Beautiful. Smart. Entropy.

By Spectra16 (Life, Liberty, and Being on the Run)

A/N: looks up Ah. There you are. I'd like to welcome you all to my story. I'll have you know that I just finished watching The Manchurian Candidate (Denzel-ified) and that I'm writing a PotO rock version, and if you've got ideas, PLEASE tell me. Need help. SOS. I'm sick of A.L. Webber butchering half decent musicals (I'm not much of a musical fan myself). I'd also like everyone to know that I appreciate your reviews. And also, I promote anything Cobalt Violet writes. Thank you.

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, I don't own the teachers, and I don't own the credentials I sometimes brag about. I don't own the reference to the Bloodhound Gang, which I can't stand anymore, but liked at one point. Shame on me, I know.

Apology: The beginning of this chapter is a tad bit preachy. The middle is a tad bit script-y. The end is a tad bit rude to Root and Root fans.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Seven: Up-rooted

Root was sitting in his desk. The fact alone that he was alive was out-of-character enough. He tapped his foot impatiently, not smoking a fungus cigar of any sort. In the fairy world, Cubans were not the master makers of fungus cigars. America fairies were. This was so surprise of course. America has more fungus than any country that manufactures cigars.

Faoly trotted into Root's office. Sool was tied up in a closet somewhere in Mexico (if any of you were wondering). Foaly cleared his throat.

"We have a situation, Root," He spoke harshly. Root, feeling that Foaly was up to something, by the nature of his voice, studied Foaly's expressions.

"Out with it, you nose-picking, cake-sniffing, pothead," Root insulted him without being annoyed first. Foaly rose an eyebrow.

"Did you just insult me with personality traits of the author of this fan fiction?" Foaly asked, utterly confused. Root nodded. Foaly shrugged and continued.

"I think Artemis Fowl is up to something!" Foaly announced sternly. Root put out his cigar on his thigh.

"Explain."

"Well, I was using our thing that listens in on calls of evil doers before they do evil. And in one of Artemis' calls and he said the words "LEP", "Holly", "Root", "gold", "Foaly", "Mulch", "kill", "bomb", "beetroot", "blue-rinse", "fairy", "technology", "Butler", "is", "a", "ho", "at least", "I", "have", "chicken", and "love". This is most concerning," Foaly spoke with utter seriousness. Root was almost confused by his lack of paranoia and silliness. Root quirked an eyebrow.

"Can I see the records of his conversation? And who's he speaking with?"

"His mother . . . I think," Foaly admitted and handed him a blue orb. The orb had the conversation recorded onto it, and at the press of a button, Artemis' sly voice was muttering to himself while a the other phone rang.

(For the sake of convenience, I will go back to my sinful roots and speak in script text.)

Artemis: still ringing Come on. Pick up the damn phone. singing Welcome to the solider side, where's there's no one here but me. . .

Angeline: Hello?

Artemis: Hello mother dear.

Angeline: Hi Arty. What's up?

Artemis: I have a question.

Angeline: Hmm?

Artemis: What's a word that rhymes with vagina?

Angeline: Oh, don't be silly Artemis. How are you?

Artemis: How about lima?

Angeline: South Carolina.

Artemis: Mo' fina'?

Angeline: No Artemis. That isn't a word.

Artemis: LEPrechauns rule.

Angeline: I met one the other day.

Artemis: I bet.

Angeline: Oh Artemis! I found some holly hocks in the backyard today. I didn't even know I planted them.

Artemis: Did you pull out the roots?

Angeline: Hell yes. Hey, we got a new pool boy today. His name is Foaly. What a dumb name. But he's cute though. Remember what you used to do with Casey when you were little?

Artemis: Don't ever bring that up again.

Angeline: Right Artemis. I haven't told anyone at your father and my dinner parties. Nope.

Artemis: Are you doing anymore yard work today?

Angeline: Yeah. I've got to mulch the central part of the garden. And then I have to clean the kitchen today. I bought some new Blue-rinse cleaner. I'm gonna kill those damn germs! Bitches!

Artemis: Mother! Your language!

Angeline: So what? You say "Butler is a ho" all of the time! Why can't I speak like an uneducated American?

Artemis: At least I have chicken.

Angeline: I love chicken.

Artemis: Ditto. Well, I've got to run. I'm going Google bombing today.

Angeline: Oh. Well, have fun. Talk to you later, dear.

Artemis: Bye mother.

Angeline: Oh wait. We forgot fairy. There. Goodbye!

(Click)

Root starred at Foaly, who still seemed serious.

"I know. It's shocking," Foaly spoke sternly. Root watched him sadly. And then wished he was dead again. I mean, honestly. I was never a big Root fan. He's okay, but not exactly cuddly. I think I would've been more devastated if Foaly or Butler died.

Suddenly, Eoin Colfer appeared in a Glinda the Good Witch costume.

"Be careful what you wish for!" He spoke as he waved a wand.

-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: That was odd. I'll admit that.