Chapter 7 – Old and New Loves
Once Reese and Jessica were back in the car and back on the road, Jessica asked quietly, "So what's next? How are you going to find the person who's been stalking me?"
"Finch is looking through security camera footage from the libraries and internet cafes the stalker used. Fusco is going to run the prints on those notes that were left on your car and I'll be running down whatever leads they turn up. Did you think of anything else last night? Anything that could help us?"
"No. Whoever it is, he's very good at sneaking around. I've asked my neighbors several times if anyone saw anything, no one ever did. He was able to leave stuff on my car at will and no one saw a thing."
"You're sure it was a man?"
"It was a masculine voice on the phone."
John frowned, "There are filters that can change voices."
Jessica shook her head, "It didn't sound like electronics, it was just a normal male voice. "
"Any accent? Any distinguishing characteristics like unusual word choices?"
"No, nothing like that. It was a completely normal, unremarkable voice."
"But no one ever saw anything?"
"No, he was like a ghost."
"Or really good at blending in."
There was silence in the car for a while until Jessica turned to John, "I tried to find you after I left Peter. I asked some friends who were still in the Army to make inquiries. You were listed as 'whereabouts unknown'. No one knew where you were."
"I'm not very good at keeping in touch," Reese said curtly, his guilt causing him to more abrupt than usual.
"I noticed," Jessica shot back. "I suppose that was the doing of that secret job you mentioned back in the airport?"
John glanced over at her and returned his eyes to the road. "There are a lot of things that have happened since we last saw each other that I can't tell you about."
"Don't you get tired of secrets, John?"
John pressed his lips together in a thin line. "Sometimes. But I have made certain choices in my life and I have to deal with the consequences of those choices."
"What about your friends? Your family?"
"You know my parents are dead. As for my friends, I do what I can to make sure they won't suffer the blowback from my choices when my past catches up with me."
"What kind blowback?"
"I have enemies, lots of enemies. There are people who want me dead."
Jessica's eyes opened wide and she gasped. "My God John, what have you been doing?"
"I can't tell you that."
Jessica just stared at John while he kept his eyes grimly forward.
They rode in silence for a while. Finally Jessica asked, "Did you ever think about us? Did you ever wonder what might have been? What would have happened if you hadn't gone back to the military after Mexico?"
John didn't answer for a few minutes. This conversation was dredging up memories he didn't want to revisit again. Taking a deep breath, he finally spoke, "I used to think about it all the time," he said quietly.
"Used to?" she asked sharply.
"I've been building a life with Joss." He looked over at her. "I've been very happy," he said firmly in a tone of voice that clearly said that he considered the conversation was over.
It was Jessica's turn to stare forward and not speak.
Jessica remained silent until they got to the safe house. John parked and quickly escorted Jessica inside.
Jessica wandered around the apartment, looking a bit lost. John was not surprised to see it was up to Finch's usual standards, large and expensive, with high end furnishings and high end appliances. John handed her a burner phone.
"The first preset is my number, the second is Finch's. Call me if you need anything, I'll check in on you as often as I can."
"Can you stay a while?" Jessica looked at John with such a frightened look that he took her in his arms and held her tight. She wasn't used to danger and the strain was starting to show. After a few minutes he let her go.
"Jess, you are safe here, I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Stay inside, keep the blinds closed and you will be fine."
"Alright, I think I'm going to go lie down."
"I need to check in with Finch, I'll be back later."
She gave him a quick hug and let him go.
"Thank you, John. Tell Mr. Finch 'thank you' for his kindness too. I'm tired of living in fear."
"We understand, Jess. We do this all the time. You don't have to live in fear anymore."
John left, heading for the library to see if Finch had turned up anything.
The Stalker leisurely followed the GPS tracker's signal into the city about an hour later. He was in no hurry; he was a patient man. He found the car parked in a garage between an abandoned library covered in tarps and some nondescript office building. He parked a few spaces away and settled down to wait for Jessica and her stranger to return.
John strode into the library, troubled. Every time he held Jessica, it brought back memories, memories he was having trouble putting aside. Memories that made it hard for him to retain his resolve to treat this like any other case, to ignore the implications to his new life.
Finch looked up, "I take Ms. Arndt is safely tucked away?"
John nodded. "Have you made any progress on the emails?"
"I'm accessing the security cameras in one library in particular; the stalker has used it more than the other places, so I will assume it is near his home or office. I'm going to try to cross reference the photos from some of the time stamps on the emails and see if I can get a picture of who might have been there during all the times the emails were sent."
"Thanks, Finch. I'm going to go meet Fusco and give him the notes that were left on Jessica's car. He might be able to lift some prints."
"John," Finch began hesitantly, "Are you going to see Jocelyn?"
John looked down, "I might not have time. She knows I'm busy on a case."
"I know you don't want my advice, but I think you should make time."
John knew he should make time, too. But he was just afraid that it would make him more confused and he couldn't handle that now. He had failed Jessica once and she'd nearly died. He couldn't fail her again.
John left without a word. Finch watched him go sadly. He knew his friend had suffered greatly during his years with the CIA as Kara Stanton and Mark Snow had tried to erase any trace of humanity from John's soul. They had nearly succeeded in destroying him, turning him into the remorseless killing machine they wanted him to be. John had emerged from the experience badly broken but not completely beaten. John had managed to retain some small part of his humanity but even then they convinced him that he was a creature of evil.
Despite the fact that John thought he was a monster, Finch was convinced he was a good man and had patiently and gently nurtured that little piece of humanity that had managed to survive. Finch wanted his friend to be whole and healthy. John deserved nothing less.
Unexpectedly, Finch had found his greatest ally in Joss Carter. Joss was a fellow veteran, having served in Iraq and Afghanistan and she, even more so than Finch, understood what John had been through. She "got" John almost from the first meeting. She called bull shit on his bull shit, challenged him at every opportunity to be a better person and, most importantly, loved him completely and unreservedly. She had managed to touch John in ways that were not possible for Finch. John had a purpose and he had love and he had healed. Finch had watched joyfully as John emerged from the dark into the light. The process was on-going, John was still far from complete, there was still a long ways to go on his journey.
Finch had his doubts that Jessica could be what John needed her to be. Jessica had not understood John's drive, his deep need really, to be a warrior and protector; John had therefore felt that he had to leave her behind. Since they had last been together, John's drive to protect and fight had only gotten stronger. Had Jessica changed enough to understand him now?
Bear nudged Finch's hand, asking for a pat. Finch stroked the dog's head while talking to him in a soothing tone of voice, "It's OK, Bear. It will be OK." The dog looked at up him like he knew Finch was trying to soothe himself too.
As John exited the library, he called Fusco. The detective picked up the first ring, "You got the notes?"
"Yes, can you meet me in the bar around the corner from the precinct in thirty minutes?"
"Yeah, see you then."
Thirty minutes later, Reese walked into the bar and spotted Fusco nursing a beer and a burger in the corner. He walked over and joined him.
John slid into the booth and tossed the envelope with the threatening notes across the table to the detective. Fusco picked it up and peeked inside without touching anything.
"That's a lot of notes," he grunted. "Lover boy is quite the writer."
"You know love has nothing to do with it," Reese snapped. John handed over a plastic bag containing the coffee mug that Jessica used at breakfast. "Jessica's prints are on the mug, so you can eliminate hers."
"This will help."
"How fast can you get the prints run?" John asked impatiently.
Fusco made a sour face like he always did when John pushed him. "Should have the results late today. One of the print techs owes me a favor, so I could get a rush on it."
Fusco glared at John. "What?" John asked, glaring back.
"How come you haven't seen or called Joss?"
"I just got back into town and I had to drop Jessica off at the safe house."
"Is that all you did?" Fusco accused.
"What does that mean?" John asked in a very low, very deadly voice to let Lionel know he was wandering into some dangerous territory.
Fusco however was unfazed. He'd been in dangerous territory with John many times before. "You know exactly what it means. I'm tired of watching Joss walk around hurting while you play kissing cousins with your old girlfriend."
"This is none of your business, Fusco," John snarled at him.
Fusco leaned forward across the table. "Don't try to intimidate me, John. Joss is my partner and my friend. Believe it or not I consider you my friend, too. I hate to see my friends fuck up and you, my man, are fucking up." With that Fusco wiped his mouth, got up and walked out.
John sat for a minute considering what Lionel just said and what Finch had said earlier. He pulled out his phone and called Joss.
"Hi," she sounded so sad that John's heart constricted in his chest. If she'd been irritable or angry, he could have handled it, but this sadness was new and unexpected.
"Do you think you could break away for a few minutes? I'm in the bar around the corner," John asked, almost pleading.
Joss hesitated, She wasn't sure she could handle seeing him right now. "John, I don't know, I have so much paperwork to do…"
John interrupted, "I would really like to see you."
This was as close to begging as John ever got, so Joss capitulated. "Alright, for a few minutes."
John hung up and waited. He realized that he was nervous. He'd never been nervous about seeing her before. Before, he was always eager to see her. Now he had no idea what to expect from her, or for that matter, from himself.
Joss walked in a few minutes later and as usual John's heart soared as soon as he saw her. She sat down across from him and her large dark eyes were so sad that John's hand reached across the table for her, in what he knew was a feeble attempt to comfort her. But she kept her hands in her lap and he was forced to pull his hand back
"What do you need, John?" she asked softly, without looking at him.
"I just wanted to see you. You left last night without saying good bye."
She looked up at him, meeting his eyes squarely for the first time and he was unprepared for the hurt he saw there. "You were busy," she snarled.
John looked down at the table. "I'm sorry, I never meant for you to get hurt."
"Funny, that's what my ex said, just before he walked out," Joss bristled at him, the sadness replaced by anger now.
John just stared at her, feeling sick to his stomach. Finch and Fusco had been right; he had grossly underestimated just how much Joss was hurting.
"I'm not him, I'm not your ex….." John started to say when Joss interrupted him.
"No, you're right, he didn't leave me for another woman, he just left," Joss snapped, her voice choking. John saw a brief glimpse of tears in her eyes before she looked away.
John got up and moved over to sit next to Joss. He put an arm around her and pulled her into a tight embrace.
"What are you doing?" Joss hissed. They had a long standing rule against public displays of affection since they could never be sure they weren't being watched by their numerous enemies. She was stunned that he was breaking that rule, now of all times.
John gently nuzzled her neck, "I'm kissing the woman I love." And he did just that. His soft mouth found hers while his thumb gently stroked her cheek bone.
Joss dropped her head onto John's shoulder when his lips finally let her go. You mean you are kissing ONE of the women you love, she thought.
The Stalker was sitting a few booths down, pretending not to watch the stranger kiss the other slut. He wished he could hear what they talking about. Outwardly he was calm and disinterested in anything other than his beer and the newspaper. On the inside he was furious with the stranger for fooling around behind Jessica's back. Jessica was a precious gift, HIS precious gift and the stranger was wasting it. The Stalker would not waste such a gift. For now, all he could to do was keep following the stranger until he led him to Jessica.
