CHAPTER SIX

Ennis wakes up in the early morning light so he moves over to his side to see if Jack is up, but Jack is still sleeping peacefully. With the sunlight shining in from the window lighting Jack's face so beautifully Ennis just stares and sends a silent prayer up to the heavens for that day that sent Jack his way in that piece of junk truck that broke down more times then you could put up with.

But it is that truck that brought him to me so I guess I have to thank you even for that, thinks Ennis while brushing Jack's hair that fell on his beautiful face covering those beautiful blue eyes of his. Of Jack's, his Jack.

Ennis strokes Jack's face and gently moves closer to Jack mere inches from his face and so softly places his lips on Jack's and kisses him with so much passion that Ennis sheds a tear for all the years that he could have had this - just like this - but he was too afraid to be with the person that held his heart and the only person who really knew him - who really knows the true Ennis Del Mar, the Ennis deep down.

But the truth is I am nothing without you. You're the only one who I am truly happy with. Just thinking about you shines a light that is always turned off whenever you aren't around. My heart you carry. My soul is only with you when you aren't around me. I am just a mere shadow of myself then when I'm with you. Without you I would just die. I just wish I could tell you exactly just how I feel about you and what you mean to me. You're my life, my only life and now I am ready to spend it with you. I love you so much - I wish you were able to hear me now so you would know, but I just can't tell you. When you're listening the words just come out all wrong if I can even speak them at all, Ennis thinks.

He grabs Jack's blanket and tosses it over towards the end of the bed and searches for Jack's hand. Once he finds it, he brings it up to his face and lays a kiss on Jack's palm and then kisses each knuckle before placing it back by Jack's side. Then he wraps his own palm and entwines it with Jack's. He scoots closer to Jack and lifts Jack gently up and sets him where his head is lying on Ennis's chest. Ennis plays with Jack's hair and hums a lullaby while looking out the window.

After several lullabies Jack finally opens those beautiful eyes that stole Ennis's heart and makes you wonder of just the pure beauty of God's creation.

"Ennis," Jack says groggily still with morning breath.

"Phew, boy, you need to go brush your teeth," jokes Ennis with a smile.

"Well, I guess you don't want your good morning kiss then, huh?" Jack says.

"Well, I didn't say that," Ennis says and grabs Jack and kisses him so tenderly that it takes Jack's breath away.

"Why are you in such a good mood?"

"'Cause I am with you," Ennis starts to say but then comes the problem he has with telling people his innermost feelings, even when he so wants to. It's still a hard thing to do and he doesn't even know why that is.

"Ennis, you don't have to tell me, I know. It's okay."

Ennis just stares at Jack with a sad expression on his face.

"Really, it is," Jack says trying to reassure Ennis. Ennis just shakes his head and Jack starts to rub Ennis's arm. "Are you ready to see today that house I was talking about?" asks Jack a little excited. Ennis just nods his head. "Well, then, we'd better get ready. I want to get back here so we can get to working before my dad gets up," Jack says. Ennis just grunts.

A minute or two later

Jack grabs his pillow and throws it right into Ennis's face. "Well, look who got better with his aim!" Jack says smiling and laughing.

"You're a crazy s.o.b.," Ennis says and smiles shaking his head.

"That's why you love me," Jack says and kisses Ennis on the cheek. Jack then begins to rummage through the pile of clothes lying on the floor to find which ones are his and which ones are Ennis's. He finds his pants first and puts 'em on. He then grabs a shirt and puts it on slowly 'cause his back is still sore. It actually feels more painful now than it did yesterday, if that makes any sense.

"Um, that's my shirt," says Ennis while still sitting on the bed. Jack just stares at Ennis then stares at himself wearing Ennis's shirt.

"Looks good on me," Jack says with a shrug and a smile.

"Will you get ready? Geez, what are you doing? Are you not coming? Have you changed your mind?" says Jack with his glistening blue sparkling eyes turning a pale blue that somehow looks grey. Ennis can see the disappointment in those eyes. He has seen it there more times than he wished.

"I haven't changed my mind; I just don't see why we have to get up so early in the morning to check out this house. Who is gonna be up at this time of the day anyways? We have to rush so we don't make your dad angry, huh?" Ennis says now to Jack's face. Jack just moves away and sits on the edge of the bed and twirls his shirt between his fingers while staring out at the morning sky until Ennis moves in front of Jack blocking his view.

"Man, move out of the way," Jack says and pushes Ennis away from the window.

"Don't push me," Ennis tells Jack. Jack moves his head from the window to Ennis.

"Don't push ya."

"I don't want to fight."

"Well, I'll tell you something," Jack gets into Ennis's face pointing his finger and poking Ennis in the chest, "You're telling me what to do. Well, stop telling me what to do. Everything you have told me to do or to not do, I have, but not anymore. You said we couldn't be in love, you said we couldn't live together so we didn't. I betrayed my feelings, my heart, my soul. I betrayed myself; I lied to everyone, worst of all I lied to myself. I just wanted to be with you but did you want to be with me? Hell no, you selfish son of a bitch."

"I'm here now, Jack. I want to be with you. I want it, too. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out that I wanted and needed it, but I'm here and I am saying to you that I want to be with you… just you."

"Yeah, now, fucking now! Why couldn't you be with me in '63, huh? Why did it take you years to know that you love me, huh? Was it that hard to love a man; that hard to love me? If you had been with me, I never would have been through what I have been through. It's your fault," Jack says and hits Ennis in the chest.

Ennis stands stock still giving Jack a chance to talk about his feelings but he can't just stand here much longer and let Jack just hit him like he did. He knows that maybe Jack is right but it still hurts like hell to hear the words that Jack is speaking.

He thinks it's my fault and what do I do about it? Do I say 'sorry' just like so many times before or what? I'm so confused; I just wish I could start over, thinks Ennis while Jack is still hitting away at his heart. Ennis tries to not let his anger and pride get the better of him but it wins out and pushes Jack back. Jack falls back on the bed with a terrified look on his face which, as suddenly as it got there, disappears into anger and hurt left behind on Jack's face. Ennis just puts his hand on his forehead and stands there so silently, whispers 'sorry' and grabs his clothes, throws 'em on and walks out the door. Jack sits there and begins to sob into Ennis's pillow.

"What have I done? Why did I tell Ennis that I blamed him? It's not his fault", Jack says out loud with tears falling down his face. He starts to punch the pillow but he realizes that that would not fix the situation that he created, so he grabs his coat and runs out the door after Ennis, not even bothering to put on his boots.