Just letting you all know I'm not dead... I'm so incredibly sorry for not updating in so long :O this last few weeks had been horrible! I just got out of school, but I had exams and loads of homework to give that I couldn't write a new chapter...

Unfortunately, this ain't a new one-shot :P I wrote this a few weeks back and published it...Some of you probably read it, but I had to delete it :P So I'm posting it again! :D Just a quick update, I promise I'll post more now that I'm on vacation! :D

I own nothing! the Mortal Instruments belong to Cassandra Clare and the son "Can't let you go" belongs to Adam Lambert!


Alec lay down on his bed like he had done for the past week. He was on his pajamas, the only clothes he had been wearing ever since. He wasn't crying…he couldn't, not anymore. He had shed all his tears and now no more would come. He had cried for four complete days and now, three days later, Alec was left feeling empty and alone. He couldn't eat, and he barely slept. He barely found any sense in living and he just wished he could close his eyes and be gone from this life forever…He clutched a blue scarf tightly against his chest, the sandalwood smell long gone. It was the only memory he had let himself keep. He had burned all the photos, thrown away all the letters, and hidden everything that reminded him of the warlock he used to love…and still loved, even though it broke him to the core.

He sniffed burying his face on the blue scarf. One week…One week had gone by since he had last seen Magnus at the abandoned subway. One week since the most important person in the Shadowhunter's life had walked away from him. One week since he had taken all of his stuff and left the key on the coffee table at the flat situated in Brooklyn. One week since he had locked himself in his room and refused to do anything but drown himself in self-pity.

For many hours he had repeated the scene in the subway over and over again. He once felt sadness burning down his chest. He could feel his heart breaking down in so many little pieces it now resembled dust. But now he couldn't feel that…He couldn't feel anything. He felt empty.

He wanted to hate Magnus. So many times he had tried to find any excuse to blame the warlock for what had happened, but he couldn't. He knew it was his fault…and he hated it. He hated he had been so weak. He hated he had been such an idiot. He hated himself to the point he felt the world would be better without him….but he couldn't do it. Not to his family. They had already lost Max and he was sure they couldn't handle losing Alec as well…but was it the right choice? Was watching Alec slowly fading to the point of no return better than watch him dead? He didn't know the answer and he guessed he never would.

His siblings had tried talking him out of it. They had tried to cheer him up, forget all about the warlock, but nothing worked. He couldn't keep his mind away from the man he loved. It hurt him so much, but he couldn't find himself thinking about anything else. All the memories came flooding into his mind over and over again. All the smiles, all the laughs, all the flirting and teasing…all the hugs, holding hands, kisses, cuddling together…everything came back like a ton of bricks and it broke Alec even more. He thought of all the 'what ifs' and 'what could have happened' but it made no good…it just made Alec hate himself even more.

He knew he was killing himself slowly, first emotionally and then physically. He refused to eat and he knew he already had lost a lot of weigh. He could feel it. His ribs were already showing and his clothes hung loose on his body – even more than they had done before.

He buried his face deeply in the scarf, trying to get all the images away, but he couldn't keep the flamboyant, sparkly warlock away. His eyes burned with tears that would never fall and all Alec wanted is for the pain to go away.

He knew he was a pathetic excuse for a Shadowhunter…letting himself get killed over a heart-break, but he couldn't find himself to keep going. His life was over, Magnus had ended it, and he no longer held a reason to live.

Suddenly he was taken away from his self-pity party with the sound of his phone going off. He weakly took it from his night stand and checked it to find he had a new message. He noticed it was an unknown number and all of his hopes were thrown out the window. So many times Alec had hoped to find a call or even a text from his love, but they never came. Alec wanted to ignore the text, like he had done with all the rest, but something pulled him towards the text and so he opened.

"Can't let you go – Adam Lambert"

6 words…that's all the text said. Six insignificant words that meant nothing to him. It was the name of a song of a mundane singer…a mundane singer Magnus used to hear all the time. It confused Alec to no end. Why would someone send him that? Maybe they were mistaken…sent the text to the wrong person, but something told Alec it wasn't right. The text was meant for him, and he had no other option than look said song up.

He looked through the playlist on his phone. Magnus had updated it a few months back, filling his phone with modern music that the warlock loved but the Shadowhunter would never hear. Alec clicked on the 'Adam Lambert' carpet and looked through the songs until he found the song he was looking for.

He suddenly stood up. Putting shoes on, getting his jacket, and walking out of his room and the Institute. He walked down the streets of New York without anyone noticing he was gone. He reached a park and took a sit on a bench that was just under a big oak tree. He took out his earphones and plugged them to his phone pressing play and the song started blasting on his ears.

"Guess it was not meant to be

It's not as bad as it seems
It only burns when I breathe"

Alec could instantly relate to the lyrics, and he let himself be drown with the voice of Adam Lambert as he sang all that Alec was feeling at that moment.

"You saw the way that I fell
But I'm better off by myself
That's the tale I like to tell

But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye
Everything in me wants you back in my life
Can't let you go
Can't let you go"

Alec sniffed hearing the lyrics of the chorus. He wished so hard those words were sang for him. He wished Magnus would sing it for him…but he knew the warlock never would.

"It feels like the dawn of the dead
Like bombs going off in my head
Never a moment of rest

Nothing kills more than to know
That this is the end of the road
And I know I gotta let go"

Alec covered his face with his hands trying so hard not to let the tears fall down. It killed him knowing he and Magnus could never get back together. It killed him knowing Magnus would never take him back and that he probably had already moved on…

"But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye
Everything in me wants you back in my life
Can't let you go
Can't let you go"

Alec wanted Magnus back…He needed him back. Alec could no longer breathe without his love next to him. He missed him. Missed his voice, missed his touch. He missed his words of comfort, always so well placed and said…Magnus always knew what to say to make him feel better. It pained Alec knowing he would never hear that beautiful and melodic voice ever again.

"Wish I could just find a way
To have all your memories erased
Cos constantly they're haunting me"

Again, he wished he could keep away the memories Magnus had left. It broke his heart all over again thinking about the happy memories they had shared. Everything that made their relationship so special and amazing was now gone and he couldn't get it back.

"But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye
Everything in me wants you back in my life
Can't let you go
Can't let you go"

Alec cursed whoever had sent him the song. It had just made it all worse. He wanted to lock himself in his room again, curl up with the scarf Magnus had gifted him, and cry until darkness would claim him.

His phone buzzed in his hand as the last note of the song rang. He looked down noticing he had a new text from the same unknown number who had sent him the name of the song. He wanted so bad to ignore it. The last text had destroyed him even more, but he opened the text anyways.

"I was a fool by letting you go…but I can't keep doing it"

Alec frowned down at his phone. This had to be some sick joke. Who could be sending those texts? Who could be so cruel to hurt him like that when there was nothing left from Alec to be destroyed? A sob escaped Alec's mouth and he realized he was crying. He didn't bother trying to cover it up or trying to stop it. He let the tears fall freely down his cheeks as his chest shook with sobs.

Someone cleared their throat from behind Alec and the Shadowhunter turned around slowly. He came face-to-face with the reason of all his pain, the man who caused all of his tears.

Magnus stood in front of him, wearing sweet pants and a sweated that had once belonged to Alec and Magnus had claimed he had thrown away. His hair fell over his eyes and it looked as if it hadn't been washed in a long time. His face was free of make-up…except for the eye-liner that had dried under his eyes and over his cheeks from when it had smeared his face when he cried.

"I thought it would be easier" Magnus spoke, his voice raspy and deep "Saying goodbye and getting you away from my life…but I can't. It's killing me. I can't live without you"

Alec just stared at Magnus with wide eyes. He hadn't stopped crying, but he could no longer feel the tears running down his face. He just stared at Magnus. So many times he had thought he would never see him again. So many times he had thought Magnus was gone forever…yet he stood right there. A few steps away from Alec, but he wasn't close enough. Alec needed to touch him, he needed to feel him to know this was real…but he couldn't. He was afraid this was all a dream and as soon as he moved it all would be gone.

"P-Please" Magnus's voice cracked "Take me back"


Heart breaking, I know...I actually cried writing this and I cried again when I read it again now haha! Anyways, I hope you liked it! :D Review and leave your request with prompts of what you want me to write about! :D

Also, for those who read Prestigious, I'm sorry I had not updated but as I said before, school was hell :P But I promise a new chapter tomorrow! :D Sorry for leaving you with a horrible cliff-hanger :P

Thanks for reading!

xx