Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This is a period fic-let (short story) which will be told in Edward's point of view. Loosely based on William Kotzwinkle's "Jack in the Box". Again, no copyright infringement is intended. Beta'd by HollettLA.

IMPORTANT! HUGE A/N: Okay, so...this isn't the "normal" Edward sees Bella and vows his love for eternity fic. He's 17, and so he's going to act 17 or maybe 9...LOL. The innocence of the time, plus being true to form, leaves Edward being very immature and horny - the boy is overrun by his hormones and, let's face it, he's desperate. *giggles*

The saying is also true: as the years have gone by, we've matured fastersexually and intellectually. Most 17 y/o's nowadays act like they're 20 or something. Anyway...moving on...

We'll get there, I promise. Until then, please have a chuckle and try to enjoy his fuckery. This is a coming of age story, and so there will also be heart fail later on. Edward will NOT be the same person he was in the beginning toward the end. Sorry for the spoiler. However, you'll still find yourself laughing at Edward anyway.

Oh, and I don't have a posting schedule for this. Chapters will post whenever, but there won't be week(s) between updates.


Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often —Mark Twain

"Made in the Shades"

Chapter Seven: He's Got It

"D-did y-you see those hips?" Jasper asked.

I nodded dumbly, still staring straight ahead.

"I-I-wow." My buddy clawed at the neck of his sweater.

"Crazy wow," I said, suddenly feeling overheated myself.

"Are we going to sit here all night?" Peanut asked. "The movie's over." He pointed to the screen.

"Um..." I swallowed. "D-did you see...?"

Peanut bopped me on the back of my head. "Yes, Jayne Mansfield has nice hips. Can we go?"

"Yeah..." I looked around us for the first time and saw that the movie theater had cleared out some time ago. "The lips...that face. You know who she reminds me of?"

"Hale," Jasper finished.

"Yes." I rasped, while standing and covering my erection with my jacket. "She's Got It."

"What's wrong with you?" Peanut's voice was shaky, and he looked concerned.

"I'm in love...I feel feverish and-and alive...um." After trailing my hand through my hair, I had to take a seat again.

"I don't know who I love more, Marilyn or Jayne," Jasper said.

"I thought you liked Alice?" Peanut asked.

"Oh, we can all get something going." Jasper slumped back.

"Huh?" Jared's head kept whipping between us. "You guys are kookie."

We were allotted another five minutes of quiet, before Jared started to usher us out of the theater. When fresh air hit us, and I was faced with the daunting task of driving, I woke from my stupor. "Did you see those hips?" I turned to Jasper.

He nodded, still looking stoic. "We need women like that, not these little girls with attitudes. We need actual women."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Women that can make men out of us."

"Edward?"

"What?" I turned to Jared.

"Can we go home?"

"Okay." I started the car, and we pulled away from the curb. Now I was eager to go home and jack my dick, and so I sped the whole way back to Forks. We were quiet for most of the ride, until we hit the town limits of Forks.

"Edward...um, there's a police officer behind us. He keeps flashing the bright lights," Jared said.

After blinking a few times, I looked down to the speedometer to see that I was doing sixty-five in a forty-five. "Shit." Tapping the brakes, I hoped the officer was only trying to warn me.

I was wrong, because as soon as I slowed down he made the sirens blare.

"I can't go to jail!" Jasper sounded panicked.

"Cool it!" I groaned, driving over and stopping on the shoulder.

"What's happening?" Jared asked.

Taking deep breaths, I tried to calm myself down. "I was going too fast," I whispered. "I remember when Dad got one of these. I'm going to get a ticket-" I was cut off when there was a knock on the window.

Rapidly, I rolled it down, and then blanched back when a flashlight came to shine in my eyes. "Y-yes?" I asked, lowing my hand.

Now that the light was gone, I was able to see a tall, middle aged male. He had a black mustache like Ernest Hemingway, which was a little odd. I'd never seen a man with styled facial hair who wasn't famous or playing a role. "Do you have any idea how fast you were going, son?"

"Um..." I didn't want to admit the truth—admit fault—or lie for fear of. . . something, like he might know of my dishonesty.

"I know you were going over the limit. I had to gun it to sixty...just to keep up with you." He bent low to lean his forearms on the door. "Mr. Whitlock." He nodded to Jasper.

"How-how do you do, Chief Swan?" He gulped.

"Ch-Chief Swan?" I was much more nervous now. I hadn't even mustered the guts to ask Bella out on a date yet, and now he'll never let her go with me, even if she—in my wildest dreams—wanted to. "Um...I-I apologize."

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Ed-Edward Anthony Cullen."

The side of his mouth turned up, and he looked away from me. "I'll tell you what, Edward. How about you promise me that you'll never speed again, and I won't give you a ticket?" He raised a brow, and I couldn't believe how nice he was being. If Emmett was any consolation, I would have thought Chief Swan an ogre, someone you wouldn't want to mess with.

"I swear." I nodded. "N-never again."

"Good man." He squeezed my shoulder. "I will be telling your father, though."

"Oh..." My shoulders dropped.

"Next time..." Chief Swan stood straight, but still stared down at me. "I'll haul your ass in—a night in the can'll set ya straight. I bet you'll never-ever speed after that."

"I won't be speeding ever again now...with the warning, sir," I promised. "Honest."

"Where were you boys coming from?" He shined the light in the backseat. "Who's this?"

"Jared Carlisle Cullen, sir." Peanut put his hand out. Chief Swan shook it, smiling down at him. "Pleased to make your acquaintance," he said.

"Like wise." Chief Swan looked back to me.

"We came from the cinema," I said.

He nodded. "Oh, yeah...the new Jayne Mansfield flick." He whistled. "I heard it was funny."

"It was," I agreed.

"Some hips on that broad..." He crouched to look at Jasper. "Deep breaths, Whitlock. I'm not haulin' you guys in." He chuckled and stood to pat my shoulder. "Take it easy, Edward. I'll tell Bella you said hello?"

"Oh...please...um, don't tell her. I don't want her to think bad of—I-I, um...please don't tell her?" I pleaded.

He stared at me for a moment. "You got it." Without another word, he walked back to his police car, while I breathed a sigh of relief.

...o.0...

She's always by the nurses' station, swaying her hips as she looks over a chart. Shelly Cope might be my mother's age, but she's still very attractive. Nurse Cope is portly, and yet has an hourglass figure, hair as black as night, crimson lips, and a face like Vivien Leigh. She has these skinny little lines for eyebrows that are always quirked in question.

Her body moved to the soft jazz that played; meanwhile, she had a rhythm all her own, one that didn't go with the music.

"Edward?" She always catches me staring, even if her back is turned to me. "Mr. Smith would like some ice water."

"Me, too," I mumbled, suddenly thirsty.

"Excuse me?"

"Right away." I walked around her to grab a small pitcher. After filling it with water, some ice, and grabbing a glass, I walked them into Mr. Smith's room. He's been here for ages, as per my father. I have no idea what's wrong with him, but he looks about three-hundred years old.

"What do you want?" Mr. Smith asked.

"Just...giving you your water, sir." I placed it down on his side table.

"I wish I was dead already," he grumbled.

"That's great," I sighed and left his side, going back to the nurses' station. Today was my last day of volunteering until, Dad says, the summer time. Either way, I couldn't wait to go back to school.

I missed seeing that angel face every day.

A set of Jayne Mansfield hips and a Vivien bitch brow are nice on occasion, but I missed Bella's face.

"He's so handsome, just like his father." That was my cue to grin and lean into Shelly, so she could pinch my cheek. She could do a lot more than pinch my cheek. I'll take other things, like...she can shove her tits in my face or maybe her ass.

"So handsome." And then Shelly's partner in crime, Mrs. Stanley—who's also a nurse—rubbed up my shoulder. It turns out, Jessica's mother is just as forward as she is. Jessica resembled her mother, with her ashy-brown curly hair and pretty face, but Nurse Stanley looked much older than my mother and Shelly.

"Ladies," Dad greeted, taking a chart from the counter. "Edward...you're staying out of trouble, I hope." He grinned, and yet it felt as though he was silently communicating with me.

"He's a doll!" Nurse Stanley gave me a pat on my ass, which made me jump as a squeal escaped me.

"He sure is." Shelly winked.

And then I watched them walk away. "Hey..." I widened my arms, staring after them.

"They have to work, Edward. They can't fawn over you all day."

Dropping my shoulders, I turned back to my father. "They touch and then go...why can't they touch...some more?" I was mainly speaking to myself, but my father found it funny.

"They're just being flirtatious. No harm, no foul."

"I want harm...they can be foul. One of 'em should make a man out of me," I sighed.

"Oh, Edward..." Dad shook his head. "You're adorable."

"How..." I trailed my hand through my hair.

"Go home. You have school tomorrow. And remember, you're grounded until Friday." He waved a finger. "No cruising or whatever it is you do."

"But I only got a warning."

"Still...next time, I'll just take your keys away. Now go home."

And after watching—spying on—Shelly Cope while she smoked a cigarette in the lounge, I did.

"Heading out?" Mrs. Stanley asked.

I nodded, walking toward my car.

"My husband was supposed to pick me up..." She kicked some gravel, and then righted her white cap. "He must have forgotten—knows I get off at four."

"Di-did you..." I pointed to the Royal, "need a ride?"

She beamed at me. "Oh...would you? I hope it's no trouble."

"None at all." I hoped she'd take advantage of me in some way.

And I was so ready for anything. We weren't at the hospital. My father wasn't around, and all those boundary lines don't exist in my car. "Thank you, Edward." She grinned.

I was fast to get the door for her and help her inside. After entering and starting the car, I pulled off and headed back toward Main Street. Mrs. Stanley gave me directions to her house, but she didn't make any small talk or try to touch me. It was confusing, and I scooted a little closer to give her a hint.

I mean, she flirts constantly and is always touching me. That means she's interested, right?

"I'm just right up this street." She pointed to Laurel Avenue.

Nodding, I turned right, wondering if this was my last shot. "You're married...um..." I didn't know what else to say, but I'm horny, desperate, and young. So, her marital status didn't mean much to me, even though it should.

"I am." She was short.

"And...your husband just forgot? If my wife—if I had a wife—and she was as b-beautiful as you...um, I'd never forget her," I stammered, while my heart was beating a million times a minute.

She laughed. "You're sweet."

"I am..." I licked my lips. "So...w-what are you doing this evening?"

As I pulled up to the curb, I felt her eyes boring into my profile. "D-did I say something wrong?" I faced her.

She slowly shook her head no. "...if I was twenty years younger," she sighed.

"Oh!" I shouted, excited. "Age is just a number."

"Are you hitting on me?" She raised a brow.

"What if I was?" My cheeks felt like they were on fire. "I'm sorry, um—"

"Marcy," she said.

"Huh?" I looked to her confused. "Ma'am, I apologize for—"

She leaned over, and I held my breath while she kissed my cheek. "Thank you, Edward."

"F-for?" I managed to get out.

She winked. "For making this old lady feel beautiful." She touched my cheek, and then left my car.

Looking out the windshield, I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong—how things took such a terrible turn. My plan was to seduce her, so she could have her wicked way with me and turn me into a man.

On my way home, I drove past Swan's Garage—slowing down to a crawl with the hopes of seeing Bella. Sadly, she was nowhere in sight, and so I went straight home.

...o.0...

On a rainy, Tuesday afternoon, I locked myself in my bedroom with my hot books. Flipping through the nude comics of robust women, I snaked my hand down my briefs and sat back.

"Hmm, Bella…No, Rosalie…" I closed my eyes, thinking of her because I never feel guilty when I think about that attention whore.

"Edward!" Jasper shouted.

Gritting my teeth, I stroked my dick and hoped to ignore him.

"Edwaaard!" He drew out my name. "Come on, it's raining!"

"It's always raining," I whispered to myself. My hard-on came anyway, and I got to pounding. Maybe I could get one in before my mother realizes he's outside.

Panting with my eyes still closed, the image of Rosalie spread under me, with her big tits in my face, kept changing. It'd go from Bella's ankles—those little white socks—grease stains, and back to a naked Rosalie. "Shit." I opened my eyes and redoubled my efforts, looking to the book.

"Thanks, Mrs. Cullen." Jasper tried my doorknob, and then the door gave way.

My parents' bedroom and the bathrooms are the only doors with locks on them. I don't pay bills and do not deserve privacy. So when I say I locked my door, that means I propped a chair behind it.

I groaned, putting my dick away and placing my book under my pillow. "Gimme a sec." I hopped into the jeans I wore today.

Still shirtless, I moved the chair and let Jazz in. "What?"

"Beating off to Hale?"

"Shh!" I spat and pulled him into my room to close the door. "Did you get any new hot books?" I asked, plopping down on my bed. He wore the biggest smile, and I couldn't figure out why.

He shook his head. "You'll—you'll never believe what happened."

"Well, tell me…" I shrugged, grabbing for a shirt.

"Alice came over after school—"

"What?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"She and Paul broke up—like for good. He cheated on her with Lauren Mallory. Apparently, Alice wouldn't sleep with him, but Lauren did." He winced. "But his loss is hopefully my gain—idiot."

"Whoa!" I folded my legs under me and sat back. "That's crazy...Lauren really goes all the way?"

He nodded. "That's what I hear, and it is crazy. We're just kids, you know? But she's not the only one. I heard Emmett one time in the locker room...Rosalie goes all the way too."

"What?" I shouted.

"Yup, but you didn't hear that from me. Jake would know which girls put out."

"Yeah, I guess he would. . . wish I was as suave as him."

"Jake is Coolsville. I have no idea why he's hung up on Angela Weber." Jasper shook his head.

"She's pretty and wears glasses. I don't know. Is Alice okay?" I asked.

"Of course she is." Jazz smiled smugly and mirrored my sitting position. "Jasper Whitlock mended her broken heart."

"How?" I widened my arms.

"She let me get to second base."

I stared at him, and I couldn't even blink. "Yo-you're serious?" My heart broke just a little bit. Here I am, some cad as Dad says, who's never been kissed—and Jasper got to second.

"I am. It was—Edward, it was amazing. I asked her to prom—"

"Prom?" I was confused. "I didn't know we were going…didn't you say 'only squares wear tuxedos'?"

The truth was that I never thought I'd get a date, and now Jasper might have one.

"She said she'd think about it." He frowned. "I understand—I mean, prom is seventy-three days away. So, you better get on that."

I nodded. "Jessica might go with me."

"I heard she's going with Jimmy."

"But it's seventy-three days away?" I shook my head. "How…"

Jasper patted my back. "You'll get a date."

"Yeah, okay." I leaned back against my heardboard. That was when I saw Jasper holding a folder. "What's that?"

"College applications…After I leave, I'm going over to Alice's. I want to make sure we apply to the same schools. That way we'll be together wherever, forever—"

"Jazz." I chuckled bitterly. "That's too much."

"Didn't you apply to Dartmouth because that's where Rosalie is going?"

"That was so long ago." I shook my head. "I wanted to look smart. There's no way I'll get into Dartmouth. I'm lucky if I get into U-Dub, which is where I plan and hope to go—that's where I want to go. I decided I want to teach English. They have a two-year program—I can get a teaching certificate in two-years!" I was excited.

Jasper looked away from me. "But...my dad says teaching and nursing are only for women. I hope to be pre-med wherever."

I frowned. "It's what I want to do. It might not happen...my grades are great here, but they weren't as good when I lived in Seattle. And I'll also be minoring in literature...maybe I'll write a book, too. During the break, I was so bored I started a few drafts. My mom says I really have a knack, so—"

"If U-Dub is it, then why'd you apply to all those East Coast schools?" He gave me a funny look.

"That was back in December. I did it because of Rosalie, and my dad…He wanted me to apply everywhere. . . Listen," I started again, "apply to the same schools she does, but don't go over there acting all…like you're going to ask for her hand."

Jasper nodded. "I might scare her."

"Yes," I said.

"She refused to go steady."

"Yet, she let you touch her…" I squeezed my nonexistent boobs, "tits?" I licked my lips. "Any of her friends share her morals…besides Rosalie?"

He laughed.

"I'm serious," I said.

He squealed. "They're perfect!" He rushed out. "I couldn't see because we were kissing, but…we were tongue kissing." He mimicked turning the station on the radio with his eyes closed. "Her nipples…they were small—teeny—just like her." He sounded wistful. "And her knockers fit perfectly in my hands. And the sounds she made. She moaned and groaned and spread her legs."

Both our chests were heaving, and I hated Jasper right now. Fuck. Even Jared has a girlfriend—some little girl he meets at the movies every Saturday. Mom drives; Dad pays. It's cute, and my sudden erection was coming down now.

Good save, Peanut.

"I'm going now." He cupped his johnson. "As you were, soldier."

After he left, I rigged the door and got back in bed. My eventual undoing was the grease stains that grace Bella's cheeks sometimes.

Dad came home late, but we waited until he did before we ate. During supper, I kind of zoned out, thinking about small pink nipples. I even shaped my mashed potatoes into breasts, and completed them with peas.

"Nice rack." Dad spied my plate.

"What are you doing?" Mom asked.

Quickly, I shoved the left breast into my mouth and shrugged my shoulders. "Can I be excused?" I asked with a mouthful.

Mom sighed. "Before you disappear, take out the trash—it's full."

Grinning, I stood up to kiss my mother's cheek.

She says disappear like I'm going to evaporate into thin air. Taking out the garbage was no problem, as all I planned to do was take a shower and jerk off tonight. It was raining buckets, and I ran out as fast as I could.

On my way back in, I saw someone running and laughing in the rain. They had their arms flailed, and they were turning in a circle. When they stopped to stare at me, I realized it was Bella.

And she looked adorable.

"Hey!" I put my hands in my pockets and ran to her. "You okay?"

She was still smiling and walking backwards. "Just going home. . . See ya!"

"Wait!" I shouted, not wanting her to get away. We never talk, and I never see her anymore it seems, and I actually find myself aching all the time when she's close. She close, but never close enough.

"I'd like to make it home before I catch pneumonia." Her happy disposition was gone.

"What did I do?" I stood out under the spray with my arms widened.

"Nothing," she laughed. "I just don't want to get sick!" she shouted as the sky lit up, and then the thunder clashed. "Shit!" Bella jumped and laughed. "Bye!"

"I'll drive you—"

She turned back to me. "It's okay."

Smiling, I grabbed her hand, and we ran to my house. She protested and tried to get away, but Dad said being chivalrous was important. "I'm driving you home." I all but declared.

Tonight, I wasn't taking no for an answer.

Thank you for reading.

Sorry about the slight cliffy...Will Bella let Edward drive her home? Will Edward finally have the balls to ask her out? Leave Fuckward some love, and leave me your thoughts!