AN: Thanks so much for all the feedback thus far. I hope to get some bits done on this over the Christmas holidays, hoping to have 2-3 more chapters in total. MAYBE 4. So. We're nearly there :)

When morning came Piper could safely say she had never been so pleased to have the day and night off work. She lay staring at the ceiling for a full fifteen minutes before getting up, somehow managing to feel even worse about last night's events than when she had fallen asleep. Eventually she plucked up the courage to look at her phone. There were two texts, one from Alex from the early hours which read;

I missed you sleeping next to me. A x

The other was from Polly.

Come to my bed bitch, I've got coffee and toast xox

This did make Piper smile a little; she flung her duvet from her body and padded into Polly's room, she slipped under the covers and was passed a plate and a mug of steaming coffee sat opposite her. Piper sighed contentedly and snuggled a little further down into the covers.

"Where's Lorna?" she asked.

"Gone home." Polly replied, mid chewing on her own toast. "Only just, I got up and made this when she left. Oh, she asked for 'that nice girl' she was talking to last night's number when you're ready to give it to her." Polly raised her eyebrows and Piper laughed.

"Well, I'm sure Nicky will be thrilled! I've got to say that might be the second biggest shock of the evening…" Piper trailed off, the tone suddenly turning serious.

Polly nodded, there was a long pause.

"You ok Pipes?" she asked. Piper sighed.

"Not really." She said. Polly waited.

"She's been in touch, almost right away. She went home with Nicky, Jen went somewhere... She said she's sorry and she wants to talk." Polly raised her eyebrows, her eyes widened slightly and she rolled them, though not unkindly.

"And…?" Polly questioned.

"And… Oh I don't know Polly. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to react to that? I don't even know what happened back there." Piper took a bite of toast and chewed slowly.

"You and me both girl." Polly took a slurp of coffee. "Oh, by the way, I assessed Jen. She's a megacunt. Pretty sure. Or supercunt. I can't decide which I prefer."

Piper snorted, it felt good to have someone to share her mutual dislike.

"Pretty much."

The two of them carried on drinking in silence.

"I'm not sure what to say to her when I see her." Polly nodded, looking up as if searching the top of her mind for an answer.

"Well. I'm still pretty pissed. In my mind I'm kind of torn. On the one hand I think you should dump her and move on… You're worth so much more than that bullshit… But then that would play right into megacunt's stupid, ginger hands. The vindictive part of me kind of wants to shove your big gay relationship right in that smug, freckled fuck-face's… Face… It's a complex feeling."

If Piper had been feeling more herself, she would have laughed out loud. As it was she let out a short laugh and shook her head. Her heart had dropped a little when Polly had mentioned potentially ending things with Alex.

"I'm going to give her a chance to explain things anyway… We have a lot of things to talk about I guess." Polly sighed.

"It's your life Pipes. I'm not gonna tell you what to do… The heart wants what it wants and shit." Piper smiled.

"Thanks Pol."

It wasn't very long at all before Alex and Piper arranged to meet. That evening in fact. At Alex's. Piper still didn't know what to say. She was so unsure of herself she knocked on Alex's door instead of opening it with the key. Immediately it swung open, and there stood Alex, a mixture or anxiety, apprehension and relief written all over her face.

"Hi." Piper stated.

"You didn't use your key?" Alex questioned. Piper tugged on her sleeve nervously.

"I don't really know what to do in this situation." Alex's face fell, but nodded. The two stayed stood at the doorway.

"Can I… Can I hug you?" Alex asked, overwhelmed by the need to feel Piper close to her and to just fix everything. "please?" she added.

Piper nodded stiffly and Alex stepped forward. She was so warm, she smelled familiar and comforting. Alex felt Piper settle into the embrace and started running her hands up and down Piper's back in a soothing motion. This was what coming home felt like.

She pulled away and took Piper's hand, wordlessly pulling her into the apartment and shutting the door behind her. They stood and looked at each other for a couple of moments. Tears threatened to well in Alex's eyes. She pulled Piper down to the couch and the pair sat down, facing one another, knees almost touching.

"I'm so sorry Pipes…" Alex voice cracked and the tears that threatened to well up began dripping down. Piper's own emotions took over and she bowed her head as her own eyes welled up too.

"Is that.. I mean do you… Do you think of me -" Alex knew what she was about to say and moved to grab Piper's hand.

"God no. Fuck no Piper. I would never think of you like that. I've never said anything like that to Jen about you." Piper tensed up slightly at the mention of Jen.

"But… You have talked to her about me?" Piper asked. She was struggling to keep her emotions in check, before she had just felt sad but the idea of Jen filled her with a white hot rage, particularly the thought of Alex discussing their relationship with her. Internally there was a battle going on between her temper, her sadness and her reasonable side.

Alex sensed danger with her response, but she also felt she needed to be honest.

"Piper. I don't think I can answer this question without you getting upset…" she began. Piper's temper began winning the war.

"Spit it out Alex." She said shortly. Alex nodded nervously.

"Ok." She said. "I'll explain everything as best I can." Alex paused, scrambling to find the right words.

"I would be lying if I said I hadn't spoken about you to Jen. Not just at the start and basic stuff like who you were… But a little bit more. It's complicated and confusing and I don't … I might not be very good at getting this out." Alex ran and hand through her hair and Piper had folded her arms, her body language clearly displaying hostility. Her mind was desperately trying to keep her temper in check in order to hear Alex out.

"I have never said a bad word about you. First off. It's all me and my insecurities… I don't know. I just. You're like this little ray of light in my life Piper. And lately I have been so worried that you might not always be around. I mean, you're younger than me, you're well educated, you're beautiful and as shallow as this sounds… You're not gay. Fuck. I know that sounds bad... I know it's not fair but it's something I'm insecure about. Everyone important in my life knows about you, but none of your family know about me. My dad died when you were out of town and I guess. I don't know. I talked to Jen about it when you weren't here and I was drunk and she just kind of… Guessed everything I was feeling. I can't explain it Pipes, she just knows me so well."

Piper's temper got the best of her at this point. She stood from her position, her face frowing and voice raising.

"Well sounds like you have it all figured out, I guess I should just go off and excuse myself, maybe do some cheating before I turn straight forever and make things easier for you and Jen to finally be together." Piper spat, she turned on the spot as if to head towards the door. Alex groaned in frustration and pulled Piper's hand back.

"Piper stop it, that's not what I meant please LISTEN. I'm not in love with Jen, I don't want to be with her, I want to be with YOU. I'm just trying to explain what I'm feeling for fucks sake."

Piper was shaking with emotion, anger, sadness, then anger again.

"Well you've got a fucking horrible way of doing it." Piper replied. Alex relented, her shoulders sagging.

"I know." She said. "But please Piper, please will you just hear me out?"

Piper said nothing, pursing her lips. After a long silence she moved to sit down again. Alex let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you" she said.

"Just say what you want to say Alex." Piper said wearily. Alex sat down beside her.

"So. First of all I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my dad Piper. It's just… Look, I'm not saying it's fair but you grew up with two parents who care for you. Who cared for each other. I haven't told you about huge parts of my childhood and my dad in particular because… Well I just didn't think you'd get it. It's embarrassing. Especially what happened with my dad. The whole subject of my dad in general. I just. I wish he didn't exist. I mean I know he's dead but... Before that."

There was so much Piper wanted to say to this, but she let Alex continue.

"That was horrible wording… What I mean is... Look, you know I grew up poor, that my mom raised me, but I never really told you how bad it really was. I never said we were kicked out of four different apartments in the span of six months because my ma couldn't afford to feed me and pay rent. That we once spent a week living in her car when I was 9 and another at a homeless charity shelter when I was 10, which was actually where I first I met Jen. She was the first person I had ever met like me. That had stuff in common with me, that I could actually talk to and call a friend. I told you we got picked on in school but I never told you we got relentlessly teased, physically assaulted and on more than one occasion had literal rotting garbage tipped in our lockers or thrown at us. That that level of bullying carried on until I grew so much taller than everyone else and rumours started being spread that I had put some girl's head through a car wind shield. Well, that and the fact I was the first girl in our year to get tits probably helped. The guys practically fell over themselves around me for a little while. Though the attention was kind of wasted on me. Although I will admit I did my fair share of hand jobs before finding out I was 100% lesbo... And a while after that to save face."

Piper's face had softened into something that resembled pity. She shuffled closer to Alex and took her hand gently, muttering a quiet 'Oh Alex' as Alex continued.

"I didn't tell you that stuff for exactly this reason. I didn't want your pity. I want you to think of me as your equal. But I'm not… Not really. There are some things we just can't relate to each other about. At one point in my childhood I was so depressed I used to consider killing myself. My mom was working a lot and I was alone most of the time. We were having to move all the time to dodge social services who wanted to take me away from my mom… It was a time when the bullying was at its worst and I just wanted everything to stop. I remember this one time I flung my shoes out of the window of my mom's car and she chewed me out for it… Then she started talking about my dad. How amazing he was and all this shit. Looking back on it I think she was just desperate to try and make things seem better than they were, but at the time I remember latching to that idea. I kept imaging this rich dude who didn't know about us or who had lost us and was looking for us every day. One day he'd find us and marry my mom and sweep us off our feet or some shit. I could have shoved all my new expensive stuff in those snotty girl's faces."

Alex shook her head, looking in front of her rather than at Piper. Piper remained silent, her hand still closed around Alex's, her thumb gently rubbing circles on her wrist.

"So fast forward a few years to when I was 18, I finally found the guy. He was doing some gig in this run down little town close by to where I was living. I had been working for two years to help my mom out and had been living in this little flat together for a while. It was ok. We were ok, but I still had this imagine in my head that meeting my dad would change everything. Jen knew all about this. We'd been through a lot together and she had insisted she go with me to meet him."

Alex paused, thinking about meeting her father was a painful memory.

"As it turned out, he was a junkie waste of space. He was so high on drugs he starting talking to me about how nice my rack was and how he might fuck me if he hadn't of known I was his daughter. Sick fucking bastard."

Piper shifted a little closer still to Alex, putting her other hand on Alex's bouncing knee and stroking it gently as if trying to soothe a worried animal.

"So right after that I met this guy. My dad's drug dealer. He ended up trying to groom me into the business... This drug cartel thing. I was so ready for it, the money, the power… It would have been the perfect opportunity to leave my old life behind."

"Why didn't you?" Piper asked. Alex sighed.

"Because of Jen. She was obviously there for me after the whole dad meeting fiasco. She kept an eye on me and noticed when I went to meet this guy. I worked for him for a while, just small things. Selling a bit of weed and some pills on the side to see if I had the gall. Eventually I got cocky with it and told Jen about it. Well. She lost her shit at me. She said if I wasn't careful I'd break my mom's heart and end up the same way as my dad. She talked me down from what would have been a really fucking stupid life decision. One that probably would have landed me in prison. I owe her so much Piper. It's also why I felt I could talk to her, when I heard he had died. I knew she would understand... Or know what to do. She just gets it, no explaining needed."

Piper was silent for a while. She stayed put, hand still holding Alex's, still sitting close together.

"When I was younger I used to steal stuff." She said eventually. Alex looked at her in confusion.

"When I was about 16, I used to go to shops and take things. Just tiny things. Things I didn't even want. I just liked the rush, anything to feel alive. I wanted to be caught doing it, desperately, but I never was." Piper continued.

"My mom and dad do care for me a great deal. They care very much about every aspect of my life and the way it comes across to other people. They never raised a hand to me throughout my childhood and they could buy everything I could ever want. They spent time with me, took me to museums and dance classes like all good middle class parents do. I was taught to say please and thank you, to help old ladies with their shopping, to do as I was told, to always walk on the well-lit side of the street and never jump out of the back of buses."

Alex was uncertain where Piper was going with this, so she just listened.

"I had to be this perfect model daughter. Straight A's, active in the student body, the right kind of friends. All that. Danny was the perfect son and I needed to be the perfect daughter. Cal was just… An unexpected extra. My family are experts at lying. On the surface everything was fine but after the guests left our family dinner parties, when everyone had had just a bit too much wine we all just yelled at each other. Everything used to pour out in this ugly display and then never spoken about again. Once when I was 11 I caught my dad cheating on my mom. I told my mom about it and she punished me for something minor and completely ignored that it had ever happened. I told my grandma about it and she told me some people are happier pretending their lies are true. I've told you already about Celeste... I think if it weren't for her I'd have gone crazy."

Piper paused.

"If I told my family I was with you; it wouldn't matter to them either way. In their heads it wouldn't be happening. They wouldn't accept us and it would be brushed under the rug at every available opportunity. They would still talk to me, if I brought you with me, they may be polite to you. But forever more I would know that I wasn't their ideal daughter anymore... Like I would become some sort of defective object. Somewhere inside myself I'm not ready for that to happen. My family might be kind of fucked up but their still mine."

Alex tried to process the information she was being told, tried to understand where Piper was coming from.

"I do love you Alex, and I have no desire to leave you. You should never feel ashamed to tell me anything; I love you because you're you. Moving on from this though I want to say that I don't want to see Jen anymore. She makes me feel like shit and very insecure about myself. I don't feel like me anymore."

That almost made Alex cry all over again.

"I get that." She said after a while.

"Look, I need to talk to her about what went down last night. To get it all out. I can't give you a clear answer on what will happen after that at the moment."

Piper looked sad, but she had been expecting this. Alex ran her hand through her hair.

"Are we ok?" Alex asked.

"I don't know." Piper said simply. Alex nodded.

"Right… Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

Piper sighed. Yes? No? She was so emotionally drained she didn't know anymore.

"Maybe later. For now, I kind of want to watch something stupid and pretend none of this is happening. Maybe take a nap."

Alex nodded.

"When are you working again?" she asked.

"Tomorrow night." Piper replied. Alex flicked on the TV and set up some cushions on opposite ends of the sofa. In silence the pair topped and tailed, sharing a blanket, their legs touching. The atmosphere was heavy between the pair, but if neither of them mentioned it they could keep in this almost zen like unease for as long as possible. They rested their legs against each other and watched TV in silence, Piper eventually dropping off into a restless doze.

Alex reached for her phone and sent Jen a text which simply read;

We need to talk.