When I wake up the next morning, I know that everything will be different.
After the conversation Thorne and I had last night, and the fact that he is about to announce his engagement to his entire family, I know we can never go back to the way things were.
My mouth is as dry as a desert, and I feel like I'm going to throw up.
Partly because I'm hungover, but mostly because damn it I don't want to see Thorne.
I roll to my side and watch Cinder's sleeping face. After everything that happened, I knew that Cinder and Thorne would swap sleeping quarters. I assume Thorne is sleeping with his brother, Kai, and Cinder thank god is sharing a room with me.
"Cin," I whisper, "Are you awake?"
Her eyes flutter, and she cracks her left eye open. She groans, "Awake. But not human yet." She rolls onto her back and slaps a hand to her forehead.
"I am so hungover." She announces, "How did we used to do this so often in college?"
"We were young."
She groans, a little louder this time, "Am I really getting old at twenty five?"
"Apparently." I laugh at the desperation in her tone, "Anyway. Don't worry about it too much Cin. The Thorne household is fully equipped for hangovers. What do you want for breakfast?"
She turns to face me, "Urm what?"
"Whatever you want, you can have." I answer, "The kitchen will make it for you."
"Wait a second," Cinder raises a brow, "Just how much money does Thorne's family have?"
"A lot." I shrug, "I'm not even sure from what. But they're loaded. Always have been."
"Wow," Cinder whistles, impressed, "Kai's never mentioned it."
"Oh hasn't he?" This time I do turn the teasing tone on. After last night, she would have to take me for an absolute fool if she thought I didn't know about her and Kai, "And just when exactly did the two of you get acquainted?"
Cinder already seems bored with the conversation, "We talk about you Cress. Mainly." She rubs her eyes, "Do we have to do this right now?"
I shake my head, "I suppose not. How do scrambled eggs and toast sound?"
"Absolutely delightful."
I stand slowly, grabbing my head sheepishly and using my other hand to balance myself against the wall. The room is suddenly spinning and I immediately regret that damn tequila shot.
"I'm going to go tell the kitchen what we want," I grumble, "And then I'm going to dig myself a ditch, and die in it."
"What was that last part?" Cinder asks, as I open the bedroom door and make my way into the hallway.
"Nothing. I was being dramatic."
The door clicks closed, and I slowly make my way towards the spiraling staircase. Between my hangover, and the grumbling in my stomach, I've all but forgotten the fact that Thorne is lurking somewhere between these walls.
I pull the edges of the bathrobe I opted to throw on, around my waist, snuggling into the warmth. Then, one of the doors lining the hallways flies open, and a very disheveled Carswell Thorne appears in front of me.
Oh great.
"Cress." His eyes are bloodshot and he looks, if possible, more hungover than me, "Good morning."
I stop in front of him, craning my neck upwards, and suddenly hating how tall he is.
"Morning." I croak.
"You look lovely," He smirks and my stomach flips uncomfortably. Damn it, "How was last night?"
Something flashes past his eyes but I don't even try to understand it anymore.
I shrug, "It was good. Paying for it now, though."
"That makes two of us." His smirk widens, "What do you say to eating breakfast in the garden?"
"I told Cinder I'd grab her breakfast as well."
"Send it up to her room. She can eat with Kai."
I want to tell him to leave me alone. That he cannot just pretend like nothing's changed. That after so many uncomfortable conversations, and strange looks, I know something is different.
But I can't. Because when it comes to Thorne, I'm weak.
"Alright."
He nods, "Good. I've got some exciting news for you."
Great. I'm not sure how much more exciting news I'm prepared to take.
/
When we're sat outside with eggs and toast and even some sliced avocado, Thorne turns to me carefully. His eyes are swirling and he smiles gently.
My heart speeds up.
"Cress." He pauses, "I got you a job."
I stare at him. Out of all the possible things he could have said that wasn't even on my radar.
"What?"
"Well not a job. An interview," His smile widens, thinking perhaps that my reaction is one of excited shock, "With that computing company you're always going on about."
"JC Limited?"
He nods furiously, "My dad knows somebody who knows somebody, who knows the CEO. And they've booked you in an interview for next Saturday at 11 AM."
Shocked does not even begin to cover what I feel right now.
I watch as Thorne's smile falters a bit, "I thought you were tired of your old job?"
"You're already calling it my old job?" I laugh because hell what else can I do? "Thorne. Why - how… Why did you do this?"
"Cress." He places his plate to one side and grabs one of my hands, forcing me to do the same, "You're always saying how much you dislike working at your job right now. And I want you to be happy. You're the smartest person I know, Cress. And I'm confident you can do this. You just needed a little help, is all."
Once again, Carswell Thorne knocks the wind right out of me.
I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry.
"Thorne…"
"Tell me you'll at least go to the interview. It's in Manhattan."
"I'm not good enough for the job -"
"You have a degree from Princeton, Cress. And you're working at an estate agent," He shakes his head dubiously, "Look I never got to be a pilot, because well because I didn't work hard enough at anything, my entire life. But you work hard at everything you do Cress. And I believe in you. And so does my dad. Don't listen to that voice inside your head that tells you you're not good enough. Don't believe it. Because Cress, you're the smartest most capable person I know."
And then, of course, I start to cry.
Thorne wraps me in his arms and kisses my forehead gently, wiping away the tears with the back of his thumb.
"Hey. What's this?" He shakes his head, "No tears Cress. This is a happy moment."
I nod, "I know. These are happy tears, I promise."
"Good." He pulls away from me a little more, and I stare at him longingly through misted eyes. This is the Thorne I fell in love with.
The Thorne that cares so much about me, that he'd go through any length to help me get something I want.
The Thorne that sits with me in his family's garden, and tells me how utterly incredible he thinks I am.
The Thorne that makes me feel special.
And damn it if my heart doesn't break all over again at the look on his face when he smiles at me like that.
NINE YEARS EARLIER
I was sixteen years old, and I had never been kissed.
Of course, I wasembarrassed. But most of all, I want to know what it's like to have somebody else's lips on my own.
More specifically, Thorne's lips.
He doesn't know of course, because why would I ever tell Thorne a thing like that?
But tonight, we're at one girl called Amber's party.
We were sitting in a circle playing spin the bottle, and I was praying with every last fibre of my being, that the bottle would land in between the Thorne and I.
But of course, fate had other plans.
When the bottle spun around and stopped between me and another boy called Jake, the world itself froze. I took a deep, plunging breath in because I was just about to experience my very first kiss, and it wasn't going to be with Thorne.
Except Jake didn't seem very thrilled by the idea.
"I am not kissing her." He announced, pulling a face, "She's gross."
Of course with hindsight, not only am I able to make the observation that Jake was not very handsome, but that he was also not very bright at all, however at sixteen a boy rejecting you at a game of spin the bottle was awful.
Heart breaking, even.
I stood up quickly, pushing my hair out of my face, and feeling my cheeks burn. Sympathetic looks were being thrown my way, and all of a sudden I felt like my chest was about to implode.
"Hey." Thorne stood as well, and my eyes lifted to watch him scowl, "What the hell is your problem, Jake?"
Jake gave Thorne a look, "Hello? Have you seen her, Carswell? I'm not kissing that."
"You're a jerk." He puffed his chest out and walked over towards Jake, who was now also standing up, "Apologise to Cress."
Jake suddenly lost all his bravado. After all, Thorne was the captain of the lacrosse team and even though everybody loved him, he was not to be crossed with.
He turned towards me, eyes downcast.
"Sorry Cress." He shrugged, "I didn't mean it." When he finally looked up, I caught the way his eyebrows dipped into an angry scowl. I didn't want a forced apology.
I shook my head and refused to even give him an answer.
I was still so embarrassed, and even though I knew Thorne was trying to help, he was just making everything so much worse.
I turned away from them both and raced out of the house, not stopping until I was halfway down the block. When I thought I was a safe distance I stopped, and leaned against a tree, allowing myself to finally give in to the tears that had been crawling up my throat.
Eventually, warm arms enveloped me.
I looked up and Thorne was looking straight back down at me, "Forget him." He shook his head, "He's an idiot, Cress. Believe me, you're not gross."
"If I wasn't gross, he would have kissed me," I wailed, not caring that tears were pouring down my cheeks, and that I probably looked like a mess.
Thorne's eyes dipped down to my lips for just a nanosecond, before he pressed his mouth against mine.
"There." He said when he pulled away, "There's your kiss. Definitely not gross. Happy now?"
It was so quick, I almost didn't even realise he'd kissed me.
I nodded, breathless, "Thanks, Thorne."
He laughed shaking his head, "Don't thank me Cress. That's just weird."
I smiled and pressed my nose against the crook of his shoulder, afraid I might say something stupid and ruin the moment.
That night, Carswell Thorne gave me my very first kiss. And I'd never been the same, since.
/
That same Carswell Thorne, from all those years ago, is looking back at me now.
Except, we are both nine years older, and we're sat in the garden of his family estate, after a heavy night of drinking.
I roll my shoulders back and watch as Thorne's eyes rake over my face again and again.
"You're happy, right?" He asks me, almost desperately.
"Yeah." I nod, and for the first time in awhile I mean it, "I'm happy. Thank you, Carswell."
He blushes, "You're welcome, Cress."
"Remember that night all those years ago when that Jake kid refused to kiss me?"
Thorne seems surprised by my comment, but he nods slowly, "What a dumbass."
"When you kissed me that night, Thorne, it was my first kiss."
He seems taken aback by my words, "Really?"
"Yeah," I shrug, "I know it sounds silly. I was sixteen, and I'd never been kissed. But it's true. Boys didn't tend to like me like that."
"Well that's not true," His eyes are deeper than I ever thought possible, "I liked you like that."
"That's true. You did."
I don't tell him that I wish more than anything that he'd told me the truth about how he felt, so we could have been together.
There is another one of those moments between us, and my heart aches for him once again.
"Well." Thorne clears his throat,breaking the spell, "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Should we go back so you can tell Cinder and Kai?"
"Sure."
I stand, following him as he leads the way back towards the house, and ignoring the way my heart is telling me to just be honest already.
Because when it comes to Thorne it seems I can't get anything right.
