He sat and looked at her with a confused expression on his face as though he didn't understand what she'd just said, didn't know exactly what she was getting at, then raised his hands and his eyebrows in an unspoken question.
"I mean, how did that work Charles, telling yourself that you still loved me and then going home and asking her to bloody marry you? What about me? How do you think I felt when you did that?"
"Molly, I'm sorry, but I didn't know that anything I did would matter to you, I mean, why on earth would I think that anything I did was …? "
He still had the same puzzled expression on his face as he looked at her, and lifted one hand to indicate that he didn't know what she was talking about, and then rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, a sure sign that something was worrying him as he started trying to explain.
"Before, you know, before it all went to shit, you know that I adored you, I told you all that last time we were here, you were my little Molly, well you'll always be a half pint" he smiled at her "but I didn't mean that, I meant that you made me feel like, I don't know, some kind of bloody superhero, like I could walk on water, as if I was perfect, apart from being too much of a bloody coward to tell you about Rebecca and Sam of course, then when we met here last summer, it was different, you were different. You looked just the same and you sounded just the same and we sat here and we had a drink and a long chat and I knew that all the time we were talking you were wishing you were somewhere else, anywhere else but here with me. I hadn't seen you for a long time, but I found I could still read you, still knew what you were thinking, I suppose I still knew you well enough to know that"
He took another deep breath and started fiddling with his watch while he avoided her eyes.
"What you're trying to say is that I was different because you wasn't my boss anymore, but that isn't true. I didn't love you because you was the boss, or because you was much older than me, or any of that bollocks, I just loved you and yes, I wanted to get away last time we was here, but it was because I was worried that I didn't know what to say to you about all the shit and the way I fucked things up"
"Molly, it felt as though you were all 'sorted out', in control of what you were doing and where you were going with your life …. and I ended up telling you all sorts of shit that I didn't mean to, that I probably shouldn't have, and you kept having a quick look at your watch to see how soon you could get away. Then we walked across to the road and I kissed you goodbye and you went off home, without looking back at me once. I know you didn't because I stood and watched you go"
"I'm sorry"
"Stop saying you're bloody sorry" he pulled a face "I know I was a total dick but I thought I needed to try and forget all about you all over again, and it was hard enough doing that the first time round. I didn't ask Miranda to marry me, but I did just sort of let it happen, let her go on with the assumption that that's what was going to happen, that that's where we were heading. We'd been talking about, I suppose you'd call it the future …..….. well, all sorts of stuff … for a while before I saw you at that party and I thought that it was what I wanted, that I needed to have someone in my life so that I wasn't on my own, someone who was company but without any of the emotional stuff. It was all absolute bollocks of course, I didn't love her and she didn't love me, so how the hell was that going to work? After you left that afternoon, when I stood and watched you walk away, I wanted to run after you and stop you, and tell you that I thought we were making a bloody huge mistake, well that I was anyway, but you went off home or wherever and you didn't look back, so then as hard as I tried, I just couldn't stop thinking about you. You were there in my bloody head all the time, I knew that I loved you, that I've always loved you, and that in four years nothing whatsoever had changed"
"I wish you had run after me, I didn't look back because I thought you would have already gone, well, back to her, and I didn't want to see it, same as I didn't want to be anywhere near your party"
"I didn't know. I didn't think you'd want me to run after you because I didn't think you cared, I thought we were well and truly over, finished, well I thought you were glad to get away from me that afternoon, but it didn't feel over to me. Then, I don't think it ever will, in fact I know it won't. I honestly didn't think it would matter to you if you were at that god-awful party, in fact I was looking for you, I'd begun to hope that you would be there so that I could see you and talk to you, and ask you if there was any chance of seeing you again and I wanted to explain that the bloody engagement wasn't going to happen either way"
"When did you know that I cared, that it did matter to me?"
"Well, I began to wonder a little bit when your mate Ronnie was more than a bit shitty at the party, she kept looking daggers at me and then told me that you were out with your boyfriend, mind you I didn't know she'd made him up at that point"
"Well, to be fair, I was actually out with a bloke, he just wasn't my boyfriend, he was a casual date and it was because I was upset about you getting engaged. Anyway, you were bloody lucky that being a bit shitty was all she was doing, her first plan was to put rat poison in your drink, then she wanted to punch you hard in the bollocks"
"Lovely" They both laughed as Charles grimaced.
"When were you sure? about me caring I mean"
"When you asked me whether Miranda made me laugh, and even then I wasn't absolutely sure, it was only when I got your text at Brize ….."
"Muppet! I bloody cried buckets when I heard you'd got yourself engaged to her. I hated you there for a bit, I wanted to beat you round the head and then beg you not to marry her"
"I wish you had"
"And another thing, why the fuck didn't you answer my text when you got it? Or even when you was out in Syria? I kept looking and hoping and I never heard a word from you all the time you was away"
"I did"
"No you bloody didn't, well I never got it if you did"
"No, I deleted it. I was going to send you the same one on your birthday too, then I deleted that one as well"
"How the bloody hell was I supposed to know that? I cried on my birthday because I never heard from you, or I might possibly have been crying because I was totally wasted" she giggled "I'm not sure now, but as far as I knew you went out there and that was it, not a bleeding word"
"I'm sorry, I was worried that you'd tell me to piss off if I sent it, or refuse to talk to me ever again"
"Why, what did it say?"
"It just said I love you, Dawsey"
"I would have sent you one back saying that I'd already told you not to call me Dawsey" She smiled at him, and then started to giggle again as the happiness welled up inside her "then I would have sent you another one saying I love you too"
"Do you?" his face was wreathed in a matching huge smile as he kissed the back of her knuckles where he was still holding her hand.
"Course I do, I don't think I ever stopped loving you"
"Let's get out of here"
"Good idea. Where shall we go?"
"I don't know, somewhere, anywhere where I can kiss you"
"Ah, well that might be a bit of a problem, Boss." She looked out of the window "It's pissing down out there so a nice walk in the park isn't on, and I'm sort of homeless, unless you want to go to east Ham and sit in my mum's front room and we can watch tele with the kids and mum and dad and me Nan, while they all gawp at you, and that might not gonna be the best plan if you want to kiss me. You're living in barracks and I'm not sneaking in there, and this is Saturday and it's nearly Christmas and we're in London, so good luck with finding a hotel room, there won't be any for love or money, except for the scuzzy ones what rent rooms out by the hour, and we ain't going to one of them"
"Did you just call me Boss?"
"Yeah, thought it'd remind you of …. things, show you that I still think you're a superhero ….. or something"
"It's the something that worries me"
Molly grinned at him and ignored his comment. "We could always go to the pictures, sit in the back row and neck like a couple of teenagers"
"I don't believe this, I've got a bloody flat in Ash that cost me a sodding fortune but the fucking tenants won't be moving out till the end of the month" he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck and bit his bottom lip as he looked at her, then smiled "so it looks like the pictures it is then"
"Where's Ash"
"Near Aldershot"
"Come on then, I tell you what, we'll go to Camden"
"Is that a good idea? Your mate doesn't like me very much, does she?"
"What makes you think that?" Molly giggled.
"She's pretty bloody fierce, well she was yesterday when I rang her because I couldn't get hold of you"
"She was most likely just looking out for me that's all, she thinks you're a bit of a tosser what's too good looking for his own good and too posh as well, and she's worried that you'll mess me about, and most probably hurt me"
"That is not going to happen, anyway, why didn't you tell her that it was you that left me last time?"
"Don't make no difference as far as Ron's concerned, it's always the bloke's fault"
"Let's get the bill and get out of here"
"Um, sorry but I'll have to owe you my half of the bill, they'll cut my bloody card up if I try and use it"
He pretended to look concerned, then shook his head and seeing the colour starting to creep up her neck as she began to blush; he gave her a teasing smile and kissed the back of her hand again without breaking their steady eye contact for a second.
"You'd better hope that they let you do the washing up then?"
"Bastard"
"Calling me names won't get your share of the bill paid" He carried on smirking at her over the top of her hand which he was kissing repeatedly.
"I'll think of something to make it worth your while"
"Oh well that's more like it"
"Oi"
-OG-
"I didn't think that you'd mind"
Molly and Charles had just gone through the door into the main warehouse which was a hive of frantic activity and appetising smells and Ronnie had pulled her to one side with raised eyebrows as she looked at Charles standing off to one side looking as if he wished the floor would open up and swallow him.
"Wouldn't mind what?"
"If we carried on having our little chat here, in the office or somewhere" Molly put her head on one side and put her hands together as if she was pleading or begging "I'm bleeding homeless and we can't go and sit on a park bench or nothing, it's pissing down out there and it's bloody freezing"
"Oh, go on then, but not the office, I don't want you giving the lads any ideas" She smiled at Charles over Molly's shoulder "Go on up to the flat, only not my bed, okay?"
"Ronnie! and thanks. But what makes you think the lads don't have any sort of ideas anyway? I've seen the way they look at you"
"Are you trying to make me change my mind and throw you out of here?"
"Nah" Molly kissed her cheek and grabbed Charles' hand pulling him towards the back corner of the warehouse where the staircase went up to the flat door which was standing wide open.
-OG-
They stood facing each other in the dusty, newspaper strewn lounge holding hands and staring into each other's eyes without saying a word, each waiting for the other to say something first.
"Say something or do something" Molly was smiling as she whispered it.
"Nope, you first" Charles leaned forward and put his forehead against hers then closed his eyes for a second and took a deep and slightly shuddering breath, as he moved his hands up to cradle her face, very much as he'd done in the hospital ward after Sohail had been rushed away for treatment; he moved his thumbs up and stroked her cheekbones even though there were no tears there this time, "Kiss me"
"No, you first, you kiss me first"
He moved his hands down again and cupped her face then gently touched her lips with his, broke away and looked at her face as her tongue flickered across her lips and she licked the corner of her mouth, her eyes beginning to close in anticipation.
"Look at me Molly" His voice was gruff and soft and breathless as she obeyed him and opened her eyes, to stare into his which were so close they looked huge and gentle and full of emotion, then tilted her head back slightly and smiled up at him, a lazy sexy smile, as she moved her lips up towards his in invitation.
"I've made mistakes my whole bloody life, I made a huge mistake when I let you go the first time, when I let you go and I didn't come looking for you and left a whole load of unfinished business between us and I nearly made the same mistake this time, nearly let you go again, not running after you, but I love you, I love you more now than I did five minutes ago and I'm going to love you even more in five minutes time, and probably every five minutes for the rest of my life, the rest of our lives"
He bent his head and kissed her feeling her lips part under the pressure of his lips as she started to kiss him back, and then the kisses got deeper and harder and more and more passionate and intense as they cuddled and kissed as if they were glued together and would have to be prised apart, pulled off one another, until they were interrupted by a sudden loud mock coughing sound as Ronnie pretended to clear her throat and stood in the doorway with her eyes screwed tightly shut, which made them spring apart. Charles immediately grabbed Molly and pulled her back in front of him. He had absolutely no wish to acquaint Ronnie with the physical evidence of what the storm of the last ten minutes or so had done to him.
"I don't suppose you want to work tonight, do you?"
"Yeah, course I will, I've got to Ron, I need the money you know that"
"No you don't, I'll pay the bank" Charles tightened his arms round her.
"No"
"Oh go on I suppose it's not that big a bash, we'll manage without you and we'll call it a Christmas bonus, and it's not as though you'll be much fucking use to me or anyone else in this frame of mind is it? But don't you bloody dare tell the rest of them, they'll all expect a sodding bonus if you do. Have this one on me"
"Thanks Ron, I love you, although you might want to think about your wording a bit there" Mollie giggled and then smiled gratefully at her friend, who also started giggling as she realised what she'd just said. Molly would have gone across and hugged her but Charles still had a very tight hold with his arms round her waist, stopping her from moving away from him, and she had only just realised why he was holding her so firmly in front of him like a human shield, even though she wasn't actually touching his body.
"Just don't forget what I said"
"No I won't"
"See you later then, bye Charles; see you later if you're still here"
"He will be"
-OG-
"What is it you're not allowed to forget, what did you have to promise Ronnie?"
"That we wouldn't use her bed"
"Molly!"
"Well, you asked, and don't look at me like that, this is Ronnie we're talking about and she never gets embarrassed about nothing. She's an incredibly good mate"
"Yeah I can see that, and who said anything about her being embarrassed? I'm the one who's embarrassed" He turned her round so that she was facing him again and smirked as he looked down into her eyes "Now come here, where were we?" He started kissing her the way they'd been kissing before Ronnie had appeared and then pulled her body against his so that she could feel everything he'd been determined to hide from Ronnie.
She giggled "That don't feel much like you're embarrassed to me"
-OG-
Author's notes: Thanks for your reviews, I love you all to bits. I know that lots of you felt that he was a compete shit who needed a slap when he got engaged to Miranda when Molly still loved him, but of course he didn't know how she felt and he is a bloke after all!
