Author's Note: *reads reviews* Ah, you guys make my day every time I see a new one! Makes a gal feel super-special! Anyway, on to the story...
Chapter Summary: Gilbert is back, Feliciano is gullible as usual, and Ludwig isn't happy about any of it. However, he's treated to an effective, but not necessarily welcome distraction when an uninvited guest decides to drop in during breakfast...
Ludwig fought hard to keep himself from scowling openly as he set breakfast on the table in front of Gilbert and Feli.
"Ve, thank you Ludwig! This looks delicious!" Feliciano said before digging in. Ludwig smiled at his lover, then looked pointedly at Gilbert.
"What?" Gilbert asked when he noticed his brother staring at him. Ludwig just grumbled and sat down beside them. This was going to be a long day. After Prussia had come home yesterday, Germany and Italy had been treated to multiple conflicting stories of how he had spent his business trip. Germany's favorite was that he had ended up saving five people, including Egypt, from a burning building, and won free beer for life only to turn it down because he was just that selfless. The worst part was that Feli seemed to believe him, hanging on his every word. Of course Ludwig knew that the albino had probably just spent his time drinking and making an ass of himself, but who was he to ruin Feliciano's enjoyment?
"Did you really solve world hunger all on your own?" Feliciano asked over the eggs.
"You bet your ass I did!" Prussia said, taking a bite of his sausage and speaking through the mouthful. "But I lost the paper I wrote it down on in the fire, see?"
"Ohh, I see." Feliciano said.
"Something that important, I would think you'd have it memorized?" Ludwig challenged, just to see how far his brother was willing to go.
Prussia hesitated for a moment. "Well, I- what was that?"
"What was what?" Ludwig asked.
"That weird scuffling noise coming from the ceiling, what was it?"
Ludwig frowned. In truth, he had no idea what it was. It had started a few days ago, but he and Feli had simply attributed it to the house settling, and gotten more or less used to it. But now that Gilbert mentioned it, it was a little too frequent to be nothing but a symptom of an old abode. Suddenly the noise came again, louder than the first time. "West, if your house is haunted, that would be… actually, I'm not sure if that would be awesome or not-awesome."
"I'd better check." Germany said, grumbling as he stood to… he didn't know what. How was he planning to look in the ceiling, anyway? The decision was made for him, though, as a portion of the ceiling promptly fell on the table with a crash, plaster and rubble flying everywhere. Everyone's eyes were wide as they looked at the culprit; a very stunned squirrel, who currently looked like it was scanning the room for an escape route.
"Ve, it's a squirrel! It's so cute!" Italy said happily when he realized what had just happened.
"Wait, Feli don't!" It was too late. Feliciano reached out to pet the creature, and he had just enough time to shout 'ouch' before the squirrel was gone, and his finger was bleeding, and the corners of his eyes were beginning to tear up. "L-Ludwig!" He sobbed. "It bit me!"
"What did you think it would do?" Ludwig said exasperatedly as he went over to examine the Italian's wound. It wasn't too deep, but they shouldn't take any chances. "Come on, let's go get a bandage."
"What the holy hell was that!?" Prussia shouted. Germany jumped, having all but forgotten about his brother in the commotion after the crash.
"What did it look like? We have a squirrel in our house." He said as he searched the cabinet for band-aids.
"But we've gotta do something about it, right?"
"Yes, we do. We're going to call pest control and wait until they can get here."
"Ohh, no." Gilbert said. Ludwig looked up to face his brother, and saw a familiar look in his eyes. Oh great; he had an idea. "We're not paying some shmuck to do what we could do for free ourselves!"
"Luddy, what's he talking about?" Italy asked as the bandage was being wrapped around his finger.
"The idiot wants to catch the squirrel himself."
"Hell yeah I do! And shut up, I'm no idiot." Prussia was standing up now, a determined look in his eyes and a smile on his face. "Come on, guys! With the awesome me leading us, and maybe a little help from you, we can do this!"
"No, we can not. It is dangerous and reckless and we'll leave it to the professionals."
"Really?" Gilbert said, stepping closer to look Ludwig in the eyes. "You're afraid of a squirrel? The man whose name was once feared worldwide is now reduced to cowering from a rodent?" Ludwig grimaced. That was a low blow, and his brother knew it. "So?" Prussia continued. "Are you a man, or are you a mouse?"
"I'm a man, but-" Prussia cut him off.
"So it's settled! Feliciano, go get a bucket and a rope! Ludwig, you go get some bread! It is on!"
"Wait! No, I…" Ludwig trailed off as he realized the others already seemed to have decided, with Feliciano rushing to the toolshed and Gilbert scribbling something on a spare piece of paper. He was going to regret letting these idiots (one of whom he loved dearly, but was realistically still an idiot) walk all over him.
About half an hour and some balancing acts later, the three would-be squirrel catchers were hiding behind a corner in waiting. There was a rope in Feliciano's hands. The rope looped up and over Germany's pull-up bar, (what? Sometimes a man needs something to do while he's waiting for the oven!) and was tied to a bucket with the open end pointed toward the ground, with a piece of bread underneath it. A trail of crumbs led out in either direction, to make sure it would be found no matter where the squirrel happened to be.
"This is so going to work!" Gilbert whispered harshly as watched their trap in anticipation.
"This is never going to work." Ludwig mumbled.
"Ve, there it is!" Both nations snapped at Feliciano's words, and turned quickly to see where he was looking. The squirrel had indeed arrived. It was making its way carefully down the bread trail, picking up crumb after crumb and eating them nervously. "Now?" Feliciano asked.
"Nein, not yet." Ludwig answered. The squirrel's trip seemed to last an eternity.
"Now?"
"Not quite, Feli." The Italian was starting to fidget restlessly. Patience was never his strong suit. Now the squirrel was almost under the bucket, about a centimeter away from being theirs.
"NOW!" Gilbert suddenly shouted. Feliciano let go of the rope and the bucket fell on top of their quarry, trapping it. The three rushed over to contain it, but before they could the bucket started moving violently, and they hesitated, unsure if they should get near it. "Come on, what are you guys afraid of?" Prussia finally said bravely, lunging to press down the top of the bucket. "It's just a- EEYAH!" The squirrel had chosen that exact moment to fly out of the bucket, clawing its way up Prussia's uniform. "CLAWS! CLAWS CLAWS CLAWS!"
"Hold on, bruder!" Germany shouted.
He grabbed for the broom in the corner and reared it back, but Italy held onto his arm as if for dear life, shouting, "No, Ludwig! Please don't hurt it!" That made the German hesitate just enough for the squirrel to scramble its way, claws and all, up Prussia's face and onto the top of his head. When it realized it had nowhere left to go, it jumped off of the albino and skittered across the floor out of the kitchen. "I'll get it, I'll get it!" Feliciano yelled as he took off clumsily after the rodent.
"Oh gott." Ludwig muttered to himself as he took off in equal speed. Feliciano could not do this on his own. He ignored Gilbert's cries of 'hey, what about me?' as he ran through the spacious house, following his fiancé and the squirrel through the foyer. He nearly tripped on the rug, which bunched up under his feet as he scrambled for the staircase.
"Come back! I'm not going to hurt you, I'm just going to catch you!" Feliciano yelled after the squirrel. After running up the stairs and through the hallway, they found themselves in their bathroom, with the shaking squirrel cornered in the bathtub. "It's okay, I'm going to take you back to your friends!" Feliciano said, as he moved toward the squirrel with what he hoped was a reassuring smile on his face. But then, it was a squirrel, and reassuring smiles don't mean much to squirrels. It jumped at him like it had Prussia, and Italy had just enough time to look surprised before Germany, in one fluid movement, pulled the shower curtain down and bundled the squirrel in it midair. The two nations looked blankly for a moment at the struggling sack in Germany's hand.
"Hey, guys! You got it!" They both looked at the doorway to see Gilbert, his face red with scratch marks. "With help from the awesome me, of course. Hey, what's so funny?" The others had broken out laughing. Feliciano because he was Feliciano, and Ludwig from the sheer absurdity of it all. Here was Germany, the mighty nation, putting all of his efforts into capturing a single squirrel. And he didn't find that the least demeaning, to tell the truth.
"We…" He said, trying to catch his breath. "We had better get it outside. These things have strong teeth, I don't want it getting out." They all followed Ludwig to the front yard, where the sack was opened and the squirrel rushed out into the grass, climbing up the nearest available tree and hopefully staying there.
"Ve, that was fun!" Feliciano exclaimed as they were walking back into the house.
"You should talk." Gilbert grumbled. "You're not the one who got his awesome face ruined!"
"It was your idea to catch it in the first place." Ludwig pointed out.
"Yeah, whatever." Prussia looked up at the clock. "Hey! We did all that and it's not even lunch yet!" He said.
Ludwig pressed his hand to his temple, hoping to stave off the inevitable headache. "How productive of us." He said sarcastically. "But what are we going to do about the ceiling?"
