Gluttony howled in pain when Greed's pointy shoe smashed into his face again.

"You damned imbecile!" Greed roared, his fangs bared in fury. "What if we hadn't gotten out, huh?" He kicked the fat piece of filth again, "Did you think about that, huh?" Another kick, this time right into Gluttony's meaty collarbone. Greed heard it crack a second before the skin split and a moment later his little brother's body started regenerating itself, the red glow throwing queer, flickering shadows against the stony walls of the underground lair.

Greed roughly jammed the heel of his shoe into the closing wound, causing Gluttony to screech. "I ought to kill you all over again!" Greed thundered, "The old man should never have brought you back! You fucking idiot!"

Gluttony had always been the stupid one. The useless one. The load. In Greed's opinion he was far worse than a mere failed attempt to recreate the Gate of Truth. For beings who were supposed to embody the perfection of evolution's next step, Gluttony was a woefully inadequate Homunculus. The black sheep of the family, so to speak. Literally all he was good for was getting rid of evidence.

So he was in a foul mood and he was taking it out on his dolt of a brother. What of it?

His mind fled back to his conversation with Envy earlier today. That made him even angrier and so he continued to savagely stomp on Gluttony's lumpy head and chest.

"Who's Kimblee?" Greed had asked, feeling a frown settle onto his face.

"I told you, stupid, he's a State Alchemist. Wrath is releasing him from prison to hunt Scar and Marcoh for us," they had answered with a roll of those pretty purple eyes of theirs as the two of them walked towards the secret elevator that led to the upper floors of Central High Command.

Greed's next kick made Gluttony slip on the floor like a morbidly obese seal on ice. He truly was disgusting.

"Lust..." he heard his little brother whimper, "Help me, Lust..."

"Lust is fucking dead! She can't help you anymore," Greed snarled, "Just how dumb are you?!"

His brother simply started crying when he heard those words, curling into himself like some ridiculous ball of putrid flesh.

No, really, when the time came and Greed took over, Gluttony had to go. Maybe the idiot would even be grateful. In death he would finally be reunited with his dear Lust.

"I got that," Greed had grumbled at Envy. "What I mean is, why do you have to pick him up? Wrath can send some of his lapdogs. Why you?" His eyes had narrowed. "What's this Kimblee to you?"

"I'm the only one he knows," Envy had shrugged, dismissively, "He doesn't even have an idea who King Bradley really is, he thinks the military's just working for us."

"How come?"

"How come what?"

"How come you're the only one he knows?"

"I miss her, Greed," Gluttony blubbered dumbly in his squeaky voice, as if he had forgotten that Greed was in the middle of beating him up, tears and blood mixing on his face, "I can't smell her anymore... Lust..."

It was odd... and then again, it wasn't.

Before Greed took off on his own a century ago, some of the Homunculi had already formed particular attachments to each other. Pairs, if you will. Envy was Greed's possession, after all, so that was natural. Pride haughtily claimed that he was too old to partake in such childish notions and Sloth's apathy prevented him from caring too much about any of them.

But the other pair had been curious. Lust had taken Gluttony under her wing soon after he was created and they were inseparable ever since.

It hadn't been the same as with Greed and Envy.

For starters, he was pretty sure that their relationship was not sexual. Could Gluttony even have sex? No, it was almost... parental. Lust had treated Gluttony as if she was his mother. Or... rather, as a particularly responsible older sister which she, in a way, was.

She had made sure that he didn't get hurt too badly on missions, she almost always allowed him to hang out with her and she had even fussed over his diet. Granted, this probably was less because of some misplaced affection and more because there was no telling if Gluttony was going to eat something – or someone – important if left on his own, but still.

As far as Greed could tell, this hadn't changed much in the century he had spent away from home. But then Mustang killed Lust and Gluttony had become unbearable.

Greed didn't forgive, nor did he ever forget. He merely delayed. He fully intended to pay the Flame Alchemist back for Lust's death one day, sacrifice for Father's plans or not. Lust may have been a cold bitch, but she was Greed's cold bitch of a sister, and he didn't like it when people toyed with what was his. Just like Wrath was going to get his for the chimeras.

And like this new moron was going to woefully regret it if he thought he could lay even a finger on Envy.

"We worked together during the war," Envy had explained, "I was the one who started it, after all," their voice rang with pride. "And Kimblee ended it when Marcoh finally had his breakthrough with the Ishvalan prisoners and made a new Stone."

"So you got him a Philosopher's Stone?" Greed was liking this less and less.

"Yep!" Envy, for their part, had seemed oblivious, "Then the nutjob went and killed his superior officers so he could keep it for himself," they had cackled, "I guess he didn't figure that we knew about it too."

"Lovely," Greed had bit out, "Mind telling me why he wasn't executed?"

"I convinced Father and Wrath to go easy on him," Envy smirked, "He's very talented at killing, you know."

His possessiveness had been a raging inferno inside. It had taken a considerable effort of will not to grab Envy and have his way with them right there and then. Make them forget about any human murderers... But no, this would have been a sign of weakness.

To admit jealousy to Envy... Yeah, thanks but no thanks.

He sighed and sat on the ground next to Gluttony.

"Yeah," he murmured, "I don't like that she's dead too."

"Are you done hitting me, Greed?" Gluttony asked pitifully.

"Yeah," Greed shrugged absent-mindedly. "Sorry. I'm just... angry."

"But Envy's not dead," Gluttony observed, his round head cocked sideways.

That was annoyingly perceptive for such a lackwit.

"Forget about it," Greed growled and noticed how Gluttony flinched. "Get out of here."

The dimwit slinked off and left Greed to sit alone in the dark and brood.

It had all gone wrong after they escaped from the false Gate.

The fat idiot had brought Alphonse Elric to the lair in the hope that Father might find a way to get Greed, Envy and Fullmetal out of his belly.

Which, ironically, had coincided with their own escape and the three had burst out of Gluttony only to literally land at the old man's wrinkled feet.

Talk about embarrassment.

Of course, it hadn't taken more than a minute for the Elric brats to start trouble. At this point Greed was starting to believe that if he had been made mortal like Wrath, those two were going to give him grey hairs before long.

The Promised Day couldn't come soon enough.

And as if that wasn't enough, just to prove that when it rains it pours, Scar, the Ishvalan alchemist-killer that Envy had mentioned before, had somehow discovered the lair too and decided to invite himself for an all-around slugfest. It hadn't taken him long to unite forces with the Elrics, especially after Fullmetal told him that the Homunculi were behind the civil war.

Greed didn't even want to know who the little girl who accompanied Scar was, but she had fought like the devil. She and Scar had managed to somehow keep doing alchemy even after Father shut off the access across all of Central so the fight really hadn't been fun. Gluttony had ended up pretty much dead and Father had had to spend some effort into healing the moron.

Waste of time, in Greed's opinion.

Eventually the Homunculi managed to subdue Edward and Alphonse and Father ordered Envy to take them up to Wrath so he could sort the brats out. Better him than me, Greed had laughed at their retreating backs as Envy led them towards the secret elevator, but that had been pretty much the only highlight of the day.

Scar and the little girl had gotten away and they had taken Dr. Marcoh with them. Greed had no idea who the sad, old geezer was until he had accompanied Envy once when they brought him food, and, as it turned out, he was an accomplished alchemist who could make Philosopher's Stones. Apparently he had dropped his balls off some time during the war in Ishval and refused to cooperate anymore.

Envy had taken great pleasure in taunting and threatening the old fool.

But now that the enemy had him, Father had authorized the release of Zolf J. Kimblee, a murderous State Alchemist who was rotting in jail, was somewhat in on the big plan and was willing to help the Homunculi out. Envy said that going against Scar and Marcoh would be a walk in the park for the new guy.

Greed was starting to get really sick of all these alchemist types.

But all of that, all of it, he could tolerate. Most of it was Father's problem anyway. And yeah, sure, that meant that Pride and Wrath were going to make it everyone else's problem too, but Greed wasn't about to lose sleep if a bunch of misfit alchemists managed to bruise the old man's ego a little bit.

What Greed couldn't tolerate was the loss of his new car (when he saw him next time, he was going to have words with the Xingese princeling who had appropriated Greed's vehicle in order to drive Gluttony and Armor-Boy back to Central before fucking off to God knows where) and Envy's apparent familiarity with the so-called Crimson Alchemist.

But what really gave him the creeps was how... off Envy seemed ever since they escaped from Gluttony's stomach. They looked fine most of the time, and certainly acted like one would expect them to, but Greed knew them far better than he had ever let them know.

Something was bothering Envy and was making them second guess themselves.

His jealousy would have been even uglier if he suspected a connection between Envy's new condition and the release of Kimblee, but the truth was that Envy was off their game even before the old man told everyone on how they were going to proceed about recapturing Marcoh.

Greed wasn't worried. You had to be mentally retarded to worry about Envy. The little minx knew perfectly well how to take care of themselves and they hadn't sustained any troublesome injuries lately. They were just shaken from the experience inside the fake Gate of Truth. That had to be it. To be sucked into a non-reality of utter decay, and then to have to get out by being literally disintegrated back into the normal world... everyone would take it hard. Yes, that was it. Nothing to worry about. Abso-fuckin'-lutely nothing.

"You know, it really doesn't suit you," the voice was melodic and confident, and tore him out of his thoughts.

Greed looked up and saw a man standing in the barely-lit gloom of the underground lair. He was lean and wiry, and his gait, as he walked towards the Homunculus, suggested that he was probably stronger than he looked at first glance. Long dark hair tied in a ponytail, an elegant suit so white that it almost seemed like it was glowing in the dark... no, Greed had not seen this guy ever before.

"The great Greed the Avaricious," the guy went on as he stood directly before Greed, an unpleasant smile gracing his thin face, "sitting here all by himself. It's rather pitiful, no?"

Greed narrowed his eyes, suddenly understanding the game that was being played, "Very funny, sweetheart," he deadpanned.

Envy laughed as red lightning crackled through and around their body as the guy in the white suit melted away to reveal their favorite form. They looked down at him with a sardonic smile.

"I mean it, though," Envy said. "It really doesn't look good on you."

"What are you talking about?" Greed felt a bit irritated. Envy's endless mind games... That was something that he hadn't missed in a century, even if he had missed almost everything else about his little monster.

"You were jealous," they said matter-of-factly, inspecting the fingernails on one of their dainty hands. "I don't know if I ought to be flattered or insulted."

"Why would you be insulted?" Greed frowned, "If I were jealous, which is simply a delusion of yours, freak." Let's see how Envy liked it when it was their turn to feel slighted.

It didn't work. Envy laughed in his face before putting a hand on a slender hip. "Oh please," they drawled, "As if I would ever consider a human. Even one such as Kimblee," they shrugged, "He is a good deal more gifted than most of them, and has no conscience whatsoever which is always a plus, but come on. I mean, really, a human?" They shuddered, "I have standards. Unlike some," they gave Greed an evil smirk. "If I wanted to make you mad, I would have seduced Wrath, although he is absurdly fond of that plump old lady of his, so I would have had to get rrrrrreally creative," they cackled at Greed's murderous expression.

"You're a riot today, I see," he bit through clenched teeth.

And then, suddenly, Envy's expression froze and their grin curdled. It was gone as soon as it had appeared and they regained their composure before Greed could blink, but he still saw it.

Yes, something was not right.

"Envy..." Greed began but they cut him off.

"I saw what you were doing to Gluttony," Envy said, no longer gloating.

Greed frowned. "Yeah, so?"

"I don't want you hurting him again," they scowled down at him.

That's it.

There was something wrong with Envy.

Objecting to cruelty against someone weaker? Who was the Homunculus standing before him and what had it done with the real Envy?

"Envy, sweet cheeks," Greed said slowly, "What's wrong with you?"

"I know he's dumb and annoying, but it's not his fault," they said stubbornly, "Lust knew how to handle him. If she could do it, so can we."

"Okay, I'm freaking out a little here," screw it, Greed was getting truly worried. "You've been off ever since we got out. Do you want to go to the old man, have him see if you're well?"

"No!" The anger in Envy's voice startled him. "I... I'm fine," they shook their head, strands of long hair waving around their face, "I am," they added irritably when they looked at Greed's eyes. "You know what? Forget it... Do whatever you want."

With that they flounced off, disappearing into the tunnels and leaving Greed alone in the darkness.


I debated whether to include the fight in Father's throne room in a chapter of its own. It could have been a neat way to introduce Scar and Mei Chang into the story, and to explain what happened to Ling (he wasn't there, after he drove Al and Gluttony to Central with Greed's ride, Al made him leave and go take care of Lan Fan, correctly thinking that the Homunculi would just kill him since they don't give a shit about him).

Ultimately I decided that it's not worth it since, apart from a few details, it would largely be retelling a fight scene we've already seen in the show and the outcome would have been very much the same.

And so we get this. It's set in Episode 31 when Kimblee is released from prison.

Until next time!