A/N: Spoilers for Common Ground and McKay and Mrs. Miller
A Dish Best Served Cold
"John? Are you listening to me?"
His head snapped up as the concern in Weir's voice finally penetrated his consciousness. He had been drifting in a fog since his escape from Kolya's fun house several days ago. Exhaustion clung to him like a second skin, nightmares making sleep elusive and his appetite non-existent. He blinked slowly at her, trying to focus.
"Sorry. What did you say?"
Her gaze missed nothing as she studied him from his office doorway with an intensity that made him squirm. "Never mind." She took a step in and peered down at him. "When was the last time you got a decent night's sleep?"
Rubbing gritty eyes, he grinned ruefully. "It's been a while. You?"
She gave a small smile. "The same."
He shifted uncomfortably at her persistent scrutiny, dropping his eyes back to his laptop and scanning through his email.
"You know," she continued, "that offer for a few days of R&R on Earth still stands."
"Elizabeth…." He trailed off as one email address popped out at him. He clicked on it and felt icy shock crash through him, leaving numbness in its wake.
"John? What is it?"
He stared at the terse message from his brother for another minute, the numbness quickly consumed by the molten rage that flooded his veins. He felt his jaw clench, and he fought for control, risking a glance at her only after he was sure his normal nonchalant mask was back in place.
"I think you might be right," he began. "Maybe I do need a few days."
"Really?" she asked incredulously.
Forcing a smile, he nodded. "Really. Some time away will do me good."
"OK. When do you want to go?"
His eyes flicked back down to the message. "As soon as possible."
"I'll make the arrangements. Leaving tomorrow would give you five days on Earth before the Daedalus is scheduled to depart. You would be gone just over three weeks."
"That sounds great."
"Alright. Let me check with the SGC, but for now let's say you'll depart at eight in the morning."
"Eight it is. Thanks, Elizabeth."
"I hope your time away will be profitable."
"Me too." He struggled to keep the venom from his voice. Once the door closed behind her, he dropped the mask, a snarl marring his features as he reread the four word email.
'He's been paroled. Graham.'
John leaned back in the chair, scrubbing his hands over his face as he plotted his next move. He took a deep breath and pushed away from his desk. Locating Lorne on internal sensors, Sheppard made his way to the gym. His second in command gave a short nod of understanding and his promise to take care of Atlantis in the intervening weeks. Confident in the young major's abilities, John headed to the medical suites to donate the daily blood sample that Beckett was requiring until the enzyme was completely flushed from his system.
"A few days on Earth will do you good, son. I would like you to stop by the SGC infirmary when you arrive. Most of the enzyme is gone, but I would like one more check before you go traipsing about."
Sheppard rolled down his sleeve and grinned at his favorite Scot as he hopped off the bed. "Done, Doc."
"John, try to get some rest. We need you here."
"Don't worry, Carson. I plan on using the time to put my past behind me." He hurried from the infirmary before Beckett could probe further. Ducking into a transporter, he arrived at crew quarters and hastened to his room to gather his belongings.
After packing a bag, he wandered down to McKay's lab. As military commander, John had access to everything, and as the person with the most natural use of the ATA gene he could do things even Rodney did not know about. The lab was empty since the scientist was scheduled to meet the team for dinner. Sheppard overrode the lock and headed to the storage room that housed the more interesting devices they had catalogued. A brief search revealed the one he needed, and, pocketing it, he retraced his steps to his quarters. He tucked the palm-sized device in his bag and convinced the Atlantis database that he had never been in the lab.
The colonel rushed to the mess hall, locating his team across the room. Teyla was waiting patiently for him while Ronon and Rodney were already devouring their meals. John grinned to himself as he grabbed a tray and went through the serving line. He had the best team in two galaxies. He knew they were worried about him, but they did not nag or fuss or try to force him to talk. They were just there, and that meant more to him than he would ever be able to express. He gathered his courage and carried his food to the table.
"Hey guys."
McKay stuffed a bite of chicken in his mouth then used his fork to punctuate his words. "Nice of you to join us. I thought Ronon was going to have to track you down."
"Yeah, sorry about that. I had some last minute packing to do."
Teyla raised a brow as Ronon frowned at him and McKay's fork paused in mid-air.
"What?"
"Don't talk with your mouth full, Rodney." Sheppard studiously ignored their expressions, concentrating on pushing his green beans around his plate.
"You are taking a trip, John?"
"Yeah, Teyla, I'm going to spend a few days on Earth. I, uh, just need to get away for a while." He risked a glance at each of them to gauge their reactions. Compassion-filled Athosian eyes met his, McKay's jaw dropped, and Dex's gaze narrowed, seeing more than it should.
As the Satedan continued to pin John with a calculating expression, Rodney spluttered a bit. "Really? You're seriously headed back to Earth?"
Sheppard smiled as he heard the real question. "Just for a few days. The majority of my trip will be spent returning on the Daedalus. Now, if someone had finished his intergalactic gate bridge, I could be home a lot faster."
"Oh, like it's my fault. I'll have you know that I am waiting on Sam to finish some calculations on her side. Say, maybe I should go with you. I could help her while you're… doing whatever it is you're going to be doing."
"Sure, McKay. I just hope Col. Carter isn't off-world. If she is, you can hang out with me. How do you feel about rock climbing?"
"Rock climbing? Are you nuts?"
"What's not to like? The great outdoors – fresh air, sunshine, just you, a harness and a mountain."
"On second thought, I have plenty to do here. Have fun with that. Oh, did I tell you what we found in the database this morning?"
Ronon's gaze never strayed far from Sheppard during the rest of the meal, and he trailed after John as they left the mess hall, blocking his entrance to the transporter.
"Something I can do for you, Ronon?"
"Why are you really going to Earth?"
"I told you I need a few days."
"I heard what you said. You aren't much better than McKay at lying."
John sighed as he met Ronon's eyes. "I have something I need to take care of."
Dex folded his arms across his chest and leaned on the door jamb. "Kolya's not there, Sheppard."
"I know that," he spit back. "I wasn't expecting to find him there."
"Then what are you expecting to find?"
"None of your damn business. Now let it go, and get out of my way."
Ronon did not budge. "I recognize that look, John. I wore it for a long time."
"What's your point?"
"It won't make you feel better."
"What won't?"
"Whatever it is you're going to do. It won't undo what happened to you. I thought killing the Wraith that destroyed Sateda and made me a runner was my answer, but it wasn't. I'm glad he's dead, but my people are still gone, and nothing will change that." Dex moved away from the door. "We'll find him, you know."
"Who?"
"Kolya. We'll find him and make him pay for what he did."
Stepping into the transporter, John turned to face Ronon. "I know. I'll see you when I get back."
The Satedan regarded him seriously. "Just don't do anything stupid."
XXX
Carson, Elizabeth and his team were waiting in the gateroom for him the next morning. Ignoring Ronon's stare and McKay's frown, John said his goodbyes and stepped through the event horizon. An airman at the SGC took his bag and escorted him to the infirmary where Dr. Lam drew some blood and ran him through a standard going-through-the-gate check.
"You'll need to give us a couple of hours to get the results, Colonel."
"I know. Is there a computer I can use while I wait?"
"Of course," Lam answered. "Follow me."
She led him to an unused office. A small desk held a computer, various office supplies, and a phone. "Will this do?"
He gave her his best smile. "Just what I needed. Thank, Doc."
"You're welcome. I'll let you know when your tests come back."
Sheppard closed the door after her, laughing at himself when he realized that the lock did not respond to a mental command here. Logging onto the computer, he began his search. Clicking through the various links on the California Department of Justice website, he found the sex offender search tool and typed in the name, releasing a ragged breath when a known address appeared. He scribbled the information on a scrap of paper, erased his tracks, and left to find Hank Landry.
The general was seated at his desk with the phone to his ear, a look of long-suffering on his face. He waved John in, smiling apologetically. "Yes, Mr. Woolsey. I understand your position, but I can't continue to fight this war without the funds the IOA promised. If you would prefer submitting to the Ori…. Yes, thank you. Tuesday will be fine." He hung up the phone and rubbed his temples. "Damn bureaucrats," he muttered. "Welcome back to Earth, Sheppard. Sorry I wasn't there to greet you, but I've had some red tape to wade through."
"I've met Mr. Woolsey, Sir."
Landry chuckled. "True." The smile faded as the general examined John. "How are you?"
Deciding honesty would help his cause, John shrugged a shoulder. "Been better."
"I bet. What are your plans while you're here?"
"With your permission, Sir, I'd like to take a trip to California."
"Got family there?"
"I grew up there. I'd like to spend a few days on the beach, do a little surfing, that sort of thing."
"As soon as Dr. Lam clears you, I'll have you flown out there. Today is Friday, and the Daedalus is scheduled to depart Tuesday at 0600 so I'll have Walter arrange a return flight for Monday afternoon."
"Thank you, Sir. I appreciate it."
XXX
Three hours later, Sheppard was on a private plane the top brass typically used. Apparently the Stargate program had more perks than just gate travel. He opened the envelope the airman had given him and pulled out his military ID, a valid driver's license, a cell phone, a debit card, some cash, and a confirmation for lodging. Once they landed, he tossed his bag in the rental car provided and drove to the hotel. Hoping for a good night's sleep and for his body to adjust to Earth time, he stumbled to the shower and then to bed. He was asleep almost instantly.
The hand slammed into his chest, and excruciating pain shot through him. His eyes focused on the Wraith which morphed into Kolya who changed into his father.
"Why weren't you home? She's dead because you weren't there."
He could feel the life draining from him and closed his eyes in acceptance. He deserved this and more.
John sat straight up, gasping as the remnants of the nightmare danced behind his eyes. Slumping forward, he tried to catch his breath and untangle his legs from the sweat-soaked sheets. He squinted at the clock, surprised to find he had slept for more than twelve hours. Climbing from the bed to splash water on his face, he stared at his reflection and grimaced at the dark circles and pale skin. The lines around his eyes and mouth had grown more pronounced, and the area around the small pink feeding scar was inflamed from his unconscious attempts to wipe it away.
After another quick shower, he threw on jeans, a t-shirt and his favorite sneakers. He tucked his ID and cash in one pocket and the stolen device in another before grabbing the car keys and heading out. A nearby shopping strip boasted a Starbucks and an internet café, and he dunked a muffin in his coffee while the driving directions printed.
He spent a few hours driving around, getting the lay of the land as he wound his way to the address. A halfway house. He should have known. John knocked on the door, but no one answered so he elected to wait another day and headed to the beach.
Lying on the sand, he felt the tension slowly seep from him as the sun warmed his face and the crashing waves lulled him. Determined to not lose his edge, he let the memory of that day wash over him.
"I told you she liked you," Mario teased. "You never see that coming, do you?"
John punched his best friend's shoulder as they strolled down the sidewalk from the park. "She's just a friend."
"Right. You know…."
The blood rushing in John's ears drowned out Mario's words. Police cars and an ambulance surrounded his home, and the entire neighborhood stood in his front yard. He dashed forward, running harder than he ever had in his life, and skidded to a stop when a cop caught him.
"Let me go! This is my house."
"I'm sorry, son. You need to wait here for now."
"Where's my mom?"
The police officer's eyes filled with sadness. "We've contacted your father. He's on his way."
"Mom!" John struggled in the man's grasp, but his thirteen year old muscles were no match for the burly officer. "Tell me where my mom is," he demanded as panic threatened to consume him.
A car screeched to a halt behind them, and his father leapt out, racing to John's side. "Let go of my son."
"Are you Mr. Sheppard?"
"Yes. What's going on here? I received a call from a Detective Delacroix demanding that I come home at once."
"Come with me, sir. Uh, it might be better if the boy waited here."
His father turned denying eyes to John. "Where is your mother?"
"I don't know. I was at the park."
"The park? You were grounded, young man. What were you doing at the park?"
Hanging his head, John mumbled, "Mom said I could go."
The officer interrupted, "Mr. Sheppard, you need to come with me, please."
"Stay here, John. We'll talk about this later."
Sheppard hunched over, holding his head with shaking hands. Time had not diminished the sound of his father's scream. The closest they had ever come to discussing that day was the night of his mother's funeral. His father had hurled a bottle of whiskey at the wall and had glared at John, ranting incoherently. He did not need to know the words to understand the meaning; he blamed himself as much as his father and brother did. If he had been home….
Dusting the sand from his pants as he stood, the pilot drove back to the hotel. Tomorrow he would right at least one wrong.
XXX
When Sheppard knocked on the front door of the halfway house the next day, a bald middle-aged man with a beer belly and bad teeth answered.
"Help you?"
"Yes. I'm… Jim Kirk. I'm trying to locate Harvey Willets. I understand he lives here."
"What's this about?"
"I'm a reporter with the Pegasus Times. We are doing a story on recently released sex offenders. I would like to interview Mr. Willets."
"He's at work right now. He should be home around four."
"Could you tell me where he works?"
"I'm not allowed to give out that kind of information. If you'll leave a phone number, I'll have Harvey call you if he wants to grant you an interview."
"That would be great." John rattled off the phone number of his high school prom date. "I look forward to hearing from him. Thank you for your time." He walked around the corner and over several blocks to his car to wait.
At half past three, Sheppard returned to the corner to keep watch. He was rewarded when a skinny old man with long greasy hair exited the city bus and shuffled toward the halfway house.
"Harvey Willets?"
The man turned at John's call. Squinting, he took a step forward. "Do I know you?"
Pulling the device from his pocket, the colonel activated it with a thought as he approached. "We've never actually met, Harvey, but our paths intersected once almost thirty years ago."
Willets eyes widened, and he halted. "You must have me confused with someone else."
John continued forward. "I don't think so, Harvey," he said softly. "It's hard for me to forget the man that destroyed my family." The old man's features came into focus as he neared – a scar that ran from temple to the right corner of his mouth, cloudy eyes, prison tattoos on his neck and forearms, missing front teeth.
Standing as straight as his feeble body would allow, Willets stared at Sheppard. "Do what you came to do, boy."
John's thumb grazed the top of the discharge button, but he paused as Ronon's words echoed in his ears: 'It won't undo what happened to you.'
The grieving child inside Sheppard warred with the man he had become. He had built a new life around saving people, killing only when he had no other choice. His time with Kolya had shown him how much he wanted that life, and he was suddenly struck with the knowledge of what he would be throwing away if he followed through with this. Willets had destroyed enough of his life.
Deactivating the device and stuffing it back in his pocket, John felt the ice around his heart begin to melt. "You're not worth it, old man." He turned and walked away swiftly before he could change his mind.
Rounding the corner, he stopped short when he found Rodney McKay leaning against his car, his face a mixture of anger and sadness.
"Did you do it?"
"What the hell are you doing here?"
The scientist pushed away from the car and stepped into John's personal space, ire causing his blue eyes to flame. "You didn't really think you could break into my lab and take a piece of equipment without me knowing, did you? Especially one designed to do what that one does. Do we need to get out of here before the cops show up to recover the dead body on the street?"
Sheppard slumped against the car and gave the device to Rodney. "No. I didn't use it."
McKay dropped the bit of Ancient tech in his pocket and held out his hand. "Keys."
John handed the car keys to Rodney and slid into the passenger seat. The scientist got behind the wheel and drove in silence until they reached a mostly unoccupied restaurant. Once they had placed their orders, the physicist crossed his arms and stared at him.
"When did you figure it out?" Sheppard asked.
"The night before you left."
"I see. What did Weir say?"
Rodney's face tightened as emotion flickered across it, finally resolving into irritation. "How stupid are you?" he growled. "I didn't say anything to her about it. I didn't tell anyone, although I think Ronon suspects something."
"Yeah, I know." John ran his hands through his hair. "How did you find me?"
"Please. Genius here. While you are surprisingly adept at hacking, you are not in my league, although I was impressed with your ability to delete your actions from Atlantis' database. It's a good thing I'm more paranoid than the Ancients were."
"How did you get here?"
"Daedalus beamed me down."
"No, I mean- What did you say?"
"Relax. Caldwell is off doing… colonel stuff. I made up an excuse to get aboard the Daedalus and told Novak I needed to do some research here. And before you ask, I sent Sam a message when you left asking her to request my help. I won't begin to tell you what I had to promise to get her to agree."
"You got Col. Carter involved in this?"
"She doesn't know what I'm doing right now. I just told her I needed some time on Earth. I'm headed back to the SGC to work on those calculations I mentioned so we can finish the bridge."
"Are you going to ask me who he was?"
"No."
The server arrived with their meal, the aroma making John's mouth water. For the first time in over a week, he was truly hungry. They dug into the food, with McKay providing the usual technobabble as he described the work he and Carter were doing. Sheppard felt the normalcy surround him and suddenly was anxious to return home. The travel time for the Daedalus seemed like an eternity. At least Rodney would be able to work while they traveled.
"Why are you here?"
The Canadian paused in mid-sentence. "What?"
"You told me how you got here, but you didn't tell me why you came."
McKay shifted uncomfortably as he stumbled through an explanation. "Well, I thought you might… need some…. That is, I, uh…. I really suck at this. We thought you were dead. When Kolya had you, I mean."
"Rodney-"
"You asked. It's obvious even to me that you've had a hard time since then, but we were trying to give you some space to work it out."
"And I appreciate that."
"Stop interrupting me. We all knew this trip was a cover for something else. Hell, Elizabeth knew that. But when you took that device…." McKay voice dropped to a whisper. "It's only good for one thing, John. To kill someone instantly. And you aren't the kind of man who kills."
Sheppard laughed harshly. "Haven't you been paying attention the past few years?"
"You defend; you don't murder. There's a difference. If you had killed that man, the guilt would have eaten you alive. You would have turned yourself in to the nearest cop."
"And you're here why?"
"To drag your ass back to Atlantis before you ruined your life."
"You didn't try to stop me from using the device."
"No, I didn't."
"Why?"
"Can't you just accept that I didn't and move on?"
"No. I need to know." John was unsure why it was so important to him, but it was.
Rodney dropped his fork and glared at him. "Because I trust you, that's why. We - Ronon, Teyla and I - trust you to do the right thing." His face had reddened, and his gaze dropped to his plate. "Now can we finish eating?"
"Sure." Sheppard stirred his tea, grateful for the strange new family he had. "Thanks, McKay."
Several Weeks Later
John found Rodney sitting on the balcony, blindly staring at the horizon.
"Did you get Jeannie settled on the Daedalus?"
McKay sighed. "Yeah. She's happy to be going home."
"She's nice. Are you sure you're related?"
"I wonder sometimes."
Sheppard blinked in surprise at the very un-Rodney remark. "What's wrong with you?"
The scientist's gaze stayed far away. "Hmmm? Oh, well, I uh, I was just thinking about family. Not a lot of great childhood memories here, but seeing my sister again, and with her family, I wonder…."
Taking a seat, John rested his back on the smooth walls of Atlantis and watched the waves crash against the pier. "My mom died when I was a kid. Did I ever tell you that?"
Rodney grew very still but continued to stare at the horizon. "No."
"I was thirteen, and I was coming home from the park…."
The End.
Written for the Drabble Fun meme for katstale who wanted a story about John and revenge.
