He grinned at Deidara. "You're sure a lifesaver, Deidara-chan."

Deidara narrowed his eyes. "What did you whisper in her ear, un?"

Hidan grinned. "Oh, that was such a good damn line, you should stay here more often." He turned to Deidara and smiled evily. "I told her you were my mother and that you were against blonde people and that you wanted to sacrifice her. Then I told her that she wouldn't want my mother to know that she was an Anti-Jashinist, so I brought her to my room, playing the part of the hero. Fucking hilarious, right? Blondes are stupid."

Deidara was angry. "I am not your mother!" He pondered for a moment. "And not all blondes are stupid, un!"

Hidan was already half way out the door. "I disagree Deidara-chan, especially in your case of gender confusion."

Present

Deidara sighed. "I'm going to kill him someday, but I just can't, un."

Spongebob looked into Deidara's thought cloud. "I think Howie is really cool though. Very happy guy, with a strange vocabulary. He might like to go jellyfishing!"

"Howie? Jellyfishing?!" Deidara thought for a moment, smiling. "He'll kill all those pink jellyfish."

Spongebob gasped. Tobi started to cry. "We will never take Howie jellyfishing!"

Patrick the Jashinist

Patrick was praying, mimicking the words that sprouted out of Hidan's mouth. He sat down across from Hidan, they were under his rock.

"I am an idiot, and Howie-sempai is superior to me. I am a dick." Hidan said these words slowly while Patrick repeated.

"I am an idiot, and Howie-sempai is superior to me. I am a dick." Patrick now opened his eyes, confused and unsure. "Are you sure this is how I get awesome hair?"

"Shut up, you retard!" Hidan growled. "But if you're so impatient, we'll move the fuck on."

"Good," stated Patrick, "I've been praying nonstop for the last three hours."

"Stab yourself." Hidan now stretched himself, standing up. He handed Patrick a pike. "Go."

Patrick was hesitant. "Are you sure?"

"Well..." Hidan seemed to be thinking. "If you don't die, you're in. If you do, you didn't pray enough. Now hurry the fuck up, we're wasting time. Through the heart, okay?"

Patrick stabbed himself in the heart and fell down. Hidan started laughing, picking up the pike. "Jashin, I know you'll always be my best friend. Not accepting that retard was the best decision we've ever made."

"What?" Patrick sat up, now looking like a minature pink Hidan with a pointy head. White hair sprang out from Patrick's head, and his eyes turned purple.

"Oh Shit, why're you still in this life?" Hidan was agitated. "I thought you died? Jashin-sama, did you not kill this heathen?" He walked up to Patrick and stabbed him repeatedly.

"Ouch.." Patrick yelped. "That tickles, you know!"

Hidan ran out of the rock, screaming for Kakuzu. "He's alive, and his appearance is a fucking mockery of me!" Kakuzu opened the door to the hideout, looking at Hidan's disheveled face. He sighed and then locked the door as soon as Hidan was inside.

"What the heck is going on?" Kakuzu was annoyed, worried, and feeling an urge to kill something right now.

"The starfish is alive!" Hidan groaned. "I thought I killed him. Do something Kakuzu!"

"Two idiots I can't kill now..." Kakuzu creased his eyebrows, shaking his head back and forth. Hidan was annoyed now.

"What do you mean two idiots?!" Hidan flinched. "You cannot fucking mean me too!"

"Shut up, Hidan." Kakuzu taped Hidan to the wall. "We'll just sit still now and not say anything. That pink squishy thing will not know how to make any sacrifices, and his immortality will wear off soon enough, okay?"

Hidan calmed down, like a child who finally got his teddy bear. "Fine. It disappoints me that I can't kill the retard myself, no matter how hard I try..." Hidan sat down on Kakuzu's bed while Kakuzu glared at him. "So sleepy..." Hidan was now snoring in Kakuzu's bed, unaware that he would wake up tomorrow on the water surface to be pecked by seagulls.

Konan

Konan was flipping through the Bikini Bottom Newspaper that Pein had sent her, along with a postcard. She was sipping tea, dressed in her bathrobe. She sighed while looking through the newspaper:

BIKINI BOTTOM NEWS

CONTENTS

Weird Surface People move to Bikini Bottom ("That's the idiot crew..." thought Konan)

Naked Man seen running through street yelling "Heathens" ("That Hidan is a riot," thought Konan)

Exploding jellyfish seen with Blonde Woman ("Deidara?!," Konan laughed)

Lollipop Craze hits Bikini Bottom! (A/N You people guess the rest)

Mario is Missing, last seen with Wooden Man

The Amazing Talking Plant? See inside for details...

Kisame returns, publishes "My Life above the Surface"

Mysterious Piercings mystifies Fish Inhabitants

Bank robbed, robber is suspected to possess Tentacles

"This is why it's better to stay home," said Konan to herself, "it's extremely troublesome with those idiots." She eventually sent back a postcard, asking Pein whether they were to extend their stay in Bikini Bottom.

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Cyndi: Another chapter is done!

Zetsu: I haven't really been in the story though...

Cyndi: Don't worry, I'll figure it out soon enough.

Tobi: Tobi thinks that you guys are good boys and girls! Tobi thanks you!

Deidara: Aww Tobi-baka, always grabbing the spotlight.

Tobi: Deidara-sempai!!! Tobi thinks you are a good boy.

Deidara: I'm going to run away as far as possible from you, baka.

Hidan: Another fucking chapter with stupid Deidara-chan hogging the spaces. Review, I couldn't care less. Fuck you Deidara.

Deidara: Hidan----chaaannn!

Hidan: ... Arghhhh

2 minutes later...

Penguins: There's that noise again... I wish that guy would just go see a therapist.