Please read authors note at the end of the chapter. I do not own the rights to Law and Order SVU. Enjoy.


Amanda laid silently under her blanket on her queen size bed in her darken room, the moon casted the simplest form of light through her laced curtains. Frannie's head laid on top of her stomach, sleeping peacefully. This was bliss. Finally, being home after a week in the hospital was a relief, laying in her own bed and sleeping in her own clothes was something she had always taken granted for until now. She closed her eyes and inhaled the relaxing lavender scent of her candle that spread through her bedroom. It filled her lungs, warming her soul in such a smooth manner that she had almost forgotten where she was for a moment.

She felt a little high from the strong painkillers that she had taken before going to bed. The pain on her shoulder no longer throbbing unbearably. It was like she was floating in thin air. Her body felt so light that she barely felt the mattress underneath her. She closed her heavy eyes while her mind drifted into her wonderland. She often dreamed of the older woman. The motion picture that played in her head was the two of them together laying on this very bed, side to side looking into each other eyes. Not one word needed to be said as their eyes did all the talking. Amanda dreamed soft kisses on top of each other's lips, their hands holding each other's.

Slowly, Amanda drifted into a deep sleep as she wandered off into her wonderland.


Olivia walked into her bedroom, tired after a long day at work. Upon turning on the light she noticed that something was different. She looked around her room until it dawned on her that her bed sheets have been changed.

"Brian!" she hollered, annoyance grown on her rapidly.

Brian leaned on her bedroom door with a smirk on his face. "Yeah, babe?"

Olivia turned to face him, the heat of anger crawling up the back of her neck to behind her ears. "Did you change the bed sheets?" she asked in harsh tone.

"Yeah, you've had the same sheets for like a month. They needed to be change. I did it to help you out. You've been busy with work and-" Brian responded confused. "I was just trying to help out," he finished with a defeated and confused look written all over face.

Taking a deep breath, Olivia ran her hand through her tangled brown hair, exhausted and annoyed. "I need to be alone."

"Whatever."

Olivia sat on the end of the bed as she heard her front door slam shut. So many feelings had begun to run through her. Her heart began to ache knowing now she will never be able to sleep with the vanilla scented sheets that Amanda had left behind. It was the scent that calmed her, and that brought back memories of the blonde. She hated herself for these games that her mind played, the tormenting self-hatred that often replaced her true feelings. Every day she missed her. And every day her denial deepened.

She fell back on her back while her legs still dangled on the end of bed. Her eyes fell shut as her fingertips touched the bare skin of her stomach. She shivered at her gentle caress, feeling the goosebumps crawling up her abdomen. She drew circles like the blonde did that night. Olivia remembered the feel of Amanda's touch, the softness of her nude body on top of hers while she claimed her lips. Olivia unbuckled her belt and unbuttoned her pants, quickly removing her pants with one simple motion. Her hands laid on each of her thighs, they moved slowly towards her south; feeling the heat as she inched closer. A soft moan passed her lips at the feel of her own wetness. A single fingertip traced her wet clit gently as she envisioned Amanda's nude milk skin body laying between her legs, caressing her in this matter. Her back lifted unexpectedly from her high, the gentle vibrations that trembled through her core. A single finger slipping so easily between her wet folds, curling inside her as moans rolls off her lips. Yearning, almost pleading, that it was the blonde's touch instead of her own.

Her body shook at the tense sensation that had begun to run through her body. The intense heat raised as the pleasure intensified between each stroke. Olivia felt close, the throbbing of her clit had become sensitive and her legs were barely able to stay open as her fingers worked their magic between them. So close, yes. The she felt it coming, her stomach turning into knots, her heart beating faster, and moans became louder.

She was close. Just a few more...and she was interrupted by her work phone. The ringing sounded louder than usual, annoyed and breathless she answered.

"Benson."

"Hey, its Fin. Did I interrupt something?"

Her eyes rolled as she laid on her bed with one hand between her legs, breathless and frustrated.

"No, what's up?"

"You sure? You sound out of breath, like you and Cassidy were-"

"Were you calling about something?" She cut him off before he was to continue his sentence, knowing well where it was headed.

"Right. Nick, Munch and I are all meeting Amanda up later tonight at our usual spot. Rollins is going crazy at home, and I thought we could all keep her some company. You down? Brian is invited too."

"Uh-su-sure. Yeah, okay. We will be there."


Olivia and Brian sat comfortably next to one another. Brian had forgiven Olivia for her little outburst, that she blamed her PMS for, it was the only excuse she could come up with. The conversation between Brian and Munch had faded away, becoming silent as she watched Amanda. She tried not to focus her attention so much on the blonde, but her laugh was hard to resist. She felt tension boiling, a hint of jealousy even, when she noticed a young brunette make her way over to Amanda.

Unable to keep her eyes away from what she was seeing, the jealousy that had now taken over her was threatening to make its appearance. She watched quietly as the two interacted. The flirtatious look and touch between them, the way Amanda smiled at this young thing in shy like matter. Her stomach turned in knots, the acid making its way up her throat at the sight before her. The young brunette gracefully ran her fingers across Amanda's blue sling that held her left arm up in position. How Amanda's body leaned closer to the younger woman's touch. Her nervous laugh as they grew closer together. Olivia saw red while she continued to watch this horror show play before her, the green jealousy that follow behind her fiery red feeling. She felt what Amanda was feeling, the simple touch that sent shivers down her spine and the closeness that awoken her goosebumps. The need to feel the smooth delicate skin underneath her fingertips, the red lips that tease at her with every word that they spoke, and the eyes that held her captive with the mystery they held behind them.

Her heart sunk, the empty feeling fell on the pit of stomach. The cold sensation had now covered her once heated body, the green that she had felt had now turned blue. The sight she had witnessed crushed her. The young woman had placed a kiss on Amanda's cheek, in which Amanda with her free arm, wrapped around the tiny waist of brunette bringing her closer. Giggles passed the young woman's lips as Amanda whispered something into her ear. The jab to her heart when she saw the small hand of the brunette creep under Amanda's black shirt, the tiny glimpse of her milk skin was enough to break her heart.

She felt cheated on.

Olivia's head sprung, emotions heighten with the mixture of red, green and blue. Shattered pieces of heart laid in her chest as her denial quickly began to put them back together. It had began once again, the battle within herself clearly trying to destroy her sanity. To end any self-esteem that she had, the very little there anyway. Mind fucking battle of who she is and who she isn't. Rage of jealousy fought out when she witnessed the kiss between her blonde and the young brunette, and yes, Amanda was her blonde. The kiss was longer than she would have liked, she could see their tongues dancing. The way their hands held on to the other as they leaned closer into each others's embrace.

She hated this.

She hated Amanda.

She hated herself.


I have been battling back and fourth for the past month about this- and I was thinking of quitting writing as awhole. I felt, and still feel discouragment which leads me to become unmotivated to write. It may sound vain, but when people leave reviews it does encourage me to continue writing, and I have been getting very few as of late. On top of it, I am not satisfied with my writing skills, especially comparing those of my friends and fellow writers, yes I shouldn't compare myself to others but I am only human. With that said, I decided to at least finish this story before I quit writing. If you would like me to continue writing, please show your support by dropping a comment below. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.