Hi Guys I know I've been MIA on this fic for a while BUT there's a reason (to quote one squid-loving actress.)
However here's an update for you :)
I really appreciate all the reviews that suddenly came in over the last few weeks so you've inspired me to write more for this. I was having a small bit of writer's block as to where I could take this but I've started to plan it out now and I think I know where I want to go.
It's been a hectic few weeks what with my birthday (officially an adult *SHIT*) and going back to college :O So updates won't be as frequent as I like from now on because I really need to put college first (obviously) however during weeks off and study weeks I'll make sure to get a few updates out. I want to get an update out a week, at least, but like I said I can't promise that's going to stay. Still, just remember I will say if I've decided to drop a fic. So unless I've said otherwise I will always update at some point. As an avid FanFic reader myself i know there's nothing worse than an unfinished and abandoned story.
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Clarke awoke with a start. She blinked away the tiredness of sleep and attempted to stare through the blackness of the hut. It was clearly still well into the night and it didn't look as though the sun had even begun to rise. The blonde frowned in confusion and sat up slightly in bed where she scanned the room for the source for what had awoken her.
Her momentary confusion wiped away by the empty bed and the door left slightly ajar.
She light out a sigh and ran a hand through her tangled hair as she pushed back the furs from her body. Clarke stood, shivering slightly at the cold ground, and stretched with a yawn.
Lexa's recovery period was taking longer than any of them had anticipated and after another three days Anya was starting to get a little restless. Indra had long since arrived with a group of Trikru warriors waiting to escort them back to Polis. They were just waiting for Lexa. Or, more specifically, Clarke to say that Lexa was well enough to travel.
The brunette was anxious to leave the boat people and get back to her own but Clarke just wasn't confident enough that Lexa was well enough to make the journey. Physically she wasn't strong enough and mentally… Clarke hated to think on that too much. The truth was that Luna just didn't have enough resources to support her own people let alone their group as well. Lexa wasn't getting the full nutrients Clarke would like and because of that her recovery was suffering.
Clarke didn't like sitting in one place as much as the rest of them however she had to put Lexa first. Maybe she was being selfish, she knew Lexa had a duty to her people, but Clarke had almost lost her once and she wasn't about to let that happen again.
She pushed open the door of the hut and her eyes landed on the figure standing at the end of the dock illuminated by the moonlight. Her heart sunk. Another reason why Lexa's recovery was taking so long. Lexa seemed to sleep for less than an hour before she was torn from sleep by whatever was plaguing her thoughts.
Before Clarke could make her way over to the brunette her attention was drawn to the sound of footsteps and she turned to see Octavia making her way towards her.
"What are you doing up?" She asked with a soft frown.
Octavia inclined her head over her shoulder back to her hut where a soft glow from a candle could be seen between the gaps in the door, "Indra is busy discussing plans with Anya and Lincoln. It's impossible to sleep with them all in there. Anyway, I could ask you the same thing."
Clarke rolled her eyes at the girl's knowing look, "She wakes me up. I don't think she means to but she does."
"I know…" Octavia smiled sympathetically at Clarke's confusion, "When Lincoln was changed back he used to have nightmares most nights… I would wake-up with him and refuse to sleep until he fell asleep first. It was exhausting but it doesn't last forever."
"I think Lexa's more stubborn than Lincoln," Clarke sighed.
Octavia nodded, "True but… She needs you and I think she wants to talk to you but doesn't exactly know how. I know you're holding back for her benefit but maybe that isn't what she needs. Maybe what Lexa needs is for you to push her a bit. She clearly won't do it herself and," she glanced over her shoulder at the hut she had just left, "Everyone's getting really anxious waiting."
"She can't make that journey," Clarke said with a shake of her head, "She's not strong enough."
Octavia just shrugged, "We might not have a choice soon. The Ice Nation aren't going to wait for Lexa to get better."
"I swear to god if Anya puts ideas into her head…"
"She won't," Octavia said with a slight laugh, "But I can't make any promises about Indra… Talking of Anya I saw her pacing the boardwalks like a caged animal the other night."
Clarke nodded. She knew Anya wanted to leave, "I know she's anxious to get to Polis but I have to think of Lexa here."
The other girl snorted, "I don't think Polis has got anything to do with it…"
The blonde shot her friend a look and octavia grinned, "Don't tell me you missed it?!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about right now Octavia," She shook her head.
Octavia gaped at her, eyes wide and spluttering, "Anya and Raven!"
At Clarke's bemused and shocked expression she just shook her head. Octavia scoffed and turned to leave, "You might need to have a catch-up with Raven when we get back!"
Clarke watched her leave with a slightly parted mouth in shock. Had she really been so focussed on finding Lexa again that she had missed an important part of her friend's life?
She thought over the weeks she had spent searching for Lexa. Raven had been there for her in a way that Bellamy and Octavia couldn't be. She and Raven had always managed to understand each other yet love and hate each other at the same time. Raven, despite Octavia's own experience from Lincoln, had been the one Clarke found herself reaching out to most. Had she really been so ignorant of her friend's life in return?
Her eyes landed on Lexa, who was now sitting on the edge of the dock, and let out a soft sigh. She began making her way over but made sure to keep her footsteps loud and obvious careful not to startle her. Judging by the way Lexa didn't react when Clarke sat down next to her it had worked.
"You can't keep avoiding sleep," She said softly.
Lexa's eyes were fixed on her feet as they kicked slowly and created ripples in the water, "I cannot be weak."
"Avoiding the problem is being weak," Clarke snapped instinctively then felt the pit of guilt as Lexa flinched at her anger. Her shoulders sagged as her voice softened, "I'm sorry… How does sleep make you weak?"
She watched as the brunette's muscle tensed and her eyes flashed with the fear she had been trying for so long to hide. But Clarke saw it and instantly reached out to grasp Lexa's hand in reassurance.
Lexa shuddered slightly at the contact but didn't pull back and Clarke felt her heart swell. That in itself was a huge improvement.
"I know you want me to talk about it," Lexa cocked her head to the side and the blonde was met with watery green eyes, "But I can't do that." Her voice cracked slightly.
Clarke watched as a single tear escaped. She wanted to lean forward and wipe it away but her hand had barely moved before Lexa was flinching. Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat. She wasn't surprised by how Lexa was dealign with this. The brunette convinced herself love was weakness to avoid ever being hurt again after Costia's death. Lexa could lead her army into war over a thousand lifetimes but Clarke could see the fear and terror when it came to her own emotions.
"Lexa…" She paused choosing her words carefully, "I don't what you went through in there and, quite frankly, I'm not sure i want to but, whether you want to admit it or not, you need help."
Testing the waters she brought her hand up to cup the brunette's cheek and was relieved when she let her, "I love you," She whispered as her thumb ever-so slowly moved to gently wipe away the tear trailing down her cheek, "And I'm not going anywhere."
To her surprise Lexa nodded and leant forward so she was leaning against Clarke's head. The next moment her body was shuddering with tears and Clarke instinctively went up to wrap her arms around her body. She pressed her lips gently against her hair.
"I love you," She repeated and was answered by another shudder of tears, "I love you. I'm here."
XoXoXoX
"What part of 'no' don't you get Indra?" Clarke growled across the table at her.
The general glared back at her.
They had been at this all morning. After last night Clarke had been feeling slightly more confident for the next few days. She and Lexa had stayed on the dock for about an hour before Clarke had coaxed her back into the hut where, instead of returning to her own bed, she had curled into the blonde's side.
Her expectation had been that Lexa would push her away come morning but instead the brunette hadn't moved from her side all day. Clarke was willing to give her whatever she needed to make it easier on her.
"This is not getting us anywhere," Anya snarled shooting Indra and Clarke equally dirty looks, "We need to have a united front and a united agreement."
"I agree we need to leave," Clarke shot in, "My concern is that it's too soon."
Lexa was scowling slightly as she watched them all discuss their plans. She had yet to make a contribution and Clarke was trying to ignore how out of character that was. She was just beginning to regain contact with the brunette; one thing at a time.
Indra snorted, "I care for the Heda. Do not suggest that i don't."
"I wasn't-"
"I know exactly what you were implying," Indra bared her teeth as her voice lowered dangerously.
Clarke continued to stare back defiantly, refusing to be intimidated as they glowered back and forth at one another.
Anya shook her head, "We need to get back to Polis soon," At Clarke's affronted look she added, "But i am conscious of Heda's… condition," She eyed Lexa nervously.
Lexa growled under her breath, "My people cannot afford to wait until I am at my full strength… We do not have time for that."
Clarke shot her a look and Lexa met it with a firmness she hadn't yet shown, "My people need me Clarke."
"I know that," Clarke sighed. She leant back slightly in her chair, "If we were to go now it would have to be at a steady pace, we would probably stop more times than you like and i'm going to insist that Octavia and Lincoln are sent to camp Jaha so my mother can be at Polis ready to continue treating Lexa."
"We have healers in Polis," Indra snapped.
Clarke glared at her, "Do they know how to treat her? Do they know the equivalent of the Mountain Men's treatment?" Indra didn't back down but her eyes wavered and she jumped on it, "Exactly. Those are my terms. You have your peoples best interests are heart so clearly someone needs to have Lexa's."
Indra shot up from her chair with a snarl, "You dare suggest-!"
"Yes," Clarke growled stiffly rising from her own chair, " And you can't argue against it either Indra."
"Enough," Lexa said tiredly as she too stood and settled her hand shakily on Clarke's arm, "That can be arranged. Octavia and Lincoln won't protest and Indra brought enough warriors to accompany us back to make up for their absence."
"And we have Echo as well," Anya cut in with a nod from Lexa.
The door to the hut opened suddenly catching all their attention. Luna stood before them looking apologetic but her brow furrowed with worry.
"Sha Luna?" Lexa asked.
"Apologies Heda," She said stiffly, "But a group of my men just returned from the border… The Ice Nation are coming."
It is smaller than originally planned but i love a good cliffhanger and i just felt so bad about not updating in ages. Please let me know what you think!
