A/N: Sorry for the gap, but I found some of this chapter really difficult to word... anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter. And you'll have to excuse me if the next one isn't up so soon either. Have a lot of work piling up right now...
Anyways, enjoy!
-x-x-x-x-x-
"Okay, so I'll see you at school tomorrow." Gabby smiles at me, and I nod, a little eager for her to go. Of course I don't really want her to go. I just need some time to myself, to think about things.
Like the strange thought that popped into my head a few hours ago.
She suddenly wraps her arms around me, holding me close, with a gentle, comforting tightness. I respond, surprised. We've never hugged purely because one of us is leaving. I find myself melting a little in her arms, her conditioner making me want to take in a deep breath. I resist, letting go rather abruptly, and giving her a little wave.
"Uh, bye then." She says, a hint of confusion on her face. I shut the door as her mom's car drives off, leaning my back against it as my head spins.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I push away from the door, heading to the kitchen to grab some ice cream. I take out a tub of Ben and Jerry's, the cookie dough flavour, and decide that I can definitely manage the rest of it on my own right now. There's only half a tub left after all.
I work my way up to my room, spoon and ice cream in hand, and flop onto my bed, thinking.
Maybe I'm just going crazy. I mean it's a crazy thought right? I mean... it's Gabriella.
A month ago I probably would have rolled my eyes had she dared to say two words to me. I close my eyes. This is all moving too fast. My mind still gets giddy when I think of her as my friend.
Maybe this all comes from missing her, from the day or so of her not talking to me. It was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. First making her so angry and upset, and then when she wouldn't even look at me...
I wipe my eyes quickly, shaking my head as I shove a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. I shouldn't dwell on that, it's in the past now.
My skin prickles as I pick up my notebook, flipping through it. I stop, staring at the pair of eyes I've drawn there.
They're nowhere near as good as looking at the real thing and I-
Ice cream. I need to keep eating my ice cream. The mouthful I put in is a little big, and I squeeze my eyes shut as I chew it, my mouth feeling like it's going to die of hypothermia or something.
I struggle not to let out a moan, my mouth in agony as I swallow the ice cream. Okay, so that was a stupid move. I'll focus the next time I try and stuff my face. Especially with ice cream. I close my eyes, feeling a sharp stab of pain hit my head, the cold getting to me.
I shudder and push the ice cream aside. I've eaten most of it anyway. My mind drifts back to her- the person I really don't want to think about right now.
Man, she's got my stomach tied up in knots. How can I just carry on like nothings changed?
Even though it hasn't, because all that's really changed is that I've let myself get carried away. Yeah, that's it. I've been so overwhelmed by how much I love having her back, how much I missed her- for all of half a day- and then she's made the feelings stronger by really being there for me today, by looking after me...
I shake the thoughts from my head as best as I can, standing up and pacing the room, my fingers pushing back my hair.
Even as I try to keep my thoughts clear they drift, back to lunchtime in the toilets. The hug she'd pulled me into, the kiss she'd planted on my temple, her lips...
My hand sweeps out, pushing a whole load of stuff off of my bedside cabinet. It clutters loudly to the ground, but I don't care, hugging my body tightly as my feet keep walking.
Argh! What is wrong with me? This isn't like me... not at all. I've never been so... so hung up on anyone before... let alone someone like Gabby! She's so... sweet, I guess.
Oh God, Gabby. Now I'm thinking of her again.
Gosh, this is killing me.
I sit down heavily on my bed again, taking a pillow and hugging it to my chest. I hate how this has creeped up on me, how I didn't see any of this coming. Some preparation could have been nice.
"Hey, Sharpay. I heard noises are-" As Ryan pokes his face around the door I throw the pillow I was hugging. It lands against the door as he closes it in time to deflect my weapon. "Hey!" He looks around the door in protest. "I was just checking if you're okay!"
Yeah, well I'm not okay. I'm not okay with this, with whatever it is I'm feeling. I take another pillow off of my bed, noticing him flinch back a little as I hug it to my chest once more. Once he's realised the pillow's staying with me he comes in properly, looking down at the mess on my bedroom floor.
"And you're not, are you?" I shrug in reply, not wanting to have to explain everything to him. "Is this about Gabby?"
I freeze, even my breath catching in my throat, my eyes widening a little. Am I really that transparent?
"We're twins, Sharpay. I can tell when something is bothering you. And something to do with her is bothering you."
I can't think of anything to do, or write... I haven't got a way to express myself. So I swing my arm, hitting him gently with the back of my hand.
"Ow!" Oh, he is such a girl. I hardly touched him! "Hey, what are you getting mad at me for?"
Because he's here, he's with me and he's within hitting distance. And he was the one who told me to be nice to Gabby. I wasn't going to be, I was going to do my best to ignore her, keep it at a strict working level. But then 'nice' came into the equation.
I sigh to myself, falling backwards onto the bed and covering my face with the pillow.
"Wow, I know things are bad Shar, but that's no reason to suffocate yourself." He laughs, lifting the pillow a little. "What is it that's got you so worked up?"
I just try and bury myself deeper into the pillow, trying to block him out. Trying to block everything out.
"Oh." I hear after almost a minute's silence. It's the sound of realization and I panic, sitting up quickly and spotting the source of his reasoning. I pluck the notebook out of his grasp, clutching it to my body as if trying to stop something escaping from it. "That's what's bothering you."
It's not a question, he's definitely got it. Of course he has, if anyone knows me well it's Ryan. My skin prickles in fear, scared of what he'll say, how he'll react. What he'll think of me. I wait for him to say something, loosening my grip on the notepad as I lower it.
Her eyes stare back at me, still smiling, and it makes my own lips curl upwards, unable to resist.
"That's it? You like Gabriella?"
That's it? That's it?! Does he have any idea what this is doing to me? If I could scream I would, but settle for hitting him again. With the notepad this time.
"Ow... so is it more than that?"
I start to nod- but stop, my eyes wide and my head shaking from side to side because no, it can't be more than that. I push myself off of the bed, my feet following a similar route to the one I was pacing a few minutes ago.
"Sharpay..." Ryan stands up when I ignore him, standing in front of me and grabbing my shoulders. He's not rough, but he's firm. "Shar, just listen to me." I look up at him. One of his eyebrows is raised. "It's okay to feel this way."
I shake my head, trying to break away from him.
"No, think about it. Truly think about the way you feel. Think of all the things you like about her, what makes her so... appealing. Think about how you feel the next time you see her. Then judge if it's unnatural."
I've never used that word. 'Unnatural' isn't the issue. It just isn't... me.
I don't think. Then again, even I'm unsure who 'me' really is any more.
"Can you take me to school again tomorrow?" Ryan asks, heading for my bedroom door. "My car's still in the shop."
I nod, thinking wryly that I'd probably still be speechless if I could talk. He leaves, shutting the door behind him quietly. I consider getting undressed, but decide that will give me too much time to think.
I crawl onto my bed sheets, falling onto my side as I reach my pillows, using my remote to turn on my stereo.
I close my eyes, hoping to fall asleep almost straight away. Needless to say I don't, instantly seeing her as soon as my eyes are shut.
Shit.
I feel a cold nose nuzzle into my neck, and turn my head, opening my eyes to see my precious Yorkie giving me those puppy eyes I loved so much. I gave him a small smile, turning over to face Boi as his tiny tail starts wagging. I close my eyes once more, comforted a little as I run my hand through his fur.
He lets out a small whine before turning around in a circle a couple of times before deciding my arms were a good place to lay for the night.
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby...
I frown, holding Boi close to me as my mind drifts back to Gabriella. Maybe I was just over reacting. This'll all blow over by tomorrow morning, after a decent night's sleep. By then I'll have a different perspective of how things are, and everything will just... slip into place.
Go back to normal.
It just has to. Right?
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, Yeah...
-x-x-x-x-x-
A wet kiss on my nose wakes me up, and I open my eyes slowly. Boi's sitting there, happy as anything that I'm awake.
"Hey sweetie." I smile at him, looking at the time. Half an hour or so before my alarm would usually go, but I could care less. I could do with a longer run today.
I get up, changing from yesterday's clothes to some sweatpants and a sports bra, tying my hair back in a messy ponytail.
My head is occupied with things to do as I get ready, as I jog through the park, Boi tugging on the lead, a little ahead of me. It's when I get back to the house, undress, and step into my shower that I can't think of anything else to think about.
I try to think about what Ryan said... to think about the things I like about her. The thought makes me stomach twist.
I know I don't like the way she dresses. They're often poor outfit choices, but somehow she manages to pull them off, in her own way.
Like the first day we met she was wearing an oddly patterned skirt which reached down to just above her knees. It was blue, almost turquoise actually and wouldn't have looked good on anyone else. Especially next to the pink top Gabriella had also worn, the bottom a lace pattern. Though it was a nice shade of pink... But the jacket had worked. Maybe even made the whole outfit work.
I freeze, my hand half way through washing the shampoo out of my hair, and backtrack. For someone I didn't think I'd paid much attention to, I sure do remember a hell of a lot about her.
I remember... I remember doing my best to intimidate her when I first saw her spying up the auditions list for the Winter musical.
I also remember her not being phased, complimenting my... what was that word again? 'Penmanship'. I remember being a little jealous, and yet a little admiring at the way she seemed to ignore a good portion of what I had to say to her.
I continue rinsing out my hair before reaching for my conditioner, massaging a generous amount of it deep into my hair.
I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts once more. Of course, once again, it doesn't work.
Whatever. I can't be alone with just my thoughts right now.
I finish up my shower as quickly possible, rushing to get ready. I'm about to leave my room when my eye catches some of the things I pushed onto my floor last night. I bend down, picking up a reading light, two books and a whole load of paperwork. I let out a loud breath as I realise it's a whole bunch of music sheets.
I stuff them in my bag as I hear Ryan start to make a move in his bedroom, giving Boi a kiss goodbye as I scrawl a note on the pad in the kitchen.
Ryan, I'm sorry. Had to leave early, so call a cab. xx S.
I feel a bit bad, but I can't deal with him prodding and poking me for information, asking me more questions.
-x-x-x-x-x-
I arrive at school early, my footsteps echoing loudly down the corridors. It's good, because I want some alone time before Home Room. I find my feet leading me to the one place I truly feel comfortable in this school. The auditorium.
No one will be there yet, I'm sure of it.
I kind of regret wearing high heels, though it comes naturally to me now, the sound seeming like it's the only thing for miles as they click against the ground.
I choose a random seat, sitting in it, and watching the lifeless stage. Some more of the props were out now. A bed and a bedside cabinet sat next to each other next to what looked like a bay window of some sort. As I stare I realise it's the other side of the balcony- the one that belongs in a love story.
I don't know how long I sit there for before I get up, and head for the piano. I sit there, watching the keys like I expect them to do something. I hesitate, looking around before I take my sheet music out of my bag, placing it in front of me.
My fingers are shaking as I place my fingers over the keys. I know I have to practice this. It's got to be perfect.
After the first couple of notes I screw up, my fingers in the wrong place for the chord I'm trying to play, ruining the whole piece. Gosh, I can't even play like myself today. No wonder with my thinking this wacky.
I sit up, my back straight, before waving my hands up and down in front of my face in a silent version of my usual warm-up technique. This time I use it for focus, breathing deeply until I feel myself settle.
I open my eyes, repositioning my fingers. I fix my gaze on the music sheet, my fingers starting to settle into the rhythm of the song, gliding over the keys.
It's not till right at the end that I hit a glitch, the note at least an octave too deep, and I sigh, folding my arms to rest on the piano. It complains with a horrible cocktail of high and low notes that were never meant to be mixed, my eyes screwing up, my head starting to ache.
"Can't focus?" I flinch, turning in the pianist's seat to see Ms. Darbus standing in the wings. I raise my hand to my heart, trying to recover from my slight scare. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump. You were playing so beautifully. And then..."
She gives me a look I can't read, and I turn back to the piano, not sure what else to do.
"Maybe you just need to find your muse." She says, her voice soft as she comes round to the front of the piano. I look down, readjusting the music sheets in front of me. She picks one up, reading it, the words 'by Sharpay Evans' a whisper on her lips.
I can't prevent the blush I feel rising in my cheeks. "Or maybe the problem is you already have?"
I raise my head, panicking a little. Why is it everyone can see right through me lately? I used to be so protected, know where I stood and how to keep myself from getting hurt.
What happened to that?
"Try focusing on the thing that inspired you to write this stunning piece in the first place." She puts the music sheet back in front of me, and I watch her for a moment as she steps away from the piano.
I bite my lip, and close my eyes, and think of her.
I think of her smiling, laughing. The way the corners of her eyes crinkle a little when she's happy. I think of that look she gives me that makes me feel... like she honestly wants to know what I'm thinking.
My fingers start playing on their own, I hardly have to think about it, opening my eyes to look at my music sheet. My body becomes more and more engrossed in the piece, and I almost forget Ms. Darbus is watching, my mind far away from the auditorium.
I finish the piece, taking in a deep breath as I turn back to Ms. Darbus. She smiles at me, clapping her hands together a few times.
"Well done, my dear. I trust I'll see you in Home Room?"
I nod, glad she says nothing else, offering her a shy smile as I pack up my things. I slide off of the stool as she sits at her desk, making notes on the script that was on the table.
I walk out of the theatre, noticing the hallway has started to fill with people. I've got enough time to go to my locker and-
Oh God...
That's when I spot her, a small but tired smile on her face as she chats to Kelsi and Taylor. I turn quickly in the hallway, walking quickly as I attempt to get to Home Room before-
"Sharpay!" I stop, stock still when I hear her voice, and turn around to see a grin on her face that- for some reason- I can't help but return. Since when did smiling become something you could catch?
Gabriella waves a small goodbye to Kelsi and Taylor as she runs to catch up with me, even thought they're heading for exactly the same place as us.
"Hey." She grins, linking her arm through mine, and I give her my biggest smile back. Not that I think I had a choice, my lips are doing their own thing. "You okay?" I nod, and she nods back in a copy cat fashion. "Good."
I'm trying not to think about anything as we walk down the hall, but of course it doesn't work. My mind starts to focus on her arm, linked through mine and my eyes are drawn to her as she starts talking about how she has no idea what she's doing for her talent show piece. She's really worried about it too because the show is a week from Monday. My eyes move down to her lips as she talks. She's wearing a different coloured lip gloss today, the light making it shine a variety of shades between 'rose' and 'lavender pink'. Gosh, I know too much about pink.
"So, are you okay?" She asks me as we walk into home room. "I know you said you were, but you seem distracted today."
I sigh to myself, but nod as I sit in my seat. Miss Darbus watches me, and I sink into my seat a little under her scrutiny.
I roll my eyes, and tear a bit of paper out of my notebook.
Come to the music room during free period. xx S
Gabriella gives me a strange, curious look as soon as she reads my note, her eyes staying on me for longer than I'd like them to be.
"Okay." She whispers, and turns her attention back to Miss Darbus, who's talking about the winter musical this year. I stare at my desk, trying to tune out the conversation.
"...and we're also looking for another pianist to possibly give Kelsi some stage time."
Kelsi? Stage time? I turn to look at Kelsi, who's smiling at Ryan. Maybe he talked her into a dance number. I turn back to the front.
Miss Darbus is staring straight at me, a knowing look on her face and I shake my head as subtly as I can.
"If any of you find a good pianist, then please let me know as soon as you can. After all, time is everything, and we have a show to produce!" She claps her hands twice, and the bell rings.
I don't move as everyone around me gets up, staring at Miss Darbus. So she's trying to call me out on this? Almost teasing me in fact? She stares back, her smile making the corners of her eyes crinkle.
I sigh, pushing my chair back and leaving the classroom with one quick glance back over my shoulder. Miss Darbus is still watching me as we leave, and I turn back to Gabby, following her to Biology.
"So, I was thinking..." Gabriella starts, her voice hesitant. I turn my head a little to the side in interest, curious. She points to the bathroom about five feet away, and I nod, following her in there. She does a quick check that no one's in here with us before turning back to me. I keep my gaze steady as I lean against the sinks, letting her know she has my undivided attention.
"So I was thinking that... maybe you should audition for the second pianist."
I raise my eyebrow. She really thinks this is going to happen? I shake my head, and she pouts in response. Gabby steps close to me to take hold of my hands, swinging them a little as she pleads.
"Oh, come on Shar! You play the piano really well- and I mean really well- and I know you can read sheet music. There's a ton of it around your room."
I glare at her, doing my best to call upon the ice queen within me. I really, really don't want to perform in front of the entire student population. To be honest I've never been very confident about my piano playing.
To my surprise she breaks into a smile, a quiet giggle escaping her lips.
"You're so cute when you're angry, and not yelling. I mean I know you can't help it, but you really remind me of Tinkerbell." Gabriella's face suddenly lights up, excitement creeping in. "Hey, we could get you a little bell that you can ring when you're annoyed!"
I stare at her for a moment before cracking a grin, my shoulder's shaking slightly in a silent laugh.
"You know it really wouldn't be that bad, letting people know you play the piano." Her voice is soft now, and she's so close I can smell her perfume. It's rose scented, possibly with a hint of jasmine... and completely intoxicating.
The warning bell rings, and she gasps, keeping hold of one of my hands to pull me towards the door, towards Biology.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Gabby remembers my note as soon as Biology ends. She grabs my hand as soon as the bell rings and signals free period, leading me to the music room. We stop outside the door and I freeze, dropping her hand. Can I really do this? Show her this?
I bite my lip, hesitantly, and she smiles back at me.
"Come on, Sharpay." She whispers, and her fingers reclaim my hand, slipping between my own. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze, and I feel that tingling feeling again. Up my arm, right through to my slightly queasy stomach.
I take a deep breath, and open the door to the small room, the piano waiting patiently for someone to come and play it. I walk over to it, slipping my music sheets out of my bag before dropping it on the floor. I straighten the sheets out against the cover protecting the piano keys, before turning to Gabby, who's locking the music room door. She pulls the blind down too, stopping anyone from seeing me play.
I bite my lip again, suddenly super nervous about how she's going to feel about this. Well, only one way to find out I guess. My hand shakes a little as I hold the notes out to her, and her eyes study my hand for a moment before she takes them, her other hand wrapping itself around my own.
My eyes stay fixed to her face, watching as recognition, then confusion fills her features. God, I feel so nauseas.
"Sharpay..." Gabriella breathes the words, the grip on my hand loosening a little. "When... when did you... this was private!"
I sit on the piano seat as she lets go of my hand, my heart aching a little in my chest.
"Or I guess..." I don't dare look up, even though her voice is softer now. "I guess it was. Nothings too private for you now, is it Tink?"
I give her a glance to make sure I'm not in the doghouse, and she smiles at me. Gabriella walks behind me, running her fingers through my hair as she leans to place the music sheets in front of me. I shiver, my head trying to lean into her hand a little as she pulls away before moving to stand against the piano to watch me. "Can you play it for me?"
I nod, and close my eyes, breathing deeply to try and calm myself. I spread out the music sheets, and lift the casing to reveal the keys. They glisten in the light, and I smile to myself as I open my eyes to place my hands where they need to be, my feet finding their places. I feel for the una corda, the soft pedal, making sure I'm comfortable in my position.
My fingers start to play the tune, my eyes flicking between the music- which I no longer need to look at- and Gabriella. She smiles at me, and my heart does a little flip
The song comes to an end, and I finish staring at the keys, afraid to look up. What if she hated it? What if she's angry I wanted to put her song to music without permission? What if-
"I loved it." She whispers in my ear, her arms suddenly wrapping themselves around my neck from behind. "It was beautiful Sharpay." Gabby releases her embrace, and nudges me so I scoot up on the piano seat. I do so, and she leans her head against my shoulder, one hand reaching out to play with my arm. She runs her fingers down my skin, her nails creating a sensation not so different from tickling, only I don't laugh. I close my eyes, loving the feeling.
After a while she sits up, and turns to me, and I do the same, wondering if she wants to talk. We're close because of how small the chair is, and even closer because we're both leaning in a little.
Gabby's hand comes up, and pushes back a few stray bits of hair, her hand moving down to cup my cheek.
"You know, you really surprise me Sharpay. It's amazing... but since you've stopped talking you've changed... so much." I can feel her breath warming my skin, but somehow I find the strength to raise my eyebrow. "In a good way! What I mean is..." She bites her lip, struggling to find the words. Instead she guides my head towards hers a little, and leans in, placing a kiss just above the corner of my lip. It only lasts a few seconds, but it was more than I was expecting. She pulls her lips away, and leans her forehead against mine, her words a whisper on her breath. "Thank you."
I pull away to show her I'm smiling, and give her a similar kiss, a bit closer to her cheek before pulling her into a hug. I don't trust myself too close to her lips.
My face flushes, and I pull away, turning back to the piano. I point at her and to the lyrics, and she smiles, studying the music.
"Yeah, I think I can do that." She nods, and clears her throat.
I play the introduction again and her voice joins in, finding the right key for the music.
"She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye,
She would suffer, she would fight, and compromise,
She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright..."
I feel something inside of me warm as I watch her sing, still smiling that adorable smile. It's then I realise that trying to deny this would be hopeless. So fine, that's it. I'm head over hills for the freaky genius girl.
I'm surprised to say the least, I'd almost given up hope of ever feeling... anything. Who knows? Maybe the Ice Queen's heart has finally melted...
