AN: I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.
(Story)
When the HPS actually met again three weeks later, they had to drag a more toned Harry Potter to the secret room where they had been holding their meetings. Sitting around the table were Vash, Naruto, Sasuke, Link, Tenchi, Ranma, Lelouch, and finally Harry. Each one of them had taken on a new look from their former selves of old just two months ago when this had started.
Vash the Stampede now sported the dazed look of a man who was on the edge. He held a donut in his hands at all times while he sat at the table, and even his comfort food didn't seem to be working optimally for the poor ravished guy. He had been adjusting to thirteen new wives for the past three weeks, and it was amazing he was still alive. His coat had clawing marks along the sides and you could see where they had left hickeys on his already pock-marked and marred skin.
Naruto was sporting a fluffy purple coat and cane for some reason. It was surprisingly little better than the orange jumpsuit of old as it was still an eyesore. He seemed to just lay back in the chair casually as if he controlled the world. Considering his sperm bank was doing so well, it wasn't surprising that he was so well off. His bright hair seemed to glisten in the candlelight that the HPS worked in.
Sasuke, Naruto's accountant, looked almost better off than Naruto. Whether that was because Sasuke was more flashy than Naruto, or because a little embezzling action was occurring, we'll only know once the courts skew the truth so that it could be either option. His black hair was smoothed back into a ponytail, and his business suit didn't quite fit the ninja sandals he had propped up on the table.
Link was better looking than most of them. After a great deal of time with Navi in the forest, he had begun to speak again, but for some reason it was in a British accent. Navi had stopped by only long enough to continue ignoring most of what he said. His green leafy clothes had remained the same, still giving him this tree-hugging look like a Hippie from the States.
Tenchi, who had been unobserved for a little time due to his remorse and homesickness for his lovely brides at home, looked ever more depressing. His normal priestly clothing was beginning to look smudged. If Lord Kasihito saw him now, well I just would feel sorry for the poor guy. The only thing that seemed to be keeping the guy from jumping off the deep end was the fact that a woman named Noike had jumped out from another universe and proceeded to mother him like the other women had never been able to do effectively. It seemed to at least cheer Tenchi up from time to time when he was gardening with her. Among other sowing acts that they performed on the Astronomy Tower.
Ranma was…well…he was a strange boy/girl. He had gotten into the habit of carrying this stuffed panda with him that he punched just for the fun of it. His normal Chinese clothing seemed like a second skin as the boy had tons of time to train in peace. The only thing askew was when some Gendo guy came and shook the boy up for screwing his little 'Shinji-chan'. Disturbing, let Yui's soul rest in peace knowing her husband was a wackjob bent on being 'one' with her at the cost of sacrificing their son.
Lelouch, without a better word to describe it, was more odd than normal. He hardly ever slept now and he had this strange glowing mark on his forehead. He'd written it off as one of C.C.'s endearing pranks. On the multiverse radio they'd heard that the 'demon emperor' was dead in entirely…unrelated…news. They just assumed that Lelouch must've known the guy when he seemed pleased at the news and spent pleasant evenings, for once, with his wives.
That brings us down to Harry. Our sweet and beloved Harry who had finally mastered how to put on clothes in such a way that the girls didn't need to rip them off in order to have their wicked way with him any longer. He was still rather shabby looking, but better than before in the very least. He was for the first time in many weeks shaven, and the look made him all the more appealing. No one had even bothered trying to comb his hair. Harry had for a short while started calling himself Sweet McDaddy G. It had ended after another session with Luna's court since that was another route she did not wish to walk down her magical lover.
To sum it up, the eight of them looked like crap, mostly felt like crap, and wasn't sure but might actually be sitting in crap.
It was Tenchi who took reign as the most calm and sane of the lot, despite being depressed, with an easy time doing so. It wasn't like they were collectively focused on something else. He gave a polite cough before speaking, "As I'm sure you're all aware…times are losing their touch with us."
Naruto stood to second this notion, "It's like we're the knights of old ya know?"
Sasuke placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder and pushed him back down into his seat gently. Looking back up at the others he gave his own cough, "I'm here as Mr. Uzamaki's representative, all questions should be placed through me on this matter.
Naruto 'humphed' in his seat mumbling, "I didn't touch the little girl like that man…she was like…up on me on that issue man…" He was slapped upside the head by a frying pan and a middle-aged woman who apologized realizing she wasn't berating her son Gohan…or something.
The room gave a sound that sounded an awful lot like a cricket. It was as if the room itself was astounded. 'Cricket…cricket…cricket'.
Tenchi gave a more urgent cough, though managing to be polite about it somehow, "I'm sure the HPS can help with whatever it's members are going through, but for now we have more urgent issues." Getting up out his place, Tenchi walked over to a chart with Link while Sasuke assumed this was his cue to sit back down.
Link gave a cough as he pointed towards the chart with the image of Ultimagu on it with flames all around him in a rather comical manner. "You see mates, this gov here has gotten on our last nerves. We're going to find his lorry and bash the bleedin' tar out of it."
Tenchi gave Link a small poke to move away from the chart to which Link complied with some vague insults nobody would understand for a week. "What we mean is…we're going to have to find where Ultimagu is hiding out in order to end this conflict once and for all." A few nods and murmers around the room while Harry just seemed to doze. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night. His hiding place had been compromised when Pansy Parkinson had offered Lelouch funding for his giant robot dolls or whatever they were.
Continuing, Tenchi pointed out the next slide on the chart, "Due to our great losses just eight weeks ago, we've lost our dear comrades, Shinji and Keitaro. We'll be holding a memorial for them out by the lake where they're supposed to be buried beside some DumblesBored. I honestly don't know who I feel more sorry for…the previous headmaster…or our comrades." His words were now taken with seriousness and even Harry seemed to be magically paying attention now. No one noticed how the chart picture was of eight people carelessly tossing two bodies in a stone catacomb with a skeleton already in it.
At this point Vash fell out of his chair shouting about how the donuts would save him from Knives' perverted fantasies. It didn't help that it was followed by a little girl storming in and hugging Naruto's leg to which he shouted something about that the 'glove didn't fit!'.
It became obvious that the meeting had broken down when Lelouch put on some farmer's clothing and was sneaking out the back way with a green-haired girl. Of course if that didn't signal the end, it probably came around the time Link whipped out his Master Sword with a loud 'Huzzah!' and everyone pretty much cleared out before they were forced to watch that creepy show.
That's how Harry found his way in Luna's arms behind Barnabus the Barmy again. How she did it, he'd never know. Never would care either probably. As long as she kept bringing the drugs that for some reason kept making him think that he was participating in some sort of collective effort to end a madman's attempt to twist the multiverse to his liking.
Seriously kids, don't do drugs. Both of these nutjobs got married, had druggie kids, and ended up on Witches Weekly together even though they were 139 and 137. If only Dumbledore had stopped Voldemort from forcing his soul into Luna and then maybe at least stopped the constant drug usage of viagra.
Seriously, I mean 30 girls were pregnant within a month and only THEN did Dumbledore think something might be wrong with his Golden Child. Is he senile? Or is it just me?
(Story)
AN: July 3rd, 2011: Don't worry kiddies, I'm not done with this story. At long last I have found out how I wanted to continue writing Haremization in a manner where I originally intended to take it without dicking out on the issue of actually finishing a story.
Here below you'll find an updated list of the gang and who they're married to.
Tenchi: 7 wives: Ayeka, Sasami, Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washu, Noike
Ranma: 5 wives: Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Xian Pu, Ukyo
Keitaro: 0 wives: DEAD
Shinji: 0 wives: DEAD
Sasuke: ?: I've never specified who Sasuke is married to. Assume he's married to the few women Naruto isn't married to.
Naruto: ?: I've also never specified who Naruto is married to. Assume he's married to the loads of women that Sasuke isn't married to (notice this is at your discretion...not mine).
Link: 4 wives: Zelda, Ruto, Saria, Malon
Vash: 16 wives: Meryl, Milly, Dominique, Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Misato, Maya, Ritsuko, Naru, Mutsumi, Shinobu, Mitoko, Kaolla, Mitsune, Kanako
Lelouch: 5 wives: Shirley, C.C., Kallen, Milly, Nina
Harry: ?: Luna, Hermione, Ginny, Pansy, and on and on and on...
Author's Announcements:
I know hardly anyone reads my profile (which wouldn't matter since it's out of date anyway), so I have posted these following announcements in all of my stories to let you formally know that I will be attempting to write chapters for most of my stories once again. I cannot guarantee anything, but I am most willing to make the effort.
That's the important part. Here come the details (your queue to leave if you want).
Reasons Why I Haven't Been Writing:
Well…geez, put me on the spot without time for cookies or milk. I haven't been writing mostly because of the combined dedications my life has required of me. In the time since I wrote Memoirs of a Time Traveler I have done the following things, each further complicating my life as a burgeoning adult:
1. Began a polyamorous relationship.
2. Managed to get my girlfriend of five years pregnant.
3. Fought with the parents of the newest member of our 'Triad' in the Triangular relationship.
4. Finally given up the idea of trying to treat both of my girlfriends equal in public status and married my pregnant girlfriend (to avoid the evil state of Indiana's bureaucracy).
5. Had my mother-in-law move in to help us with bills.
6. Had a child whom we call Alex.
7. Managed to obtain a 35 hour job (which previously had been 20 hours since after #3 but before #4).
8. Have continued my undergraduate education throughout the entire process.
Reasons Why I Will Begin Writing Anew:
These are the reasons why I'm more optimistic about a renewed writing!
1. Resigned from my job since my boss is a douche and was probably going to fire me anyway.
2. Finals are over!
3. Looking for another job and taking care of Alex, but still plenty of free time from the additional hours (some 70 in my week) which have been freed up recently.
4. Because I hate to see 'abandoned' on my stories!
I look forward to presenting everyone with wonderful new material on old ideas. Let it be known, however, that not all of my lack of posting is from a lack of writing. I have written three chapters for various stories when my computer crashed around seven months ago. Don't blame me, blame the elves.
So, without further ado, I bid you welcome into a new age of writing by Ultimagu.
