Hi Kids!
I'm SO sorry this has taken so long...again, school...end of semester crash, and I'm already checked so far out the door towards Christmas that it's hard to focus on anything! But thank you for your patience, and for sticking with me!
Once again, let me know what you think, yes?
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JPOV
I woke up in Edward's arms, my throat thick and my head aching. I felt stronger, like my soul had been soothed, his acceptance a balm for my loss. At least now he knew why we could never be together—I was like poison, and everything I touched ended badly. Edward slept softly beside me, his long, dark eyelashes resting on his high cheekbones, his wild hair giving him a freshly fucked look. I smiled wistfully. If only...
Bringing myself back to reality with a sigh, I disentangled myself from Edward, careful not to wake him as I dressed quickly. There were no missed messages on my phone, which meant that I was definitely still in the doghouse with Rose. I tied my shoes, and contemplated leaving a note for Edward, but decided not to—why prolong the heartache of something that could never be anyways?
"Jasper?"
Edward appeared behind me, his features marred by sleep. I grimaced. So much for quiet.
"Edward. Thank you for everything last night. I'm glad...well, I'm just glad."
He nodded, coming towards me to run his fingers over my unwashed curls, smelling musky and delicious from sleep. This boy was going to be the death of me, and I doubted he even knew it. Although...the way he kissed...
I smiled wanly,
"I should get going. I didn't want to wake you. It's just...Rosalie, and all."
A shadow passed over Edward's features, and I knew he had forgotten all about Rose and her towering anger until I mentioned it. He frowned,
"At least let me make you breakfast? You must be hungry."
I sighed. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid. Breakfast was a dangerous meal—it implied intimacy, and, even worse, it facilitated intimate conversation. Edward looked so genuine, standing there in his pajama bottoms, his emerald eyes focused intently on me, trying to decipher my thoughts, no doubt.
"Well, okay."
He smiled,
"Pancakes?"
I shrugged, it was irrelevant, I was already in far over my head simply by agreeing to breakfast. I seated myself at the kitchen counter, watching Edward bustle about in the kitchen, wishing like hell there was a way for me to get out of this,
"What's the story with the speeding, Jasper?"
His question surprised me. Most people wanted to know what it was like growing up in the south, or how Rosalie and I had made it on our own. Deep, intimate questions. Edward's question was light, innocent. Maybe he had understood the point of my story better than I originally thought. I grinned at him,
"I don't have to answer to anyone anymore. Rose and I have more money than we could spend in a lifetime from our trust funds, and I just...love it. The adrenaline rush is like nothing I've ever felt. It's an incredible high."
He nodded, pouring batter onto the griddle,
"I'd love to ride with you one day."
I wondered if he understood the innuendo behind his meaning. I wished I could play on it, say something like, You can ride me anytime, Eddie, but instead, I just nodded meekly.
"What was it like, growing up here?"
Damn it. I hadn't meant to ask, hadn't meant to blurt out a question that gave the distinct impression that I was beginning to care for Edward. My feelings for him ran deeper than I cared to admit, but I told myself it was simply the fact that I had bared my soul to him last night.
"It was...very small town. Things are easier now that I'm at university, but growing up here was tough. High school was hell—but I guess you experienced that too."
I shook my head. High school had been fun for me. I was beautiful, I was popular, and I was smart. It probably would have become difficult if I had stayed in Austin after Peter's death...
Edward shrugged,
"Anyways. I didn't come out until university. But by then I was just done pretending. And it's working for me."
He placed two golden pancakes in front of me, and I began eating, cutting them into bite sized pieces as I murmured,
"And you're not scared?"
Edward shook his head,
"Not really, no. I've never...been attacked, or even harassed. I guess I've lived a pretty easy life, and so it just seems like a fairly distant threat to me."
I nodded,
"Lucky you."
He smiled half-heartedly, quickly changing the subject,
"Hey, do you and Rosalie ever camp?"
"You mean like with tents and stuff? I guess so. We used to when I was a kid. My folks and I, that is. Why?"
Edward grinned,
"Bella and I are planning a trip up to the lake next weekend, and I was thinking you guys could come. I mean, if you want. I'm going to invite everybody else as well."
"Sure. I don't see why not. Let me know what we need to bring, and I'll ask Rosalie."
His smile was megawatt and genuine,
"Awesome! Awesome. It's gonna be a total blast. Hey, can I ask you something?"
I shrugged, half heartedly giving some impression of my consent. Usually when questions started out with Hey, can I ask you something? they were deep, depressing, and hard hitting. Edward nodded,
"Did you ever go horseback riding as a kid?"
I stared at him in shock. That was his big question? There was a pause, before I started to laugh,
"Yeah, I suppose I did...why?"
He shrugged, a blush lighting his face all the way up to his hair. I grinned, popping another bite of pancake into my mouth,
"Why, Edward?"
"."
He blurted, his attention suddenly very focused on the pancakes.
"What did you say?"
I teased him, relishing in the blush that spread across his cheeks,
"Because the idea of you on horseback is hot, I guess. I just wondered."
He looked at me, embarrassment flushing his features, his lower lip caught between his teeth. This was venturing into dangerous territory. I was beginning to feel the warm, liquid feeling in my stomach that Edward had been giving me since we'd met. More dangerous still was the thought of I could do this every morning, that flitted through my head as I looked at Edward. I was falling for him. But I couldn't put him into danger...
"Yes sir, I rode horses as a kid. It's practically a prerequisite for a kid growing up in the south. Maybe I can take you riding one day."
Edward nodded, blushing again. Jesus, between the horses and the motorcycle the innuendo was just flying this morning. It was time for me to leave. Time for me to get out of here, while I still had some shred of my sanity left, because his damn green eyes were throwing me for a real loop.
"Thanks for breakfast, Edward. I should...get going."
"Yeah, not a problem. I'm glad we got to talk last night..."
Edward looked as if there was more he wanted to say, but couldn't find the words. I nodded,
"Thanks for listening. See ya, Edward."
I gave him a hug, just as a thank you, kissing him gently on the cheek as I left. Also just as a thank you. Or at least that's what I told myself.
The air was crisp and clean, the sun just beginning to peek over the horizon as I stepped outside, carefully closing the door behind me. Vaguely, I wondered where Bella had been last night. Weren't she and Edward roommates? The walk from Edward's apartment to the dance studio was only about 20 minutes, and passed by the most conveniently located corner store ever. The bells tinkled as I walked inside. The plan? Coffee for Rosalie and I, and a silent prayer to god for her forgiveness. Or at least for my safety.
"Can I get two cups of coffee, please?"
I threw a twenty dollar bill onto the counter,
"And a bouquet of the lilies, please. Keep the change."
Nothing buttered Rosalie up quite like a bouquet of flowers and a cup of black coffee—especially first thing in the morning. The man behind the counter grinned toothily at me,
"You are a man in love, good sir. Thank you."
I stared at him, shocked, but didn't say anything. In love? Hardly. My feelings for Edward couldn't be love, because my love only hurt the people I touched.
I walked wordlessly out of the store, speed-walking towards the dance studio so the coffee wouldn't get cold.
Rosalie's bright red convertible was parked outside when I arrived. Ah, sister dearest...how well I know you. She was here to dance, hard, before her dance classes began to show up. Her dancing would be wild, passionate and risqué this morning, courtesy of our fight last night and the emotional turmoil she would be experiencing.
Some classical-esque music blared from the surround-sound wired waiting room and hallway to the studio, and I knew Rosalie was still angry. I leaned against the door frame of the studio, careful not to trek dirt onto the polished hardwood floors, watching Rosalie as she flew effortlessly through the air, gracefully touching down from a perfect grand jeté. Her time in ballet had taught me almost nothing, but I did know that term, if only for the fact that it was incredibly impressive, especially when Rosalie did it.
I knew better than to interrupt. Rather, I stood silently, and watched my sister dance out her frustration with pointed, whipping turns and graceful leaps, each movement precise and delicate in its fury. It was an incredible thing to watch. She finished with a triple pirouette, snapping both feet downwards as the song came to an end. She brushed by me, grabbing the remote control for the stereo and pausing the music before the next song could start.
"Jasper."
Wordlessly, I handed her a cup of coffee and the flowers. She stared at me intently, but took a sip of the coffee, and placed the flowers on the piano.
"Rose...I'm sorry."
She nodded,
"I know. Me too. I just...Jasper, if you were to be in the same situation you were in in Austin, I'm not sure if I could leave for you. Not this time... not when I have Emmett, and things are finally beginning to settle. I just..."
"I know. I know, Rose, and that's okay. I would never do anything to hurt you, and I know that Edward is better off without me."
Rosalie blanched, looking at me seriously,
"No, Jas...that's not what this is about. I'm just...I'm so scared for you. Maybe it isn't like Austin here—or maybe it is. I'm sure that you and Edward would make a beautiful couple, but...not if it gets one of you killed."
I nodded,
"Exactly. We've run away once, and I love you for giving everything up for me, but I can't put you through it again."
She nodded,
"Will you dance with me?"
"Do you forgive me?"
Rosalie grinned,
"That depends on whether you drop me or not."
When we were fifteen, Rosalie had come home for two weeks. In order to keep up her skill for her partnered dance, she'd taught me how to catch her properly. I had two left feet, but I was certainly strong enough to lift her high in the air and bring her down safely. Other than that, Rose simply danced around me, while I stood still—or, when she was in a good mood, shook my bum and made faces until she burst out laughing.
She took a running leap at me, trusting me absolutely to catch her as she vaulted into the air. My hands fastened securely around her waist, raising her up and allowing her to twist in the air before placing her back down gently.
She smiled, kicking and twisting around me some more, before leaping towards me. I caught her, but this time it was less than graceful, and I brought her back to the floor with a not-so-delicate crash. Laughter, not mine or Rosalie's, startled us both. I whirled to find a tall, elegantly built redhead behind us, leaning against the doorframe exactly the way I had been earlier.
Rosalie's eyes widened in shock,
"James!"
She ran full speed towards him, launching herself into his arms as I watched, utterly bewildered.
"How—what are you doing here?"
She asked, pulling back from their hug. He grinned cheekily, a hint of an English accent peeking through his words,
"I'm here to replace your partner, love. He's awful."
She laughed, the sound raining over me,
"He's my brother, Jasper, and yeah, he is. Jasper, this is James. My partner from SAB."
I held out one hand, and James shook it, but he looked less than impressed,
"Ah yes, the one who convinced Rosalie to leave."
"James! That's not quite what ha—"
"Sit, Jasper. Watch her and I. Tell me you do not see perfection. A prima ballerina."
James gestured to the bench where the parents sat when they were waiting to pick up their little ones, shrugging off his jacket and his shoes, taking his place next to Rosalie. I begrudgingly took a seat, wondering if Rose knew her former partner was an asshole.
The music began again, and I watched as they danced together, moving like liquid, anticipating each other's next move and acting appropriately. It was like watching moving poetry, the fluidity and grace with which they moved as beautiful as it was shocking.
James lifted Rosalie with the strength and coordination I so obviously lacked, matching her move for move, spin for spin. My heart ached as I watched them, because it was blatantly apparent that this was exactly what Rosalie was meant to be doing.
They finished together with a flourish, Rosalie dropping over one of James's arms, almost to the floor, and holding there as the music crescendoed and ended suddenly. They were both short of breath.
"Not too bad, Rosalie. Felt a little heavy on those lifts, but you've kept yourself in pretty good shape for not being at SAB anymore."
"Not too bad yourself, James. Now tell me, why are you really here?"
James grinned down at her, his eyes bright with excitement,
"I'm here to bring you back to SAB."
I rose out of my seat, my hackles instantly up—if they weren't already when he'd told her she felt heavy on the lifts,
"Excuse me?"
I blurted, at the same time as Rosalie murmured,
"What?"
Her eyes were wide and bewildered, and it was obvious she was trying to tamp down the excitement inside them. James nodded,
"Madame Sinclair finally found out about Jessica."
Rosalie's eyes widened and she inhaled sharply,
"Jessica and Mr. Ross. Of course. And so..."
James nodded,
"You bet, love. Her scholarship has come available, and there's a space open in our year. So, I've come to get my partner back. Money is no issue, you're more than welcome to stay with me if you're not interested in staying in the dorms."
Rosalie smiled, and I could see the inner war she was waging with herself.
"James...it's been so long. I would have so far to go before I could even audition. And even if I did get in...I have a life here. A boyfriend. Jasper."
James shook his head,
"I'll help you train. They know you...Rosalie, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. Everyone knows that you were destined for stardom. From the first time I ever saw you dance, the first time we performed together, Rosalie...we were incredible. We were meant to be stars. You were meant to be a star."
Rosalie's eyes glossed over, and I could see her fighting to keep her emotions in check as she considered his offer. All I could think about were the months of recovery, the dangerous weight loss, how if Rosalie left, I would be alone, and Emmett...
"Okay."
One word, and yet it hit so deeply into my chest I felt like I might collapse. Rosalie nodded, a single tear falling down her cheek as she looked at James,
"Okay. You help me train, and I'll go to the audition. If I get Jessica's spot, then it was meant to be, and I'll stay. If not, I come back here to Forks, and live my life. Teaching."
James looked disappointed, but he nodded,
"Okay. Let's start training, then, yes?"
He grabbed a pair of slippers from the side of the room and put them on, lining up next to Rose in the center of the room.
"Don't you need breakfast before you dance?"
I demanded, perhaps a little rudely, startling them both out of their ballet bubble. Rosalie shook her head,
"No thanks, Jas. I had that coffee."
"And SAB is a competitive dance program, Jasper. That means weigh-ins, watching what she eats, and skipping the occasional breakfast. This isn't small-town anymore."
James murmured, wrapping his hands around her waist. I bristled, longing to tell James exactly what I thought of him and his half-cocked idea. Rosalie saw it in my face and muttered,
"I'm fine, Jas. Really. I'll see you tonight."
I walked out of the studio without another word. I slammed the door of the dance academy, my thoughts whirling with memories of exactly how hard it had been for Rosalie to recover. I remembered the nights spent lying next to her, simply holding her, so that we could both be sure her dinner remained in her stomach. Don't get me wrong, I loved Rose, and would have done it a million times over, but to stand by and watch while she willingly thrust herself back into the clutches of her eating disorder?
I hated James.
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