A/N: Don't own Supernatural.

It's hard to watch someone lose the last thread of faith that they won't even admit they've been holding onto. To see Dean's final grasp at hope in something greater than us, better than us, than himself, slip away, breaks my heart. If anyone deserves to hold onto that shred of half-promised peace, it's my Dean. But we don't always get what we deserve, and I'm afraid I won't be able to fix that. He's been disappointed, confused, kept in the dark too many times. Even the seeming miracle of his return is shrouded in darkness, is suspect in every way to him. Maybe Bobby's friend Pamela can provide us with some answers. Maybe she can give us something for Dean to hold onto.

He drives us to meet with the psychic friend, riding Bobby's bumper the whole way just to piss the old man off. It's one of his favorite pastimes, making my uncle cranky. Funny how things seem to fall back into place so quickly. It was always like this before, when we were younger. No matter how long the boys were away from us, the moment they pulled back into the salvage yard, their time away was erased. There wasn't ever really the need to bridge the gaps that time created, because none of us ever noticed the gaps at all. It feels like that now. He and Sam both fill the holes they left behind, and all is as it should be. At least, that's what we're telling ourselves.

We pull up to a decidedly un-psychic looking house. If anyone understands the concept of looks being deceiving, it's us, though. Bobby bounds up to the door, which opens just before he knocks. She's pretty, dressed for an age far younger than her current one, and obviously delights in shocking people. She achieves this goal by picking Bobby up in a bear hug. I don't like her. I have, as yet, nothing on which to base my dislike, but there it is, nonetheless. If Bobby knows her so well, why don't I? Oh. I need to stop that train of thought. The boys and I shuffle up behind Bobby.

"So. These the boys?"

"Sam, Dean, Jane. Pamela Barnes. Best damn psychic in the state." Bobby included both Sam and myself in the introduction. Pamela didn't.

"Hey," says Dean, the smirk he just can't keep to himself on his face.

"Mm mm mm," Pamela hums, receiving a warning look from Bobby. She ignores it. I'm not surprised. "Dean Winchester. Out of the fire and back in the frying pan. Makes you a rare individual."

Lady, you have no idea, I think. I also think she should wipe the drool off her chin. I'm not normally the jealous type, but I just got him back.

"Come on in," she says, finally looking away from Dean.

She tells us her plan to get a look at, but not summon, whatever pulled Dean out. We crowd in through the foyer as we follow her and spread out through her more spacious dining room. As she begins rummaging for the necessary materials to conduct her séance thing, she bends way down to retrieve some candles. Her Ramones top rides up and her jeans pull down, and I can't help the judgmental little twist of my lips. A tramp stamp. "Jesse Forever". Of course. I have tat, too, and I know I'm being a bitch. Doesn't stop me, though.

"Who's Jesse?" Dean asks when he sees it. He just can't resist.

"Well, it wasn't forever," she laughs a bit ruefully, approaching Dean and me.

"His loss," I bite out.

"Might be your gain," she replies sweetly placing a hand on us both. We are both speechless; me in shock and Dean in contemplation, I'm sure. Pam walks away to empty her burden onto the table. Dean turns to me with a plea in his eyes. An old fantasy, one of the few I have resisted.

"No," I tell him.

"Come on," he whispers half-heartedly, knowing he can't win but unwilling to give up completely when the chance is so close.

"Dean, she'd eat you two alive," Sam laughs, having heard the whole thing.

"You're invited, too, Grumpy," Pam informs Sam on her way back to the shelves for more candles.

"You are not invited," Dean assures him.

"Doesn't matter, baby. None of us is going to that party." The look on his face is disappointed but not surprised. He never once thought I'd say yes, anyway. I'm just happy to see some of the old, familiar playfulness.

Maybe that's why I'm feeling jealous and possessive. He's not quite himself yet. I'm not quite sure of his reactions. In the past, I've never worried. Once he decided I was his and he was mine, I knew that he'd never stray. Dean doesn't make promises he won't keep, and he's never lied to me. But right now, he still seems off balance, a little left of his normal, and that's got me on my back foot, too. We're struggling just a bit to find the way back to center. But I know I have nothing to worry about. I know it in my bones, so I have to get over this. He's too damn hot for women not to notice him. And it's not like this is the first time we've been propositioned in this way. I hug him tightly, feeling the muscles in his chest and back move as he closes his arms around me. Mine. And I'm his.

Pam is good at what she does. After an attempt at some inappropriate touching and a warning growl from me, she is nothing but serious and professional. It takes her almost no time to make contact. Our mystery now has a name: Castiel. Castiel warns her, tells her to stop, asks her to turn back. Pamela ignores the warnings, and we're all nervous. And she pays the price.

Pamela is blind, her eyes burned from her head. Bobby is trying to comfort her, Sam is calling for help, and I am holding Dean up under the weight of fresh guilt. He is being crushed by responsibility that isn't really his burden, yet he shoulders it without thought that it just might belong to someone else, that this might just be on Pamela. He blames himself for the choices of others. And loses that last thread of faith in anything better. He got his answer.

A/N: My intent is to have the tone of Jane's voice change slightly as the story progresses. She is no longer the emotional zombie crippled by grief that she was when we met her. Hopefully, more of her true personality comes out, a little at a time, as we get a peek into their shared past. My original concept was a tortured one shot, but I'm kind of liking the way this is turning out. A few more chapters, though, and this episode will be done. Is there another one for which you'd like to see Jane's point of view?