Her words felt like sharp thorns to the heart, sharp thorns leaving behind crimson drops of blood and death.
"That would never happen, Xena….that would never happen and you know it…." he contradicted, gently caressing her cheek.
"No I don't. Forever is a long time…" she bitterly replied, on the tone of a person extremely sure of herself.
" Not long enough. Not for me…"
"It is for me…..Just be honest with yourself for once, Ares. There's no way in Tartarus you'd be faithful to one woman for infinity. That's not going to happen. "
" With you, I'd be more than willing to experience it…." he replied, brushing a few loose silken strands from her beautiful face, his voice irresistibly alluring and smooth, obviously having decided that it was high time he pulled out the heavy artillery.
"Yeah well, between being willing to do something and actually doing it, there's a huge difference. "
He pressed his lips together and analyzed the grimness in her eyes for a brief second…
"Why do you always have to twist my words? I love you. There would be no one but you…."
"I bet that's what Zeus told Hera before they got married too..." she whispered in a low, hopeless voice.
"Don't you dare compare me with that old toad, cause we have nothing in common !" he snapped, despite himself.
" You are your father's son, Ares. There will always be some good looking priestess, some fascinating mortal or Goddess to catch your eye, right around the corner. I know you, and as much as you hate to admit it, you know I'm right. I'd end up cursing your name for the rest of eternity, and you'd be cursing mine back while we'd be cheating on each other lout of pure spite, feeling miserable for having chosen a life together…"
" No we wouldn't. " he chuckled , wanting to classically emphasize the ridiculousness of her statement, but he only managed to sound terribly nervous. "We don't have to stoop that low..."
The Warrior Princess sighed.
"You're in denial…."
" How can you even say that? Knowing what we've been through, knowing what I feel for you?" he said, grabbing her arm, and forcefully pulling her even closer than she already was.
"What you feel for me?! I'm not even on your Gods damned list!" she venomously bit, mentally slapping herself for having said that out loud.
" On my list? What list? Wha….. Xena come on! " he blew uncontrollably on a scandalized tone the moment he finally understood where she was coming from. " Of course you're not on the fucking list! As I see things, lumping you, Dite and Penthesilea together would actually mean that I consider you their equal….which you are obviously not. You couldn't possibly compare my love for you with the fleeting passion I felt for them or for any other woman for that matter! "
" You sure didn't describe those relationships like some meaningless, fleeting affairs…." she replied, her voice broken and full of sadness.
Ares was stunned. He couldn't believe his ears. Did she really mean that?
"Don't tell me you're actually jealous of them…."
"I'm not jealous. I'm just trying to make a point. "
"What point? That you're too much of a coward to take some risks in order to be happy?!"
"That I don't trust you enough, not in the long run! "she yelled her response, frustrated that he didn't show the slightest interest in at least trying to see things from her point of view, not even for one tiny sec.
" Well, I guess you'll just have to learn to deal with this idea too, then…" he dismissively replied, in his old, characteristic macho War God style.
"You're not gonna let this go, are you?"
" No, Hun, sorry. "
"Ares…" she murmured, looking away from him for a split second, failing to notice that the God was way too entranced by the sound of her voice to pay any attention to what she was saying.
"You haven't answered my question yet, by the way. " he cut in" What's left? After all the ups and downs, the cheating the lying, the scheming ….am I still there?" he questioned, moving his hand over to her chest, where her heart was.
"It's not enough…."
"Am I ?" he insisted, searching for her troubled, beryl moons.
"If I tell you you're not, will you leave me alone?" she inquired, her alert mind sensing an opportunity.
He made sure to bluntly disappoint her as soon as her line ended, his eyes flickering with playful mischief, in a vain attempt to change the mood.
" Errr…..no"
"What's the point in bothering to ask, then? You always end up doing whatever you feel like, it doesn't matter what I say or what I feel…."
She was obviously not joking.
"It does, actually."
"You sure have a strange way of showing it. " she answered, looking down at her hands, fighting with herself to hold back a tear that had been threatening to fall for quite awhile now….
"Look….I will never give up on you, Xena…NEVER. But that doesn't mean that I don't give a damn about your feelings." he uselessly tried to reason with her.
"Gods you can be such an arrogant Bastard at times! You'll tear my heart apart…. bit by bit, Ares. I'll end up hating you with a passion. You're just too cocky to admit I'm right. " she quietly concluded, barely above a whisper,
"Just give me one chance to prove you wrong. One chance , Xena…it's all I'm asking…."
"I am…..give up on me…That's the chance I'm offering. Take it…." she said after a long pause, a bit tired to keep repeating the same thing over and over again.
" What?"
"You know the old saying….."
"What ? If you love her, let her go?"
His heart began thudding in his chest at the mere thought of their little chit chat ever turning real.
" If she comes back she's yours forever….." she challengingly added.
" Do you have ANY idea what effect will breaking our bound have? " he started.
"And I mean physical effects, Princess…for both of us…You will be trashing in pain. Excruciating pain that not even the wildest human mind could imagine….horrible suffering that no mortal or immortal hands will be able to alleviate. You'll be begging to all the Gods of Olympus to end your life, and there will be no one willing to answer your prayers. "
"….Tears of blood will be falling from your eyes, and an abyss of demonic torment will take over your heart. You will be imploring for Death and Death will not hear your voice, for your voice will be long wasted in screams of agony that no being flying in the skies or walking the Earth has ever heard before…." Xena calmly continued as if she weren't speaking about some life threatening situation but about her daily chore… "I know. I was there when we took those vows, remember?"
"I do. You seem to have misunderstood the concept of excruciating in this context, though." he remarked, every muscle in his body tensing at the image forming before his eyes.
"I haven't…. I just chose to ignore it." she quickly responded.
"How wise of you. " he mocked, rolling his eyes at her superfluity.
"I'm not afraid of pain…"
"That's only because you haven't experienced pain yet….Real pain….You're unlikely to survive such ordeal Xena. Plus….how many days was it supposed to last, again?"
" Seven….?"
"Seven…" he repeated, his gaze drilling into hers.
" Is the Big Bad God of war scared of a bit of pain? Is that it?"
"No. I'm scared of losing you….for good…..I'm terrified about the thought of hearing you scream my name , without being able to come to you, of the image of you slowly dying and not being allowed to ease your pain…."
Xena's heart skipped a beat at the sound of his words. She literally felt her world spinning out from under her feet as the meaning of his line sank in, and it took everything she had to hold it together. She let out a sharp gasp before answering.
" I'll live." she hardly forced herself to utter, no trace of conviction in her voice.
" I'm not sure you will. Tartarus, I'm not sure I will….."
" Can you at least consider it? I don't want an answer right away….Just …just think about it. ..Ares, please…."
Once again, she couldn't believe what she was doing…almost begging for him to do what she wanted.
"Is it that important to you…..?" he pensively questioned, without really expecting an answer.
"Yes…." she said, loud and clear, no trace of doubt or hesitation in her voice.
"Well how about me, Xena? Am I not important to you? Don't I count…at all?" he asked, his voice empty.
The way he said that and the look in his eyes, made her soul feel as heavy as a millstone.
"Don't say that…..Of course you do….It's just that…."
"They don't love you like I do….Gabrielle, your mother, your friends….They could all live without you, but I can't. Why can't you see that? You're the only thing that matters to me in this whole damned world…. "
"If that's true….if I matter to you that much, then do what I asked….." she pleaded one last time, a single, unchecked tear striping her flawless face.
