Title: Moments
Characters/Pairings: Skipper, Hans, Kowalski, Private, Dr. Blowhole, Rico, King Julien (& Queen Juliet), mentions Manfredi & Johnson, JJ, Hans/Skipper, Kico
Disclaimer: Not mine. I'll give them back clean and de-humanized when I'm done, mm-kay? I've decided to stop after 200.
Rating: T/PG-13
Warnings: AU, Humanized, slightly strong language, dark in spots, violence, threats, slash, 170 has blatant Slash, Genderbend, Bond, Fantasy AU, Oblivious!Private,
Author's note: Sometimes I need a reminder that Hans can be a bit of a... well, I suppose bastard is a good way to put it. He deliberately enjoys tormenting Skipper. And Kowalski, but it's not the same.
AN #2: Uh... same reminder about Blowhole, honestly... I don't know what happened.
Author's note 3: I'm trying not to retcon my own work. If I do, it's an accident and I'll try to fix it as soon as possible.
Author's note 4: So, I've been working on these off and on for most of the past couple of months. I'm kinda sorry it took so long for the next chapter to come out. College is apparently trying to kill me.


151 Cold

"That clapping. I know that icy cold clapping," Skipper said. He whirled around as Kowalski tossed a dart in the direction of the clapping. "Hans Søpapegøjer."

The Dane dodged the dart and stepped forward, saying, "Skipper. How pleasant it is to see you. I hope you don't mind me intruding."

"Hans." Kowalski's voice was quiet, but it cut like a knife.

"Ah yes. The gunman scientist with the shredded knee. How is your injury?" Kowalski scowled and pulled another dart from the tree embedded with them. "Just fine then."

"Hans, what are you after?" Skipper asked, darting forward.

"What? I can't stop by and say hello to an old friend?'

"Not when you got me banned from Denmark."

"You're the reason Skippah can't go to Denmark?" Private gasped, blue eyes going wide.

152 Assume

"Don't assume things, Skipper," Blowhole said, getting right up in Skipper's face. "It makes an ass out of you and me. Well, mostly you." Smirking evilly, Blowhole wheeled away toward his lab. "Your scientist is an emotional wreck, the weapons expert is unconscious, and your little British friend is unable to move. You have no backup." He turned back when Skipper spoke.

"You shouldn't assume things Blowhole," Skipper growled. "I've got one last ace up my sleeve."

"Oh really? Are Manfredi and Johnson really alive and able to back you up?" At Skipper's flinch of pain, Blowhole laughed. "I thought not." Blowhole cackled and wheeled back to the lab.

"Come on," Skipper murmured, "Where are you? I need help here."

153 Scientist

"Kowalski. I know you're a scientist and everything but why did you turn us into children?" Skipper asked. He was breathing evenly, trying not to lose his cool. His shirt was falling off him, and he didn't even bother with trying to pull up his pants from around his ankles. "It was bad enough the first time."

"I miscalculated the vectors relating to the power outage. I wasn't expecting that big of a... jump," Kowalski replied, pushing his glasses back up his nose. "I just hope it was only the two of us affected."

"Skippah!" Private called. He'd been de-aged as well, but not nearly as far as Skipper and Kowalski. He appeared about fifteen or sixteen whereas the other two where once again five years old. "What happened? You two are so... cute!"

Skipper scowled at the phrase but Kowalski played it up. His blue-gray eyes were closer to blue than gray and he managed to look absolutely pathetic drowning in his clothes.

"Well... until K'walski manages to fix whatever this thing was, how about we find clothes that actually fit the two of you?" Private said, picking them both up. He was slimmer at fifteen than in his twenties, but it appeared he was still stronger than he appeared. "I think we're lucky – Rico was up in the attic and barely got hit at all with that blast. I think he lost about a year, maybe two." Skipper was still scowling, but at least one of them could still go out and get what they needed.

"Skipper, it's not like you or I could go get anything," Kowalski said, perching himself on Private's arm. "By the way, I think you've got blood on you."

Scowling even harder, Skipper wiped angrily where Kowalski pointed. His knee was scraped up, and it hadn't been beforehand.

"Skippah, let me put a plaster on it, so you don't get blood on yourself and others," Private said, sitting his teammates at the kitchen table. "What did you do, anyway?"

"Nothing," Skipper growled. "I had a lot of scrapes as a kid, okay? I probably fell off my bicycle or something when I was five and since it appears that I physically de-aged, what about you Kowalski?"

"What do you notice different?" Kowalski asked. He grinned widely, revealing missing teeth and a crooked smile topped with freckles.

"You're a cute kid, Kowalski," Private replied. He pulled out the box of bandages from above the sink in the medicine cabinet and removed one from the box. "Now hold still, Skippah, so I can put this plaster on you." Grumpily, Skipper stopped squirming so Private could put on the bandage. "There. All better." Smiling, Private picked up Skipper and Kowalski again, going into the living room where Rico sat. "So. How're we going to fix this?"

154 Jealous (Genderbend!AU)

Juliet was getting in close to Rico, and Kowalski was having none of it. She sat down between the two of them and nearly snarled at the African woman when she spoke to her.

Later that evening Rico said to Kowalski, "You're cute when you're jealous. Nothing's going on, and nothing's going to happen, okay?"

"Fine. But if she even tries anything, I will remove her head."

"Alright. Go ahead. I'm not stopping you."

155 Know

"I love you."

"I know."

Two weeks after watching The Fox and the Hound, Rico had picked out one of the Original Trilogy Star Wars movies. Private suspected it had something to do with that scene, since Kowalski was lying right up against Rico sniffling a little.

Private had the sneaking suspicion that you could tell a lot about a person from the movies they watched.

156 Air (Fantasy AU)

"Thank you," the alchemist said, breathing deep. A humungous bandit had held him by the throat and was cutting off his air supply and Sir Skipper had driven his sword deep into the bandit's shoulder. The bandit immediately dropped the alchemist and lunged at Sir Skipper, pulling the sword from his shoulder to use against the knight.

Rico beat the bandit with his staff and impaled him with the sharp edge. "I hate bandits," he signed, checking over Kowalski.

"I know you do," Kowalski replied softly, tipping up his head so that Rico could look at his throat.

Sir Skipper watched this exchange with something akin to amazement. Before that, he wasn't certain how close the other two men were. Now he wasn't exactly sure, but they were closer than he expected. Sir Skipper didn't want to ask how close they were, for he truly didn't want to know.

But he wanted to know what he was dealing with.

157 Dublin (Kico)

"And this is where I'm from," Rico said, waving an arm out to encompass the city they were standing in.

Looking around, Kowalski said, "It's beautiful. Why'd your family leave?"

"I got attacked by a dog. Freaked my mom out. And then we moved out into the countryside." Rico's voice, in addition to the usual rasp, was soft and a little pained.

Kowalski smiled a small smile and pulled Rico into a hug, right there in front of everyone. "It's okay. I get it. You don't have to tell me any more if it hurts to." They stood like that for a few moments. "I understand why you lived here. Dublin's a beautiful city."

158 Family

"They are my family," Private said. "I would do anything for them." He breathed hard from thrashing against his bonds, trying to loosen them up enough to escape.

Blowhole only smiled evilly and tightened the ropes, digging them into Private's skin. When the boy hissed, he gave them one last tug and tied them off. "Let's hope they would do anything for you then."

Private glared, blue eyes just as sharp as Skipper's. "They would." He hoped.

159 Blue

Looking up from his sketch, Rico noticed that Kowalski had stopped writing and was staring out into space. Quickly, Rico grabbed his charcoal pencil and drew. By the time Kowalski had looked back down, Rico had an outline and a good portion of the details done. The main part of the sketch not finished was the eyes. Rico drew them but didn't like how flat the charcoal made them look. He scowled, not sure what to do about how flat they were. Looking back up at Kowalski, he noticed that the older man was staring at him, blue-gray eyes locking onto his own sea-green ones. Murmuring to himself, he grabbed one colored pencil and added to the sketch. "Perfect," he muttered, noting how the deep blue color of the pencil made the sketch's eyes really pop.

"What's perfect?" Kowalski asked, looking over at Rico.

"Nothing."

"Alright, whatever you say…"

160 Handle

"What do you mean 'we have a handler'?" Skipper asked, eyes narrowing.

"Exactly what I said – we have a handler and we didn't know until today." Kowalski looked more irritated than stunned by the fact and continued, "And you won't believe who it is."

"If you tell us it's Ringtail, I will have to hurt you," Skipper replied, unamused.

"If it was, we wouldn't have a handler, now would we?" Kowalski was equally unamused by that comment.

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

"Skippah, Kowalski, what do you mean by 'handlah'? That doesn't make any sense to me," Private said, interrupting to two snarking back and forth. Rico amused himself by staying out of the conversation.

"A handler is the person who gives us all of our mission information. I don't know why they haven't revealed themselves before now. And I feel like an idiot for not realizing who it is." Kowalski dropped his head onto the table.

The others shared a look before Skipper asked, "Well, who is it?"

"You won't believe me."

"Try us."

"Mrs. O'Malley."

"No way."

"Yes way. I feel so stupid for not seeing it. And you won't believe the other thing I found out. She's Manfredi's sister." Everyone gave him a silently stunned look at this new revelation. "I had a nice long conversation with her today... and I feel like my head's going to explode. This is insane. How did none of us figure out we have a handler? Much less who it was? That's what I want to know."

161 Bra (Genderbend!AU)

"This has to be the most awkward thing I've ever done," Skipper said, turning his head away from the sight in front of him.

"That time in Oslo," Kowalski countered, tapping her chin and then using that hand to flip through her choices.

"Not counting Oslo. That will forever be the most awkward," Skipper agreed.

"What happened in Oslo?" Private asked, tipping her head and reaching for her choice.

"I'll tell you later, Private. Right now, I've got to ask – red or black?" Kowalski said, plucking her options from the rack and holding them up.

"The red one would look nice, but I think the black one would be more comfortable," Private stated.

"That's what I was thinking. And I know what it would look nice with too."

"The little black dress?"

"The little black dress."

Private squealed. "You look so pretty in that! Skippah, what do you think?"

"I think I should stop going with you when the two of you go bra shopping."

162 Black

The ash was slowly turning from black to gray in the early morning light. Kowalski knew he shouldn't have run to the last known location where his teammates were, but they needed him, doctors' orders be damned. At least he had his crutches.

By the time he managed to get to their location, it was too late. The building was crawling with people, and he didn't see anyone he knew. When he was able to flag down a police officer, he asked in broken Danish if they'd found anyone inside and that a couple of his friends were missing and he couldn't find them. The officer looked at him with a sad look in his eyes before saying that there'd been two bodies found, with little identification on them. What identification there had been, let them know that they were from the United States.

Kowalski's eyes widened and he dropped to the ground, the officer in front of him calling out to a paramedic.

Later, when they asked him to identify the bodies, Kowalski couldn't deny that it was Manfredi and Johnson. It was only after everything was all said and done and they were back in New York that he realized that the Danes liked him, unlike their utter disdain and banishment of Skipper.

To this day it still baffles him.

163 Wait

The hardest part of not being on the front line, Private decided, was the wait. He shifted minutely, trying to pass the time until the target appeared. In the background he could hear a soft murmur, likely Kowalski muttering to himself while he disabled the security system. He ignored it in favor of checking his rifle, making sure he had everything and that it was all in working order. It all was.

Finally something happened, and Private said, "Target sighted," into the speaker of his communicator. Kowalski confirmed and sent the location to Skipper.

"Go for it," Kowalski stated, giving Private the go-ahead.

"Of course."

164 Oxygen

"So, we've landed. And there's a surprisingly high amount of oxygen here, likely enough to breath."

"Nice work Kowalski. Let's roll out men."

165 No

From the far end of the hall, Hans could hear small cries, and one sound was repeated consistently. Sighing, he silently moved that way and opened the door. It was the third time that week that the poor kid had started crying in his sleep. Hans could understand why Private wasn't sleeping well – hell, he himself was barely sleeping at all, and when he was, Hans kept hearing "It's okay" over and over again.

After what had happened, he knew why Private kept crying "no" in his sleep.

166 Happy

JJ was a happy kid – generally. Being the youngest of five, having a disappeared dad, and the occasional slip-up in his mom's training as a spy could get him down. But not for long.

167 Smoke

Turning around, Hans spotted smoke on the horizon. Instead of going back toward the burning warehouse, he shook his head and kept walking away. There was nothing he could do for two of the American spies and the third was stable enough for emergency services to find him. For now, he had to report in to his superiors.

168 Storm (Fantasy AU)

Sir Skipper noticed that the closer they got to his Lord's castle, the worse the weather was. There had been at least two thundershowers and for some reason a freak snowstorm that had kept them stuck in one place for three days. Sir Skipper listened to Kowalski – and that's all the alchemist had ever told Sir Skipper to call him – grumble about it for the three days, mostly when the fire had gone down a little too far.

And while they were stuck, he'd learned quite a bit about how to communicate silently. But it still unnerved him slightly to watch the two of them working together.

169 Dangerous

"The two of them are obsessed," Kowalski stated one muggy afternoon. It was hot enough without having to watch those two fight.

Private gave him a puzzled look. "Who's obsessed?"

Kowalski stared for a brief moment, judging how much Private knew. He sighed and stated, "Hans and Skipper. They're obsessed with fighting and beating each other."

"Oh, well, alright then." And with that, Private walked away and Kowalski breathed a sigh of relief – he was not going to be the one to explain Skipper and Hans' twisted form of foreplay.

170 Love (Kico)

Rico loved watching Kowalski's face after they kiss. He loves how Kowalski's pupils dilate, the black almost overtaking the dark blue-gray. He adores how Kowalski's already kissable lips bruise ever so slightly and swell a tad, making them even more enticing.

But what he loves most is that Kowalski dives back in for more.

171 Sleep

Skipper was currently running on about four hours of sleep over about four days. Julien, their African neighbor, had been playing obscenely loud music all night, every night, for the last week. This, in turn, made Kowalski pull rank – because, due to technicalities, he was actually the senior officer – and force Skipper to stop interrogating the coffeemaker.

172 Lightning

His hands were lightning-quick, blocking Skipper's every movement, seemingly evading and striking back at the same time. Skipper considered himself lucky – he wouldn't want to be on the bad side of this man. This went on for several minutes, and Skipper had the vague feeling that the other man was toying with him. It wasn't until Manfredi called out, "Johnson, stop playing with him, you'll make him feel worse," that his suspicions were confirmed. Johnson was just testing him. Within seconds, Skipper was flat on his back and staring up at the ceiling in confusion.

173 Blind

Kowalski never asked Manfredi and Johnson what had happened to Johnson's eye, why Manfredi had scars across his neck, who the girl was in the photograph with them that they kept, and what happened to her.

He figured it was best not to open old wounds.

174 Shaky

Kowalski knew it, as did Skipper, though they chose not to talk about it. There were little things pointing it out, subtle ones. Things that showed just how much Kowalski straddled the fence between good scientist and evil scientist.

It was not a good thing that the Jiggles incident came about – Kowalski had shaky enough morals anyway.

175 Sorry

"For the longest time… we didn't take any solo missions….

I'm sorry, I'm so damn sorry.

"We were scared, mostly, that we would lose each other.

I don't want you to die too, not like that!

"It was a very painful time for both of us."


Notes:

Air is sequel to Ax which is sequel to Bellows
Scare follows Eat follows Increments follows Hand

151: Because I needed to remind myself that Hans is a bastard. Setting: Sort of like "Huffin and Puffin" but this time Kowalski knows who Hans is too.

152: Ditto with Blowhole.

153: Kid!Skipper, Kid!Kowalski, & Teen!Private – adorable? Yes. Also, this won't be everything from this type.

154: I can see it. And if I can see it, I can usually write it.

155: If anything relating to Star Wars is wrong in here, I blame the fact that I haven't seen them in a while and I can't find our copies of the Original Trilogy to confirm anything. So, wrongness gets fixed after I either watch the movies or someone points it out. Until then, nothing happens.

156: I don't know why I like this AU so much. And I haven't even gotten to the point where they meet Private. Poor Kowalski. And Aww, subtle Kico!

157: I don't know, it showed up in my list of words. It's cute though, right?

158: Blowhole, why must you be a bastard? Go Private!

159: It was a slow day at the team's HQ, okay?

160: I swear to god, I should stop listening to my subconscious. She likes this idea. It marginally freaks me out. Oh well.

161: What happened in Oslo? I don't know, but it probably involved cross-dressing at some point.

162: Poor kid.

163: Sniper!Private. Always fun.

164: er… don't shoot me for this, but remember when they went to the "moon" in the TV show? Yeah, this is then.

165: Dead Team bit. Poor Private.

166: The world needs more Eggy. And more Handler!Mama Duck. So much fun.

167: After the Copenhagen Incident from Hans' POV.

168: Subtle Kico is subtle. Oblivious Knight is oblivious. Fun? Fun.

169: One of these days Kowalski is going to say (in front of everybody) "That's it, no more foreplay in the dining room!"

170: The world needs more Kico.

171: Operation: Break-Speare is sooo much fun to play with, I tell you.

172: Johnson, you're awesome. No lie. Even half blind you're a bad-ass.

173: Johnson's eye? No idea. It'll come to me. And the chick? Uhm… a previous teammate, probably.

174: "Jiggles" AND "I know why the Caged Bird Goes Insane" Kowalski's morals. So shaky.

175: Poor Kowalski/Skipper. Whoever is talking.