a/n: Thank you again for your feedback, follows, and alerts.
As always, neither Glee or Once belong to me. This is purely for entertainment.
Chapter 7 - The Hill
It had been a few days since Rachel had appeared at his impromptu open mike session. They'd gotten together a few times since then to practice their growing list of songs and put their studio band together, but neither of them had brought up the obvious moment they'd shared.
Finn couldn't stop thinking about it though.
When he'd left the music store that night and heard the music as it floated across the street he knew he had to play. He needed to stand on that stage and pour every ounce of emotion he felt into that song. It was one he had been working on for awhile and when he'd sat on the piano bench next to Rachel and listened to her story it felt like the different elements of the song suddenly clicked together like puzzle pieces. It was a song about overcoming adversity but remaining humble and finding love in a place you never knew existed. It was undeniably Rachel.
He wanted to tell her but when he tried the words wouldn't come out. He figured she knew though. The expression on her face as she'd watched him sing had spoken the words she was unable to. When he'd gone out into the crowd after his song he had looked for her but she had already gone.
He supposed it was actually a good thing that he couldn't say something he might regret later. Things between him and Rachel had progressed slowly, but he was ok with that. It wasn't as simple as boy meets girl. He had to not only think about Rowena but also about how fragile they both were. He didn't want to risk the chance that he might say or do something that might get him in trouble because he now realized that he needed her in his life. He didn't want to apologize to Rachel again because, unless they were on the same page, he didn't think she would forgive him and he wasn't ready to lose her because of his damn hormones.
It had taken extensive research to find a studio that wasn't entirely a bare boned production space. Most of the places he'd called required that all instruments, musicians, and engineers be brought in…they just provided the basic equipment and space. After a lot of discussion, he and Rachel had decided that they could use as much assistance from professionals as possible. If they were able to find a place that at least had a staff engineer then they would be able to spend more time creating and practicing their songs. That was how they ended up at Crescent Studios. It was a non-descript, inconspicuous sort of place that was run by an enthusiastic redhead named Emma Pillsbury. The first time he and Rachel had met Emma he'd gotten elbowed in the side. So what if he thought the idea that someone with the last name of Pillsbury owned a studio with the word 'crescent' in it was funny. He couldn't be the only person who noticed the pun.
Rachel had seen Emma in the music store in the past but had never gotten the impression that she was very musically inclined. She'd told him that Emma had always asked a lot of very basic questions that anyone familiar with music would already know the answer to. As it turned out she really didn't know much about music at all, but she'd hired a sound engineer who pretty much ran the day to day business. Even though the engineer had a personality that was less than desirable, it was still too good of a situation for them to pass up.
So they sat in the studio, Finn on a stool behind a standing microphone and Rachel behind the keyboard she'd borrowed from Roland's, and made the final preparations on the first track they were going to actually record. They had been joined by both Artie and Rachel's boss, Will, who had assisted with their arrangements and the overall musicality of the different pieces they worked on. So far Will had proved to be an unbelievable asset. Everything they sung or played somehow seemed to sound even better once he offered his opinion or tweaked the melody or key slightly. And Artie hadn't been entirely incorrect when he suggested that their music could benefit from a bass line. While they didn't add one to all of their songs the careful placement seemed to only emphasize the lyrics and highlight their simple harmonies.
It had been a happy collaboration thus far, with the exception of two things…Emma Pillsbury's sound engineer and the backup singer that Rachel insisted was one of her friends, even though she treated everyone like complete garbage.
The sound engineer, Jesse St. James, was pompous, arrogant and conceited. He talked down to them the entire time they were there even though Finn was pretty sure he was the one who paid to use the studio so therefore should be the one to call the shots. Jesse ignored that fact and instead insulted his voice, any of the lyrics he'd written…hell, he even had a problem with the way he held his guitar. His overall attitude grated on him considerably, and he tried his best to tune him out, but when he'd watched him flirt with Rachel he'd almost lost his cool. Rachel had noticed the change in his demeanor and had simply laid her hand against his arm and assured him that she found Jesse just as repulsive as he did.
Santana Lopez was a completely different story. She was loud, she was rude, and for some reason she'd taken an extreme disliking for Finn. She would coo and lavish praise in Rachel's direction but in his? Typically she told him that his voice sounded like a cat in heat and referred to him as 'Gigantor'. When she grew frustrated with him (usually over something stupid) she would throw her hands in the air and yell at him in some weird half English/half Spanish hybrid language. Rachel had promised him on numerous occasions that she would speak with Santana and ask her to back off a little, but to just ignore her in the meantime. She thought their voices blended exceptionally well together and she didn't want to risk angering Santana to the point where she would quit.
On that particular day Santana sat on a stool next to Rachel. She turned the pages of the sheet music when Rachel gave her a firm nod and harmonized along with her so their voices sounded more like one, uniquely powerful voice. Rachel had been right…her higher pitched voice combined perfectly with the deep, grittier sound of Santana's.
Finn had just opened his mouth to compliment them when Santana smirked in his direction and knocked Rachel's sheet music onto the floor. "Seriously, Gigantor, how am I supposed to concentrate on making Rachel sound even more fabulous than she does on her own when you're over there with your mouth flapping open and shut? Honestly, you look like you have a ventriloquist's hand shoved up your ass. Is that what's going on over there? Is that why you're sitting so funny?"
He narrowed his eyes on her. He was just about retaliate when Rachel laid her hand on Santana's shoulder and asked her to pick up the sheet music. She directed an apologetic gaze in Finn's direction and went back to playing the piano.
Will clapped his hands to get their attention. "So why don't we take it from the top? Artie and I will start off with the rhythm and bass line and then Rachel you can come in with the piano and finally Finn with the guitar. Santana, you'll sing along with Rachel during the chorus and try not to overpower her this time. They're called backup vocals for a reason. Sound good to everyone?"
Santana smirked. Finn grinned.
"Can you all please stop wasting my time?" They all turned their attention towards the small room where the soundboard was located. Jesse St. James' voice had come over the speakers, his annoyed tone evident to all.
Finn watched, amused, as Santana narrowed her eyes in Jesse's direction. He knew she liked Jesse even less than she liked him.
"Listen up, St. Jimmy," she barked in his direction. "Sit there and press the buttons on your fancy machine and keep your yapper shut. I'm fairly certain that Emma is expecting the money that our studio time is costing so I would recommend that you let us do things our way and mind your business."
Jesse glared at her and she smiled triumphantly. Obviously he wasn't the biggest Santana fan but he had to admit that she was entertaining when her insults weren't thrown in his direction.
They began the song as practiced. The deep, soothing sound that resonated from Artie's bass guitar blended seamlessly with the rhythm Will tapped against the drum kit. When Rachel played her opening chords on the piano Finn felt his heart flutter in his chest. He attempted to ignore the sensation and began to strum his guitar right on cue. He made eye contact with Rachel as he opened his mouth to sing and when she joined in he couldn't help but think about how right everything felt.
In Finn's opinion the song was pretty much flawless. As they finished, they all sat there silently as they waited for Jesse to confirm that the track had been recorded properly. He would be able to hear any imperfections on his end that might have gone unnoticed to them.
"I think we were good," Rachel whispered. She spun herself around on the piano bench so she faced his direction.
He grinned at her. "Are you kidding? We were amazing."
"Sorry to interrupt the love fest." Jesse's voiced once again came over the loud speaker and they all turned their attention in his direction. "That was almost acceptable. All the instruments sounded great and the vocals were pretty much spot on. But, Santana, I think we're going to have to rerecord your vocals. I'm pretty sure you were sharp."
Santana instantly stood up from her seat next to Rachel and began shouting at Jesse in the unique language that was usually reserved only for him. She had just announced that she was about to go "all Lima Heights" on Jesse when he felt Rachel's hand against his arm and heard her whispered request that they go outside and take a breather.
He agreed.
They slipped on their coats and snuck out of the back door unnoticed.
They strolled silently through the near-deserted streets. The unusually warm January air had subsided and the expected chill had returned. Finn watched as Rachel pulled her jacket around her a little tighter. They walked fairly close to one another, every so often their arms brushing together. He wondered what she would do if he'd put his arm around her. He hoped she would snuggle into his embrace, maybe even wrap her arm around him in return. But she could just as easily push him away and instantly end the closeness he had begun to enjoy.
For some reason he felt like trying his luck.
Without putting much more thought into it he raised his arm and gently draped it over Rachel's shoulders. She was so much shorter than him that it felt natural and easy. He let his fingers curl around the upper part of her arm as he pulled her against his body. If there was any sort of hesitation on Rachel's part she didn't let it be known. They continued to walk in compatible silence, their gaits matching as they moved down the sidewalk.
He steered them towards a little park that stood at the end of the street. The studio was located right on the edge of downtown Lima and the park marked the transition between the gritty city streets and the sprawling suburbs. Unsurprisingly, the park was pretty much empty, save the occasional runner or dog walker. Finn would have gladly walked forever if it meant Rachel would be pressed up against him as he did so.
"It's going well I think," he whispered.
She bobbed her head. "I think it would be going even better if Santana wasn't constantly threatening to go 'all Lima Heights' on anyone who disagrees with her."
"Yeah what does that mean anyway?"
Rachel laughed. "You know I don't actually know. I've heard her use it for pretty much our entire lives but I've never seen her act on any of her threats. When it comes to Santana her bark is almost always worse than her bite."
He smiled. "I just really hope everyone is taking this as seriously as we are. I guess I could assume Will is involved for the right reasons but I don't know much about Artie and Santana is…well…Santana, so the jury is out on her. Plus we have Jesse giving everyone, especially me, a hard time about everything. I mean, is it really worth it?"
Finn could sense her hesitation, but sighed with happiness as he felt her lift her arm to settle around his waist. He welcomed the additional contact and pulled her a little closer as her arm tightened around him.
"I'll talk to them," she reassured. "If they're not serious they can leave. I'm not going to let anyone screw this up for you." She dropped her hold from his waist and instead took his hand in her own. "For us."
He shifted their hands slightly so their fingers were laced together. The display of affection, even if it was only a slight display of affection, felt so overdue. They'd spent so much time together and up until that point he'd only been able to imagine what it would feel like to have her body pressed against his, their fingers tangled together.
He loved it.
They continued to wind their way through the park and climbed up a small, stone bridge that spanned the width of a rambling creek during the warmer months. At that moment it was frozen for the most part, the brief blast of warmer weather not having lasted long enough to do much defrosting. Their hands swung in-between them as they walked to the middle of the slight arch and they both paused to stare out at the barren park that stretched before them.
Finn continued to hold tightly onto Rachel's hand as they stared off at the distantly setting sun. He couldn't help but try to sneak a look at her every now and then. Her hair had been woven into a loose braid that hung over one of her shoulders, but the brisk January breeze had blown a few pieces loose so they flapped against her cheeks gently. Deciding to see if his luck would continue, he reached over and tucked one of the loose strands of hair behind Rachel's ear. He noticed that she smiled softly and angled her body ever-so-slightly in his direction. He tucked the same piece of hair behind her ear when it began to blow in the wind again and then traced his fingers against the outline of her face. She was so beautiful. He wanted to memorize every inch of her.
Rachel turned her head towards his hand and pressed her cheek into his palm. She stayed that way for a long moment and then looked up at him, her big brown eyes blinking at him softly.
"These have been the strangest couple days I've ever had," he said breathlessly. "I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you in my life. You're just so good. I really don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't met you. I definitely wouldn't have ever touched my guitar again and then none of this would've happened. Hell, I take back what I said about Santana. I'll even put up with her bullshit if it means I get to keep everything else too."
Rachel reached up and grabbed the hand that he still had pressed against her cheek. "You would have been fine without me. And I don't believe for one minute that you would have given up on music for good. It's too imbedded in who you are. You don't even realize it."
He smiled at her. He realized it now. He realized a lot of things he hadn't before.
Rachel dropped their hands so they once again hung between them and looked off to the horizon. The last bit of the sun dropped into hiding and she looked up at the sky for a long minute. He wondered what she was thinking about.
"Ani ohevet otcha."
He listened to the words that she quietly mumbled in the direction of the sky but had no idea what they meant. "Is something wrong?"
She dropped her gaze from the sky and turned back in his direction. "Oh, no…it's nothing. It's just an old Hebrew saying that means it looks like rain. My daddy uses it all the time so I guess I didn't even pay any attention and it just slipped out."
He tried to make sure she didn't notice the confused expression that spread across his features. It didn't look like it was going to rain at all. In fact, as he looked up he noticed the bright sprinkling of stars in the sky above them.
"Listen," Rachel said, flustered all of the sudden. "I'm going to go back to the studio and make sure everyone is on the same page. Since we have to record three more songs tomorrow I should probably have a talk with everyone before then."
"I could come with you…"
"No," she said quickly. "No, it's fine. Why don't you head home and we'll just meet up back at the studio in the morning. We have a big day tomorrow so you'll need to be at the top of your game."
Before he could say anything else she had dropped his hand hurried off the bridge. "See you tomorrow, Finn."
He stood and watched as she jogged back through the darkening park. "Bye."
He watched her until she disappeared and after a few minutes he'd shoved his hands deep into his pockets and begun the long walk back to his truck, which, of course, was at the studio. He wished he could do anything else but think about Rachel but she had spread through his head and his heart like a wildfire. Things had been going so well and he wasn't really sure what had changed. They'd been standing on the bridge, then she'd mumbled that weird phrase in Hebrew, and then she was gone.
He'd retraced their time together since they'd left the studio but hadn't come across any definitive thing that might have changed whatever unsaid thing they had going on between them.
Regardless, she obviously wanted to be alone and he was going to respect her wishes. But it was inevitable that he would spend the rest of his night awash in confusion.
Rachel had returned to Crescent Studios as she'd promised Finn she would. She had arrived prepared to speak with her friends about the whole recording process. She had made a mental list of bullet points that she planned to discuss with the group but to her dismay the studio was empty. The only person who remained was Jesse and he was the last person she felt like dealing with at that moment.
Luckily he must have felt the same way. She'd asked him if he would mind if she stayed awhile and played the borrowed keyboard. She was ridiculously stressed out and it was the only thing that would make her forget the way Finn's fingers had felt and the way it seemed like he had a special smile reserved only for her. She was overwhelmed and the piano was the only thing she wanted to focus on. Jesse locked up the room that held the soundboard and gave her explicit instructions to pull the door shut behind her on her way out.
Finally alone, she slid behind the keyboard and began to play. Her notes were furious at first…aggressive and loud. She turned the volume on the keyboard up as high as she could and played with her eyes tightly shut, the music numbing the intolerable thoughts that radiated through her mind. Tears streamed down her face and her heart literally ached.
She'd never felt anything like the way she felt about Finn. She couldn't deny it anymore. The feelings were there and they were real. She'd known him for such a short amount of time but she felt connected to him in ways she hadn't even known were possible. Even though she'd attempted to resist, every fiber of his being seemed to pull her to him. It frustrated her and she hated herself for the way she'd behaved because she knew he felt it too.
Her crying ceased slightly as the melody shifted from anger and frustration to sadness and longing. She couldn't think of one thing she wanted more than to feel Finn's mouth against hers, his hands pushing up her sweater to rest against her stomach. She wanted to push herself against him and to feel every inch of him against her body.
But she couldn't.
Finally all cried out, Rachel let her fingers glide lazily against the keyboard. She pushed aside the overwhelming sorrow in her chest and began to sing. The words spilled out of her, almost like a prayer, and she wished that somehow she could figure out what she was supposed to do. She was so desperate for answers that she didn't know what to do anymore. It was getting progressively difficult to be around Finn and not act on all the things she felt.
And I know that in the morning
I'll have to let you go
and you'll be just a man
once I used to know
But for these past few days
someone I don't recognize
This isn't all my fault
When will you realize?
She finished her song and covered her face with her hands. The frustration had not dissipated. Perhaps if she sat Finn down she could explain. Maybe she could figure out how to be honest with him about her situation and he would even understand.
Distracted by a sudden sound in what she thought was a deserted studio her attention was immediately drawn towards the door. She hoped it was Jesse, that perhaps he'd forgotten something, but she couldn't deny what she somehow already knew. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust but when he stepped into the small sliver of light that the moon provided her breath immediately caught in her throat.
Finn. He'd heard her song. He'd seen her cry.
He knew there was a problem.
And she no longer knew what she was supposed to do.
a/n: For those wondering, 'Ani ohevet otcha' is Hebrew for 'I love you'.
