A/N: Somehow my Adora POV chapters are even more heartbreaking than the Catra ones?

CONTENT WARNING for bullying, victim blaming, emotional and implied physical child abuse. It's all in the flashback and the back half of it is quite intense, be warned. Who likes hurt/comfort with a large dose of "what the fuck this is horrifying"? Ta daaaa.


Adora hasn't slept.

She could have. Large doses of the pain potion she's been taking for her back will do the trick, knock her unconscious and leave her demons to torment her in her dreams rather than her conscious mind. It's no more enjoyable, but a fitful sleep is better than no sleep.

Just not tonight.

Angella assured Adora nothing would happen to Catra overnight, told her to come back in the morning to talk. Adora had no choice but to obey the command, but she didn't trust the promise. Not for a second. Besides, how could she sleep while Catra is in danger? How could she lay down in the warmth and safety of her bed when Catra is locked up in a cell somewhere? She can't indulge in comforts while Catra suffers. It's just more of the same.

If she could be there with her, she would. The guards wouldn't even let Adora into the prison to see if she was okay. Queen's orders. Angella demanded a cooling off period for everyone involved. That included Glimmer, who was already fuming by Angella's side when Adora came looking for help. She wouldn't even look Adora in the eye, and Adora was still angry enough at the time that she didn't mind.

If cooling off means feeling guilty instead of angry, then it did the trick. Even with Catra, Adora has never fully punched a friend out of anger before. In sparring and combat she has, obviously, but that's different. It's not like that kind of behavior was discouraged in the Horde, but after seeing Shadow Weaver hit Catra the few times she did, Adora could never do the same. She punched other kids in defense of Catra on numerous occasions, though, so maybe it shouldn't be surprising that that's how she finally crossed the line and attacked a friend.

In defense of Catra. Adora snorts at the thought as she stalks toward the council room. All these years she tricked herself into thinking she was Catra's knight in shining armor when really she was nothing but a cowering damsel. Memories have been plaguing her all night, mocking her for her naivety. Her complicity. Her selfishness.

Queen Angella is sitting in her chair when Adora arrives, chin resting on her folded hands. Clearing her throat into a clenched fist, Adora stands at attention. "Your Majesty."

The queen's eyes creak open, regarding Adora tiredly. "Adora. Have you slept?"

What a stupid question. Adora cocks her head as she approaches the table. "Could you, if you were me?"

Angella concedes the point with a thoughtful nod. "We're very similar, aren't we? Thoughts that don't stop, a heavy conscience."

"Fiercely protective of people we love, to the point that they resent it?" Adora's arms cross protectively over her stomach, eyes falling to the table. "Yeah."

A ghost of a smile appears on Angella's lips, but it fades just as quickly. Sitting up straight, she pats the chair to her right. "Come, sit with me."

Adora's stomach gurgles in warning, but she has no choice, not if she wants the queen's help. Clasping her trembling hands together, she rounds the table, spine rigid and head held high. She will take her punishment like the good soldier she is. She'll take anything, so long as she can go see Catra afterwards. Easing herself down beside Angella, easily within arm's reach, Adora eyes her warily. She's pretty sure Angella isn't like Shadow Weaver, but that doesn't change the impulse to shrink into herself. Adora has to keep stilling her foot that wants to tap out an erratic rhythm. She wrings her fingers together to compensate, letting them go white in her lap under the table.

"I don't know what to think, Adora," Angella finally says, voice laden with disappointment. Adora swallows. "Just last week you defended this castle with your life, then last night my guards found you in bed with a Horde soldier."

"We weren't-" Adora's cheeks flare up. "We were on my bed, but not like that. We were just kissing."

That argument makes no impact on Angella's expression. "So, my guards found you kissing a Horde soldier. A high-ranking one. In the castle, no less."

Her shoulders hunch. "To be fair, it was Glimmer who brought her in in the first place." Adora's not usually a narc, but she doesn't want Angella to think the lapse in security was her terrible idea.

"I know," Angella says dryly. "She's grounded." Her eyes float away as she muses, "But you are not my child to punish."

That never stopped Shadow Weaver, but Adora's grateful for Angella's logic. Still, she can't help feeling she's not off the hook yet. She shifts in her seat. "So, um…"

"I must be frank with you, Adora," declares Angella. "You may be She-Ra, but you only just left the Horde. Your actions are making people doubt your loyalty to the rebellion."

Adora snorts under her breath. "Seems loyalty isn't something I'm great at."

The queen's gaze turns icy. "This isn't a joke."

"I'm not joking." Adora sighs into her palms. "Catra's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. It was always the two of us against the world. And I left her behind." Adora shakes her head, rolling her eyes at herself. "I didn't even think about what would happen to her if I refused to go home. All I cared about was feeling like I did the right thing." Scoffing darkly, she mutters, "Doing the right thing can be a real cop out sometimes."

Angella's expression turns sympathetic, much to Adora's relief. "It's quite a tricky situation you're in. I can appreciate that," she says carefully, finishing with a tight smile.

Apprehension floods Adora's veins. "Is it about to get trickier?"

Eyes flitting away, Angella taps her nails on the table. "Word is already spreading of the Force Captain's capture. People lost their homes in the attack she led, and many more have lost their lives to the Horde over the years." Meeting Adora's gaze, she states, "You remember the reaction when you first arrived in Bright Moon, before we found out you were She-Ra."

Adora can feel her temperature rising. "So Catra's going to be punished for the sins of the evil people who raised her?"

"Only for hers," Angella assures her. "But I'm warning you, the people of Bright Moon won't be inclined to be merciful. They will expect justice."

"Justice?" scoffs Adora. "Your Majesty, Catra has never been shown mercy, not once in her life. She was the only one of her kind in the Horde, and she's been bullied since she was a little kid. The closest person we had to a mother blamed her for everything that went wrong. She humiliated her every chance she got. She tortured her for stupid reasons, things that - things that weren't even her fault." Adora's voice nearly cracks, and she swallows hard. "Suffering's all Catra's ever known. And that's not fair. You want justice to be served? Start with justice for her."

The queen looks genuinely affected, but her lips remain set in a firm line. "You make a moving case, Adora. But her crimes still need to be atoned for."

"Okay, well what about restora- um, restored justice? We're supposed to be the good guys, aren't we?"

Angella purses her lips. "Restorative justice requires willing participation from the guilty party."

"Then I'll make her participate," growls Adora. "I'll make her see reason."

"Even if you could, what makes you think we can trust her?" The impulse to respond leaves Adora's mouth hanging open as she struggles to find an answer. Angella shakes her head but keeps her tone soft as she warns her, "Your love for her is clouding your judgement, Adora."

"You're damn right it is." Adora crosses her arms, jaw set in determination. "I'll do anything I need to to protect her."

The queen raises an eyebrow. "Anything?"

For all of Adora's posturing, the question gives her pause. Would she betray the rebellion? Would she risk hurting Bright Moon guards breaking Catra out? Would she risk hurting Glimmer? She regrets not fighting back against the guards last night. She also regrets hurting Glimmer. But what she regrets most of all, the one thing that hurts her heart like no other, is standing by while harm comes to Catra.

As Adora meets Angella's eyes, her blind aggression morphs into true confidence. The rebellion needs She-Ra. She can leverage that. And if she can't, they're gonna have to put up one hell of a fight.

"Please don't make me do something I don't want to do," she says. "I didn't do enough to protect her when we were children. I need to now. I owe her that."

Adora's fingers twirled through Catra's unruly mane again and again, her other arm holding Catra tight to her chest. "We can't stay here forever."

"Why not?" Catra mumbled into her neck.

"We'll miss training, and Shadow Weaver will be mad, and she'll come looking for us," Adora answered matter-of-factly. Catra's lips morphed into a scowl against Adora's skin, but she didn't reply. Opting for more immediate logic, Adora added, "Plus, I dunno about you, but I'm getting kinda hungry."

Catra stubbornly stayed a lump in Adora's lap, tiny limbs tightening around her waist and neck. "Five more minutes."

"We're already late," said Adora. "The longer we wait, the more they'll make fun of you for being scared."

Catra growled in protest. "I'm not scared."

"But it'll look like you are," Adora deflected, knowing better than to argue with Catra about that. "Better to show up and act like it didn't bother you."

"Or maybe they'll already be gone." There was a hopeful tinge in Catra's voice that made Adora relent with a sigh.

"Fine, five more minutes."

Catra settled into her again, nuzzling her cheek in appreciation and even giving it a little lick. Adora made a face because that was the script they always followed, but her cheek burned where the kitten's raspy tongue had dragged over it. The blush quickly spread to her ears and neck and she cleared her throat, hoping to ward off the unpleasant sensation.

It took a few minutes for Adora's blush to fade enough for her to risk Catra seeing her face. Once she felt sufficiently recovered, she started rubbing Catra's back and told her, "I'll be with you the whole time. If anyone tries anything, I'll tell them to shove off. You know that." Catra acknowledged this with a grunt and Adora smiled, giving her scalp an affectionate scratch. "I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise."

"Fiiiine," Catra relented, heaving a dramatic sigh as she slid off Adora's lap. Offering a hand, she pulled Adora up from their bunk and turned for the door. "Let's go get you your damn dinner. I swear to Hordak you'd keel over and die if you ever missed a meal."

There was a slight edge in Catra's tone that made Adora's eyes drop. That was a common way Shadow Weaver punished cadets who misbehaved or underperformed (which was ironic, given how she always ordered Adora to finish everything on her tray because she couldn't perform well on an empty stomach). Catra didn't underperform much, despite what Shadow Weaver seemed to think, but misbehaving was pretty much her default state. Purring wasn't the only kind of rumbling Adora was used to hearing from the foot of her bed.

Frowning at the floor, Adora scolded her, "Don't say that, it's a bad word."

"Meal?"

When Adora looked up, she found a very familiar glint of mischief in Catra's eyes. Giving her a little shove, she said, "No, the D word."

Lips stretching in a wide grin, Catra nudged her ribs and drawled, "You're Adora-ble. You can't even say it."

"Can too."

"Oh yeah?" Catra swung around to walk backwards in front of her, poking her in the shoulder. "I'll bet you next week's latrine duty."

Adora scowled and swatted her hand away. "I'm not going to say it."

"Why? 'Cause that would be baaaad?" Adora averted her eyes, refusing to dignify that with a response. But Catra kept pressing, tipping her head as she mocked her, "Scared Spooky Shadows will call you a bad girl? Oh no, not that!"

"Shut up!" snapped Adora, shoving her harder this time. "Damn you, Catra."

Catra's lips curled in a proud smile, and Adora tried and failed not to blush again. "I knew you had it in you."

Adora huffed sheepishly, scratching at her flushed neck. "Yeah, you can gloat all you want while you're busy scrubbing toilets."

Catra cackled, slinging an arm around her shoulders as she fell into step beside her. "Totally worth it."

The teasing continued as they made their way to the mess hall, devolving into hair-pulling play fights a couple of times. That was just part of how they interacted, always had been. It's not like the Horde discouraged aggression, anyway. No one minded a couple of eight year-olds tussling in the hallways, so long as they didn't break anything. But as they got closer to their destination, Catra got quieter. Her gait stiffened and she linked her fingers with Adora's. Adora gave her hand a reassuring squeeze but didn't say anything. Calling attention to Catra's anxiety was a good way to get her head bitten off. Not literally. Well, probably not.

"Catra!"

The sharp bite of Shadow Weaver's voice made both girls jump. Adora's eyes snapped up to their commanding officer looming in the large doors of the mess hall. Catra dropped her hand and darted away, but she got no more than five feet before Shadow Weaver caught her in a red bolt of magic. The sorceress turned her around with a spin of her hand as she approached, and Adora's chest ached when she saw the sheer terror on Catra's face, the quivering of her lips and pallor of her skin. Catra's eyes flitted helplessly over to Adora as Shadow Weaver leaned down and replaced her magical grip with a hand tight on Catra's jaw.

"I just saw Lorena's face. Brady's arms. What in the name of Hordak is the matter with you, child?" Her nails made little indents in Catra's skin as she berated her, turning the surrounding skin white.

"I- they were-" Catra shrunk into herself, tail lashing anxiously behind her.

"Speak up, you worthless runt!"

Catra's jaw clenched, eyes flashing. "Five of them grabbed me. I was just trying to defend myself."

Shadow Weaver's eyes narrowed behind her mask, but her voice was eerily calm as she restated, "So they grabbed you with their hands and you retaliated with your claws?"

"They were hurting me! I was scared! What did you want me to do?"

"I wanted you not to behave like some kind of wild beast," snapped Shadow Weaver, "but I should have known that was too much to expect from an animal like you."

Eyes falling, Catra barely muttered, "They're the animals."

"What did you say?" There was a distinct threat in Shadow Weaver's voice as she straightened up, towering over Catra ominously.

Catra's fists balled at her sides, a display of defiance that did little to mask her fear. "This isn't fair! Why am I always the one who gets in trouble?"

Shadow Weaver's eyes narrowed dangerously and Adora spoke up before she could lash out. "Shadow Weaver-"

"Stay out of this, Adora," Shadow Weaver barked, not bothering to look her way. "This does not concern you."

Adora's eyes flicked back and forth between them, mouth hanging open in indecision. Her best friend, trembling but eyeing her with a flicker of hope. Her commanding officer, glaring down at Catra with disdain. It took a few seconds for Shadow Weaver to turn that glare on Adora, and those searing ovals of white sent a jolt of fear straight down her spine.

"That's an order," Shadow Weaver commanded, with a harshness she rarely ever directed at Adora. Adora's mouth snapped shut and she automatically stood at attention. Shadow Weaver's flaming gaze lingered on her a terrifying second longer before returning to Catra. "As for you, we're going for a walk. A long walk."

Catra deflated. "Why?" she whimpered, looking so drained and hopeless. "What did I do? What did you expect me to do?"

"You're pathetic," huffed Shadow Weaver. "You can't even take responsibility for your own actions, can you?" Grasping one of Catra's ears in an iron grip, she got down in her face and assured her, "You will suffer the consequences all the same."

"No!" shrieked Catra, reaching back as Shadow Weaver yanked her backwards and dragged her away. "Adora! Adora!"

Adora was paralyzed with fear, face frozen and feet rooted into the floor. She wanted to help, she did, but her body refused, too preoccupied with self-preservation. As Catra's screams faded with distance, she shook the fog from her head. Told herself she would've only made it worse if she'd tried to intervene. She knew that was true. It didn't make the scene any easier to stomach.

Adora spent the rest of the night fighting a queasy feeling in her gut. She was still wide awake when Catra returned well after lights out, thanks to that feeling and the lack of heat and pressure on her feet. Catra must have thought everyone was asleep, though, because she tiptoed across the floor and slipped onto the bunk with hardly a rustle. Adora was just starting to smile with relief when she felt a tiny shiver in the warm mass barely touching her feet.

Her brow furrowed. Catra was usually warm enough with just her fur unless she was sick or hungry, but she did miss dinner. Adora was about to ask if she wanted to share the blanket when she heard a muted whimper and froze. She had to listen for a bit to be sure. By that age Catra had learned to cry all but silently, like a good soldier. After a few moments she fully curled into herself and her body lost contact with Adora's, but her sobs were hard enough to shake the bunk. Adora's throat ached.

"Catra," she said. Catra went completely silent, though Adora could still feel some quivers echoing through the bed. "Catra, c'mere." Nothing happened. "Please," she insisted.

There was a long pause before she felt the mattress shift and Catra began to crawl up the bed. She sprawled on her stomach beside Adora, tears in her glowing eyes. Adora reached for her on instinct, gentle fingers stroking the top of her head. When they wandered over to rub behind one of her ears, another, louder sob erupted from her chest. "Shh, it's okay now," whispered Adora. "It's okay. I've got you."

It took a moment for Catra to reign it back in, going still and quiet but for a few weak shivers and sniffles. Adora's fingers absentmindedly brushed through her mane as she offered, "I saved you half a ration bar. You hungry?"

Hording or redistributing rations was very much against the rules, and Adora wasn't much of a rule-breaker, but her guilt had forced her to make an exception that night. Forced her to tuck the half-eaten bar into her waistband and count on her baby fat to hide it. She'd felt like all eyes were on her as she smuggled it out, cheeks burning and little legs carrying her as fast as they could.

Catra slowly shook her head under Adora's hand, and Adora frowned. "You sure?" Catra grunted the affirmative. The refusal left Adora feeling empty. Useless. Settling on an alternative, she tugged at the blanket pinned under Catra's body. "Wanna share?"

Catra didn't answer that one verbally, but after a couple seconds she pushed up onto all fours and then shifted her limbs around, allowing Adora to pull the blanket out from under her. Adora couldn't help her sigh of relief when Catra laid her head down on her chest, arm draping over her ribs as Adora wrapped the blanket around them both. Now Adora could reach her with both hands, and she eagerly set to work raking her nails softly over Catra's scalp. Catra nuzzled deeper into her chest, silent tears soaking her shirt. She clutched at Adora tightly, her claws digging in a little. Adora didn't mind. If she'd had claws she would have sunken them into Catra too. Held her so tightly that no one could hurt her ever again.

One of Adora's hands moved to cradle the back of Catra's head, then meandered down to her neck. Fingers tangling in Catra's thick hair, she rubbed at the ropes of muscle flanking her spine, slowly working her way down. When she reached the base of Catra's neck, Catra reached back and caught her hand, put it back on top of her head with a playful purr. Adora chuckled and obeyed, giving her an affectionate scratch between the ears. The purring continued, softer now. Adora's lips turned up, but her mind was still troubled.

"What happened?" whispered Adora. The quiet rumbling ceased, and Adora felt Catra's throat constrict in a swallow against her chest. She answered with only a slight shake of her head. Adora's throat cramped in sympathy, affecting her voice with a slight warble as she asked, "Don't want to talk about it?" Catra shook her head again.

It was always like that. Adora would ask, and Catra wouldn't answer. Eventually Adora stopped asking. She wishes she hadn't. She was always stubborn to a fault, why couldn't she have been more stubborn in her concern? Maybe Catra was right, maybe she really didn't want to know.

"Adora, are you alright?"

Adora blinks up to Queen Angella with stinging eyes and finds her looking on with obvious concern. Adora shoots her an incredulous look through her tears and she clarifies, "I mean do I need to get you to the infirmary."

"What are your healers going to do?" snarks Adora. "Give me some numbing potion for my insides?" Her stomach clenches as soon as the words pass her lips. That isn't how one speaks to authority figures. Then again, being a good girl has never helped her, not when it comes to protecting Catra. Only herself.

Angella stiffens and her voice goes cold. "You were looking a little faint. I see now that you're perfectly conscious. Forgive me for offering such hospitality in my own castle."

Oh, fuck. Adora snaps into a straight posture, but she can't hold the queen's gaze. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I didn't… I didn't mean that."

A lengthy silence passes, and Adora can't help holding her breath. "I understand," Angella says eventually. "You're under a lot of stress."

A sigh of relief passes Adora's lips and she drags a hand through her bedraggled bangs, daring to meet Angella's eyes again. "Your Majesty, please," she implores. "Help me. I don't want to resort to more betrayal."

"I can't make any promises," Angella warns her. "It's too soon to say what will happen."

"Then just help me now. Leave Catra locked up while you figure things out, I get that, but let me stay with her. I need to make sure she's okay." Her eyes drop to the table, hands fidgeting in her lap. "Besides, I deserve it as much as she does."

A hand coming to rest on her shoulder surprises her, and she looks up to find compassion in the queen's eyes. "I know you have a hard time with this, Adora," Angella says carefully, "but Catra is not your responsibility. Her choices are her own, and no one but her can answer for them."

Thinking on that a moment, Adora concludes, "You're right. Logically, I know this isn't my fault. But that doesn't change how I feel."

"I see."

"It's… it's complicated." Adora's hand drags through her hair again. "You don't understand how she grew up. Even I don't really understand it, but I'm starting to." Her jaw twitches. "Shadow Weaver took everything out on Catra, punished her for things I did. I owe her one. I owe her more than one."

Angella seems to take her time absorbing this, her eyes floating away as she drums her nails on the table again. After what appears to be a moment's indecision, she meets Adora's gaze and tells her, "Micah studied under Light Spinner when he was young. In Mystacor."

Mouth falling open, Adora's eyelids flutter with disbelief. She stares dumbly at Angella for a moment, until it occurs to her what she's trying to say. "So… you already know how she was."

"Micah's memories of her were mostly positive, actually," says Angella. "He was her favorite student."

"Then there's probably a lot he missed," snorts Adora. She would know.

"And things he didn't," Angella informs her, a hint of a warning in her tone. Adora makes her face go blank and she nods approvingly, then continues, "He noticed she favored talented students, but also human students. And he thought that strange, given she wasn't fully human herself."

Adora blinks. "She wasn't?"

Angella hums pensively. "He assumed she was a hybrid of some kind. She never showed her face, and there was something strange about the shape of her ears. And her skin had a green tinge."

"Always looked more gray to me," remarks Adora.

"That might have had something to do with the accident," muses Angella. "It changed her appearance."

Adora's forehead crinkles. "Accident? Is that how she got the scars?"

Angella nods. "Micah was there when she tried to take power for herself. He botched the spell when he felt how dark the magic was, and the shadows overtook her." Eyes flicking up to the mural of Micah behind her, she says, "Agreeing to help her was his deepest regret. If he'd known she defected to the Horde, it would've broken his heart."

"He blamed himself," murmurs Adora. She snorts inwardly. "I know how he felt."

"As do I," says the queen. When Adora eyes her curiously, she sighs. "Micah perished in a battle that I ordered. I've never forgiven myself. So please believe me when I say that I can understand your need to protect your loved ones above all else." Raising a cautionary eyebrow, she adds, "But I also understand that Catra is a danger to my kingdom. I can't just let her go free."

If Adora's being honest, she doesn't really want Catra to go free. She doesn't want her locked up in the prison, but she doesn't want her to leave, either. Cheeks burning with shame, she banishes those thoughts. Keeping Catra against her will is no way to hold on to her. She's already been locked up enough for a lifetime.

"I know," is all Adora says.

That hand returns to her shoulder. "If it puts your mind at rest, I will go to the prison and reinforce my orders in person. No harm will come to her, at least not for now."

"Thank you," mutters Adora. It's better than nothing.

"I'll also take the opportunity to speak with her." Adora's eyes jump up to the queen in surprise and find her wearing a small, hopeful smile. "We haven't had a chance to get acquainted yet. Perhaps there is some potential for restorative justice, as you suggested."

For the first time since last night, Adora can breathe. Really, truly breathe.

"Thank you," she repeats, much more emphatically this time. She squeezes Angella's wrist to convey her sincerity, tears of relief and gratitude welling up in her eyes. "When can I see her?"

"When I'm through with her," says Angella. Making pointed eye contact, she adds, "But first, I think there's someone else you need to speak with."

"Yeah," sighs Adora, shoulders slumping. "There is."


A/N: Welp, I was going to have Adora's conversations with Angella and Glimmer in the same chapter but that flashback got a little out of hand lengthwise. So, looks like you guys get a bonus chapter where Glimmadora air their grievances. It also will allow me to take a different tack on it and focus on some other themes.

I… really like this chapter? Yeah this is more of a Catra fic, but I enjoy exploring Adora's side of things as the favored child who was aware of the abuse to some extent and was afraid of resisting authority lest she end up in the same position. And her shame for that as an adult, even if it's undeserved. Catra's not the only one who was traumatized by growing up in an abusive environment and feeling unsafe.