Ellie was no coward even if she had been a Ravenclaw. But she had been never so scared in her life. Mostly, she was just plain disgusted over herself. She had never thought that there would come a time that she would stoop so low, that she would get so desperate that she would even adopt some bitchy tactic.
How had she been so stupid? Had she really thought that bewitching Remus with some love potion will help her get his love? Did she even want his fake love, a love forced by some magic? Obviously not…
But god she had been so desperate and now she was regretting it. She had acted without a thought and now she dreaded what will happen. Even if she had been able to delude herself for few moments that all was fine, it hadn't been a permanent solution.
She therefore sat on the corner of the bed, her face already red with embarrassment even though she hadn't even faced anyone yet; looking miserably at the door, expecting it to burst open…
She had never been scared of a woman, in fact she hardly ever feared any human only for the sole reason that she always knew that she had done no wrong, that she had never hurt anybody intentionally… but this time she was wrong. She had hurt someone, in fact both of them and had tried to deceive them even if she had known all along that it will all come to this...
The door burst open with a bang and even if she had been expecting it, she jumped. In came Tonks and she had barely ever seen a woman looking so fierce. She was pale, her hairs deep crimson flowing past her shoulders and her murderous eyes searching for her, when locked with her fearful ones, became even more murderous if possible.
For a moment both of them were unable to speak. Tonks due to anger while Ellie due to fear, already internally cringing at the hateful words that would follow, at the names she would be called…
She saw a movement at the door and looked over Tonks' shoulder to see Remus entering as if treading carefully on a path of explosives. He looked grim and… disappointed.
But when he came to stand behind Tonks, as if supporting her, reassuring her of his presence, she suddenly felt as if they were ganging up on her.
"Ellie Wilkins." Tonks growling and hateful voice brought her attention to her. She looked so angry that now her pale was red and she could see a nerve jumping in her neck. "Merlin knows that I have tried to adjust with you and now let me tell you something."
Tonks took a deep breath and she saw Remus resting his hand lightly on her elbow but not making eye contact with either of them.
"As a human being, I sympathize with you about what happened to you. As one of the victim of dark arts myself I hate those people already who did this to you. And as an Order member and an Auror, I am going to do everything in my being to catch them and bring justice to you. BUT…but as a woman who has struggled to reach to this level to be with the man she loves, who had fought for her love, Merlin help me, I won't hesitate to destroy you the next time you lay eyes on my man."
Silence.
God that hurt deeper than she thought… she looked away due to shame and also so that they couldn't see the hurt in her eyes… my man…
It was the reality though…
"And," Tonks spoke again. "The only reason I am even thinking of sparing you this time is that you mean a lot to my fiancé, even if as a good friend!"
For next few minutes all the room was filled with was Tonks' labored breathing, her own quiet sniffles.
"Why?" Remus' voice entered her ears. He spoke so softly and it was not anger but pure disappointment radiating from him that made her even loathe herself for bringing all up to this…
"Yes, why indeed?" Tonks spoke, though loudly yet a little calmly. "Did you really think that spiking his tea, which incidentally I brought to you as a start for making amends, with love potion would really make you happy? Sorry, but I never would have thought Remus' any friend to be so stupid."
"I GOT DESPERATE." She finally lost it. She stood shakily on the floor, facing them. "I got desperate." She repeated again but softly this time. "What I am going through." She flailed her arms meaninglessly as if to explain merely by some hand gestures what she was feeling inside. "You people can never understand. I just- just wanted something…concrete to lean on…to feel loved and not as a friend! I wake up one day and whoosh! Magic! Everyone I ever loved is gone or dead. My parents, Remus, they are dead aren't they?" She quietly asked somewhere deep down she knew the answer.
When he looked away, it confirmed her fears but that didn't make it easy just because she had expected so. Fat tears rolled off her eyes thinking of how her parents must have felt when she had apparently gone missing. "My mother had been ill when I was abducted…and I always knew that my father won't survive much without my mother…it was only a matter of time…yesterday when I had time to mull things over, I realized it… I don't know where my brothers and sisters are. Apparently, you-know-who is back and wrecking havoc more than ever, and managed to get Dumbledore killed even…" She said in a defeated tone. She had overheard about Dumbledore's death and had figured out rest herself. "I know what I did was wrong, was unforgiveable, and I won't ask for forgiveness because I know I don't deserve it. But as I said, I just got desperate. I wanted to feel something else besides this darkness that had engulfed me…" She looked miserably at the pair of them with watering eyes, first time getting this in her head that they really were together.
Remus was looking at her with pitiful eyes and was shaking his head ruefully. She hated pity.
"I won't trouble you anymore. I am stable now, and I will leave today itself. There must be someone from my past willing to help me."
She let her words linger as she stared at the floor, deep down wanting Remus to reject her decision vehemently, but none came. She had really spoiled it… had messed everything up…
"There's no need for that." It was Tonks who spoke and she looked at her, shocked, but she wasn't looking at her. "For time being you stay here. Until we confirm that it is indeed safe out there for you. Then we can contact one of your family members and you can take that from there."
She hated to admit it but it appeared that Tonks was really a good person and she could see why had Remus fallen in love with her. But that didn't soothe her pain not really… it would have been easier to get back Remus only if Tonks would have been some spoiled brat, whiny and arrogant.
And when Remus looked at Tonks with adoration in his eyes, it even stung harder in Ellie's stomach.
Once upon a time that look had been only for her.
He squeezed Tonks' shoulder and then looked at Ellie for first time. "She's right."
That's it? All he had to say was that she's right? Had he really decided that she was a lost cause now?
She got up on her feet again, not realizing when she had sat down, feeling ashamed all over again. It would have been easier to ignore her mistake only if they had been equally mean. But they were being helpful. Especially her. Nymphadora Tonks… soon to be Nymphadora Lupin… that thought bristled all her being at once…
No matter how good a person Tonks was, it was going to be very hard for her to actually like her.
When she said nothing, Tonks turned around made to go from the room but Remus seized her movement by grabbing her elbow.
Tonks apparently must have looked confused as Remus turned her gently to face Ellie and then looked at her.
"Ellie, I think you need to apologize to Nymhadora. What you did had hurt her more than it would have ever hurt me, and that's something I won't stand for, even from the people who mean so much to me. You forced me to cheat on her, something which I consider to be most unrighteous."
She could barely believe his words though why it surprised her she didn't know. Ever since she had come back, he had done everything to ensure that nothing would hurt Tonks.
She gaped at him but Tonks beat her to it.
"There's no need for it Remus. She said sorry this morning too, and see what followed that."
"No, No Tonks, I am wrong here. If possible then do forgive me please. I deserve all the hatred for my act but please also try to understand my state of mind. I am not saying what I did was right, but may be understanding me might help you forgiving me too." She said with sincerity. Tonks stared at her for few seconds and then walked out of the room without saying another word.
Why had she hesitated in apologizing, when minutes ago she was ready to beg for forgiveness, ready to redeem her position in their eyes, not much in front of Tonks but mostly for Remus. Then she realized she had hesitated because Remus had given other woman priority, had kept other woman first instead of her. Which wasn't new, not really, ever since she had come back…
"Remus…" She whispered now that room was empty, desperate for him to understand. Because his opinion meant the world to her.
But he never gave her a chance to talk. He simply raised his hand to halt her and walked away just like Tonks without another word…
She fell down on the bed with exhaustion. She wanted to curl and sleep and never wake up.
It was so hard to believe that Remus didn't love her anymore. But the truth was sixteen years have passed. It might be difficult to believe but it was the truth…
Or was it?
Was there no way to rekindle his love for her?
Sure, Tonks was a young and charming woman, perfect ideal for this generation but deep down did Remus really want someone of this generation? Wouldn't he prefer someone of his own age?
Moreover she was his first love… and they said that first love never dies…
But she wasn't going to play dirty, no. Playing dirty tactics wasn't her forte nor was she that kind of woman.
If only she could make her way slowly and steadily back into Remus' life, maybe there was a chance that he could see once again what he had with her, their past had been glorious after all and they had went through too much together… maybe she could relight his love for her? She had barged so suddenly into his life again that of course he was having problem adjusting and every human had aversion to sudden changes but only if she can be herself, show him that how much he meant to her and how he was happier with her maybe there was a chance. After all he they had known each other since they were eleven and he had loved for years… how can Tonks compete to that? They had barely known each there for two years…
Yes, all was not lost, Ellie decided. And with that a little hope sparked in her heart. All she had to show Remus was that she was the same woman, his first love, his first preference and he might decide to get back with her only if he realized that his love hadn't died after all, that is, if this really was the case…
But she won't force him, no, that was out of question. She wanted his love for real.
Tonks had said that she was supposed to be away from her man. But now time had come to see who really was Remus' woman.
She was sorry that Tonks had to suffer in all this, after all this wasn't her fault. But then it wasn't Ellie's fault either.
At the end it would be Remus' choice to make.
And may the best woman win.
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