Avoiding Hermione had been what it all came down to. Staying away from her seemed, at the time, the only solution Severus could think of to keep the light from devouring him and the only way to lose the trust and feelings he had built with the girl.
It still hurt.
It hurt like hell.
For once in the past school year he was glad that Hermione had switched classes; it was one less thing he had to worry about. His misery had put him in such a state that he found it easy to return to his old self while teaching and had successfully taken 50 House Points from Hufflepuff. Those points should have been taken from Gryffindor, as Seamus had successfully turned his potion to dust before adding the third ingredient, yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. Not wanting to take points from his own house, he took the points from Hufflepuff, the previous owner of the book having been from Hufflepuff as given by the cartoon badger drawn on the cover, and had left Severus feeling no guilt by punishing by association.
After the class had ended, he had planned to harbor himself away in his room where he'd find himself bored and more than likely watching a fire roar in the fireplace until he'd fall asleep, but had not been quick enough to float through the few walls that separated him from his rooms.
Hermione had burst through the door ordering him to stop, the thought had been fleeting that he could have easily gone in any direction to leave her alone, yet he remained. For some damned reason he couldn't leave.
"We need to talk." She said. His eyes slid closed. His shadow of a heart beat pounded in his throat. He wanted to talk so much, but at the very same time, wanted nothing to do with this, but his spirit stayed put against his will.
"What is going on?" She sounded angry. She had the right to sound angry. After all, Severus had left her in the infirmary without an explanation of why he had left so suddenly, of why he had pulled away from her touch...of why he had hid from her in the few days that passed.
"I want an answer...no. I demand an answer, Severus! What the hell is going on here?"
He spun around, angry at the situation, willing his anger to press through the feelings of cowardice that flowed around him just as his robes did in the sudden movement. He narrowed his eyes to hide the admiration, the want to apologize and beg her forgiveness.
"Is there a problem I don't know about?" She breathed. "Because if there is, I'd really like to know."
She was spitting fire. He wanted nothing more than her acceptance and understanding, but he refused himself to quiver. He could have easily explained it all to her, but that would have only pushed her to work harder to obtain a resolve and maybe even put her more in dangers way. He couldn't live with himself if she got hurt again on his behalf, and knew from experience the pain of getting over someone dying was easier than the pain of a broken heart. No, he had to become the bastard he knew he could be. He drew himself up to stand as tall as he could, with shoulders so strong it physically hurt and gave his best glower.
"I'm afraid our games have gone too far." He heard himself say it, but the words felt scorched as they left his mouth. His tongue felt raw in his mouth.
"Games?" Hermione asked. "Games?" She gave one, short, mechanical laugh. "Wow. Games. Really?"
"I appreciate all you've done, but I cannot allow these-" He stumbled for words. Hermione crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes rolled heavily in her skull and she picked out the word for him.
"-these games, yes, go on-"
His eyes narrowed even more and his voice went dangerously low, not because of her sarcasm, but because he hated himself just then for picking that word.
"-to soil our beliefs any further." He felt a surge of adrenaline, and mixed with the look she had just given him, was determined to make her hate him as much as he hated himself just then.
"Is it because I brought up love?" She asked.
"It's because you're a know-it-all who can't define the difference between what is real and what isn't. Can't even get a moments peace around here without your insufferable brilliant ideas getting in the way." That last word was lighter, Hermione had broken down into tears and try as he might, Severus couldn't help but let down his defenses slightly at the sight of her, falling into a chair and sobbing into her hands. Allowing himself only that second of emotion, he quickly built his wall up again and reminded him that what he was doing was the best for both of them. It was emphasized by the pesky, hazy light he had been battling growing ever more brilliant as if her tears had fed into it.
"I d-don't under-understand." She said, hiccuping, using the sleeve of her robe to wipe at her eyes. In that short amount of time they had turned beet-red, the tip of her nose shined in almost the same color. Severus wanted nothing more than to take it all back.
"You never once said a-anything about f-f-feeling that wa-way."
He didn't say anything, opting to keep silent.
"Don't you w-want my h-help anymore?" She was pleading with him through her eyes. They looked desperate and he knew they saw through the lie he was trying to feed her, but still he didn't budge. He turned away, finding it easier to lie to her when he wasn't looking at her.
"No." He said. He could hear her sniffling.
"So that's it, then." Sniffle. "You want me to stop and forget this h-happened?" She was out of her chair, standing in front of him now. He diverted his eyes away from her knowing fully well that one more sight of her would instantly diminish all of his effort to push her away.
"I thought we were fine, we were improving, you were happy-we were happy, weren't we?" Tears were still flowing down her cheeks, but she was managing to speak calmly again. He'd never understand how females could go between those levels of intensity so quickly.
"You thought wrong." Severus whispered, clenching his jaw.
"I guess I did." She wiped at her cheeks again. Severus attempted to push past her, but she jumped in front of him.
"Tell me to stop and I'll stop." She said. "I need to hear you say it. Tell me you don't care for me, tell me you don't love me, I can live with that, I'll believe you, but please don't tell me this was all fun and games. We both know that's a lie." She had to jump in front of him again as he attempted to move.
He looked down at her and regretted it. He faltered and found himself speechless when they connected. He couldn't hide or deny the fact that the look he had given her was one of pain.
"Stop." He whispered, unable to make his voice any louder for fear of it cracking. It was all he could do. He hurriedly flew past her, not giving her a chance to stop him from moving, and darted upward through the ceiling knowing she couldn't get in the way and would be able to lose her if she dared try to find him.
...
For probably the first time in her life, Hogwarts was not a place she wanted to be at that moment and even probably regretted the choice to return. No matter what she did, he was there in the back of her mind, unable to escape him even in sleep. The restless night added to her already sour attitude when the Gryffindor tower had awoken, her friends learned quickly to give her a wide berth.
Morning classes drug on. She didn't seem able to pay sharp attention like she usually did, and her notes had left much to explain. In Runes, the symbols upon the stones seemed to spell out his name, making it hard to concentrate. In Transfiguration, she didn't have a whole heart to make two rats from one, always ending up with some kind of mutation that would have looked better coming from Neville's wand than her own.
Lunch was short, she had taken the initiative to leave the moment she saw Severus glide into his seat at the front table and spent it walking aimlessly around the hallways until her afternoon classes had started, of which, she couldn't recall a thing learned. Try as she might, any words spoken had fell upon deaf ears. When her potions class had come, she headed to the library, not feeling able to be in that classroom without facing another breakdown. There she remained, not joining the others who had pointed out dinner was being served. The thought of food alone was enough to churn her stomach. Even the words from the books she was reading had made her head spin. She wasn't alone for long, however.
"'Mione?" Draco gently announced his arrival, taking a cautious seat next to her and even shied away as she looked up to him, darkly.
"What?" She answered. Draco winced.
"You've got people worried." He said. "Patil cornered me, asked me to check in on you seeing as they couldn't speak without you snapping at them earlier."
"Maybe I just want to be alone?" Hermione asked rudely. Draco furrowed his brow.
"You've been alone all day." He said. Hermione narrowed her eyes and brought them slowly back down to the book she had been staring at for the past couple of hours.
"I understand if you don't want to talk about what's bothering you, but I am hear to listen if you need me to." He said. "And, I wanted to show you this." He dug in his pocket, pulling a fist out of it and extended it to Hermione. She stared at it, then placed her hand below his fist. When he opened it, a small, black stone dropped into her hand.
"I believe I found your stone." He said. Hermione looked from the stone, to Draco, then back to the stone. It was heavy for its size, eight sided, and she could clearly make out the symbol of the three Hollows engraved into it.
"Where did you find this?" She asked. Draco shrugged.
"Last year when we were capturing the spirits? I was digging to pass the time and thought it looked like a neat stone so I pocketed it. Didn't know what it was, forgot about it actually until you mentioned it." Draco snorted. "To think I've been carrying it around all this time and did t know it."
Hermione took the stone from her palm with the fingers of the other hand. She felt a surge of excitement, then immediately after remembered that she had wanted the stone for Severus. He had asked her to stop. He had broken her heart. The excitement soon faded away to anger. She let the stone drop into her palm and she brought her hand back, throwing it forward in rage. The stone landed on the other side of the room, crashing into an oil lamp, and broke the shade. Draco stared at her as she quickly stood up and gathered her things, Madame Pince already on the war path to kick them out.
Hermione raced past students who had stopped to watch what was going on, and was quickly bustling down the corridor before Draco had caught up with her, out of breath.
"The hell was that, Hermione?" He asked. Hermione turned to him and before she knew it, had bursted into tears.
