Ch 7 Analysis
The next afternoon Hermione went to see Professor Deimos as he had told her..
"Hello Professor Deimos" she said as she entered his classroom. He was at his desk grading papers. He looked up to take in her melancholy air.
"Miss Granger." he said and he stood up and beckoned her to follow him. She followed him into his office. It was a dark richly decorated room and Hermione couldn't help but look around in awe.
"Lay down Miss Granger" he said pointing to a couch similar to those in a psychologists office. Hermione raised a brow but complied and laid down.
"Relax make yourself comfortable." He said. Hermione snorted.
"What are you a psychiatrist now?" she said in disbelief.
"No Miss Granger but if you don't cooperate I can't help you" he said with impatience.
"Alright alright no need to get our knickers in a twist" Hermione said quietly so the professor wouldn't hear.
"Now lets get down to the root of the problem. You can't kill a child. Normally that would not be a problem, but seeing as it is a life or death situation you must accomplish it." He said his voice sounded calm and cool. Hermione closed her eyes and listened to what he was saying agreeing wholly with it but for some unfathomable reason she could not bring herself to do it.
"Lets return to your childhood what was it like?" he asked. Well this is ironic Hermione thought.
"Well I consider myself one of the lucky ones I had a pretty good childhood. I was an only child so I got pretty much what ever I wanted." she said her eyes still closed.
"And what about this last summer?" He asked cautiously. Hermione tensed.
"I don't want to talk about it" she said quietly.
"Well I think we have found the root of the problem" he said Hermione still did not open her eyes.
"Well lets go back to before the summer how did you feel when you found out your mom was pregnant?" Hermione was silent for a minute trying to remember how she felt.
"Well I was happy obviously but there was something else. Jealousy I suppose. I mean after sixteen years of having my parents to myself why would I want to share? Even if I was never home" Hermione said pondering her thoughts.
"do you think that your mothers miscarriage had anything to do with you not being able to kill a child?" he asked quietly. Hermione shook her head uncertainly.
"I don't know but I suppose it's a possibility. I just can't see why that would have anything to do with it. I mean sure I suppose it can have a traumatic effect but I didn't really feel directly connected with the child." Hermione pondered.
"Well how did you feel when your mother had her miscarriage?" he asked.
"well I suppose I was upset. But I wasn't upset because she had lost the baby but more of because of the pain in knew she must be in. I loved my mother dearly." she said after a minute of speaking.
"But then what happened?" he said trying to wiggle more out of her. Hermione realized this but she said nothing. After all she needed to be cured by that Friday she couldn't bare to stand the same humiliation again.
"They destroyed me" was what she said.
"No that is interesting how you put it. How do you feel they destroyed you?"
"They killed my spirit and made me who I am becoming." she said barely over a whisper. She kept her eyes shut tight to prevent the tears that were building behind her eyes.
"What do you think you are becoming?"
"A bitter person Hell-bent on revenge" she said. She couldn't hold it longer she felt the tear slip out of her eye. She put her arm over her face so the Professor wouldn't see. He was after all a Deatheater. She heard him get up and she felt him sit at the bottom of the couch.
"Sit up Hermione I think I have your problem figured out" He said. Hermione reluctantly sat up but turned her face away so she could wipe away her tears.
"Now your inability to take the life of a child is because of what happened to you. You said you felt like your parents killed your spirit. So now you feel that you will be doing exactly what they are doing in taking the life of a child. I think you saw yourself in the face of that little girl and you could not bear to destroy yourself again." he said Hermione looked at him. She supposed he was right. I mean what else could be the case? Hermione certainly couldn't think of a better explanation.
"Okay so how do I go about removing this fear of killing myself so I could kill kids." she said aware of the irony in her words. Never in her whole entire life did Hermione ever think she would face a problem as horrendous as trying to take the life of an innocent with out feeling guilt.
" Well I suppose we have to rid you of your current feelings on the matter." he said slowly.
"Oh yeah and how do we do that?" she asked sarcastically.
"Flooding" he said simply. Hermione sneered at the man.
"And pray tell what the bloody hell is that"
"We remove your fear in an insensitive way by throwing you in the snake pit I suppose." and before Hermione could make a sarcastic remark on his analogy he conjured the child that Hermione could not destroy. Hermione stared into those big innocent eyes that had haunted her dreams.
"Don't worry she is not real. Think of her as a doll that you get to practice on" he said
"I can't do it. Dumbledore would know if I did an unforgivable in this school." she said thinking up an excuse.
"Which is why you will be doing it the muggle way. You can choke her or stab her. Either one will do." he said.
"Those are barbaric things to do I could never." she said pulling her legs up beneath her chin in a sort of fetal ball.
"You have to Hermione. Put it this way if you could kill her in the slow muggle way you should by this weekend have no trouble at all doing it quick and painless, our way." he said. Hermione began to rock. Her eyes not leaving the child.
"Hermione close your eyes" he said and Hermione did. "now stand up" he said his hands pulled her up. She didn't open her eyes when he let her go.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Clear your head Hermione I hear you're good at Occlumency" he said Hermione nodded and cleared her head. " I want you to concentrate only on my voice okay Hermione?" he said. She nodded her eyes still closed. "Now open your eyes" she did and the little girl was before her again. Hermione began to panic again. "Hermione keep your head clear" her professor said in a stern voice. Hermione shut her eyes again and cleared her mind.
"Detach all your emotions before you open your eyes Hermione. When you look at the little girl I want you to feel nothing." he said. Hermione worked slowly on detaching all her emotions before she opened her eyes again. With a renewed resolution she looked back at the little girl, but she kept her mind empty and felt nothing.
"Good now slowly touch her" he said. The panicked feeling began to return slightly. But she closed her eyes and gained control again. Then slowly she reached out her hand and stroked the little girls hair.
"Excellent Hermione now very gently put your hands around her neck." Hermione keeping her head clear slowly wrapped her hands around the girls neck. "Good now apply some pressure. She won't struggle. You need to enjoy what your doing Hermione pretend it is your mother that you are finally getting your revenge on" he said. Hermione did as she was told. She pictured the face of her mother and how she had struck Hermione without remorse. She felt the little neck snap beneath her hands.
"Excellent Hermione now let go" she heard her professor say. With extreme difficulty she released the fake little girl and she vanished. "Good we are making progress. Come and see me tomorrow after dinner and we will repeat this process but I'll step it up a notch." he said dismissing Hermione. She walked out to the lake in a sort of daze she had to clear her head before she went back to the charades she was playing with Harry and Ron.
