The Recovery


Chapter 7: Tumbling down.

Whilst waiting for the food to arrive both women gave themselves 10 minutes to shower and change. Maura nearly squealed at the prospect of washing the last four days from her skin. She could feel the hospital cling to her and it reminded her of long past hospital hours she would sooner forget. She slid into the shower and quickly adjusted it to her perfect setting before letting hot water and steam claim her.

Jane was mimicking Maura's actions in the en-suite below, still not quite prepared to brave the stairs. Although she was reluctant to admit it, she too was in need of a few human minutes to collect her thoughts, even if she was unwilling to face them yet. She spent five minutes adjusting the various dials and taps in the luxurious shower until she found a comfortable setting and stepped inside, careful not to let the powerful jet stream punch her battered shoulder and chest. She didn't quite remember when she had stripped off, but could make out a trail of clothes flung haphazardly through the steamed glass.

She slowly alternated between too hot and too cold, each switch amending the damage done by the previous attack on her skin. She was desperate for her languid muscles to respond to the harsh treatment and awaken from the haze they lulled in for 4 days. She wasn't used to her reflexes and reactions being this sluggish and didn't care for it. She numbly went through her basic cleansing routine, using only her left arm and attempting to ease the knots in her dark mane between her fingers. She gently massaged her tense scalp and traced her stitches and prominent lump that indicated the epicentre where she hit the pavement. She eventually settled on a comfortable temperature as she realised her efforts were fruitless and found her mind beginning to amble along its own path…

Shit.

She bit her lip painfully to stifle a cry as she lost concentration daydreaming about events taking place in the room above her. An agonising burning sensation tore through her fresh wounds as they were pounded mercilessly. Her reflexes kicked in after a couple of seconds- She recoiled from the water and fell to the hard, icy tiles as she retreated. The glass door she had flung open was trembling dangerously after ricocheting off the adjacent wall and the sound echoed accusingly. The fire that licked and sliced her skin spread throughout her thrashing body.

Jane could feel it happen, feel every emotion as it ripped from a place deep inside her. In that one moment she damned the shower, her shoulder and the son of a bitch that caused the damage. She hated Maura for being the centre of her thoughts and hated herself more. She loathed feeling constantly damaged and broken attack after attack and despised how much the job meant to her and dangled a normal life just out of her grasp.

She was sick and masochistic, lying in a shuddering heap of defeat on Maura's bathroom floor. The tears activated as quickly as the water had at the turn of a dial. They flew freely down her cheeks and wracked her naked frame. The hurt and injustice of it all clung to the inside of her throat, narrowing the airways and her breathing was snatched and desperate as a result. She clung tightly to consciousness as the sharp pain from her chest and the fall made it hard to fight the pre-existing exhaustion she tried to escape from. The water had stabbed mockingly through the raw skin like a hot poker piercing where the bullet had marked bulls-eye. Jane felt everything but could rationalise nothing. She blamed herself for letting it build to this extent, keeping every truth locked away in the depths of her mind before it burst through. The enormity of it shocked her.

This was the scene Maura opened the door to. A soaking wet, very naked Detective Rizzoli curled in a quivering mess on the bathroom floor. Oblivious to the fact that she was in nothing but a towel herself; it was a split second before Jane was scooped up in a towel and enveloped in strong arms. Maura lovingly held her shaking body, drew soothing circles down her bare arms and ran fingers through her hair. She hushed her gently and whispered reassurances in her ear. It was an obscure reflection of a similar image in the car lot, just days ago. Jane was completely spent after her body and mind betrayed her, sneaking up when she was most unsuspecting. She had kept her emotions in check all day, careful to keep a poker face for Maura's sake. They seemed to enjoy rebellion.

They stayed like that for an immeasurable amount of time. A moment void of anything but sorrow and tender compassion as Maura ghosted feather-light kisses on Jane's water-blackened hair. Jane slotted in Maura's arms effortlessly. She was completely absorbed in the slow, rhythmic rocking and the steady heart beat she could hear beneath the thin cotton towel she was pressed against.

When she finally comprehended what was happening she did what neither saw coming. She laughed. A gravelly and exhausted giggle slipped from her lips as she found humour in the ridiculousness of the situation. There she was, in the arms of her still dripping, towel-clad doctor because she had slipped in the shower like an old maid. Maura's face was a brilliant mix of thorough confusion and relief at the woman in her lap that seconds ago she was soothing from a serious panic attack.

"Are you okay?"
"I have absolutely no idea?" Jane replied, still trying to regulate her breathing but smiling again at the bizarre situation. I think this is shock.
"I gathered that." Maura replied incredulously. She racked her brains for a logical way to explain what was happening. She is in shock.
"You have to admit, this is quite funny."
"Which part- you blasting your fresh wounds with a power shower or breaking down on my bathroom floor?" She replied, gazing down in disbelief and wiping the last tears from Jane's cheeks.
"Well when you put it like that... I am exhausted Maura, I've got many, many things I'm trying to cope with and I was due a break down at some point or another." Jane was once again locked in a hazel gaze and completely unwilling to escape. She was distracted only by a single water droplet that ran from her hairline down her cheek, sliding down the smooth contours. It slipped down her long neck and was absorbed by the Egyptian cotton towel that covered-

"Yes well, I'm glad you find it all amusing, I on the other hand am growing tired of rocking your shaking figure. You will be the death of me Jane Rizzoli." Maura sighed with a complicated expression. Jane smiled as Maura echoed her earlier 'note to self' before her utterly ridiculous behaviour registered.
"I really am sorry Maura, I promise to control myself better" She made a move to stand when Maura pulled her into another embrace.
"Honestly Jane, don't you understand- I wanted you to express your feelings before they built up to this magnitude? This was a natural reaction to suppressed memories and unaddressed emotions after trauma, one I have been anticipating since you awoke in a hospital from a coma-"
"Lets not be dramatic Maura, I believe it was a medically induced snooze to prevent brain damage and other very serious stuff. I thought you were the doctor…" Jane interrupted matter-of-factly. Maura found herself laughing and released the detective.
"Well either way, I knew it was coming. I just didn't expect it to be naked on my bathroom floor" Maura revelled in delight as a deep scarlet flooded down the woman's cheeks and watched her tighten the towel in embarrassment.
"How much did you see?"
"Do you want me to lie?"
"If necessary"
"Trick question, you know I can't lie? Or do you want to soothe me when I start to hyperventilate?"
"Oh God…" Jane hugged her knees, clearly mortified.

The last ten minutes didn't happen- Erase!

"What's the problem? It's not as if you have anything to be ashamed of?" Maura began when the doorbell sounded. "Saved by the bell." Maura winked and sauntered out of the room to answer. Jane was assaulted with the last round of a very different emotion as her eyes locked on the long, flawless legs that swept from the room.

Smooth Jane, real smooth.

###

Surrounded by a mountain of Chinese cartons the two women exhaled in unison, Jane absentmindedly rubbing her stomach that logically shouldn't still be flat. Maura followed her fingers sleepily, entranced with the motion. Both were sprawled out on her deluxe sofa, enjoying each others company as always. Jane was newly topped up on pain killers and lay in a stupor, replying without much thought. In typical style their conversation meandered along, making its own path without any conscious effort. It was only a matter of time before light conversation topics switched to earlier that evening.
"Maura?"
"Hmm?" she replied in a daze.
"I feel completely normal? What happened earlier?" Maura took her time replying, knowing she had to approach it sensitively.
"You suffered a severe panic attack and I hate to say it Jane, but I fear that was just the beginning. The symptoms dispersed as quickly as they came because this was your body's way of quickly releasing all the pent up emotion, and to signal that it's reaching breaking point. I fear that if it isn't addressed it will manifest in other ways."
"Like what? I will turn into a rampaging green monster?" Jane laughed incredulously. Maura gave her a questioning look "The Hulk? No?" Maura simply shook her head with a look of the puzzlement on her face.
"I don't know about that. I was referring more toward aggressive or emotional outbursts, further panic attacks, and mood swings etc. What you experienced earlier was your body relieving a short burst of all of them at once, essentially assaulting you. It indicates a deeper problem and if you don't start confronting everything, it will only get worse."
"So what, you want me to see some shrink that will tell me to pour my heart out and address issues I have already come to terms with? I seem to get hurt a lot, I'm a cop, what do you expect?" Jane felt a defence mechanism triggering in her mind. She leapt from the sofa in attempt to put distance between herself and the truth.
"Calm down Jane. Not a psychiatrist, but talking will help. If you have really handled things you wouldn't have reached breaking point earlier and we wouldn't be having this conversation now!"
"Let's stop then!"
"That is EXACTLY what I'm talking about Jane. Trust me, for the love of god. I'm not going anywhere and I would never hurt you. Neither will your emotions or your memories." The words struck a chord in the detective; Jane was too exhausted and wasn't prepared to reject the one person that wanted nothing but to help. She felt a gravitational pull tugging her toward the woman on the sofa. Maura remained completely composed, simply studying her features and expressions as she relented. A look of sadness washed over her.

"I'm scared. I didn't know my mind could have that effect on my body with no warning?" She admitted so softly that most people wouldn't have heard and simply mistaken her admission for a sigh. Maura however was so in-tune and awaited the words.
"I know Jane, in the long run it will help you" She replied just as softly as if trying not to startle a small child. She gently pulled her down beside her, once again picking up on Jane's fatigue. She wouldn't have given in that easily if she wasn't sleep deprived.

She pulled the woman into her and Jane's head rested in the nape of her neck, comfortably sprawled along the honey-blonde's body. She completely submitted and inhaled the spot where Maura's scent was the strongest. She allowed it to flood through her, easing every muscle and finally allowing her rapid train of thought to grind to a halt. Any other time she would have snapped up a shield when she became this vulnerable and sped in the opposite direction. There was something about the doctor, something about that lavender scent that spoke to her. It wisped in tendrils around her, binding her to the spot and making it impossible to break away. Full of food, dosed up on pain killers, sleepy and content, she fell into an easy sleep.

###

Jane awoke around eleven pm to find she had shifted position and her head was now rested in Maura's silk pyjama-ed lap. The doctor hadn't realised she was awake and her brow was furrowed in response to the book she was reading. Jane glanced briefly at the long medical journal title before returning her gaze to the honey blonde. The soft lamp light highlighted her high cheek bones and accented her strong jaw. It cast dark shadows on the left side of her face that danced as she cocked her head to the side in concentration. Her right hand held the book over Jane's chest and her left was tangled in the detectives raven hair. She soothed circles and drew patterns absentmindedly on her scalp with talented fingers. Jane struggled not to gasp as the doctor bit her lip and sighed at something she read. She doesn't even realise what she is doing to me.

Maura went to turn the page and locked eyes with the woman in her lap.
"Welcome back." She said warmly, detangling her hand from the dark tendrils to place the journal on the coffee table.
"Thanks." Jane husked "Good book?"
"Not even remotely, I hated it the first time but it was the only one in reaching distance with out waking you."
"Sorry" she mumbled and stretched before cringing.
"You didn't redress your wounds properly before you ate, they need to be cleaned and dressed properly before you go to bed."
"But mom, I only just woke up!" Jane moaned, channelling a whinging 6 year old.
"But honey you have put a lot of strain on your body, you can't expect to be shot at and then carry on as normal. This isn't a game of cops and robbers..." Maura replied in true motherly tone.
"I think you will find that's exactly what it was, but less robber; more high-end drug dealer…Plus I dressed them just fine; I must be due another round of pain killers though?"
"Your next dose is scheduled in an hour. I imagine as you blasted your wounds with a shower, they will be fairly clean and the hastily-arranged bandages will do until the morning."
"I'm sorry, but what did you expect? I could smell Chinese and it was calling to me. A break-down sure does build up an appetite. Speaking of which, did that delivery guy leave his number?" Jane joked, addressing the guy in his early twenties that delivered their meal and his obvious infatuation with the oblivious blonde.

Maura's brow knitted in confusion.
"Well, yes? I thought that was standard procedure? You always take care of the food…" Jane suddenly found the whole situation hilarious.
"Its standard procedure in a bad Porno Maura! A beautiful woman accepts a delivery in nothing but a towel, the poor guy thought his pubescent dreams were coming true!" she cried in exasperation.
"I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about?"
"I know, that's what makes it so brilliant!" Seeing the hurt look on Maura's face she switched the topic slightly and calmed herself. "How much did it come to?"
"$45" Maura replied as she made her way into the kitchen with the cartons, binning the empty ones and storing left-over's in the fridge.
"So I owe you…" Jane called into the kitchen before being cut off.
"No I owe you Jane?"
"Didn't you pay the guy?"
"I assumed you paid by card over the phone? I was getting drinks at the time." Maura heard Jane howling in the conjoining room and went to investigate.

"What is so funny?"
"Your near-nakedness got us free food!"
"We didn't pay? I wondered why he hovered so long…" Maura felt the guilt press heavily on her chest, did she steal Chinese food?
"This is brilliant, we are definitely using this to our advantage- Imagine what free stuff we could get if you dropped the towel all together! This could mean so much more than just take-out Maura. Imagine the possibilities" Jane began, only half joking. Maura mock-glared at the woman lolled on her settee and raised a groomed eyebrow.
"Pardon me detective but you seem extremely eager for me to strip and exploit my body for your benefit?" Jane swallowed her laughter and battled a tell-tale blush. You have NO idea.
"Just using your assets to our advantage" She replied nonchalantly "We could use the same trick to get you out of jail when we try it on a gay delivery guy. It's foolproof." Jane winked and rubbed at the sharp jab she earned.
"You sound like a Pimp, you know that?"
"That would make you my hooker babe" Jane joked and noted the doctors furrowed brow. "… But a very classy one." She added swiftly, biting back a smile.
"Okay Itzler, lets get you to bed" She sighed and pulled the detective to her feet, rambling about how prostitution was the world's oldest profession as she tenderly lead her up the stairs.