D I S C L A I M E R:

Aside from the plot and the unknown characters nothing is mine. Cardcaptor Sakura is officially owned by CLAMP.

S A P P H I R A – H I M E:

Hi! I especially updated because I'm dedicating this chapter to my sister (who's turning 17 on the 26th of July), hope she'll like it. And of course, I wrote this chapter for you guys as well! There's no way I'll forget about you all, after all the support you had given me. I have something to tell you guys but that will have to wait at the end part. So, let's not make you wait any longer and continue on scrolling down. Enjoy reading!

S P E C I A L N O T E:

My new awesome CCS beta-reader, Final Fantasy Princess! TopsyTurvy wouldn't have been able to update and continue so soon if not for her help. Thank you so much! Also, I want to say how grateful I am to X ViixAn3eliic Xfor recommending a wonderful song to me. It gave me lots of ideas for this and the upcoming chapters.

For my old readers, you'll notice that the format of my intro is different. This is because I was inspired by the amazing bayo-bayo! She has amazing stories and until now, I'm hoping that she will come back to the fanfic fandom. If not for bayo-bayo's stories, I will not be as inspired as I am in writing this fic. Cheers to her!

S P E C I A L T H A N K S T O :

My new awesome CCS beta-readers, Final Fantasy Princess and Bubblewing! Topsy Turvy wouldn't have been able to update and continue so soon if not for their help. Thank you so much!

N O T E:

My dear readers, I suggest you go to the internet and download the song before reading. It will be useful in reading this chapter ^_^.


T O P S Y T U R V Y

"When it comes to love, losing is not an option"… a CARDCAPTOR SAKURA fanfiction

T.T © SAPHIRA-HIME

C.C.S © CLAMP

CHAPTER SEVEN :

"Feelings of Dilemma"

O P E N I N G T H E M E S O N G :

Malchik Gay by TATU


How can you still define happiness if you don't

have your number one person anymore?


The happy chirping of the birds could be heard early in the morning as they sang on the trees, signifying a new and peaceful day for the people in Tomoeda. Well…that was except for the handsome teen of the Li clan.

Wei sighed as he watched his young master desperately forcing their visitor out of their manor early in the morning. His flustered face looking angry while speaking to the man he wished to never see again.

"Why my little cute dear cousin, aren't you happy to see me?" Hiiragizawa Eriol asked, amused. Each of his hands were grasping at each side of the expensive Oakwood door of the Li manor, preventing Syaoran to successfully push him outside of the house.

"What are you doing here?" Syaoran cried, getting more annoyed with his cousin's resistance. "I don't remember inviting you to my house."

"How cruel," Eriol uttered, not affected with Syaoran's unwelcomed greeting to him. He released his hold on the door and faced his still agitated cousin. "I was thinking of staying here for a while since it's vacation but since you don't want me here then I guess I'll just have to stay in Saku-"

Eriol was cut off when Syaoran suddenly grabbed him and pulled him inside the living room. He could hear a low growl from him while murmuring something under his breath.

"Wei, leave us," Syaoran ordered his butler while continuing to drag the English man. "Don't you dare step foot inside Sakura's house without my permission," he warned menacingly. Eriol just blinked his eyes innocently, getting more amused with Syaoran's reaction.

"Eh? Why? What's wrong with visiting?" he questioned, chuckling at his cousin's warning. "Her brother Touya doesn't mind my presence there." Syaoran glared at him, his blood beginning to boil as Eriol spoke. Of all people, why did he have to mention the person who disliked him the most?

"And it's not like Sakura-chan has a boyfriend or something," Eriol added, chuckling more, quite aware that that statement was a big blow for the Li heir.

Syaoran grabbed Eriol's collar, his furious eyes staring right into his cool sapphire ones.

"Why so angry? You're just her best friend, aren't you?" Eriol continued asking, smirking. "And I doubt that you will be more than that…considering your sexuality."

Syaoran's eyes narrowed, his grip on Eriol's neckline tightening.

"Instead of protecting her from the male population," the English man continued, ignoring the suffocating pain from his neck. "Shouldn't you allow Sakura-chan to date? You can't keep her forever you know."

Syaoran released his hold on Eriol and slowly tried to regain his composure. He so badly wanted to strangle the man in front of him because he always managed to say the things he didn't want to hear. The worst part of it all was that he always said the truth, much to his distaste.

"Dear cousin, I can't understand why a homosexual like you is protecting Sakura-chan to this extent," Eriol told him while placing his hand on his chin, pondering. Syaoran, after all, continued his schooling in Japan despite the strong protests of their elders and his parents. They wanted the Li heir to continue his studies in Hong Kong but Syaoran wouldn't hear their pleas. Heck, he even went as far as threatening to leave the influential clan if they didn't comply with his wishes. He did all of those, and for who?

For no one but Kinomoto Sakura.

The amber-eyed man clenched his fist, wondering why he allowed himself to be careless. Eriol accidentally heard him and Sakura talking about his sexual orientation when he made a surprise visit here in Japan a few years ago. He could still remember the English man's annoying poker face when he learned of the truth.

"Don't worry Syaoran-kun, just like I promised, I'm not going to tell anyone about your secret," Eriol informed, as if reading his mind. "So you should be grateful to have such a supportive cousin like me."

If he hadn't been trained to be polite Syaoran would have snorted with Eriol's last statement.

"How long are you going to stay here?" Syaoran asked, while trying to calm himself.

"I'm going to stay here for as long as I want to so don't try changing the topic," Eriol told him, not letting the subject of their conversation go. His cousin had not answered any of his questions yet and he will not allow Syaoran to waste his thousand miles trip. Goodness, he traveled all the way from the other side of the world just for the Li heir's sake.

"Why are you so interested in my life?" Syaoran inquired, sighing. If there was one thing he and Eriol have in common, it was that, they were both stubborn to give up on something they had started.

"You're the only one closest to being my brother so of course I care about you," Eriol uttered, smiling gently.

Syaoran smirked, not doubting his cousin's words. They may not get along from time to time but what Eriol said was true. They were almost like brothers whether he wanted to admit it or not.

"I guess I can allow you to stay in my house after all," said Syaoran, finally returning Eriol's smile. "If I didn't wake up with your face so close to mine then maybe you would have received a better greeting from me."

"Aw, that's because you're so cute when you are sleeping especially when you murmured Sakura-chan's name," Eriol informed, giving him a playful grin.

Syaoran abruptly went quiet when he heard what Eriol uttered. He wasn't aware that he was mumbling Sakura's name while he was asleep. It seemed his mind, even at rest was still worried about the auburn haired girl.

"Neh, neh, Syaoran-kun, why are you suddenly silent?" Eriol asked as he watched his cousin curiously. Based on Syaoran's current expression, he can conclude that he and Sakura had an argument and were not getting along. If not, then why did Syaoran have that gloomy aura around him now?

"I think I need to give her some space," Syaoran murmured, as if talking to himself. He sat on his Victorian couch and slowly bowed his head, reminiscing what happened the past weeks. He didn't like what was happening between him and Sakura. It seemed that since they began acting as a couple, they started having more arguments than they used to.

So they did have a fight, Eriol thought, while continuing to observe the man in front of him.

"Did something happen?" he inquired slowly, a tone of encouragement in his voice. "You can tell me what's wrong if you want to, maybe I can help."

"Sakura and I, due to an unavoidable circumstance, started acting as a couple," Syaoran admitted honestly while glancing at Eriol, who seemed surprise but remained silent to allow him to continue. "And since then, I can't help but feel that our friendship is meeting its end."

"Why do you think so?" Eriol asked, confused. He pushed aside the thought of Sakura and Syaoran dating for the moment and thought of their situation more practically. "I never thought that there's such a thing that could break you two apart."

"Sakura has been acting different for a while now," Syaoran answered, feeling more down than he was last night. He was worried of Sakura's safety so he went to her house to make sure she made it home. He even called while watching her cook tempura, planning to surprise her with her favorite pudding. He was not expecting Sakura's cold and unappreciative reply on the other side of the line as he talked to her last night.

"What happened?" Eriol asked, his intent gaze not leaving his cousin. This was one of the rare moments wherein he witnessed the usual confident Li Syaoran looking down. Even when his parents' lack of time for him hurt, Syaoran never once showed any weaknesses. Sakura was the only one who was able to affect him this much and Eriol was not sure if Syaoran himself was aware of that.

"She's acting aloof towards me," Syaoran informed, his fist tightening into a ball. "I don't think she cares if I'm with her or not anymore." He could still perfectly remember Sakura's expression on her kitchen window that had a look of pain and anger as he watched her talked to him on her cell phone. He was hurt with her words when she told him that she never asked him to worry about her in the first place.

The Li heir heaved a sigh. Maybe he didn't realize that he was suffocating Sakura and she wanted a way out from his grasp.

Eriol wasn't sure what to say. Normally, he didn't have to do anything to get them back together. They always managed to reconcile without anyone's aid. He was astounded when he heard Syaoran's next words.

"Maybe I'm not good enough for her," Syaoran whispered, loud enough for Eriol to hear. He leaned his back on the soft couch and closed his eyes. Did he not do an impressive job acting as her boyfriend? There was a possibility that Sakura was not satisfied with his role and wanted another person to replace him.

He would understand her if that was the case but…Syaoran groaned. There were a lot of possible IFs going through his head and he wasn't sure which reason was the most appropriate to explain Sakura's current state.

The worst probability he could think of was that…

Syaoran tried to look apathetic in front of Eriol as he felt the painful stab crossed his chest. He tried to burn to ashes the one single thought that kept lingering in his mind after he talked to Sakura.

"Eriol, wha-what will I do if…" Syaoran took a deep breath and looked straight into Eriol's serious sapphire eyes, his worst fear gripping his heart as he asked the one probable thought that he never wished to occur. "What will I do if Sakura doesn't want me in her life anymore?"

The English man was utterly speechless with his question. He did not expect that their situation had come to the worst condition. He didn't intend his surprise visit to witness the two breaking apart.

It was the exact opposite actually.

He was hoping that he could do something to make Syaoran see Sakura as someone more than a best friend. Praying that Syaoran's sexual orientation would change once he fell in love with Sakura.

Eriol frowned. He needed to get them together because during his last stay in Japan, he was able to prove that Syaoran somehow might really indeed be gay. And he didn't want that. It was not like he didn't accept his cousin for who he was. It was just, he was certain that Syaoran would be in a complete loss the moment Sakura decided to settle and have a family.

Eriol went to the table where a photo of Syaoran and Sakura was displayed. It was a picture taken when they were around eight years old. The Li heir had a happy grin on his face as Sakura leapt on his back, smiling as well. Eriol scowled, remembering the determined look Syaoran had while speaking to his family in Hong Kong. He was certain Sakura did not have any idea of the sacrifices Syaoran had done just to be with her.

Aside from being the top student of the prestigious Tokyo Institute, Syaoran was forced to take responsibility of all the businesses the Li Clan had in Japan. Considering his age back then, it was unlikely for a young ten-year-old boy to take such responsibility but Syaoran accepted it with no hesitation. There was a scenario in which he was cornered, wherein he needed to balance his time for school, work, and Sakura all at the same time, to the point where his little body couldn't take the exhaustion any longer.

Eriol couldn't help but wonder how Syaoran managed to hide all of those fatigues in front of Sakura, even until now.

The worst part of the Li Clan's proposal to him was that, in exchange of going back to Japan, Syaoran was not allowed to return to Hong Kong and have contact or communication with any of his family members until he graduated high school. Being isolated from his family for so many years was the most important sacrifice Syaoran had done for Sakura.

Eriol sighed, already imagining the future his cousin would have if his sexual orientation remained. Syaoran's sacrifices would definitely be a waste the moment Sakura decided to part ways.

"I don't think I have to answer your question," Eriol began, his eyes focused once again at his companion. "So instead of answering, let me asked you this…"

He slowly went to Syaoran's side and handed the picture frame to him.

"Syaoran-kun…" Eriol uttered, watching Syaoran as he stared at his and Sakura's picture. "Tell me…

…If Sakura-chan leaves your life, will you still be able to define what happiness is?"


Malchik gei…

Sakura groaned as she heard the resounding loud music from her brother's room. It was already two in the afternoon and yet she was still in her bedroom. Touya already had asked her to come and eat with him but she declined saying she didn't feel like eating. Her brother gave her a worried look but she assured him that she was feeling fine before he could even say anything.

Malchik, Malchik…

Is this his way of making me get out of my room? Sakura thought grimly while covering her ears with her pillows. It didn't help when she heard the DJ of the radio station speaking in the background. He was giving information about the song that was starting to play. Sakura's day just got worse when the DJ announced the title of the song. Mal'chik Gei…according to him, it meant 'Gay Boy.'

Malchik gei… Malchik, Malchik…

Why do I have to hear this now? Sakura asked herself exhaustedly, turning around on her bed so that she faced her creamed ceiling. It took all her will power to not think about her gorgeous amber-eyed best friend. And now, all her efforts were wasted. Sakura slowly closed her eyes, feeling the burning sensation of her tired emerald orbs. She listened to the song, surrendering to the images that continued to flow endlessly in her mind.

Malchik gei…

Malchik, Malchik…

Handsome.

Tender.

Soft.

Strange, it seems the song is exactly portraying him, Sakura's mind uttered. Syaoran was no doubt handsome; the whole female population of the latest Japan's Bachelor Magazine proved it. The Li heir was known not only for his family name, but also for his looks, academics, and sports standings. He was the most wanted man not only in Japan but in others as well.

No, that was not the only thing that was to be admired of Syaoran. Her best friend was the kindest person she had met. No one could replace him in her life…especially now that she finally understood her feelings.

Why do you look right through me, thinking 'No'?

I can't deny my feelings, growing strong.

He's gay and yet I unconsciously fell in love with him, Sakura continued thinking, her cheeks flushing from the images that she was seeing in her mind. Even though her eyes were unable to see the things Syaoran had done, her heart was able to feel it without her realizing. Sakura moved her body to her side and carefully, she took their photograph on her desk.

What will Syaoran do if he realized these emotions inside her? Sakura wondered, her eyes focused on the mesmerizing boy that managed to catch her heart.

I try to keep believing, dreaming on.

And every time I see you, I crave more.

I wanna pull you closer, closer, closer, closer…

but you leave me feeling frozen.

Sakura was scared, afraid to lose the person she had depended on for the past ten years of her life. She didn't want to lose Syaoran just because of her selfish yearnings. He was gay but that didn't stop her from getting closer to him. Sakura respected Syaoran for who he was and she will continue regarding him the same way.

The longing she was feeling right now must be hidden. Syaoran must never know of her feelings. Sakura knew that Syaoran will no doubt accept her for her happiness' sake but not because he returned her feelings.

That was how nice he was. He cared too much for her to deny her feelings…his best friend.

Malchik gei, Malchik gei…

I can be all you need.

Won't your please stay with me?

It was not fair.

Her best friend did everything to make her happy and yet she developed these forbidden feelings that will surely hurt the both of them in the end. Syaoran did all he could to keep their friendship and Sakura had no plans to waste his efforts. If she had to deny her feelings then she will. If hiding these torturing emotions meant forever with him then she wouldn't think twice of burying her love to the deepest part of her heart.

Apologies, might-have-been's.

Can't erase what I feel.

"Syaoran-kun, I'm sorry for pushing you away," Sakura whispered to herself, smiling sadly. She gently brushed the clear glass of the frame, her fingertips tracing the alluring features of the famous Li heir. "I'm sorry for having this affection. And most of all...

…Gomen nasai for not regretting falling in love with you."

Malchik gei…

T O B E C O N T I N U E D . . .


S A P P H I R A – H I M E:

It's me again! There's something I need to clarify to you guys. I want you all to know that there's a high possibillity that Tomoyo will not show up in this story. Why? Hmn, we all know that she's Sakura's best friend, right? So if I included her, Syaoran's role will somehow decreased to a huge percentage. Or the view of him as Sakura's best friend will be ruined or altered. Do you get what I'm trying to say? In order to avoid that, I decided not to include her. I apologize to all the Tomoyo fans. I mean no harm from my decision.

Also, as you can observe, Eriol's personality is a bit different, quite an OOC. I purposely made his character like that in order to compensate for Tomoyo's non-involvement. I believe Eriol will do a good job playing two roles at a time, don't you think so too? But of course, I'll try my best to keep his character intact as much as possible. I hope we are clear about that. Let me know what you think about this, neh? Arigato ^_^.