The Start of Something New

Mal liked touching things. It helped him remember. It was all well and good until he started absently running his fingers over the bridge console and sent them veering off course, or following the pulse of the engine and nearly getting his hand ripped off. He liked going into Inara's shuttle and touching the incense sticks while they were burning, and Simon worried that Mal couldn't feel the blisters due to nerve damage, but he could never verify the diagnosis. Mal got shot in the leg his first job out and after that, he was much more cautious about things that could hurt him.

He wasn't as fast a draw as he once was, but he was still faster than most (even Jayne), and that was good. Expert marksman too. Some of the gunplay he remembered on his own, but Jayne still reviewed it all with him, just to make sure there were no gaps in his knowledge. He was deadly when he wanted to be, but he maintained that enormous heart telling him not to kill anyone he didn't have to. Jayne's jaw nearly fell off when they were heading out one day, and Mal said it off hand. "Let's not kill anyone we don't have to." It wasn't that he was remembering his old motto, it was just who he was deep down at the spirit level, and those things don't get lost when your memory goes.

One thing he had lost was his inhibitions about public displays of affection. Sure those walls had been slowly crumbling since he got together with Jayne, but now that he wasn't trying to be all Captainy, those walls went the way of Jericho. Jayne had to keep his eyes open because Mal could jump out of the shadows at any minute, sometimes wanting to make out, other times feeling dangerous and trying to strip Jayne down in the hallways. Mal was working his way through that sex book they'd gotten, and apparently taking to heart all the edits in the margins (even the joking ones). Since he had almost no picture memories of his time on Serenity, those few notes in the book were his firmest recorded link to the past.

The crew dynamic had shifted as well. Mal used to be the caretaker of the group, but he was so far removed from that task now. He was rediscovering himself as a friend and a lover, but not as a leader. Zoë was tweaking him though. She would back down in a negotiation and let him step in and take charge. She would tell the others to shirk their chores until Mal started hounding after them, but it wasn't the same. Mal and Zoë used to share their history as soldiers, but Mal couldn't handle Serenity Valley the way he used to. He remembered the war, but not why he fought it.

Ever since Mal had hired Kaylee, he'd looked after her like a big brother, but now it was her watching after him and making sure he didn't break the ship apart. From the day Mal had kicked open that box and found River inside, he'd taken it upon himself to protect her, but these days River could easily protect herself. He'd changed them all, and now all he could do is look at them, barely remembering who they were, let alone how much his hand had shaped their lives.

The thing Jayne missed the most was the way Mal used to kiss – the playful purring kisses that he only pulled out on special occasions, when he wanted to drive Jayne wild. He'd forgotten them. Jayne tried to explain it, but he couldn't mimic the technique, so they were both at a loss on that front.

Jayne stepped onto the catwalk and was pleased to hear the shuffling of their new payload in the bay. The next buyer had mentioned raiders at the ground transport stage, so Mal was personally inventorying each of the crates so the buyer couldn't accuse them of losing anything and cutting their pay. It was random house wares and non-perishables mostly – things that didn't stack neatly into crates. From the sound of it, Mal was mostly finished and just setting things back into the hold. Jayne considered helping, but decided against it on account that Mal had been looking lusty at him all morning and may very well jump him before the work was done. Jayne didn't like being the responsible one in the relationship, but Mal was coming around. Until then, they just couldn't work together in the same room without supervision.

Leaning over the railing, Jayne leered at the sight of Mal bent over the crate, his pants neatly hugging around his backside. Then he retreated quickly to Inara's shuttle before Mal caught him staring.

Inara was another thing Mal had forgotten. He treated her kind and still didn't much approve of her profession, but they weren't nearly as tense at each other. Jayne wondered if it was because Mal didn't remember so clearly the days he used to lean toward womenfolk. Maybe Inara was holding back the insults too, given the circumstances. No one ever brought up how much they used to fight because they were all glad for the fresh start.

"Hiding from Mal?" Inara chided, smiling softly and inviting Jayne in.

"I guess," Jayne shrugged, sinking onto the crimson couch. Inara stood next to the bed folding a small stack of kerchiefs and scarves. "He's working hard at the moment. Don't want to distract him."

She laughed delicately. "Sometimes I wonder if he was always so frisky and was just repressing it."

"He used to kiss better."

Inara's eyes snapped up and she raised an eyebrow. "That's harsh."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "No, he did this thing –"

"Please, I'd rather not –"

"– like he was purring."

"Purring?" Inara repeated, stopping her folding.

Jayne wiggled his fingers in the air as if that could convey the move. "Yeah, it was so … I can't do it. I can't show him how."

"He must have learned that from Nandi," Inara smiled reflectively. "It was her trademark move."

Jayne looked up, immediately interested. "She teach it to you?"

"Maybe once –" Inara stammered, but stopped talking when Jayne stood abruptly and trotted to the door.

"Mal get up here!" he hollered into the bay.

"Jayne what are you –"

"You can teach him!"

"Jayne –"

"Mal, I gotta teach you something," Jayne called again, poking his head out the door. Mal came to the middle of the floor and looked up at him.

"I'm busy right now."

"S'about kissing!" Jayne tempted, ignoring Inara's whispered objections behind him.

Mal surveyed his unfinished work, then trotted quickly up the stairs stopping just outside the shuttle door. "What? Like a show?"

Jayne grabbed Mal around the waist and led him inside excitedly, at which point Inara started protesting again.

"Jayne, I really don't think –"

"Please, Inara," Jayne insisted. "I know you can learn him well on this."

"Wait! You want me to kiss the lady!" Mal cried, jumping away from the pair of them.

"Mal –"

"She'll show you what I mean! With the purring," Jayne explained to Mal, yanking his wrist and leading him further into the shuttle.

"Jayne! You told her about that?"

"Hush up, you. Ain't like we're in the closet." Jayne snapped Mal's hips against his and turned them both to face Inara. "Now kiss her and let her show you how it's done."

Mal started to object, but Jayne growled against the back of his neck and nibbled at his earlobe. He ran his hands up and down Mal's hips and Mal's hands fell on top. Deciding it wasn't worth arguing with Jayne at the moment, Mal turned to Inara.

"Are you okay with this?"

Inara smiled shyly, appreciating the offered out. "Ever the gentleman," she commented.

"I'll tell him no," Mal promised, squirming as Jayne's hands wandered a little too close to his crotch. "I can get my way."

"I've no doubt," Inara granted, then squared her shoulders, adopting a professional attitude. "No, I'll teach you. Come here."

Mal stepped out of Jayne's embrace and approached Inara cautiously, as he would a tiger. Jayne sank on the couch, ready to watch what promised to be an insanely hot show. Just the thought of it… why hadn't they done this before? And who'd have thought Inara would be so willing?

Inara approached Mal with a soothing smile, ran her hands from his shoulders to his elbows, and told him to relax. When she stepped into his personal space, Mal's hands fell tentatively onto her waist, not knowing if he should pull her close or push her away. The silky blue fabric afforded him little traction and his hands slid easily, resting on the curve of her hip, subtle as it was. He smiled at her apologetically and she leaned her forehead against his, trying not to be embarrassed as well. She made the purring sound with her tongue and told Mal to mimic the move. He did so clumsily.

With endearing grace, Inara cradled Mal's face gently, raised up on tip-toe, and made purring kisses across his jaw line. Jayne could hear her tongue vibrating from where he sat and he smirked approvingly. Mal's knees went weak at the feel, and he held her more tightly. When their lips met, Mal fell hungrily against her, taking control of the kiss briefly, then reining back. Inara chased after, purring into his mouth, forcing the kiss to become more passionate and insistent. Jayne stared slack-jawed, partially turned on, partially jealous, wondering if he should interrupt them before they got lost in each other. But then Mal tapped Inara on the shoulder and she broke the kiss immediately, stepping back, looking at him with wide doe-eyes.

Mal panted raggedly, staring at her in amazement. "What the hell was that?"

"It was just a demonstration, Mal," she answered diplomatically, falling on her profession as an excuse.

"Darlin', your lips don't lie nearly as well as your words do."

"I –"

Mal glanced between her and Jayne, his eyes sinking, looking betrayed and confused. "What the hell was this? What the –"

"Mal, what's going on?" Jayne asked, suddenly concerned. He stood quickly and took a step toward Mal, but Mal backed away.

"That's what I'm asking! You!" Mal cried, pointing accusingly at Inara. "What is this? Is there something between us I should know about?"

"No, nothing!" Inara insisted.

"Don't lie to me 'Nara!" he bellowed.

Both Jayne and Inara flinched. He hadn't called her 'Nara since before he lost his memory.

"Mal, there was never –" she began, but was cut off by a glare which Mal quickly turned on Jayne once it silenced her. Bewildered, Jayne could offer no words to comfort Mal.

"Excuse me," Mal growled quietly, walking quickly out of the shuttle, his eyes smoldering.

Jayne and Inara stood still, both stunned and then Jayne squared his shoulders and looked at Inara.

"Kisses don't lie."

"I'm sorry, Jayne," Inara gushed. "In my profession –"

"Do you want him?"

"I –" Inara stammered, then stood a little straighter, finding that professional mask. "Of course not."

Jayne grunted, not believing her at all, but accepting her lie nonetheless. "You alright then?"

"Fine."

Jayne gave her one last apologetic shrug, then went out in search of Mal. He crossed the catwalk to the galley and came across Zoë inventorying the food stocks.

"Did Mal come through here?"

"No."

That ruled out him going to his bunk and also the bridge. Jayne turned to the engine room, and ran into Kaylee.

"Hey, Jayne," she greeted brightly.

"I'm looking for Mal."

"Well he's not down this way."

Jayne hadn't expected him to be, but given Mal's temper, he wanted to rule out the more dangerous places first. He went to the passenger dorms next, which really wasn't a passenger dorm strictly speaking because he and Simon both lived down there and both of them were crew. Jayne had considered moving back to his old bunk, but his current one was closer to his weight set and it was nice having his guns so close to the back door. He checked his room, but Mal wasn't there, so he quickly checked the other rooms. No luck.

When he went back through the cargo bay, it was only by chance he noticed that one storage locker slightly askew and he knew they weren't hiding any cargo in that particular hole this week. Peering cautiously around, he saw the tips of Mal's boots just peeking out of the cramped hold. He knelt quietly at the opening where Mal sat, arms wrapped loosely around his knees, head ducked.

"Whatcha doing in there?" Jayne asked, because it seemed an odd thing for Mal to do. It was more like something River would do.

"What the hell was that?" Mal murmured, talking mostly to his own knees.

"Honestly Mal, I just wanted her to show you that trick. I didn't think …"

"Is there – was there – why?" He couldn't form a complete thought, but Jayne understood.

"You started chasing after her the moment she came on board. Never did catch her."

Jayne had always been blunt, because it was funny to watch people squirm. Now, he knew he needed to be honest, but it felt almost brutal.

"Did she ever …"

"Feel the same?" Jayne finished and Mal nodded. "Not strong enough that she'd act on it. You never did either. Both of you, for years, just dancing around. Sometimes I thought about throwing you two into a room together with some happy drugs, just so you could get over yourselves and be –"

"Then why, for all the 'verse, did you let her kiss me?"

Jayne shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. Did you get a sense for the purring?"

Mal glared harshly at Jayne for being so clueless and single-minded. "It's all muddled now. Everything is fogged up. I could've been happy kissing you from here 'til the end of my life, but now –"

"You want to chase her," Jayne acknowledged dismissively. "Mal, I've seen you try, and if you want to try again, go ahead. She won't let you in."

"Jayne –"

"I'm used to sharing you with her. If ever a day came when she said yes to you, I know –"

"No!" Mal protested, like it hurt to hear.

"Try if you want," Jayne insisted. Mal shook his head furiously, his eyes pleading.

"Jayne, no! I couldn't do that to you."

"If it's in your heart –"

"Jayne, it ain't!"

"Don't deny your heart because you're trying to protect me."

"She's not in my heart! Jayne, I'm yours."

Mal's shout echoed through the small hold and then through the whole cargo bay. Mal was breathing raggedly, his face screaming with confusion, looking like a tortured wreck who'd just had the rug pulled out from under him. Jayne hung his head in defeat.

"You don't have to believe that just because I told you," Jayne said quietly.

"No!" Mal cried insistently. "I am yours! I am! I am yours!"

Mal crawled out of the hold, forcing his way into Jayne's lap, hugging him tight, and burying his head on Jayne's shoulder, all the while repeating those words in soft, whimpered pleas.

"I am yours. I am."

Mal's chest heaved and he trembled in Jayne's hands. Jayne was so taken aback that all he could do was sit there. He hugged Mal tight, echoing Mal's words soothingly.

"You're mine," Jayne soothed, rocking with Mal until Mal stopped shaking. They both fell silent, holding tight to each other until the coldness of the floor chilled their bones. Jayne pressed apologetic kisses across Mal's cheek and Mal just hung limply in his arms.

"If there was never nothing between us, how come it felt so familiar?" Mal asked weakly.

"She says you learned that trick from Nandi. Maybe that …"

"Nandi?" Mal whispered and moaned. Jayne could see the memories and the horror flashing through his eyes.

"Tian sha de hun dan! I am a goddamned bastard!" Mal wailed. He ripped at his hair, trying to scratch out the assaulting memories, then crawled off Jayne going deeper into the cargo hold and curling up on the floor. Jayne winced sympathetically, reached in, and wrapped an arm around Mal's hips, dragging him out of the dark space.

"I am the worst of the monsters," Mal murmured to himself, clawing at his scalp. Jayne wrapped himself protectively around Mal and they laid on the floor of the cargo bay curled against each other.

"You are mine," Jayne whispered in Mal's ear.

"Why do they follow me?" Mal moaned. "Why are they here? Kaylee, 'Nara, Simon … why do they stay?"

"Mal –"

"I am the worst of the monsters."

"Shh. Shh," Jayne cooed. "Quiet down and I'll tell you."

"I'm not some gorram hero!"

"In all my story-telling, have I ever painted you such?"

Mal paused in his moaning, considering Jayne's question. "No," he said cautiously.

"You want me to tell you about the day we fought with the whores at the Heart of Gold?" Jayne offered.

"Heart of Gold," Mal repeated bitterly. "Sounds like some epic title."

"It was a bit more stupidity, dumb luck, and … well I got lucky. You got lucky."

"But not with each other," Mal interrupted quietly, relaxing a little and looking back at Jayne.

"Naw, we were both chasing women folk at the time," Jayne answered with an easy smile remembering the pretty blonde he'd chased around that day. "I was surprised you bagged Nandi at all seeing as how your eyes were so fixed on Inara."

Mal ducked his head and contracted into a tight little ball.

"I don't want to remember this now," Mal whispered, his hands starting to shake again.

Jayne fell silent and stroked his fingers through Mal's hair. He unfolded his bottom arm to pillow Mal's head, and Mal uncurled just a little, resting more securely against Jayne. Mal being pensive and quiet was a lot like the old Mal, and as much as Jayne hated that he'd upset Mal (and probably Inara), he'd found another piece of his old love in the mess. It was a broken, crap-hill road that made Mal the man he was, but that was the man Jayne fell in love with.

-ooo-

Mal brooded for the next three days. He did his work, starting before everyone woke up so that he could finish early and sit in his room alone. He didn't say more than five words to anyone. Jayne gave him his space at first, but by the middle of the third day, he was getting concerned. He'd been taking food plates down to Mal's room and Mal would tolerate his company without really seeing him. He got like this when he remembered the war, or Niska, or things that hurt too much for words. This time, he was probably remembering bits and pieces of Nandi dying, and trying not to at the same time. Jayne was cooking when Mal wandered listlessly into the galley.

"Hey, you," Jayne greeted softly. Mal stayed silent, looking vaguely at nothing. He came up behind Jayne, wrapped his arms around Jayne's waist, and rested his head wearily on Jayne's shoulder. Jayne placed a hand over Mal's and kept cooking his curry.

"Are you eating with us tonight?"

He felt Mal shrug noncommittally.

"Can you try that chutney? Tell me if I made it right."

They'd gotten fresh cilantro and bread on Beaumonde and Jayne had put one of Shepherd Book's old recipes to use on the stuff. He smiled to himself when Mal reached around him to try some. Mal kept one arm around Jayne, and rested his head on Jayne's shoulder while he chewed, which was a funny sensation, but empowering at the same time.

"This is awful," Mal dead-panned, reaching for another piece of bread and dipping it in the chutney. "I should finish it off so the rest of the crew doesn't have to suffer?"

"Simon said it needs more vinegar," Jayne warned, dropping the hint that Simon knew about the dip.

"He's wrong."

Jayne swatted as Mal reached to dip his bread in again.

"He'll also kill you if you eat it all now."

Mal huffed. "I ain't afraid of him."

"He's never shot you with a paralyzing drug and threatened you on his table."

Mal scoffed skeptically. "Is he the type to do such things?"

Jayne shrugged and stirred the vegetables. "Remember how I told you about Ariel?"

Jayne had spent a lot of time telling Mal his many woeful tales of betrayal. He figured Mal needed to know how forgiving he'd been before, because in all likelihood, Jayne would need forgiveness again some day.

"This is chutney, Jayne."

"Just saying. He gets tetchy!"

Mal chuckled and punched Jayne's shoulder lightly, then turned to get dishes and set the table. Before he could get too far, Jayne snaked out an arm, and stole himself a quick kiss.

"You done sulking for awhile?" Jayne asked him, smacking him on the rear and letting him return to setting the table.

"I don't sulk." Mal said it plainly so it wasn't open for debate.

"Inara keeps asking after –"

"Did we ever fuck?" Mal asked abruptly.

Jayne stammered, caught off guard. "You and Inara?"

"You and me."

Jayne looked at him funny.

"I was reading the book," Mal explained, paying far too much attention to how he was setting the plates down just so he could avoid Jayne's eye. "And there aren't any notes on the last two chapters."

"Oh," Jayne said, finally understanding what sourced the question. "No, we never got that far. Always figured we had time to work through all the options."

Jayne turned off the stove before the protein could seer to the pan. Mal rooted through the drawers for enough forks for everyone and he listened thoughtfully as Jayne continued.

"Then you got hurt, and I didn't want to push nothing new when you hardly remembered the old."

Mal paused for a moment, staring at the space in front of him, his hands forgetting to move. "Will you fuck me tonight?"

Kaylee had chosen that particular moment to walk in. Her eyes went wide as she processed the words and she backed out of the room silently. Jayne figured she'd probably sit in the hall and listen anyway, but what did it matter. When the silence persisted, Mal looked over at Jayne and Jayne sighed, conflicted.

"You don't wanna?" Mal asked.

"Not saying that."

"Looks like you are," Mal pointed out, belligerently.

Jayne sighed again. He'd hardly seen Mal these past few days and as much as he wanted to fuck Mal, he wanted more to know how Mal had taken the idea into his head. Was this about Inara? Was there some desperation to be claimed? Or was he really feeling that now was the time?

"If you wanna come around, my door is open to you," Jayne offered diplomatically. "But I ain't setting up this grand plan for where the night will take us. We've always done fine letting the moment take hold."

Mal crossed the room silently, sidling close to Jayne, and Jayne cringed, ready to be scolded again. But then Mal leaned his head on Jayne's arm and sighed softly.

"I love you, Jayne."

Jayne's heart stopped and he nearly fell over. Mal had never said that before – ever! And he knew by the tone that Mal was being real, because there was relief hidden in Mal's voice. Jayne didn't say the words back, because he had never said them before and didn't know if they needed saying.

The others entered one-by-one, chatting lightly, and Mal stayed quietly leaning on Jayne's arm. No one questioned it, because so far as they all knew, Mal hadn't said much of anything these past few days and they were just glad he'd come to the table.

-ooo-

When Mal came to Jayne's room that evening, it was late and his hair was wet from having showered. Jayne was lying on the bed, propped up on his elbows so he could fiddle with a knife. It didn't really need sharpening, but Jayne liked turning it in his hands. Mal didn't knock when he came in and didn't look directly at Jayne. Instead, he mumbled a hello, then went to the stack of books Jayne had on the table and started fingering across the titles. Jayne always told himself he should make a shelf for those since he and Mal had collected so many, but he never got around to it. He'd dropped a hint and was waiting to see if Kaylee would make him one for his next birthday, because she was the type to do something like that. Jayne scrutinized his knife some more, testing the balance, wiping clean the handle.

"If you had to leave here fast, what's the first thing you would you grab?" Mal asked so quietly Jayne almost didn't hear over the thrum of the engine.

"I think I'd grab you first," Jayne answered, even though he knew Mal was fishing for something else. Mal went from tracing his fingers over the books to tracing the mounted guns on the wall.

"I'm a loss," Mal murmured. "And not the crew. What thing would you take?"

"Guess a knife is a good thing to have, surviving in a hostile place," Jayne reasoned, admiring the blade in his hand. "Good for hunting, building, fighting…"

"Not a gun?"

"A gun's only good if you can get yourself ammo."

Mal's fingers fell over some of the guns mounted high on the rack – the ones Jayne kept more for their stories than their functionality.

"Looking past survival," Jayne offered. "First thing I'd grab is that book there. The Cheeseburger one."

Mal went back to the stack of books and found the one Jayne mentioned – Lost Art of Cheeseburgers. It was the third book they'd ever read together.

"Is this one your favorite?" Mal asked, bringing it to the bed and sitting stiffly on the end. Jayne scooted next to Mal, curled an arm around him and kissed his hip.

"Not exactly. It's the one where I started…" Jacking off thinking of you? It didn't sound right enough to say, so Jayne didn't. Mal seemed to understand.

"Since I can't have you," Jayne explained.

"You knew that early?"

Jayne smiled. "Didn't know anything. Just started seeing you a little different. You have no idea what you meant to me back then."

Mal's face fell a little and he stared hard at the book. Jayne squeezed him tighter.

"I'm not saying you don't remember," Jayne clarified. "Just that I never told you. It meant a lot, not just that you came, but that you stuck around after I got better… and after you got to know me. I never counted myself as someone worth knowing."

Jayne nestled his head into Mal's lap as Mal stared wistfully at the words in the book. When it became clear he had no intention of reading them, Jayne took the book away and laid it on the pillow.

"Let's get a new book," Jayne suggested. It occurred to him that he and Mal had not bought a new book since Mal's injury, thus every book demanded a memory from Mal and he seemed a little tired of that. Jayne decided it was time to create new memories instead of trying to relive all the old ones.

"I like that idea."

Jayne drew Mal's face towards his and drank a deep, wistful kiss that Mal broke almost immediately.

"Jayne, don't kiss me sad."

With a lecherous grin, Jayne sat up and tried again, forcing his way into Mal's mouth with hungry kisses. He stroked up Mal's thigh, pulling Mal's legs around his waist so that Mal was sitting in his lap. Jayne ran his hands over Mal's legs and butt, reveling as each muscle flexed under his touch.

Mal yanked eagerly at Jayne's shirt, pulling it off and casting it aside, using his thumbs to trace around Jayne's navel, making Jayne gasp with pleasure. Then Mal ducked his head, kissing Jayne's shoulders making him lean back so Mal could get access to his hardened nipples. Mal sucked so hard Jayne yelped, then Jayne winced as Mal bit lightly on one nipple, and pinched the other sharply between two knuckles. Jayne gulped raggedy breaths as Mal then kissed around the tawny flesh with cool, soothing kisses, like a healing balm on the abused skin.

Barely finding his control, Jayne managed to get Mal's shirt off, and he ran his hands over every inch of skin he found. Mal's hands dipped into Jayne's pants, but Jayne snapped their hips tighter together, locked Mal's legs around his waist, and stood, lifting Mal up too. Jayne's hands firmly gripping Mal's ass and holding him in place was all that was necessary to tell Mal to hold on.

Jayne plunged his tongue into Mal's mouth, exploring the hot, wet cavity as he tottered across the room. When they reached the door, Jayne slammed Mal against the wall next to it, and kissed around to Mal's ear, invoking pleading whimpers from Mal. Using the wall as a brace, Jayne released one hand long enough to tip open the door, then he bit Mal's neck when Mal looked over his shoulder to see why they were leaving.

"Where we going?"

"You'll see," Jayne promised, taking Mal's full weight again and carrying him through the hall, groping as he went. It was late enough so that no one was up. When they got to the Infirmary, Jayne set Mal on the counter, placed his hands on either side of Mal, and kissed him long and hard.

"Jayne," Mal grunted in protest. Jayne kept nipping, but Mal placed his hands on Jayne's shoulders and pressed back gently.

"I don't want to, Jayne. Not here."

Jayne looked around and took a deep breath, as if just realizing where his feet had taken him.

"Oh, right," Jayne said, and started rooting through the cabinet next to Mal. He found a jar of lube and put it in Mal's hand. "Thought we might need some fresh stuff. My jar's a little old."

Mal's mouth hung open a little, and he smiled broadly on recognizing the meaning of the little jar. Jayne took advantage of the distraction and flicked open the buttons of Mal's pants. Then he leaned down and sucked Mal's hard-on right through the fabric of his boxers. Mal smacked him away, but as he stood straight, Jayne hefted Mal over his shoulder in a fireman's carry, pulling off Mal's pants and biting his ass as they walked out the door.

Mal grabbed a hold of the door frame, jerking Jayne to a stop and sending them spinning. Jayne just barely caught Mal and they landed with Mal half standing, backed against a wall, his knees hinged. Their eyes met and they smiled dangerously at each other. Mal kicked off his pants so they wouldn't hinder him anymore and immediately took control of the situation, kissing and groping on Jayne until it was Jayne pressed against a wall. Jayne raked his fingers over Mal's skin, crushing their bodies together, not caring in the least that he'd surrendered the situation. Mal reached around him, sliding open a door to one of the unused dorm rooms, and they sank into the private space, closing the door behind them.

Mal immediately pulled open Jayne's pants, and his eyes darkened with lust seeing Jayne wearing nothing beneath. Within three seconds, their clothing vanished as lusty hands reached and gripped. Mal squeezed Jayne's ass and thighs, milking the sex out of him, pressing their bodies closer, grinding. The hair on his skin grated and tugged against Jayne's, the sweat between them unevenly causing them to stick and slide at once. The air was humid with sweat and sex, their skin flushed with heat and desire.

Jayne rumbled with pleasure as Mal sucked on his fingers, and in retaliation, he went for that sweet spot at the crease of Mal's armpit. Mal laughed airily as Jayne lifted his arm and kissed down his side, but Mal refused to be picked up again. He twisted away from Jayne and presented the jar of lube. Their eyes met again, dark with lust, filled with certainty and want. Jayne stepped in, invading Mal's personal space but denying skin contact. His skin tingled just from the closeness. He dipped two fingers of his right hand into the jar, then rested his thumb on Mal's body, letting Mal guide his wrist down and around between the cheeks of his ass. With his left hand, Jayne caressed Mal's face, grazing feather-light over his cheeks, tickling his eyelashes, over his nose, and then to his lips. Jayne traced Mal's lips with one hand and his hole with the other, drawing a sensuous moan from his lover. Mal turned his head sharply, sucking Jayne's fingers into his mouth and Jayne immediately pressed one finger into Mal's ass. Mal's knees nearly buckled, and his legs parted as he sank onto Jayne's finger.

"Uh, god," Mal groaned throatily, kissing around Jayne's wrist. Jayne shifted and wrapped his arm under Mal's shoulder to support him and started thrusting his finger into Mal, loosening his entrance. Mal's body was like jelly, he was so relaxed.

"More, Jayne, more," he begged, his voice low and needy.

Jayne pressed a second finger in and Mal's legs started trembling, his cock leaking madly against Jayne's thigh. Jayne moved them to the bed, laying Mal face down so he could see what he was doing. He corkscrewed his fingers and Mal shuddered and croaked, arching back, vying for more. This, Jayne knew, was how it was meant to be.

"More, Jayne, you!" Mal murmured like a prayer. "I want you!"

Jayne scissored his fingers inside of Mal and Mal screeched sharply, tensing and relaxing in the space of a breath. With a smile, Jayne corkscrewed his hand, seeking out a sweet spot that made Mal shiver. When he found it, a high-pitched shudder escaped Mal's lips.

"Please, Jayne!" he gasped and Jayne thought he'd die his own self if he waited much longer. Jayne pulled free, lubed himself up sloppy but thorough, and then used both hands to press Mal's cheeks apart and take aim at his target. He pressed in the first inch and Mal practically shrieked, spreading his legs wider and pressing his ass into the air, the latter act effectively pushing Jayne even deeper.

Jayne leaned forward, wrapping an arm around Mal's trembling hips sinking in bit by bit, encouraged by Mal panting "yes, yes, yes." Jayne couldn't help chanting along in counterpoint as the tight heat enveloped him. Once he was fully in, they both took a breath of relief, searching for air, letting the heat emboss on their minds the amazing feel of being connected in this way.

Mal murmured almost incoherent words of encouragement and Jayne slid out then in, developing a slow, easy rhythm before he reached a hand around so he can jack Mal as he went. Mal trembled immediately, his balls jerking like he was about to come, and his legs nearly gave out. Jayne held him steady, but Mal had other things in mind. Squirming slightly, he pulled Jayne's hands off his cock and laid flat on the bed. Then he wriggled until his legs were closed. The tight heat around Jayne's cock becomes suddenly hotter and tighter and Jayne cried out in surprise, suddenly realizing that being on top didn't necessarily mean being in control.

"Go," Mal ordered and Jayne pounded desperately, wanting Mal to come first, but unable to grasp control of himself. He sat back, adjusting his angle, knowing he hit that sweet spot when Mal started shuddering and crying out with each thrust. Jayne didn't last five minutes in that tight space and he came howling his brains out. He collapsed onto Mal who rolled them sideways, keeping Jayne clenched inside of him. Jayne's shaky hand found a way across Mal's body and in two firm strokes, Mal was spilling all over Jayne's fist. They were both completely out of breath. Jayne tried to roll free so the air could flow between them and cool them some, but Mal stilled him.

"Stay awhile," Mal requested, pulling Jayne's arms around him.

"Holy hell, you're a tight one," Jayne panted.

Mal clenched around him and Jayne squeaked.

"Again?"

"Ta ma de, Mal, I came so hard, I may not rise for another week. If you got it in you, maybe you can do me."

Mal shook his head and milked another hug from Jayne. "Want to save that… for another day."

For awhile, they stayed there spooned against each other until Jayne got so soft he slid out of Mal. Mal groaned and writhed at the loss, pressing against Jayne as sticky cum leaked out of him.

"Hey, I got some fine hairs that don't want to be stuck to you," Jayne teased, kissing lightly, and crawling over Mal to get out of the bed. Not bothering with clothes, he snuck down the hall to the head to get a damp wash cloth. When he came back, Mal was lying on his stomach, sprawled happily across the wet bed, content at having Jayne pat him clean. Mal's skin looked a little raw and he flinched as Jayne cleaned him, but nothing too serious.

"How are ya?" Jayne asked.

"Good," Mal murmured wearily. "Sore."

"Need me to carry you back to the room?"

"Why go back?"

"For one, the bed is drier," Jayne commented, but Mal didn't look too keen on moving. Tossing the rag aside, Jayne crawled into bed, snuggling on top of Mal. "For another, I think the Doc will have a fit if he finds your pants in the hallway outside his Infirmary come morning."

Mal laughed and opened his eyes, looking thoughtfully around the empty room. "We can stake a claim here – make this space ours."

Jayne liked the idea of having a new space they could share. He lifted onto his knees and elbows and kissed slowly over Mal, starting at the top of the ear and working his way down, exploring Mal's body like a prospector. He'd never admitted it to himself, but some of Mal's sweet spots had moved and Mal's body needed fresh charting. He discovered a sweet spot almost immediately at the dimple under Mal's rib cage. Mal laughed and rolled over, letting Jayne kiss and lave over the area. Jayne moved on, exploring the front of Mal's body, cataloging every laugh and ticklish flinch he came across. Mal gazed up at him adoringly but then his fingers started tracing over the scars on Jayne's arm. Jayne paused his exploring, trying to catch Mal's eye and failing. He leaned in and kissed Mal's lips, reading sadness there and not knowing why.

"Why so sad, ai ren?" Jayne asked, worried that they'd pushed themselves too far with this step. "No regrets between us."

"No regrets," Mal repeated softly, sinking into Jayne's gaze. He looked almost wistful. "I'm glad we did this. I'm glad we could do something that I'm not supposed to remember how to do. Where you don't have a list of what all I used to do... I'm glad we had this."

Jayne swallowed the lump of guilt that came with Mal's words and he vowed he would stop trying to teach Mal their old tricks and give Mal the joy of rediscovering what he liked.

"New is good," Jayne agreed. "Want to see what else new I've found?"

Jayne nibbled and licked that dimple under Mal's rib cage again making Mal squirm and squeal. They laughed together, and Mal's cock twitched anew, which made Jayne twitch with envy. Jayne moved on to the fold of Mal's elbow, which was also a new sweet spot for him, and Jayne started to wonder if he could make Mal come with only the new stuff he'd found. But then Mal caught his chin and guided him into a kiss, stroking through his beard a few beats, then gliding through the hairs on Jayne's body all the way down and Jayne felt himself jerk again. Maybe he could get it up again tonight.

-ooo-